Madam Secretary

Daisy Grant:
If there's a hero in this story, it's you.

Elizabeth McCord:
What did you just say? Because what I thought you said is that I'm the hero of this story.

Nadine Tolliver:
Excuse me, ma'am, Daisy didn't mean to imply...

Elizabeth McCord:
Excuse me, Nadine. See, what's confusing is how you could possibly say something like that just days after you attended Frank Cole's funeral. A man who literally through himself in front of bullets to save me. Which is the very definition of heroism. You come at me with this 'win the cycle' crap again, it'll be the last time you do. You understand?

Jake, a student in McCord's 'cold war' class:
Dr McCord?

Elizabeth McCord:
Yeah?

Jake, a student in McCord's 'cold war' class:
Hey, can I talk to you about my thesis?

Elizabeth McCord:
Uh, sure during office hours.

Jake, a student in McCord's 'cold war' class:
Yeah, your office hours don't really work for me.

Elizabeth McCord:
[laughs] Sorry to hear that.

Jake, a student in McCord's 'cold war' class:
Thing is, I don't really want to write about the Cold War.

Elizabeth McCord:
You're aware that the class is called "Postwar Politics and the Cold War.

Jake, a student in McCord's 'cold war' class:
Yeah, but I feel like it's been done.

Elizabeth McCord:
That's why they call it history, Jake.

Jake, a student in McCord's 'cold war' class:
Thing is, my theory is that we are living through a new cold war.

Elizabeth McCord:
All right, compare and contrast to the original and convince me.

Jake, a student in McCord's 'cold war' class:
Great; Also, I'll need an extension. My parents are coming to town and they're very needy.

Elizabeth McCord:
Oh. My husband bought tickets to the opera this weekend. I mean, normally, I love the opera, but I got to tell you, it's been a hell of a week, and the thought of sitting in a dimly lit room with a bunch of people singing at me in Italian it's just gonna make me fall asleep.

Jake, a student in McCord's 'cold war' class:
I'm so sorry.

Elizabeth McCord:
I thought we were telling each other our problems. No extension. Enjoy your parents.

Elizabeth McCord:
[At the sight of Henry repairing gutters in a light snow] Well, there's a sight that never gets old. You know, if men knew how sexy they looked fixing stuff, they'd never stop.

Henry McCord:
I can't feel my hands.

Blake Moran:
Sorry. We've been calling since this morning, but, uh... we didn't have any signal. What's that smell?

Nadine Tolliver:
We have good news. They reached an agreement in Brussels to solve the Greek debt crisis.

Elizabeth McCord:
Oh, thank God. And horse crap.

Nadine Tolliver:
I beg your pardon.

Elizabeth McCord:
That's what that smell is.

Blake Moran:
Oh.

Henry McCord:
Well, another global depression avoided. Lunch?

Elizabeth McCord:
[Trying to force her suitcase closed, she smashes her hand while sitting on it] Ow! Ow, ah! Dammit!

Henry McCord:
Are you okay? What is happening?

Elizabeth McCord:
Will you please sit on my suitcase while I close it?

Henry McCord:
Can you say that again in a slow, sexy voice?

Elizabeth McCord:
I *love* it when we avoid financial Armageddon.

Henry McCord:
A religious scholar teaching at the National War College? There's only so much cognitive dissonance I can handle.

Henry McCord:
I don't want to work for a competing Department of government.

Elizabeth McCord:
State and Defense don't compete. We, we compare and contrast expertise often in an openly hostile manner.

Elizabeth McCord:
[Explaining to the team why Blake was out drinking with his counterparts for the German government] Blake was on a fact finding mission for me last night. Although the public urination was his idea.

Blake Moran:
Nature calls the same in any language.

Matt Mahoney:
Wait. So you were talking to her the whole time.

Blake Moran:
Except for the part when I was in a lockup with a skinhead and a mime.

Nadine Tolliver:
Ma'am. These trade craft episodes would work even better if you would fill us all in.

Elizabeth McCord:
No. That's actually the opposite of how they work.

Chancellor Frieda Schulz:
Sir. You and your Secretary of State are not part of this meeting.

President Conrad Dalton:
We are now.

Chancellor Frieda Schulz:
What I mean is, you are not welcome.

Elizabeth McCord:
Oh. We'll get over it.

Elizabeth McCord:
How did you get water pressure up to the second floor?

Henry McCord:
Mad skills. I called a plumber.

Henry McCord:
[about their decision to sell the farm] We gotta tell the kids.

Elizabeth McCord:
Yeah, you do. It's gonna be rough. They love it here. We're not ruining their lives, are we?

Henry McCord:
If we haven't ruined their lives already, believe me, this isn't gonna do it.

Elizabeth McCord:
Okay. But, if anybody starts crying, can I say that it was your idea?

Henry McCord:
My-? Okay. Sure.

Alison McCord:
[Walks out the front door] Hey, guys. I drew the short straw. So, I get to tell you that we're all really bored and wondering if we can cut this weekend short and head home?

Elizabeth McCord:
[after Alison goes back inside, she and Henry exchange looks] Okay, it can be my idea.

Elizabeth McCord:
[Opening her son's summer school report card] I'm excited.

Henry McCord:
Really excited. And, listen, son, whatever's in there, we're both really proud of you.

Elizabeth McCord:
Holy crap!

Henry McCord:
Holy crap!

Michael 'Mike B' Barnow:
You have a Craig Sterling problem, and we need to talk about it.

Elizabeth McCord:
Good morning.

Michael 'Mike B' Barnow:
If you don't get this under control, you're going to be boxed out of POTUS' inner circle.

Elizabeth McCord:
Is that even geometrically possible?

Henry McCord:
[His DIA handler has asked him to recruit a Russian student by leveraging the fact that he is gay] So, you want me to tee him up so you can blackmail him. All while teaching military ethics.

Russell Jackson:
Elizabeth, you know the Chief Justice.

Chief Justice Frawley:
Madam Secretary.

Elizabeth McCord:
Yes, I actually took your constitutional law class at UVA. [pauses then whispers] I got an A.

Chief Justice Frawley:
[Whispering back] I remember.

Russell Jackson:
[Gesturing to a large briefcase] This is the football. It's a remote device that can authorize a nuclear attack in the unlikely event that we are required to do that. [a Colonel hands Elizabeth a small card] This is the biscuit. It's an authenticator card containing all the launching codes. That stays with you. The football stays with the Colonel who's never far away.

Elizabeth McCord:
[Shakes the Colonel's hand] Thank you, Colonel. I hope we never work together.

Colonel Preston:
My hope as well, Ma'am.

Blake Moran:
[about his fruitless search for a home for a portrait of Vincent Marsh] I've tried everything.

Daisy Grant:
National Portrait Gallery?

Matt Mahoney:
Library of Congress? How about the state house in Illinois? He served there once in the...

Blake Moran:
The general assembly. I've tried everything is not a sentence I use lightly. Lest you attempt to keep saying names of museums.

Michael 'Mike B' Barnow:
What do you think it means that Russell Jackson is coming to your office?

Elizabeth McCord:
I think it means it's a weekday during business hours... He said it was about the Senate investigation. [Looking up at Mike pacing, she asks about his dog] Where's Gordon?

Michael 'Mike B' Barnow:
He's- with my ex-wife. We share custody. It's actually a painful subject.

Elizabeth McCord:
I'm sorry. I didn't know you felt pain.

Blake Moran:
Ma'am. Mr. Jackson is uncharacteristically here at an appointed time.

Michael 'Mike B' Barnow:
[At McCord's silence when Russell announces that White House Counsel has stated she does not have to testify at the Senate hearing] Fantastic. This is the part where you say thank you, Russell, for your top notch voodoo. [Under his breath to Russell] Of course, I mean prowess.

Henry McCord:
When *every*thing seems to be lacking in integrity, you know what you do? You find it in yourself. You change the world right from where you're standing.

Elizabeth McCord:
[Testifying before the Senate committee] Forces had been unleashed to destabilize the security of our country. I put myself in harm's way to ensure the safety of our country. I would do it again, sir. So, Mr. Chairman, I'd say the only reason that we're here today, luxuriating in the smug banality of this senate hearing instead of ducking for cover in all-out war is because I had the decency to violate section 793 of title 18. Thank you. [Stands] No. Let me rephrase that. You're welcome. [Takes Henry's hand and leaves]

Henry McCord:
[During a televised interview, responding to a caller's question about Stevie's relationship with the President's son] You ask an interesting question, Jeff. And I'd like to start by making a distinction that I usually make on the very first day of my morals and ethics class. A lot of people say that morals are how we treat the people we know, and ethics are how we treat the people we don't know. So, morals are what make us a good parent, a good friend, a nice neighbor. But, ethics are how we build a society. That's the *true* test of our higher self. But, what happens, Jeff, when society is ruled by the subjective morals of say, you and your family, and you choose to project that onto complete strangers is that we all end up with is a society that's governed by self-aggrandizement. So, really, by calling to make sure you're the first little peasant to jump off your chair and teach me a lesson with smug superiority about your own particular moral point of view when you know precisely nothing of the situation, you've done your part to contribute to the erosion of our entire social fabric. Pat yourself on the back. Bravo.

Henry McCord:
[Via phone] How bad did I make things for you?

Elizabeth McCord:
You're still my hero.

Henry McCord:
No, I'm not. I went off like a hopped up undergrad.

Elizabeth McCord:
You did what I have been wanting to do all day. Instead, I have to listen to my staff imply that I shouldn't be sitting down with the virgin goddess of Nepal while my slutty daughter is all over the internet. [Under her breath to Grant] Not you.

Henry McCord:
[In a hushed reverent tone] You have a meeting with the Kumari?

Elizabeth McCord:
[to Grant, endeared and in love] He knows what a Kumari is. [to Henry] Don't ever change.

President Conrad Dalton:
You opened Pandora's box over there!

Elizabeth McCord:
[During an increasingly heated argument with the President and First Lady] Now I'm Pandora? What'd they do to her? Chain her to a rock?

Henry McCord:
That was Prometheus.

Henry McCord:
May I make a request?

President Conrad Dalton:
What is it?

Henry McCord:
Before you finish questioning this guy... fifteen minutes alone with him. Off the radar.

President Conrad Dalton:
You got it.

Elizabeth McCord:
[after they left the oval office] Well, that was very Godfather. You thinking piano wire or bare hands?

Henry McCord:
I haven't decided yet.

Elizabeth McCord:
Is it wrong that I find it kinda hot? [Henry turns to her] Don't answer that. [He leans in, whispers in her ear, and they both laugh]

Elizabeth McCord:
[to her daughter at the supper table] Ah, ah, ah, ah, ah! Sweetie, what are you doing? Just pushing your food around. We agreed. I cook one night a week, and we all just get through it.

Henry McCord:
I don't understand this whole kale thing. It used to grow wild in the backyard when I was a kid, and now it's the basis for a $20 salad.

Michael 'Mike B' Barnow:
[Walks up to Blake's desk with his dog at his side] Good afternoon. Is she in?

Blake Moran:
I'm sorry. You are...

Michael 'Mike B' Barnow:
Michael Barnow. [Looks at his dog] This is Gordon. You must be Blake.

Blake Moran:
Uh... yes. Um, I don't have...

Michael 'Mike B' Barnow:
She knows I'm coming. [Starts towards Elizabeth's office]

Blake Moran:
Wait a minute. Uh... this is not a dog friendly environment.

Michael 'Mike B' Barnow:
It's okay. He's not sensitive.

Blake Moran:
Don't let that dog near my desk. Either one of them.

Elizabeth McCord:
You're giving me that 'you're an idiot' look.

Michael 'Mike B' Barnow:
Because you're an idiot!

Michael 'Mike B' Barnow:
You're in a knife fight with Chairman Burke. The way to win a knife fight is to bring a gun and waste the son of a b*tch.

Elizabeth McCord:
[to her staff] That was a big mess.

Michael 'Mike B' Barnow:
That was a sack full of mangled kittens in the hot sun two weeks old. That's what that was.

Daisy Grant:
You don't know anything about us, Mr. Barnow.

Michael 'Mike B' Barnow:
I know everything about you, Maisy.

Daisy Grant:
Daisy.

Matt Mahoney:
He's combining our names, reducing us to a single insignificant unit.

Matt Mahoney:
Okay. Is your dog named after G. Gordon Liddy? Because that explains a lot.

Elizabeth McCord:
[She and Henry are watching a cooking show and more or less talking over each other] I can't believe it. He's going for risotto.

Henry McCord:
You always lose with that one. It's the Waterloo of food.

Elizabeth McCord:
Right? I know. What is the deal? You can't cook it fast.

Henry McCord:
Like gnocchi.

Elizabeth McCord:
They ought to know it.

Henry McCord:
Gnocchi.

Elizabeth McCord:
They never learn.

Henry McCord:
They always lose with gnocchi, too.

Elizabeth McCord:
Well. Because you think it's gonna be good, but it's not. In the end, it really is just doughy potato balls.

Henry McCord:
That's what I'm sayin'.

Elizabeth McCord:
That's it.

[Madam Secretary arguing with Russell Jackson] “You know someone recently reminded me I’m fourth in line for the presidency so you don’t get to come into my office and push me around”

Russell:
“And I’m Chief of staff to the actual president”