Magnolia

Jimmy Gator:
The book says, we might be through with the past, but the past ain't through with us.

Quiz Kid Donnie Smith:
I'm sick.

Thurston Howell:
Stay that way.

Quiz Kid Donnie Smith:
No, it is not dangerous to confuse children with angels.

Narrator:
There are stories of coincidence and chance, of intersections and strange things told, and which is which and nobody knows; and we generally say, "Well, if that was in a movie, I wouldn't believe it."

Narrator:
In the New York Herald, November 26, year 1911, there is an account of the hanging of three men. They died for the murder of Sir Edmund William Godfrey; Husband, Father, Pharmacist and all around gentle-man resident of: Greenberry Hill, London. He was murdered by three vagrants whose motive was simple robbery. They were identified as: Joseph Green, Stanley Berry, and Daniel Hill. Green, Berry, Hill. And I Would Like To Think This was Only A Matter Of Chance. As reported in the Reno Gazzette, June of 1983 there is the story of a fire, the water that it took to contain the fire, and a scuba diver named Delmer Darion. Employee of the Peppermill Hotel and Casino, Reno, Nevada. Engaged as a blackjack dealer. Well liked and well regarded as a physical, recreational and sporting sort, Delmer's true passion was for the lake. As reported by the coroner, Delmer died of a heart attack somewhere between the lake and the tree. A most curious side note is the suicide the next day of Craig Hansen. Volunteer firefighter, estranged father of four and a poor tendency to drink. Mr. Hansen was the pilot of the plane that quite accidentally lifted Delmer Darion out of the water. Added to this, Mr. Hansen's tortured life met before with Delmer Darion just two nights previous. The weight of the guilt and the measure of coincidence so large, Craig Hansen took his life. And I Am Trying To Think This Was All Only A Matter Of Chance. The tale told at a 1961 awards dinner for the American Association Of Forensic Science by Dr. Donald Harper, president of the association, began with a simple suicide attempt. Seventeen year old Sydney Barringer. In the city of Los Angeles on March 23, 1958. The coroner ruled that the unsuccessful suicide had suddenly become a succesful homicide. To explain: The suicide was confirmed by a note, left in the breast pocket of Sydney Barringer. At the same time young Sydney stood on the ledge of this nine story building, an argument swelled three stories below. The neighbors heard, as they usually did, the arguing of the tenants and it was not uncommon for them to threaten each other with a shotgun, or one of the many handguns kept in the house. And when the shotgun accidentaly went off, Sydney just happend to pass. Added to this, the two tenants turned out to be: Fay and Arthur Barringer. Sydney's mother and Sydney's father. When confronted with the charge, which took some figuring out for the officers on the scene of the crime, Fay Barringer swore that she did not know that the gun was loaded. A young boy who lived in the building, sometimes a vistor and friend to Sydney Barringer said that he had seen, six days prior the loading of the shotgun. It seems that the arguing and the fighting and all of the violence was far too much for Sydney Barringer and knowing his mother and father's tendency to fight, he decided to do something. Sydney Barringer jumps from the ninth floor rooftop. His parents argue three stories below. Her accidental shotgun blast hits Sydney in the stomach as he passes the arguing sixth floor window. He is killed instantly but continues to fall, only to find, three stories below, a safety net installed three days prior for a set of window washers that would have broken his fall and saved his life if not for the hole in his stomach. So Fay Barringer was charged with the murder of her son and Sydney Barringer noted as an accomplice in his own death. And it is in the humble opinion of this narrator that this is not just "Something That Happened." This cannot be "One of those things..." This, please, cannot be that. And for what I would like to say, I can't. This Was Not Just A Matter Of Chance. Ohhhh. These strange things happen all the time.

Narrator:
These strange things happen all the time.

Quiz Kid Donnie Smith:
I really do have love to give; I just don't know where to put it.

Frank T.J. Mackey:
I will drop-kick those f***in' dogs if they come near me.

Claudia Wilson Gator:
Now that I've met you, would you object to never seeing me again?

Gwenovier:
What are you doing?

Frank T.J. Mackey:
I'm quietly judging you.

Quiz Kid Donnie Smith:
I used to be smart, but now I'm just stupid.

Jimmy Gator:
"Now I'm going to have our three whistlers... uh... please to present the next... um, the... um... musical... there were three... musical sections here, and this'll be the third... the third section... um... and they'll play a piece... it's very recognizable, it's... Chopin, actually... it's taken... it's, it's in the style of "March Militaire", which is a very... recognizable piece, so... if you please, just... listen to this, and I'm sure you can identify the... um, I'm sort of giving away the answer here, but that's... it's... Chopin... I don't mean to give away the answer... it's... please, just... you know... sing us a ditty, guys... a Chopin ditty."

Thurston Howell:
It's dangerous to confuse children with angels.

Frank T.J. Mackey:
Respect the cock... and tame the c*nt. Tame it.

Frank T.J. Mackey:
In this life, it's not what you hope for, it's not what you deserve - it's what you take.

Earl Partridge:
I'll tell you the greatest regret of my life: I let my love go.

Claudia Gator:
I'll tell you everything, and you tell me everything, and maybe we can get through all the piss and sh*t and lies that kill other people.

Frank T.J. Mackey:
Denise. Denise the piece.

Frank T.J. Mackey:
Do you think they're your friends? They're not your friends. Do you really think she'll be there when things go bad? Huh? When things go wrong? You think again. F***ing Denise. Denise the piece. Oh, you're gonna give me that cherry pie sweet mama baby.

Claudia Wilson Gator:
I wanted to do that.

Jim Kurring:
Well...

Claudia Wilson Gator:
That felt good to do - to do what I wanted to do.

Claudia Wilson Gator:
I'm really nervous that you're gonna hate me soon. You're gonna find stuff out about me and you're gonna hate me.

Jim Kurring:
No. Like what? What do you mean?

Claudia Wilson Gator:
You have so much - so many good things. And you seem so together. You're a police officer and you seem so straight and put together - without any problems.

Jim Kurring:
I lost my gun today.

Claudia Wilson Gator:
What?

Jim Kurring:
I lost my gun today when I left you and I'm the laughingstock of a lot of people. I wanted to tell you. I wanted you to know and it's on my mind. And it makes me look like a fool. And I feel like a fool. And you asked that we should say things - that we should say what we're thinking and not lie about things. Well, I can tell you that, this, that I lost my gun today - and I am not a good cop. And I'm looked down at. And I know that. And I'm scared that once you find that out you may not like me.

Claudia Wilson Gator:
Jim. That, that was so...

Jim Kurring:
I'm sorry.

Claudia Wilson Gator:
- great. What you just said.

Claudia Wilson Gator:
You don't know how f***ing stupid I am.

Jim Kurring:
It's okay.

Claudia Wilson Gator:
You don't know how *crazy* I am.

Jim Kurring:
It's okay.

Claudia Wilson Gator:
I got troubles, okay?

Jim Kurring:
I'll take everything at face value. I'll be a good listener.

Claudia Wilson Gator:
I started this didn't I, didn't I - f***.

Jim Kurring:
Whatever it is, just say it, you'll see.

Claudia Wilson Gator:
...You wanna kiss me, Jim?

Jim Kurring:
Yes, I do.

Jim Kurring:
Let me tell you something, this is not an easy job. I get a call on the radio, dispatch, it's bad news. And it stinks. But this is my job and I love it. Because I want to do well - in this life and in this world, I want to do well. And I want to help people. And I might get twenty bad calls a day. But one time I can help someone and make a save - correct a wrong or right a situation - then I'm a happy cop. And as we move through this life we should try and do good. Do good... And if we can do that, and not hurt anyone else, well... then...

Stanley Spector:
This happens. This is something that happens.

Dixon:
When the sunshine don't work, the good Lord bring the rain in.

Jim Kurring:
I can't let this go. I can't let you go. Now, you... you listen to me now. You're a good person. You're a good and beautiful person and I won't let you walk out on me. And I won't let you say those things - those things about how stupid you are and this and that. I won't stand for that. You want to be with me... then you be with me. You see?

Young Pharmacy Kid:
Strong, strong stuff here. What exactly you have wrong, you need all this stuff?

Linda Partridge:
Motherf***er...

Young Pharmacy Kid:
What are you talking about?

Linda Partridge:
Who the f*** are you, who the f*** do you think you are? I come in here, you don't know me, you don't know who I am, what my life is, you have the balls, the indecency to ask me a question about my life?

Old Pharmacist:
Please, lady, why don't you calm down - ?

Linda Partridge:
F*** you, too. Don't call me "lady". I come in here, I give these things to you, you check, you make your phone calls, look suspicious, ask questions. I'm sick. I have sickness all around me and you f***ing ask me about my life? "What's wrong?" Have you seen death in your bed? In your house? Where's your f***ing decency? And then I'm asked f***ing questions. What's... wrong? You suck my dick. That's what's wrong. And you, you f***ing call me "lady"? Shame on you. Shame on you. Shame on both of you.

Quiz Kid Donnie Smith:
What the f*** am I doing?

Alan Kligman, Esq.:
Linda, stop. Now you take a moment, you breathe, and one thing at a time.

Linda Partridge:
Shut the f*** up.

Alan Kligman, Esq.:
You know what would help you, Linda?

Linda Partridge:
Shut the f*** up. Shut the f*** up.

Alan Kligman, Esq.:
You need to sober up.

Linda Partridge:
Now, you must *really* shut the f*** up now, please - shut the f*** up.

Alan Kligman, Esq.:
Linda.

Linda Partridge:
I have to go.

Alan Kligman, Esq.:
Let me call you a car Linda.

Linda Partridge:
Shut the f*** up.

Quiz Kid Donnie Smith:
I love you, Brad - Brad the bartender. You wanna love me back? I'll be good to you.

Quiz Kid Donnie Smith:
I'm sick and I'm in love.

Thurston Howell:
You seem the sort of person who confuses the two.

Quiz Kid Donnie Smith:
That's right. That's the first time you've been right. I confuse the two and I don't care.

Jim Kurring:
Sometimes people need a little help. Sometimes people need to be forgiven. And sometimes they need to go to jail.

Frank T.J. Mackey:
I will not apologize for who I am.

Burt Ramsey:
We met upon the level, departing on the square.

Frank T.J. Mackey:
I'll tell you what I want, Janet; I want you to do your f***ing job.

Phil Parma:
Why are frogs falling from the sky?

Avi Solomon:
Donnie, You got struck by lightning last summer you were on vacation in Tahoe, I don't think braces is a good idea.

Quiz Kid Donnie Smith:
I need braces.

Rose Gator:
You deserve to die alone for what you've done.

Quiz Kid Donnie Smith:
Have you ever been struck by lightning? It hurts.

Jim Kurring:
...whatever you wanna tell me, whatever you think might scare me, won't... and I will listen... I will be a good listener to you if that's what you want... and you know, you know... I won't judge you... I can do that sometimes, I know, but I won't... I can... listen to you and you shouldn't be scared of scaring me off or anything that you might think I'll think or on and on and just say it and I'll listen to you...

Frank T.J. Mackey:
Don't die you f***ing a**hole, don't die. Don't die you F***ING A**HOLE.

Jim Kurring:
Now, some neighbors claimed they heard screaming and a loud crash.

Marcie:
I don't even know no loud crash.

Marcie:
This is bullshit. This is f***in' bullshit.

Jim Kurring:
I want you to stay right there, Marcie.

Marcie:
This is bullshit motherf***er. Mother-goddamn-f***er it's bullshit and you know it!

Marcie:
Don't go down my hallway! Don't go down my motherf***in' hallway! This is bullshit motherf***er! Don't go in my god damn bedroom!

Jim Kurring:
This is the LAPD. If there's someone back here...

Marcie:
What I tell you? What I tell you? Ain't nobody in there! Where the f*** you goin' motherf***? Don't go in my motherf***in' bedroom and stay outta my motherf***in' closet!

Jim Kurring:
This is the LAPD. If there's someone in this closet, come out right now, or you will be shot.

Jim Kurring:
Marcie! Do not drag that couch any further!

Marcie:
There's nobody in my motherf***ing closet, motherf***er! This don't make no sense! This don't make no goddamn sense! Why can't you goddamn talk to me? This is bullshit motherf***er!

Jim Kurring:
Whoa! What the hell is this, Marcie?

Marcie:
That ain't mine!

Burt Ramsey:
You smell like trouble.

Jimmy Gator:
I'm f***ing hammered, Burt.

Phil Parma:
Do you know that every other word you use is either 'sh*t', 'f***', 'balls' or 'cocksucker'?

Earl Partridge:
Could you do me a personal favor?

Phil Parma:
Go f*** myself?

Earl Partridge:
You got it.

Jim Kurring:
Oh, Lord, why is this happening to me? God, please help me figure this out. I'm lost out here! I don't understand why it's happening. God, please, God!

Jim Kurring:
Whatever it is I did, I'm going to fix it. I'm going to do the right thing. Please, help me find the gun! I...

Stanley Spector:
Dad? You need to be nicer to me.

Stanley Spector:
This isn't funny. This isn't cute. See the way we're looked at? Because I'm not a toy. I'm not a doll. The way we're looked at because you think we're cute? Because, what? I'm made to feel like a freak if I answer questions? Or I'm smart? Or I have to go to the bathroom? What is that, Jimmy? What is that? I'm asking you that.

Jimmy Gator:
I'm not sure, Stanley.

Phil Parma:
When was the last time you talked to your son?

Earl Partridge:
...I don't know. Ten, maybe... five... [moans]... that's another thing that goes...

Phil Parma:
Your memory?

Earl Partridge:
Time lines, you know? I remember things, but not... right there, you know?

Phil Parma:
Yeah.

Earl Partridge:
"Yeah". The f*** do you know?

Phil Parma:
I've seen it before.

Earl Partridge:
Yeah, other a**holes like me.

Phil Parma:
Oh, there's no a**hole like you.

Earl Partridge:
Cocksucker.

Phil Parma:
How come every other word you use is either "cocksucker", "shitballs" or "f***"?

Earl Partridge:
Do me a personal favor.

Phil Parma:
Go f*** myself?

Earl Partridge:
Yeah, you got it.

Rose Gator:
Why doesn't Claudia... talk to you, Jimmy?

Jimmy Gator:
Why? Because we've... We both don't know. What do you mean?

Rose Gator:
No, I think you know.

Jimmy Gator:
Maybe... I don't.

Rose Gator:
Say it, Jimmy.

Jimmy Gator:
I think she thinks... that I may have... molested her. She thinks terrible things that somehow got into her head... that I may have done. She said that to me last time, when it was... ten years ago, she walked out the door. "You touched me wrong. I know that." Some crazy thought in her head.

Rose Gator:
Did you ever touch her?

Jimmy Gator:
I don't know.

Rose Gator:
[covers her mouth in disgust] ... Jimmy!...

Jimmy Gator:
I don't know. I really don't.

Rose Gator:
But you can't say!

Jimmy Gator:
I don't know what I've done.

Rose Gator:
[angry] Yes, you do. You do! But you won't say!

Jimmy Gator:
I don't know. What? Please? Please.

Rose Gator:
You deserve to die alone for what you've done!

Jimmy Gator:
I don't know what I've done!

Rose Gator:
[beginning to cry] Yes, you do!

Jimmy Gator:
Rose, if I said that I knew, would you stay?

Rose Gator:
No!

Jimmy Gator:
But I don't know what I've done.

Rose Gator:
You should know better!

Quiz Kid Donnie Smith:
You look like you have money in your pocket.

Thurston Howell:
Maybe I'm just happy to see my friend Brad there.

Quiz Kid Donnie Smith:
Just throw some money around. Money, money, money.

Thurston Howell:
This sounds threatening.

Quiz Kid Donnie Smith:
Do you have love in your heart?

Thurston Howell:
I have love all over. I even have love for you, friend.

Quiz Kid Donnie Smith:
Is it real love? The kind of love that makes you feel... that intangible joy... pit of your stomach... like a bucket of acid and nerves running around... making you hurt and happy and all over... You're head over heels?

Thurston Howell:
You lost me with the last couple of cocktail words spoken my boy... but I believe it's that sort of love. Sounds nice to me.

Quiz Kid Donnie Smith:
I have love.

Thurston Howell:
A very chatty kind, indeed you do.

Quiz Kid Donnie Smith:
No, I mean I'm telling you - I have love.

Thurston Howell:
Yes, and I'm listening avidly, fella.

Quiz Kid Donnie Smith:
My name is Donnie Smith, and I have lots of love to give.

Quiz Kid Donnie Smith:
I used to be smart, but now I'm just stupid.

Thurston Howell:
Brad, dear, who was it that said..."A man of genius has seldom been ruined but by himself"?

Quiz Kid Donnie Smith:
[quietly; to himself] ... Samuel Johnson...

Thurston Howell:
It was the lovely Samuel Johnson! Who also spoke of a fellow "who was not only dull... but a cause of dullness in others."

Quiz Kid Donnie Smith:
"The cause of dullness in others."

Thurston Howell:
Picky picky!

Quiz Kid Donnie Smith:
Let me tell you this; Samuel Johnson never had his life sh*t on... and taken from him, and his money stolen! Who took his life and his money? His parents? His mommy, and daddy? Make him live this life like this... A man of genius who gets sh*t on as a child!... and that scars! That hurts! Have you ever been hit by lightning? It hurts. It doesn't happen to everyone. It's an electrical charge. It finds its way across the universe... and it lands in your body, and your head! And as for ruined, but by himself... not if his parents took his freaking life... and his money, and tell you to do this... and to do that, and if you don't...!

Smiling Peanut Patron #1:
Your parents took your money you won on that game show?

Quiz Kid Donnie Smith:
Yes! They did. [to Thurston] What does that mean, a spoke in the wheel?

Thurston Howell:
Things go round and round, don't they?

Quiz Kid Donnie Smith:
Yes, they do... They do. But I'll make my dreams come true.

Thurston Howell:
Sounds sad as a weeping willow.

Quiz Kid Donnie Smith:
I used to be smart. But now I'm just stupid.

Thurston Howell:
[raising his glass] Shall we drink to that?

Quiz Kid Donnie Smith:
I'm sick... I'm sick here now. I confuse melancholy with depression sometimes. You see?

Thurston Howell:
Why don't you run along now, friend? Your dessert is getting cold.

Quiz Kid Donnie Smith:
I'm sick.

Thurston Howell:
Stay that way.

Quiz Kid Donnie Smith:
I'm sick, and I'm in love.

Thurston Howell:
You seem the sort of person who confuses the two.

Quiz Kid Donnie Smith:
That's right! That's the first time you've been right. I confuse the two, and I don't care! [to Brad] I love you. I love you, and I'm sick. I'll talk to you - I'll talk to you tomorrow. I'm getting corrective oral surgery tomorrow... for my teeth. I love you, Brad. Brad the bartender. You want to love me back? I'll be good to you. I'll be goddamn good for you. I won't be mad if you don't know who said what. I won't punish you if you get the answer wrong. I can teach you, and tell you...

Thurston Howell:
Brad, you have a special secret crush over there, I think. Don't treat him too lovely. He might get hurt...

Quiz Kid Donnie Smith:
You, shut up! Mind your own business!

Thurston Howell:
Gently, son!

Quiz Kid Donnie Smith:
Brad, I know you don't love me now.

Thurston Howell:
It's a dangerous thing to confuse children with angels.

Quiz Kid Donnie Smith:
Brad, I know you don't love me now...You wanna know the common element for the entire group like he asked? I'll tell you the answer: I'll tell you 'cause I had that one. [pointing to the TV] I had that question. Carbon. Carbon. In pencil lead, it's in the form of graphite. In coal, it's mixed up with other impurities and in the diamond, it's in hard form. [in the voice of Jimmy Gator, the TV quiz show announcer] 'Well, all we really wanted to know was the common element, Donnie, but thank you for all that unnecessary knowledge. Ha, ha, kids! Head's so full of useless knowledge. Thank you. Thank you.' And the book says: 'We may be through with the past, but the past is not through with us!' [To Howell] And no, it is not dangerous to confuse children with angels!

Linda Partridge:
[to her lawyer] I have to tell you something, I have something to tell you. I want to change his will. Can I change his will? I need to....No, no, no, you see, uhm, I never loved him. I never loved him. Earl. When I met him, when I started, I met him, I f***ed him, and I married him because I wanted his money. Do you understand? I'm telling you this. I've never told anyone, I didn't love him, but now, you know, I know I'm in that will. I mean, we're all there together. We made that f***ing thing and all the money I'll get. And I don't want it, because I love him so much now. I've fallen in love with him now for real as he's dying. And, uhm, I look at him, and he's about to go, Alan. He's moments. I took care of him through this, Alan. What now, then? I don't want him to die. I didn't love him when we met, and I did so many bad things to him that he doesn't know. Things that I want to confess to him, but now I do. I love him....This isn't any f***ing medication talking! This isn't -- I don't know, I don't know. Can you give me nothing? You, you have power of attorney! Can you go, can you go in the final f***ing moments and change the will? I-I don't want any money. I couldn't live with myself with this thing that I've done. I've done so many bad things. I f***ed around. I f***ing cheated on him. I f***ing cheated on him, Alan! There. There. You're his lawyer, our lawyer. I am his wife. We are married. I broke the contract of marriage. I f***ed around on him many times. I sucked other men's c*cks...

Alan Kligman:
Linda, stop. Now you take a moment, you breathe, and one thing at a time.

Linda Partridge:
Shut the f*** up.

Alan Kligman:
You know what would help you, Linda?

Linda Partridge:
Shut the f*** up. Shut the f*** up.

Alan Kligman:
You need to sober up.

Linda Partridge:
Now, you must really shut the f*** up now, please - shut the f*** up.

Alan Kligman:
Linda.

Linda Partridge:
I have to go.

Alan Kligman:
Let me call you a car, Linda.

Linda Partridge:
Shut the f*** up.

Narrator:
It is in the humble opinion of this narrator that this is not just "something that happened." This cannot be "one of those things"... This, please, cannot be that. And for what I would like to say, I can't. This was not just a matter of chance. … These strange things happen all the time.

Jim Kurring:
A lot of people think this is just a job that you go to... take a lunch hour, the job's over, something like that. But it's a 24-hour deal... no two ways about it... and what most people don't see is just how hard it is to do the right thing. People think if I make a judgment call, that it's a judgment on them. But that's not what I do, and that's not what should be done. I have to take everything and play it as it lays. Sometimes people need a little help. Sometimes people need to be forgiven. And sometimes they need to go to jail. And that's a very tricky thing on my part... making that call. The law is the law, and heck if I'm gonna break it. But if you can forgive someone... well, that's the tough part. What can we forgive? Tough part of the job. Tough part of walking down the street.

Earl Partridge:
I loved her so. She knew what I did, she knew all the f***ing stupid things I’d done. But the love was stronger of anything you can think of. The goddamn regret. THE GODDAMN REGRET! And I’ll die, now I’ll die and I’ll tell you what. The biggest regret of my life, I let my love go. What did I do? I’m sixty-five years old, and I’m ashamed. Million years ago, the f***ing regret and guilt, these things... don’t ever let anyone ever say to you, you shouldn’t regret anything. Don’t do that, don't! You regret what you f***ing want, use that, use that, use that regret for anything, any way you want, you can use it, OK? Oh, God. This is a long way to go with no punch. A little moral, story I say: Love...Love...Love. This f***ing life, it’s so f***ing hard. So long, Life ain’t short it’s long, it’s long. God damn it! God damn, what did I do? What did I do? What did I do?

Frank T.J. Mackey:
In this big game that we play, life, it's not what you hope for, it's not what you deserve, it's what you take. I'm Frank T.J. Mackey, a master of the muffin and author of the Seduce and Destroy system now available to you on video and audio cassette. Seduce and Destroy will teach you the techniques to have any hardbody blonde just dripping to wet your dock. Bottom line? Language. The magical key to unlocking the female analytical mindset. Tap directly into her hopes, her wants, her fears, her desires, and her sweet little panties. Learn how to make that lady "friend" your sex-starved servant. I don't care how you look. I don't care what car you drive. I don't care what your last bank statement says. Seduce and Destroy produces an instant money-back guarantee trance-like state that will get you this ´— naughty sauce you want fast. Hey — how many more times do you need to hear the all-too-famous line of "I just don't feel that way about you?"

Frank T.J. Mackey:
Respect the cock! And tame the c*nt! Tame it! Take it on headfirst with the skills that I will teach you at work and say no! You will not control me! No! You will not take my soul! No! You will not win this game! Because it's a game, guys. You want to think it's not, huh? You want to think it's not? Go back to the schoolyard and you have that crush on big-titted Mary Jane. Respect the cock. You are embedding this thought. I am the one who's in charge. I am the one who says yes! No! Now! Here! Because it's universal, man. It is evolutional. It is anthropological. It is biological. It is animal. We... are... men! [simulating sexual thrusting]

Frank T.J. Mackey:
Men are sh*t. What? Men... are... sh*t. What, isn't that what they say? Because we do bad things, don't we? We do horrible, heinous, heinous, terrible things. Things that no woman would ever do. No, women, they don't lie. No, women don't cheat. Women don't manipulate us. But you see what I'm getting at. You see what society does? Little boys, it's, "Wow, womaaaan!" We are taught to apologize. I am sorry. I am so sorry, baby. I am so sorry. What is it that we need? Is it their pussies? Their love? Mommy wouldn't let me play soccer... and Daddy, he hit me, so that's who I am, that's why I do what I do? F***ing bullshit. I will not apologize for who I am. I will not apologize for what I need. I will not apologize for what I want!

Sorted alphabetically by author or source

Songs: One is the loneliest number that you'll ever do Two can be as bad as one It's the loneliest number since the number one No is the saddest experience you'll ever know Yes, it's the saddest experience you'll ever know.

Songs: Oh, for the sake of momentum I've allowed my fears to get larger than life. And it's brought me to my current agendum Whereupon I deny fulfillment has yet to arrive. And I know life is getting shorter, I can't bring myself to set the scene. Even when it's approaching torture, I've got my routine.

Songs: Now that I've met you, Would you object to Never seeing each other again? 'Cause I can't afford to Climb aboard you. No one's got that much ego to spend. So don't work your stuff, Because I've got troubles enough. No, don't pick on me When one act of kindness could be Deathly, Deathly, Definitely.

Songs: The sex you're trading up for What you hope is love Is just another thing that He'll be careless of. But though there are caveats galore, You've only got to love him more — And you do; You really do. Even when it's all too clear.

Songs: You're sure There's a cure. And you have finally found it. You think One drink Will shrink you 'til you're underground And living down. But it's not going to stop. It's not going to stop. It's not going to stop 'Til you wise up.

Songs: Like Peter Pan, or Superman, You have come... to save me. Come on and save me... Why don't you save me? If you could save me, From the ranks of the freaks, Who suspect they could never love anyone, Except the freaks, Who suspect they could never love anyone, Except the freaks, Who could never love anyone.