Matchstick Men

Angela:
You're a con man?

Roy:
Con Artist

Angela:
She said you were a bad guy. You don't seem like a bad guy.

Roy:
That's what makes me good at it.

Roy:
Look, Doc, I spent last Tuesday watching fibers on my carpet. And the whole time I was watching my carpet, I was worrying that I, I might vomit. And the whole time, I was thinking, "I'm a grown man. I should know what goes on my head." And the more I thought about it... the more I realized that I should just blow my brains out and end it all. But then I thought, well, if I thought more about blowing my brains out... I start worrying about what that was going to do to my goddamn carpet. Okay, so, ah-he, that was a GOOD day, Doc. And, and I just want you to give me some pills and let me get on with my life.

Angela:
You're not a bad guy, you know. You're just not a very good one.

Frank Mercer:
You waited too long. No prize for you.

Roy:
For some people, money is... money is a foreign film without subtitles.

Roy:
Have you ever been dragged to the sidewalk and beaten till you PISSED... BLOOD!

Angela:
My dad's a smooth operator!

Frank Mercer:
There's just one problem.

Roy:
What?

Frank Mercer:
I think I'm in love with you.

Angela:
Nice to meet you, Dad.

Roy:
Nice to meet you, Dad.

Roy:
Let his greed meet his imagination.

Roy:
My associate tells me you have FIVE grandkids? WOW!

Roy:
I'm not ver good at being a father, all right? I barely get by just being me.

Roy:
uhhh... uhhh... That was WRONG what you did! And... and... you're a NOSY PARKER! And that's no way for a young lady to behave! And... SHAME ON YOU!

Angela:
Teach me something!

Roy:
What?

Angela:
Teach me something! A con.

Roy:
You're funny.

Dr. Klein:
Let me ask you something. What would you do if you had to change careers?

Roy:
You mean if I wasn't an antiques broker?

Dr. Klein:
If you weren't a criminal.

Roy:
Huh?

Roy:
She left the door open. It was BITCHIN'!

Frank Mercer:
Okay, I'd just like to, you know, take a girl out somewhere nice once in a while.

Roy:
You have to pay extra for that?

Roy:
You lookin' for something, sucker?

Frank Mercer:
Yeah. My partner. You seen him? He's been missing most of the week. Tall, good-looking guy.

Frank Mercer:
Man, you are bad! Did you take your pills?

Angela:
If you're gonna get wet, might as well go swimming.

Roy:
I gotta go. I've got a big business meeting.

Angela:
This late?

Roy:
Antiques. They wait for no man.

Angela:
You don't have a TV? SERIOUSLY you don't have a TV?

Roy:
Well there's a couch, if you want to sit. Or over there if you prefer. Or the couch.

Angela:
New York Super Fudge Chunk. That's my favourite flavour.

Roy:
New York...?

Angela:
Super Fudge Chunk.

Roy:
Oh chocolate! Right.

Roy:
You good to go?

Frank Mercer:
Does the Pope pooh in the woods?

Roy:
Fourteen! You're fourteen! When'd you have TIME to get arrested?

Frank Mercer:
You want your forty g's?

Roy:
Consider it a parting gift.

Frank Mercer:
We should part more often.

Roy:
I'm not a criminal. I'm a con man.

Dr. Klein:
The difference being?

Roy:
They give me their money.

Dr. Klein:
That's a nice rationalization, Roy.

Roy:
Uno, due, tre.

Roy:
Hi.

Cashier:
That'll be $36.50, sir.