Melrose Place

Dr. Michael Mancini:
It's this building... it makes people nuts. It must be something in the water, something to do with the pool. Come to think of it, I was normal when I moved in.

Amanda Woodward:
Is your memory that selective or are you just suffering from some grand delusion?

Amanda Woodward:
I just think sometimes I'm a little too blunt with people and I should work on that.

Jo Beth Reyonds:
Couldn't hurt.

Taylor:
Good morning Amanda.

Amanda Woodward:
Goodbye Taylor.

Michael:
Call me old-fashioned, but I'd like to know who I'm sleeping with.

Michael:
How you doin' Syd?

Sydney:
You scum.

Michael:
Yeah, I miss you too.

Nurse Amy:
She's your wife's landlord. That would be your present wife, number four, isn't it? And she wants all your belongings out of the house by to-night.

Michael:
And did she say why?

Nurse Amy:
Nooo, but I'm sure we'll be reading about it in tomorrow morning's newspaper.

Megan:
I'm a prostitute, okay? I belong here.

Michael:
We're both prostitutes. Practically everybody I know is a prostitute.

Megan:
At least everybody on this street.

Michael:
Would you bud out.

[about Kimberly]

Sydney:
What's happening in her world is not exactly happening in ours.

[Jo has removed Richard's towel for the 2nd time]

Richard Hart:
I'm not safe in a towel around you, am I?

Amanda Woodward:
What can I say, when God was passing out business sense, Jane was in the back of the line getting her nails done.

Amanda Woodward:
Count your friends, Michael... Oops, done already?

Dr. Kimberly Shaw Mancini:
Love hurts. Remember that Michael.

Jane Andrews Mancini:
I'm sorry. I've been so distracted lately.

Jo Beth Reynolds:
It's PMS - Post Marriage Syndrome.

Amanda Woodward:
If you're going to kiss me, don't do that pent-up macho anger thing. I don't like bruises.

Sydney Andrews Mancini Fields:
Michael, I love you.

Dr. Michael Mancini:
Well, that's your problem, isn't it?

Sydney Andrews Mancini Fields:
We're perfect for each other. Don't you get it?

Dr. Michael Mancini:
Get this, Sydney. You are one stupid slut who's crossed the line and I don't want to see your face anymore.

Sydney Andrews Mancini Fields:
Jane warned me about how cranky you get in the morning.

[about Michael and Kimberly]

Bruce Teller:
Attractive, intelligent-looking, upscale... who are they?

Amanda Woodward:
The Doctors Frankenstein.

Sydney Andrews Mancini Fields:
Flirtation is a tough thing. It's like dandruff... you can't always see it, but it's always there.

Kyle McBride:
Syd, I kid you not, you are California incarnate.

Sydney Andrews Mancini Fields:
You mean like, totally hip, totally together?

Kyle McBride:
No, I mean totally spaced-out.

Brooke:
Maybe it's time for us to bury the hatchet.

Alison:
Gee, you'd have to pull it out of my back first.

[Amanda on men]

Amanda:
Get used to the fact that even the most perfect, sensitive guy is, bottom line,a dog. I mean, he might be a well-behaved dog, but he still howls at the moon and grabs the first leg he can get ahold of.

Sydney:
By the way, Kimberly, how is electroshock going? Certainly has put an attractive curl in your hair.

Richard:
Keep your clothes on Jane, it's not gonna work this time.

[Jane is trying to comfort Richard after Mackenzie's death]

Richard Hart:
[coldly] Keep your clothes on Jane, it's not gonna work this time.

Alison:
You know Jake as well as anyone, and he's supposedly this man of action, but his only solution on how to handle a wigged out Jane is to do nothing. What is that?

Billy:
I find it really weird you coming to me about this.

Alison:
Well I'm 'that' desperate.

Billy:
Well 'that' desperate could lead to Jake throwing another punch at me all right.

Kyle McBride:
I guess he wanted a little more out of the relationship than you did.

Sydney:
Yeah, you can say that again.

Kyle McBride:
I guess he wanted a little more out of the relationship than you did.

Amanda:
Until now I have tolerated you childish behavior but this crosses the line.

Craig:
I just thought that since San Francisco went so well...

Amanda:
...you'd see if you could charm me into bed? There's only one man who can do that, and that's my husband, whom I happen to love very much.

Samantha Reilly Campbell:
Either you take a chance or you end up alone, right? So what the hell...

Jo Reynolds:
I'm going to cancel the paper. It's just more proof that the world sucks.

[giving Peter shopping advice]

Taylor Davis McBride:
You never buy your second wife a nicer ring than your first.

Sydney Andrews Mancini Field:
They're either cute and gay, cute and crazy, or worst of all, cute and married.

Samantha Reilly Campbell:
So what are you going to do? Date married men? Baaaaad idea.

[learning that Megan is a hooker]

Dr. Michael Mancini:
I've had a lot of practice dealing with women who, shall we say... stray from the norm.

[Carter is regrettably avoiding Sydney's phone calls]

Walter:
Why don't we just disconnect the phone? You don't really need a private line.

Carter Gallivan:
No, of course not. Cause I'm not allowed to have a private life. Doesn't fit into my schedule. Right Walter?

Dr. Peter Burns:
Talk is cheap Amanda. Then again, so are you.

Kyle McBride:
You're allright Amanda. I always thought you were a shrieking fish wife, but you're allright.

Amanda Woodward:
Well, you're not so bad yourself for someone I thought of as a hen-pecked know nothing.

[pause]

Kyle McBride:
Hen-pecked?

Amanda Woodward:
...know-nothing.

[about life on the West coast]

Samantha Reilly Campbell:
Everyone out here has this kinky sort of desperation.

[to Matt]

Dr. Michael Mancini:
I don't know how it works with your kind, but when I buy a woman a closet full of clothes, it's because I want to see her naked.

[greeting Taylor while leaving Kyle's Restaurant]

Amanda Woodward:
Put on weight, Taylor?

[Discussing their mutual divorces over dinner, where Peter has dressed Taylor in Beth's conservative clothing]

Dr. Peter Burns:
I mean, first Craig and now Kyle. You're losing ground Amanda. It's almost slutty.

Kyle McBride:
Hey. That's a lady your talking to.

Taylor Davis McBride:
Oh that's funny. The male slut defending the female slut.

Kyle McBride:
Better a slut than a conniving b*tch.

Amanda Woodward:
Or worse, a conniving b*tch in some *ugly* ass clothes.

[about Megan]

Dr. Michael Mancini:
If you get us back together, what's in it for you?

Jennifer Mancini:
["Godfather" voice] One day Michael, I will come to you for a favor, and when I do, you will grant me that favor... no matter what it is. Capiche?

Dr. Michael Mancini:
[pause] You're the weird one in the family... you know that, right?

Sydney Andrews Mancini Field:
Nice club Amanda.

Amanda Woodward:
Thank you. Now go away.

[Amanda and Kyle are kissing in front of Jennifer at the Jazz Club]

Jennifer Mancini:
Are we working? Or are you gonna mate right in front of me?

[Amanda's trying to evict Taylor]

Taylor Davis McBride:
There are laws against This. Tenants rights, squaters rights, human rights.

Amanda Woodward:
Well, look who's talking about being human... the most in-human person on Earth.

Taylor Davis McBride:
Oh really, giving up your title so soon?

Amanda Woodward:
Look who's talking about being human, the most in-human person on Earth.

Taylor Davis McBride:
Oh, giving up your title so soon?

Amanda Woodward:
Divorced, married, widowed, and all in what? 48 hours?

Lexi Sterling Cooper:
They took my picture, too. My new name is now 26401.

Taylor Davis McBride:
The baby's kicking again.

Dr. Michael Mancini:
Well, of course he is. You're his mother. I'm surprised he's not screaming bloody murder and holding up a liquor store.

[Megan and Ryan have lovemaking fest]

Megan:
Next time I'm going grocery shopping before the orgy.

Sydney Andrews Mancini Field:
[Sydney's note] No doctors in today. Burns in jail, Mancini in hospital.

[Eric has sent Megan flowers]

Dr. Michael Mancini:
[jealous] This is a doctor's office. Patients have allergies, I have allergies.

Megan Lewis Mancini:
No you don't.

Dr. Michael Mancini:
Well, I'm developing them.

[to Coop, about an unconcious Lexi]

Dr. Peter Burns:
I leave for five minutes and you show up. What is it with you and unconscious women?

Taylor Davis McBride:
Michael, listen... I don't want a relationship, I don't want a commitment... I need your sperm.

[to Lexi, about their marriage and his affair with Kimberly]

Dr. Brett "Coop" Cooper:
You drove me to Kimberly. Think back, we barely talked, we fought all the time. Come to think of it, even in a coma Kimberly had more sex appeal.

Dr. Brett "Coop" Cooper:
Is it weird to show compassion? To want to give life back to a patient?

Dr. Michael Mancini:
Dr. Frankenstein said the same thing.

Taylor Davis McBride:
So where are you off to? To spend the day with your friend Eric plotting the death of my restaurant?

Megan Lewis Mancini:
You know, I don't work for Eric anymore, so if you'll exscuse me...

Taylor Davis McBride:
How come? He get tired of you and throw you out of bed?

Megan Lewis Mancini:
For your information, I never slept with Eric. The only woman he wants in bed is Amanda. He would give up the world for one night with her, and guess what? She would never do it. You can kiss your restaurant goodbye. Personally, I hope you end up in the gutter.

[At Kyle and Amanda's engagement party]

Taylor Davis McBride:
I think before the main course comes out, that one of you should give a toast to the happy couple. Now, anyone will do, except for the wannabe war-bride Christine. I don't think you'd have anything nice to say, now would you?

Kyle McBride:
Damnit Taylor, I said back off.

Taylor Davis McBride:
Hey! Excuse me if I think it's inappropriate that you bring the girl you've been dreaming about for years here.

Amanda Woodward:
This is none of your business, *waitress*. Now go get us more food.

[Before Amanda's wedding to Kyle]

Taylor Davis McBride:
Amanda! I couldn't find anything blue, but I did find something old... a picture of Kyle and me on *our* wedding day. Oh hell, you already got the something borrowed bit with my husband. Too bad he hasn't shown! All the guests out there are wondering if maybe he stood you up.

Amanda Woodward:
You know, I don't remember you being added to the guest list, so why don't you get out of here?

Taylor Davis McBride:
Gladly. Oh, by the way... that dress is hideous.

Dr. Brett "Coop" Cooper:
You know, you have got to be the lowest form of life I've encountered since the last time I stepped on a slug!

Dr. Michael Mancini:
Well why don't you just leave before I throw you out with the rest of the medical waste.

Kyle McBride:
[to Amanda] I love you!

[She slaps him]

Amanda Woodward:
This isn't about love. It's about two dead women... Christine and me. And I killed us both.

[calling Burns, Mancini & Cooper]

Dr. Michael Mancini:
Megan! I need a favor!

Megan Lewis Mancini McBride:
Uh, you have the wrong number!

Dr. Michael Mancini:
What was I thinking? That you'd actually listen to me? That you'd actually stay out of my life? Course you won't. You can't. You haven't got the capabilities! It's like asking an ape to do algebra.

Taylor Davis McBride:
Now now Michael. Apes are very intelligent.

[Taylor wants to go with Michael to his college reunion]

Dr. Michael Mancini:
The answer is no! You're probably too pregnant to travel anyway.

Taylor Davis McBride:
I'm not that delicate!

Dr. Michael Mancini:
No, but you'll probably throw the plane out of balance.

Lexi Sterling Cooper:
Listen, why don't you do us all a favor and get another helicopter crash or kidnapped?

Amanda Woodward:
You know, Lexi, when I look at you all I see is a bitter woman uncapable of love.

Lexi Sterling Cooper:
Amanda, it's not me you see, it's your own reflection.

Lexi Sterling Cooper:
Get out of my way, moron!

Dr. Michael Mancini:
It's "Doctor Moron" for you!

Amanda Woodward:
[to Matt] What is she, some kind of demon seed?

Chelsea Fielding:
What are you, some kind of b*tch?

[at Peter and Taylor's "Wedding"]

Priest:
If there is anyone who has good reason why this couple should not be joined in holy matrimony, let them speak now or forever hold their peace.

[pause]

Dr. Peter Burns:
Actually, I think I do.

Taylor Davis McBride:
Peter, that's not funny.

Dr. Peter Burns:
No, it's hilarious actually, if you think about it. Really, just think about it. Just probe that scheming little brain of yours and try to understand how you could think for a second that I could possibly stomach being in your presence for one more minute, much less marry you.

Taylor Davis McBride:
Peter. My God, stop it.

Dr. Peter Burns:
Did you think I was insane and stupid? I know what you and Michael did. I know about the lies. I know about the drugs. I know about the fake beatings, and how you had wanted to ruin me so you could come full circle with your bizarre fantasy of marrying your dead sister's husband.

Taylor Davis McBride:
I won't listen to this.

Dr. Peter Burns:
How could you believe that I would ever love you or want to touch you. You know what Taylor? Your a joke, and it's hard to believe that you were ever related to your sister, because to me, your lower than a slug. You ruined my marriage to Amanda and then you tried to destroy me, and now you want me to believe you're carrying my child? That's beyond pathetic. The thought of you being pregnant with my child is enough to make me vomit. Goodbye Taylor. I hope you get a ride back to wherever you came from.

Matt Fielding:
[Matt's final words before leaving Melrose Place] I had never lived anywhere like this. It's a special place, you know? Amazing people have passed through here. Some have died, some have gotten married and just moved on... But I swear it was only a moment ago I was sitting at the edge of that pool laughing with Rhonda. I'll remember them all. The old and the new. And I will always remember this place. It's where I really grew up.

Jennifer Mancini:
You really did it this time, big brother. I thought you might like to know that Megan is completely disgusted with you.

Dr. Michael Mancini:
Belive me, I know.

Jennifer Mancini:
And she moved out of the beach house and is staying with me at Melrose. Personally, I don't think you have a prayer of getting back together with Megan. Unless, you have somebody... say, close to her who'd be willing to plead your case.

Dr. Michael Mancini:
No! All I care about right now is that she backs me up as a witness with this assault charge I'm taking against Peter. Forget what I did, she knows that crazy doc is on a psycho rampage.

Jennifer Mancini:
See, well, that's just it. Apparently the cops got ahold of Taylor, and she's up in Carmel with Peter, and they're getting married.

Dr. Michael Mancini:
Wh-what?

Jennifer Mancini:
Isn't that something? Anyway, I figure the only hope in the world you have is to fix things up with Megan so that she doesn't join up with the other side and flush you away just for the fun of it.

Dr. Michael Mancini:
No, and in any case, she won't even talk to me.

[Jennifer wickedly smirks]

Dr. Michael Mancini:
All right, all right, if you can manage this... if you get us back together what's in it for you?

Jennifer Mancini:
[mimicking Marlon Brandon in 'The Godfather'] One day, Michael... I will come to you for a favor, and when I do, you will grant me that favor... [normal voice] no matter what it is. Capisce?

Dr. Michael Mancini:
Forget it! I'm a doctor and a businessman. I don't do favors.

Jennifer Mancini:
Fine, good luck.

Dr. Michael Mancini:
You were always the weird one in the family.

Jennifer Mancini:
And you were always the greedy, selfish one who'll do anything to get what he wants.

Dr. Michael Mancini:
[sighs] All right, fine. Deal. Now leave me alone.

Jennifer Mancini:
So... where did you go last night? You ran out of the wedding like there was a fire.

Kyle McBride:
Doesn't matter.

Jennifer Mancini:
Did it have something to do with Amanda?

Kyle McBride:
What if it did? It's none of your business.

Jennifer Mancini:
[sarcastic] Ooh... excuse me for caring, lover boy. But I just wondered if maybe you were feeling a tiny bit guilty because you were off again in another woman's bed, while one of your many waitresses that you had sex with and dropped like she was worthless was outside a church bleeding to death in her wedding gown.

Kyle McBride:
[getting angry] Why don't you zip it up and get back to work before I can you?

Jennifer Mancini:
Yes sir, Mr. McBride. But remember this: sooner or later you're going to be sorry you ever threw off simple girls like me and Sydney just to get tangled up with with a devilish, man-eater like Amanda Woodward.

[first lines]

Eve Cleary:
Peter, there you are. When you didn't come home last night I went to the hospital, I went to the Upstairs, I've been looking for you everywhere.

Dr. Peter Burns:
[drunk] So you killed someone?

[pause]

Dr. Peter Burns:
Huh? Yes? No? Cat got your tounge? Aren't you going to ask who told me? Aren't you going to say that it's a lie and, "oh Peter, I could never lie to the man I'm married to."

Eve Cleary:
Peter, it was an accident, I swear. I was 18-years-old and I was in high school.

Dr. Peter Burns:
With Amanda. I know. Kyle told me all about it last night. Is there anything you didn't lie to me about? Is Eve even your real name?

Eve Cleary:
I was going to tell you. I wanted to tell you so many times but I was scared.

Dr. Peter Burns:
Of what? That I would leave you, or that I would not love you anymore?

Eve Cleary:
Yes.

Dr. Peter Burns:
Well, you're right!

Dr. Peter Burns:
Hey, look who's here! Amanda! Your old pal Amanda. How long have you two known each other? Forever? Eve spend some time in prison for you... 15 years to be exact. That she was convicted of murder. You can put your two cents into that.

Eve Cleary:
[to Amanda] Kyle told him.

Dr. Peter Burns:
I guess that sliped your mind while you were playing matchmaker with me and Lizze Border over here!

Amanda Woodward:
This isn't fair. You don't know the whole story.

Dr. Peter Burns:
I don't need to know. Besides, who's fault is that?

Amanda Woodward:
Mine. I begged Eve not to tell you.

Dr. Peter Burns:
But you could tell Kyle. Right? On the day of our wedding. The best man gets honesty while the groom gets screwed. You know who warned me about you? Lexi. Isn't a little ironic that Lexi warned me, my wife lied to me, and that it's all trivial.

Eve Cleary:
Peter, don't do this to us.

Dr. Peter Burns:
Us? There is no more us! Only you and Amanda! You two deserve each other.

Eve Cleary:
Don't you understand? You're always butting into my life and I'm always paying the price. I don't need anymore of your bad advice!

Amanda Woodward:
Keeping your past a secret was a mutual decision.

Eve Cleary:
Mutual, as in you forced me and I had no choice but to go along with it like some idiot dog.

Amanda Woodward:
Everybody has a choice.

Eve Cleary:
You don't get it, do you Amanda? You don't give anyone a choice. It's either your way or no way. You runied my life and I am damn sure you will not do it again!

Jane Andrews Mancini:
I'm only human, Michael, but I don't know what the hell you are!

Keith Gray:
It's alright, Alison. He's trying to protect you. After all, you think I'm some kinda nut, don't ya, Billy?

Billy Campbell:
Make sure he gets on that plane because I'm going to be waiting for you here in that bed if that's o.k. with you.

Allison Parker:
Just make sure you don't have anything on.

Billy Campbell:
[Alison shows off her necklace. Jo rolls her eyes at Billy] Token of friendship.

Jo Reynolds:
Of course. And that's exactly what you'll get in return.

Dr. Michael Mancini:
Kimberly and I made a baby together.

Jo Reynolds:
Is it eighteen carats or twenty four?

Billy Campbell:
Twenty four.

Jo Reynolds:
Definite crossing the line.

Jo Reynolds:
You didn't think I was that easy.

Jake Hanson:
[laughing] Easy? The thought never crossed my mind.

Jo Reynolds:
Christmas lights... If they're so festive and special, why don't people keep them up all year round?

Billy Campbell:
Well, if you kept 'em up all year round, it wouldn't be special, would it?

Jane Andrews Mancini:
[about Kimberly] Should I be jealous?

Dr. Michael Mancini:
Probably.

Dr. Kimberly Shaw:
[to Michael] It'd be great to have someone to blow off steam with around here.

Dr. Michael Mancini:
I messed up!

Dr. Kimberly Shaw:
We all mess up.

Dr. Michael Mancini:
I don't.

Dr. Kimberly Shaw:
Oh, that's right. To mess up is to admit that you're human. That you have feelings. Michael, don't you see? You're not letting yourself feel anything. You're working yourself to death to avoid dealing with what's happened. I know you and Jane were looking forward with this...

Dr. Michael Mancini:
[rudely interrupting] Look, I really don't need to hear this from you, okay?

Dr. Kimberly Shaw:
Maybe I care about you. I guess that's the last thing you want, someone caring about you.

Dr. Michael Mancini:
Yeah, especially some intern who doesn't have a life of her own.

Dr. Kimberly Shaw:
Go to hell, Mancini!

Allison Parker:
[to Billy after he puts on her bra] Give it to me! Now!

Billy Campbell:
I was doing your wash, I was trying to be nice. So I happened to see your bra?

Allison Parker:
See it? You were practically wearing it.

Billy Campbell:
If you'd come in five minutes earlier, we were singing your bras praises. I'm talking real admiration and respect.

Allison Parker:
I'm living with an absolute pervert.

Billy Campbell:
Well, maybe I'm living with an absolute prude.

Allison Parker:
What do you mean, "what"? You were staring at my breasts.

Billy Campbell:
Oh, please. I was not.

Allison Parker:
This is exactly why I was so angry. First that whole thing with my bra, and now you are undressing me with your eyes.

Craig Field:
[after an argument with Michael] How could you stand growing up with him?

Jennifer Mancini:
I couldn't. But he left before I could kill him.

Dr. Michael Mancini:
Wait a second. Let me get this straight. So, you and Megan are sitting there having dinner, and you suddenly get the urge to get up and slap the restaurant owner in the face?

Jennifer Mancini:
Put it in park, Michael! I told you, I don't want to talk about it.

Dr. Michael Mancini:
Well, you are going to talk about this! As long as you are living here in my house with my wife, you will talk about what I want!

Megan Lewis Mancini:
Leave her alone, Michael. If she doesn't want to talk about it she doesn't have to.

Dr. Michael Mancini:
[to Megan] Stay out of this!

[to Jennifer]

Dr. Michael Mancini:
When a woman slaps a man for no reason and she doesn't want to explain why or talk about it to anyone, it's got to be about sex. Did you know Kyle McBride while you were living in Boston? Were you doing him? Huh? Is that what happened? Did he dump you or something like that?

Jennifer Mancini:
You are such a pig, Michael!

Dr. Michael Mancini:
You better watch your mouth, young lady! You're very close to being out on your butt!

[there is a knock on the front door, Michael answers it, and Kyle enters; Jennifer is spooked]

Dr. Michael Mancini:
[to Kyle] Ah, the man himself! Now tell me something, how do you know my sister and why did she get the need to reset your clock?

Kyle McBride:
Okay... this is strange. I had no idea she was your sister. I just came over here to ask Megan if she knew where I could find... Jennifer. Can we talk? Alone? At the beach?

[Kyle and Jennifer walk out when Jennifer turns towards Michael]

Jennifer Mancini:
I worked for him at his restaurant in Boston two years ago. Anything further is none of your damn business.

[Jennifer walks out as Michael closes the door]

Dr. Michael Mancini:
[to Megan; smug tone] She was doing him.

Jennifer Mancini:
Let's get one thing straight. If I had so much as an inkling that you moved out here, I wouldn't have stepped foot off the plane.

Kyle McBride:
You've got to understand. I was married. I had to honor that committment. When Taylor found out about our little fling...

Jennifer Mancini:
Is that what it was to you? A little fling? Five months of relentless sex in and out of the restaurant? You made me fall in love you. You told me over and over that you would leave your wife. And all that was to you was a little fling?

Kyle McBride:
Jennifer, I never meant to hurt you. And I'm sorry.

Jennifer Mancini:
Stuff you apologies, Kyle!

Kyle McBride:
Guess you had some rough times since then?

Jennifer Mancini:
Don't flatter yourself, Romeo. The only rough time I had is right now trying not to puke at your phony sincerity. So, I suggest your crawl off to Taylor, or whoever you're screwing around with these days, and stay the hell out of my life. Okay?

[to the comatose Jack]

Amanda Woodward:
Hi, Jack. It's me, Amanda. I was just thinking about our special times we had together. Like the time I forgot to fold your socks, and you pounded my face into the bedpost. I needed 18 stitches that time. Or remember when you broke my hand because I wore the wrong color dress to your birthday party? Remember how I cried all night? Well, remember this, Jack, for every bruise and black eye you gave me... you son of a b*tch, I hope you die.

Dr. Kimberly Shaw Mancini:
Broken ribs, hmmm, I'm surprised. I told those guys to break you arm.

Matt Fielding:
Don't try to take credit for this. You had nothing to do with this. It was a hate crime.

Dr. Kimberly Shaw Mancini:
You bet your butt it was. I hate you.

Jeffrey Linley:
Meet the real Jeffrey Linley: Lieutenant, U.S. Navy.

Matt Fielding:
I don't understand. You're in the Navy. An officer, that's very impressive. Why hide it from me?

Jeffrey Linley:
U.S. Navy and gay? Not exactly compatible terms.

Matt Fielding:
Yeah, what about the "Don't ask, don't tell" policy?

Jeffrey Linley:
It worked for a while. Ten years in fact. But Navy regulations aren't nearly as brutal as my family's. My father's a retired vice admiral, and his policy is "just don't tell"... period.

Dr. Michael Mancini:
Hey Syd, how you doing?

Sydney Andrews Mancini Field:
I'm fine, you're screwed.

Dr. Michael Mancini:
It was you, wasn't it? Yeah, you waited outside my house, then took shots at me. Yeah, you almost killed me, too. At first I thought it was a woman, but it was dark and my imagination...

Dr. Brett 'Coop' Cooper:
Is way out of control. I've been in jail all night.

Dr. Peter Burns:
I just bailed him out, Michael.

Dr. Michael Mancini:
Oh. Well, then you hired someone. A hitman - a woman. Knock me off while you're in the pokey, giving you a perfect alibi.

Dr. Brett 'Coop' Cooper:
[grabbing Michael] I am tired of these accusations, do you understand?

Dr. Peter Burns:
Easy.

Dr. Brett 'Coop' Cooper:
Now, you have destroyed a lot of people's lives, but you are *not* going to destroy mine, all right?

Dr. Peter Burns:
[trying to separate the two] Easy, easy.

Dr. Brett 'Coop' Cooper:
Now, you just stay the hell away from me!

Dr. Michael Mancini:
You see that? Did you see that? He was ready to kill me.

Dr. Peter Burns:
The fact still remains, Michael, is it couldn't have been him because he was in there all night. You know, instead of beating up on Coop, maybe you ought to just start asking yourself of all of the people that hate you, who hates you enough to want you dead?

Martin Abbott:
[to his large congregation] I was seven, and Robert was nine, and this one day we snuck Mom's car out of the driveway. Robert was going to drive first. He put his foot on the accelerator and floored it, and in about two seconds he lost control of the car and we careened into a tree. Robert was fine, but I hit my head on the dashboard and I was bleeding all over. He got really scared because I wasn't moving.

Rikki Abbott:
Did you have a near-death experience?

Martin Abbott:
No, I guess I was just stunned. Only Robert thought that I was dead. So... he left me there and ran away. And then, I remember waking up and seeing these... two strong arms lifting me out of the wrecked car. It was a neighbor of ours, an older man named Mr. Rizzo. A bachelor. Never paid much attention to us kids, but he knew who I was and I knew who he was. He saw the accident and came to help me out of the car. He carried me home, but by that time Robert was already there and he told my parents that "I" was the one who stole the car. "I" was the one driving when we had the accident, and that "I" forced him along with me. So, here I am, in my parents living room, with a serious head wound, being held by this neighbor, feeling so warm and safe, looking down at Robert who was looking at me so smug because he knew that I was going to get a beating, and that I was going to be punished... not him. Then I looked over at my father, a psychopath just like Robert, because he always took my brother's side against me. In that instant, I realized that I'd never felt loved and protected like this by my own family. At that very moment, I knew I could never trust them to take care of me again. Nine years later, when I was old enough, I ran away. I had to leave.

Sydney Andrews:
You still see them, don't you?

Martin Abbott:
Never. I had to let them go because they never put their trust in me again since that day. The day that Robert lied to them about me stealing the car. I had to find the courage. Now, many more years later, I have a new home now. I have a new family... all of you... my family! We begin our journey tomorrow by taking the first step to release the chains of our painful past. Rest up. We have a very exciting day ahead of us. Sleep well. Go in well.

Matt Fielding:
Someday, somehow, I will get back at you for this, Kimberly. I will get you out of this hospital and you will never practice medicine again anywhere.

Dr. Kimberly Shaw Mancini:
[sneers] Matt, you're pathetic.

Matt Fielding:
And your... wig is crooked.

Matt Fielding:
You were awful busy while I was laid up in the hospital. So, that's why you had those guys beat me up so you could tamper with the results of your psychological evaluation.

Dr. Kimberly Shaw Mancini:
[makes a very evil smirk] I have no idea what you're talking about. Do you lie awake all night dreaming these accusations?

Matt Fielding:
Oh, no. You are...

[reads from a file]

Matt Fielding:
"Intelligent, impetuous, caring." Princess Di, maybe, you... never. You changed this result.

Dr. Kimberly Shaw Mancini:
Still have no idea what you're talking about. It's all right there in black and white.

Matt Fielding:
It's a forgery. But the testing service doesn't keep copies. You knew that, didn't you?

Dr. Kimberly Shaw Mancini:
I would imagine that changing those results would be as easy as say... changing the blood-alcohol level in a car accident report.

Matt Fielding:
I did that to save your precious little Michael. I owed him for giving me this job. If it wasn't for me, he'd be locked up in Lompoc right now, and you'd be baking hacksaws into Devil's Food cake for him to put to good use.

Dr. Kimberly Shaw Mancini:
[sneers] Wow, it must be so nice to have a job that leaves you so much free time. Now if you don't mind, I have rounds.

Jane Andrews Mancini:
Sydney, where are you going?

Sydney Andrews:
Vacation. A few days at least. I sure could use one.

Jane Andrews Mancini:
You're not going anywhere, Sydney. You're out of work. And you have to meet with your probation officer next week.

[Rikki scoffs nearby]

Jane Andrews Mancini:
[to Rikki] You find this funny?

Rikki Abbott:
Yes, that you try to control her life when yours is such a mess.

Jane Andrews Mancini:
Sydney, you are in big trouble for trashing Shooters and Mancini Designs. Jake and I were sent for evaluations. I can't lie for you.

Sydney Andrews:
Jane, for the last time, I didn't trash Shooters, your dresses, or steal Jo's photo equipment. I don't know who did, but it wasn't me.

Jane Andrews Mancini:
Drop the innocent act. You never tell the truth anymore.

Sydney Andrews:
[to Rikki] Rikki, I didn't vandalize Shooters, or Jane's dresses. You belive me, don't you?

Rikki Abbott:
Of course I do. That's why you don't need people like Jane in your life.

[a bus pulls up on the curve]

Rikki Abbott:
That's them. Come on, Sydney.

Sydney Andrews:
[to Jane] I'm not asking you to lie for me.

Jane Andrews Mancini:
Sydney, for the first time, you must face up to this. You have no friends left. Your probation officer is the only person who can help you.

Sydney Andrews:
Drop the weight, Jane. Worry about your own responsibilities. That's what I'm learning to do.

Sandy Louise Harling:
All right, Jake. Get pissed. 'Cause that's the way you handle everything anyway.

Jake Hanson:
[to Billy] Hey, wake up, Rambo.

Sandy Louise Harling:
Oh my God, I'm a waitress too, at the bar around the corner. I'm really an actress though.

Stella Rivers:
I'm really a waitress.

Cadillac Driver:
Got a light?

Jake Hanson:
[about Jo's surprise] What's that? M-16?

Rhonda Blair:
[to Carrie] Look, I'm not blind, okay? You're pushing up on him. You're coming on like a Mack truck. He's my boyfriend, so stay away.

Amanda Woodward:
Billy, I have to get ready for work. I don't have much time.

Billy Campbell:
You've never accused me of taking too long.

Billy Campbell:
This guy? He's your hero? This is me, Alison. I was here when he broke your heart.

Allison Parker:
I am no Whitney Houston and he's no Kevin Costner.

Jo Reynolds:
[to Allison] Is this love, or a bodyguard?

Amanda Woodward:
Billy, you've gotta stop obsessing over this. You're not the American Red Cross. And you're not Allison's boyfriend.

[to her photographer, Jo]

Karen:
I'm a model, you know. I starve so that others may drool.

Dr. Kimberly Shaw:
No, Michael, it's this whole way of life. Sneaking around, catching a night here or there feeling guilty about your wife. . I want do it. I-I am not some bimbo. I am a doctor, for God's sakes! This is not me!

Amanda Woodward:
[to Alison] Personally, I never understood the virtues of packing lightly. Maybe I just don't have your flair for making one outfit work three different ways.

Amanda Woodward:
[to Allison] You're right. I did over pack. Feel free to borrow anything you can squeeze into.

Amanda Woodward:
You are so competitive with me. I date Billy with your complete permission after assurance that the two of you are not a couple. And as soon as we start to get close, you go after him.

Allison Parker:
That is not exactly how it happened.

Amanda Woodward:
Oh, no? So you're telling me you didn't dump Keith to go after Billy?

Allison Parker:
It's more complicated than that.

Amanda Woodward:
That's right. You used Keith to make Billy jealous. You quite your job, you moved away. And then when it was clear that Billy wouldn't chase you to Seattle, you came back to L.A. to chase him.

Allison Parker:
No, that is not true.

Amanda Woodward:
I put a lot of energy and passion and emotion into that relationship. And you did everything you could to destroy it. So you'll excuse me if I'm not the world's most sympathetic boss. But I just don't trust you, Allison. I don't trust you at all.

Jane Andrews Mancini:
[after catching Michael with Kimberly] Thank you. That's all I needed to know.

Allison Parker:
Well, don't you think we should do this?

Amanda Woodward:
Why? Are you really that anxious to be me?

Allison Parker:
Not at all. But I think it might be interesting for you to see yourself?

Amanda Woodward:
Thanks. But I have a mirror in my purse.

Sydney Andrews:
You arrange sex dates for a living?

Lauren Ethridge:
That's a quaint way of putting it.

Sydney Andrews:
I'm not like Lauren's friends.

Ellen:
News flash Sydney: you're just like us. We whores are all alone too, and now we have each other. It is so cool having 20 sisters who don't ask questions and just love you for who you are. As far as I'm concerned... it's way better then family.

Sydney Andrews Mancini Fields:
You arrange sex dates for a living?

Lauren Etheridge:
That's a quaint way of putting it.

[trying to convince Jane not to murder Richard]

Sydney Andrews:
Pray with me Jane. Put your decision in the hands of a higher power.

Jane Andrews Mancini:
I am. Smith & Wesson.

Amanda Woodward:
That's it! We're done here.

Jennifer Mancini:
Oh, but Michael said that you were going to take me out to lunch.

Amanda Woodward:
I'm far too busy to take lunch. That's busy with a capital "B".

Jennifer Mancini:
So... um, did I get the job or not?

Amanda Woodward:
Not. But just so that this wasn't a total waste of time, here's a tip: you're going to have a tough time finding a job with your attitude.

Jennifer Mancini:
Hmm. Well, that didn't stop you any.

[on a job interview with Amanda, which Michael set up as a favor]

Jennifer Mancini:
You know Michael, he likes to bend the truth. But you probably do too, being in advertising.

[pause]

Amanda Woodward:
We walk a fine line.

Jennifer Mancini:
Right, truth with a little "t", as opposed to the actual Truth, which is with a big "T". Am I getting too philosophical? I don't want to lose you.

Amanda Woodward:
[getting annoyed] Well, considering your resume barely qualifies for entry level, I doubt it. So what kind of advertising do you like?

Jennifer Mancini:
I know what I don't like. That billboard on Whilshire with the busty bimbo showing the "Sunset Diet Plan." No normal woman's ever going to respond to a cheesy ad like that.

Amanda Woodward:
That was my ad campaign.

Jennifer Mancini:
[laughs] I'm so embarrassed...

Amanda Woodward:
Yeah.

Jennifer Mancini:
...for you.

Dr. Michael Mancini:
How was your interview with Amanda?

Jennifer Mancini:
A total bust. I get there and she told me that there's no job to speak of. And even if there was, Amanda told me she has this new policy to never hire friends or relatives or relatives of friends. So... that's that.

Dr. Michael Mancini:
Wait a minute. She said that she was going to give you a shot. I'm going to call her now and find out what happened.

Jennifer Mancini:
[trying to control her panic] Michael, wait! I didn't want to get into this but... uh... she was really mean to me.

Dr. Michael Mancini:
Listen, are you sure she knew who you were?

Jennifer Mancini:
Yeah. No doubt about it.

Dr. Michael Mancini:
Huh. I'm sorry. What can I say? Amanda can be brutal.

Jennifer Mancini:
[thinking fast of another lie] Yeah... it's just hard to show up and expecting someone to be nice to you and then... uh... they tell you to get lost.

[Billy is confronted by Brooke's ghost emerging from the swimming pool]

Brooke Armstrong:
Hello, Billy. Miss me? Nice job at my funeral. What happened? Couldn't you admit that it's your fault that I'm dead?

Billy Campbell:
This isn't happening.

Brooke Armstrong:
Oh, yes it is, and it is your fault. I came to you with so much love, and you gave me nothing but hate. Too bad Alison won't stay with you. I guess she knows that you're a heartless, unfeeling bastard!

[Billy walks away from Brooke's ghost to his apartment]

Brooke Armstrong:
You can't run away from me. I'll never leave you.

Billy Campbell:
Stop it!

Brooke Armstrong:
I'll never leave you alone!

Billy Campbell:
What do you want from me?

Brooke Armstrong:
I don't want anything from you. I don't need your love anymore. Do you know why? Because you sold me your soul. And all it cost me was one little line. That silly little Lindy Toy slogan, it's going to make you a star. And from now on, every step you take, every bridge you burn, will be because of me.

Amanda Woodward:
My first instinct was to fire you as well. But on reflection, I realized that was way too easy. No, Alison, I'm going to do to you the way you did me. And when I'm done, all that you'll be left with is that proverbial wish... that you'd never been born!

[Sarah and Jo are looking at the photos Jo took during a D&D and Models Inc. photo shoot]

Sarah Owens:
It's weird. Just sometimes I wonder, can I really do this?

Jo Reynolds:
Stop. You know you can.

Sarah Owens:
I want it so badly. To succeed, to make it work, to be like Teri Spencer and the other top models at Models Inc. It's just the dream, it's so scary. What if it doesn't come true?

Jo Reynolds:
You know, Sarah, I may not know about what I'm talking about, but there's something very wonderful about you, especially on film.

Teri Spencer:
I'm not kidding. They had me sitting on a block of ice with a hundreth of an inch of spandex between me and frostbite. God, Hillary, when will I have outgrown bikini shoots?

Hillary Michaels:
When they stop paying you $5,000 a day.

Chris Marchette:
[whispering to Sydney] Diddling the boss, I here? That's one way of staying out of the nuthouse where you belong.

Sydney Andrews:
[slaps him across the face] You bastard! Stay away from me! You here me?

[Jake enters]

Jake Hanson:
[to Chris] All right, that's it. Get out!

Chris Marchette:
[feigning innocence] Now wait a minute! That girl's out of her mind! She attacked me for no reason! I did absolutely nothing.

Jake Hanson:
[scoffs] I don't give a damn! Get out of my place. You insult Sydney, you insult me too.

Jane Andrews Mancini:
[walks up; completely oblivious to Chris' actions] Jake, Chris and I only came here to make peace.

Chris Marchette:
Jane's right. I only said 'hello' to Sydney, and she just slaped me.

Jake Hanson:
Take your lies and your ego elsewhere, Crocodile Dundee!

Chris Marchette:
I am not lying!

Jake Hanson:
I said, get out! You too, Jane. Out!

Jane Andrews Mancini:
Sydney is one lying to you Jake! She has you so fooled. You have no idea what a sick person you are involved with!

Jake Hanson:
Oh, that's funny. I was about to say the exact same thing to you about Chris!

Allison Parker:
Life doesn't always come neatly packed, and neither does love.

Billy Campbell:
[laughs] Alison, you should listen to yourself. You sound like a dysfunctional Hallmark card.

Carrie Fellows:
[placing her pan up in Rhonda's face] Rhonda, you missed a spot!

Rhonda Blair:
Excuse me?

Carrie Fellows:
Right here, on my pan. When you cleaned up after breakfast. See, burned egg, right in the rivets. I said "soak it". I told you to soak it!

Rhonda Blair:
That's it?

Carrie Fellows:
You just don't care. You just have no respect.

Rhonda Blair:
Respect? Carrie, you are a nut!

Carrie Fellows:
And you're a slob!

Rhonda Blair:
Look Carrie, I don't think this is gonna work out. I think you ought to find yourself another place to live.

Carrie Fellows:
Yeah, right after I clean my pan.

Jane Andrews Mancini:
You know it's funny, but I just don't picture Allison as a home wrecker, no matter how in love she thinks she is.

Rhonda Blair:
I can't seem to find my vitamins.

Carrie Fellows:
They're right here. I filed them under 'V' for vitamins, see? Between the vegie salt and the V-8 juice.

Rhonda Blair:
You alphabetized our kitchen?

Carrie Fellows:
Yes, yesterday while you were teaching. And I also threw in this kitchen caddy. Sort of as a house warming gift.

Rhonda Blair:
Well, thanks.

Carrie Fellows:
This is last year's model, but nobody will ever know. The newer version has wider shelves for thicker bottles.

Rhonda Blair:
[to Carrie after she finds her closet empty] When I left for work this morning, I could've sworn I had a closet full of clothes. And now... And what is this smell?

Carrie Fellows:
Forest spice.

Rhonda Blair:
I beg your pardon?

Carrie Fellows:
Well, you had a choice between that or sandalwood or patchouli.

Rhonda Blair:
What's that?

Carrie Fellows:
Deodorizer for your shoes.

Rhonda Blair:
My shoes? My shoes now smell like pine trees?

Carrie Fellows:
Like you took a brisk walk in the woods.

Rhonda Blair:
I'm afraid to ask about my clothes.

Carrie Fellows:
Those I sent to the best dry cleaner in town. A place in Beverly Hills.

Rhonda Blair:
They don't do smells too?

Carrie Fellows:
I don't know, but I could ask.

Rhonda Blair:
No, no, I like my aroma just fine, thanks. Listen, Carrie, you might want to think about kicking back just a bit. You really don't have to be quite so tidy, do you? Especially with my stuff. I mean, too much of a good thing can be too much.

Carrie Fellows:
I see what you mean.

Rhonda Blair:
Then you'll ease up?

Carrie Fellows:
Absolutely. I was only trying to be helpful.

Rhonda Blair:
That you are.

Carrie Fellows:
And if there's one thing I understand, that's when to stop.

Rhonda Blair:
Good.

Carrie Fellows:
Oh, well, I see you're using one of my copper pots.

Rhonda Blair:
You don't mind, do you?

Carrie Fellows:
No I don't. That cookware is guaranteed to last a lifetime if you take care of it properly. You know, if I soak that right now, it'll be a lot easier to clean.

Rhonda Blair:
Carrie...

Carrie Fellows:
Ok, well, I was just trying to be...

Rhonda Blair:
Helpful. I know, I know.

Carrie Fellows:
You know what...

Rhonda Blair:
For just this once, let me do something for you, Okay?

Carrie Fellows:
Okay. Rhonda, I just...

Rhonda Blair:
Don't you dare touch that pan, Carrie.

Carrie Fellows:
You know, I know I can come off a little compulsive, and maybe anal sometimes. I mean, I've made a whole career out of it. But if I ever get in the way, you just let me know, okay? Because roommates like you are pretty rare, Rhonda. And I wouldn't want to jeopardize our relationship.

Billy Campbell:
What's to explain? Love is blind and stupid.

Billy Campbell:
[to Keith] Well it must be nice, hanging out here on your porch, checking out the slides and cheating on your wife.

Keith Gray:
You're just jealous, pal.

Billy Campbell:
I just care about her more than you do... pal.

Rhonda Blair:
Maybe the cops will catch these guys.

Matt Fielding:
Maybe Elvis lives.

Jane Andrews Mancini:
Can you believe Allison is having an affair with a married man?

Dr. Michael Mancini:
Jane, it's only human, huh?

Jane Andrews Mancini:
What do you mean, "it's only human"? You think that having an affair is only human?

Allison Parker:
He's not lying to me.

Billy Campbell:
Why not? He lies to his wife.

Sydney:
Lauren, hey. I was going to call you about what happened with that guy. Look I know you must be miffed but there's an explination. Lauren?

Lauren Etheridge:
[hard and angry tone] Who are you to walk out on Roger Langdon? Who the hell do you think you are?

Sydney:
Lauren, the guy...

Lauren Etheridge:
I know all about the guy. So, he wanted to play games.

Sydney:
Lauren, I thought that working for you would be a good business and that it would be a safe establishment for me and all your other girls.

Lauren Etheridge:
Safe establishment? You want to work in a safe establishment? Join a bridge club, or get a job in a bank. But don't you ever, put me or my livelihood behind the eight ball!

Sydney:
Lauren, I'm sorry.

Lauren Etheridge:
"I'm sorry" costs me, Sydney. You ever do that again, and I will see to it myself that whatever Roger Langdon might have done to you would be a walk in the park! You wouldn't be able to form the words "I'm sorry." You couldn't even write them on a Magic Slate. Do I need to draw you a diagram?

Sydney:
[terrified] No, I think I got it.

Jane Andrews Mancini:
What's wrong Billy?

[Coop is suing Michael for stealing his idea of a cauterizing surgical glove]

Jennifer Mancini:
My brother may be slimy, but he's no crook.

Billy Campbell:
After my speech last night, I thought I'd find my bags on the porch.

Allison Parker:
[laughing] You know me better than that. You know I'd never pack for you.

Dr. Katya Petrova:
It's a date. [Kisses Matt on the cheek]

Matt Fielding:
A d-date?

Jane Andrews Mancini:
So kiddo, what's your schedule?

Sydney Andrews:
I'm swamped! Madonna wants girl talk, Cher wants to go work out...

Sydney Andrews:
[to Michael]... and that will make life easier for you and... what's her name... Kimberly?

Billy Campbell:
[about Alison] Can't you just ease up on her, she's doing the best she can.

Amanda Woodward:
I know, that's what worries me.

Dr. Katya Petrova:
Russian cuisine is not all about boljska and dry bread.

Amanda Woodward:
Do you have something against conversation?

Jake Hanson:
If I wanted conversation I'd call a 900 number.

Amanda Woodward:
Slivovitz, Slivovitz, Slivovitz.

Eve Cleary:
2, 4, 6, 8... Who can I annihilate...

Rhonda Blair:
Shop talk about sunscreen isn't foreplay.

Sandy Louise Harling:
Applying it is.

Allison Parker:
Sandy is the actress, not me.

Sandy Louise Harling:
[Rhonda snickers loudly] Shut up!

Sandy Louise Harling:
[after Perry leaves] B*tch!

Sandy Louise Harling:
Can I ask who's calling?

Perry Morgan:
Who are you, his secretary?

Sandy Louise Harling:
I'm a lot of things.

Sandy Louise Harling:
[to Jake] I've got way too much respect for myself to play anyone's second choice, including yours. Have a nice night.

Allison Parker:
I know I'm a naive nitwit from the Midwest, but are all relationships in L.A. this haphazard and ridiculous?

Jane Andrews Mancini:
Maybe it's love at first sight.

Marcy Garrett:
Maybe Billy's just an easy guy to like.

Allison Parker:
Actually, I have yet to see those qualities.

Allison Parker:
[after Marcy asks her to guess her profession] Astronaut? Brain surgeon?

Allison Parker:
[about Marcy] She has a very odd way of tipping!

Billy Campbell:
[to Allison] Painting can be stimulating. Rollers, brushes. Fumes.

Kelly Taylor:
I have to be home by midnight.

Jake Hanson:
Me too.

Marcy Garrett:
You put your name on your fruit?

Allison Parker:
Go ahead, help yourself.

[last lines]

Billy Campbell:
What a weekend.

Allison Parker:
No kidding.

Allison Parker:
I mean, my God, are you at least gonna...? I mean, have you...? Are you going to...?

Billy Campbell:
If you're referring to condoms, I am, Yeah. I mean, I have and I always do.

Allison Parker:
No, I am not referring to condoms.

[first lines]

Radio Announcer:
[on the radio] Good morning, Southern California, and another good morning it is. Summer weather watch remains the same, sunny and hot, the high near ninety in the valleys. A pleasant seventy eight at the beaches. It's a good day to call in sick and sneak off to the sand. But expect a slow ride to wherever your going, that eight car pile up on the southbound Four Oh Five is still backing things up past Sherman Way. And the One Oh One is still slowing at Reseda due to freeway construction. As for that earlier report...

Dr. Michael Mancini:
Kimberly's jerked me around so many times, I have emotional whiplash.

Matt Fielding:
I want you and your homophobia out of my house. Now.

Allison Parker:
Amanda, you overrode my decision on the Glorious Gowns copy.

Amanda Woodward:
Of course I did. Since I told Billy you're trying to sabotage his career.

Allison Parker:
Sabotage? How can you accuse me of that?

Amanda Woodward:
Because his work was excellent, and you know it. I also told him that you obviously don't want him working here, Alison. You know, I could fire you for taking out your personal vendetta against him at the offce.

Allison Parker:
Fine! If you're so sure I'm out to ruin Billy, fire me.

Amanda Woodward:
Too easy.

Allison Parker:
Oh, God. Not this again. Billy's a free man, Amanda. You want him, go get him.

Amanda Woodward:
This is not about Billy. Is your memory that selective, you are you just suffering from some grand delusion?

Allison Parker:
Why are you doing this to me? Why are you treating me this bad?

Amanda Woodward:
Okay, here's the recap: You set me up like everyone else in this office who's after my job. You went behind my back and told Jake that I was having an affair with Chas when you saw him kissing me. Then you almost killed my job and career by blabbing that lie in open court. I lost the trust with my mother and I almost lost my job.

Allison Parker:
Amanda, for the last time, I didn't lie. Chas lied to me. I'm sorry that I took his word over yours. I know I should've...

Amanda Woodward:
[rudely cutting her off] I don't want to here it! You are out to get me like everyone I know, and now it's payback time. I promised myself to make your life a living hell here at the office and I always keep my promises! Oh, and don't bother quitting. 'Cause if you do, I'll write out such a negative report on you with your personnel file and send it to every employment and temp agency in this state so that you wouldn't be able to get a job bagging groceries in a local supermarket!

Dr. Kimberly Shaw Mancini:
Is there something you'd like to tell me, Sydney?

Sydney Andrews:
I don't know what you mean.

Dr. Kimberly Shaw Mancini:
You must know, Jane's condition is very serious. They've ordered toxicology tests, which means they suspect a possible drug overdose. Remember what we talked about in our sessions, Sydney... about purging oneself?

Sydney Andrews:
But... I'm not guilty of anything.

Dr. Kimberly Shaw Mancini:
There's really no need to be frightened. I'm your doctor and your my patient, and anything you tell me will be kept in the strictest confidence. But if I'm kept in the dark, and I'm questioned by the authorities about the pills I prescribed to you and how... they might have somehow found their into Jane's drink, and...

Sydney Andrews:
[interrupting] All right! I did it. I put the pills in her drink. I just wanted to knock her out, that's all so that she'd be too passive, even for Michael. I never meant for this to happen. If anything happens to her, I'll never forgive myself. Oh God, Kimberly, what am I gonna do?

Dr. Kimberly Shaw Mancini:
It's all right, Sydney. I'm here. You just leave everything to me.

Jake Hanson:
[meeting Jo for the first time, after he finds a box of photographic equipment at his door] So you're um... a photographer then?

Jo Reynolds:
And so you're ah... CIA or KGB, or just nosy?

Jake Hanson:
Well, the box was in front of my door, wasn't it? I'm Jake Hanson. I live right there.

Jo Reynolds:
Oh, the motorcycle aficionado. Yeah, Rhonda gave me caps and reviews on all the neighbors. There's Billy the writer, there's Michael the doctor, and there's Jake, the silent type.

Jake Hanson:
And you're uh...

Jo Reynolds:
Jo. The private type.

Jake Hanson:
You know, you gotta watch the water around here. The plumbing's kind of weird, you know. Like, you turn on hot, I get cold. That kind of thing.

Jo Reynolds:
So, what are you saying? I have to call you before I shower?

Jake Hanson:
No, no. Just if you hear my shower going, wait. Generally, I take short showers.

Jo Reynolds:
Oh, I'm so relieved.

Jo Reynolds:
[to Jake] I'll think of you every time I shower.

Jo Reynolds:
I just broke up with my husband, what's your excuse?

Allison Parker:
I just broke up with somebody else's husband.

Jo Reynolds:
[to Jake] Oh, that's right. The hot-cold thing. When you're hot, I'm cold. How unfortunate.

Jake Hanson:
Have a nice day.

Jo Reynolds:
[checking him out as he goes downstairs] I'll do my best.

Jake Hanson:
You know, as far as I know, there's no welcome wagon around here. At least nothing official. So, if you want someone to show you around town...

Jo Reynolds:
[rudely interrupting] I'll call a cab.

Dr. Kimberly Shaw Mancini:
Listen you opportunistic little b*tch, if you think that shotgun marriage you arranged with Michael is going to protect you, then you're dumber than you look. Now stay out of our lives and you won't get hurt, okay?

Sydney Andrews Mancini Field:
What, am I supposed to be afraid of you?

Dr. Kimberly Shaw Mancini:
My professional opinion: you bet your ass!

Allison Parker:
[to Amanda] You have this whole to the point businesswoman act down to a tee. But the truth is that everything you say is a disguise for something else, and I'm tired of it. Everyone is tired of it.

Amanda Woodward:
[to Alison, about moving to Seattle] Everyone except Billy. You want directness, honesty? Fine! Your leaving is the best news I've heard all week. Allison, don't forget your raincoat!

Jake Hanson:
[about Jo] She works on these speeches late at night.

Jake Hanson:
[to Billy, about Amanda] She's a beautiful woman, but I get the feeling that she likes to be in control.

Amanda Woodward:
[watching 'Nosferatu'] Billy, I have to tell you something. I absolutely hate horror films.

Billy Campbell:
Well, you should've just said so.

Amanda Woodward:
Oh, wasn't it obvious?

Billy Campbell:
It'd be a little more obvious if you'd said so.

Amanda Woodward:
Well, you should've sensed it.

Billy Campbell:
You should've been more direct.

Amanda Woodward:
Could we at least turn it down?

Billy Campbell:
No, I want it loud.

Amanda Woodward:
Billy, I'm not kidding.

Billy Campbell:
Well, neither am I. I live here too, you know. Sometimes I think you forget that.

Amanda Woodward:
Fine! [gets up and walks out of the room]

Lucy Cabot:
I went out on a limb for you, Allison Parker. I took a chance with the senior partners. They said interview. I said, "Oh, no, no, no, promote from within". So you quit, leaving a message on my answering machine. This is not McDonald's, Alison! It's called giving notice!

Amanda Woodward:
[to Allison] You know, the truth is, and I know how big you are on the truth, you're jealous of everything I have. My job, Billy... You're running away because you can't handle it.

Allison Parker:
[to Billy, about Amanda] She's not the right woman, for you.

Dr. Michael Mancini:
Sometimes... do you feel like you're losing it?

Dr. Kimberly Shaw:
[laughs] It's not so much sometimes as all the time.

Amanda Woodward:
You wanna know something? I'm glad I'm not Alison. I'm glad I'm not some ditzy, little indecisive Midwestern nitwit who is so scared of life that she's running off to Seattle with some guy she barely even knows.

Jo Reynolds:
Just because I can't be trusted doesn't mean I can't be a good listener.

Jake Hanson:
Yeah, that makes a lot of sense.

Hayley Armstrong:
You're wasting your time on Billy.

Brooke Armstrong Campbell:
Billy's like that company you bought in St. Louis. He's an undervalued asset. And with the right management, he can be a fortune 500 company in no time.

Jess's Partner:
[after Jess gives instructions to kill Jake] Hey, what's your beef with this guy, Jake, anyway?

Jess Hanson:
He's had this coming for a long time.

Dr. Michael Mancini:
Kimberly, you're a doctor. You know the facts, and the fact is, your mother's solution to everything is to drag you back to the midwest, even if it risks your life, because she hates me.

Dr. Kimberly Shaw Mancini:
Michael that's not so.

Marion Shaw:
You're right Michael. I would do anything to get her away from you. She was a doctor with a bright future until you nearly killed her. And then you infected her with your cruelty and your deceit. You made her sick... I'm gonna make her well.

Dr. Michael Mancini:
And I gave her cancer, right? You'd blame me for global warming if you could make it fly... you are a twisted, bitter old crone, you know that?

[last lines]

Billy Campbell:
[as he begins typing his next entry] Move over, Doogie Howser.

Jake Hanson:
[to Michael about women] I've got two words for you: never trust 'em.

Sandy Louise Harling:
[to Jane] Are you pregnant? The only reason why I ask is because I've had a couple of pregnant friends before. Just one whiff of fish, upchuck city. All over the place.

Rhonda Blair:
Sandy! You know, you have the sensitivity of a doorknob.

Sandy Louise Harling:
I hate fish.

Rhonda Blair:
Yeah? Well, you're gonna shut up, and you're gonna eat it.

Allison Parker:
No one said you had to drink to be a writer. No one even said you had to have adventures. Look at Emily Dickinson. She hardly even left her house.

Billy Campbell:
What a candy-ass!

Billy Campbell:
[to Allison] Come on, we're going to Shooters. I can at least start working on my drinking problem.

[first lines]

Billy Campbell:
The man has arrived.

Allison Parker:
Billy, you're a stud.

Billy Campbell:
Move over, Doogie Howser

Billy Campbell:
[about Jack Parezi] Don't do this. There are plenty of other accounts that Brooke can get.

Amanda Woodward:
If it wasn't Brooke, Jack would still find another way in. He would have found me eventually.

Billy Campbell:
We're not in Miami anymore, so just tell the guy to take a hike.

Amanda Woodward:
I'm handling this, all right? Just stay out it and stay away from Jack.

Billy Campbell:
Well, you're not handling it very well. If you're not gonna tell him to get lost, I will.

Amanda Woodward:
No, Billy! Wait! Listen... um... I didn't know what I was getting into when I married Jack. I was young, wild, naive and immature. I didn't know how violent and posessive that he really was. One night about a few months after we got married, he was supposed to be out of town on business, and I went out to dinner with some of my girlfriends, and he was waiting for me when I came back. His business trip was canceled so he came back home. Instead of giving me a kiss, he gave me a black eye... my first black eye.

Billy Campbell:
Why? Why would he hit you?

Amanda Woodward:
Because I went out without his permission. It's a Sicilian tradition that the husband is to control of the wife. In Jack's world, as in most European traditions, a woman's place is in the home. He wouldn't allow me to work or go out without his permission. Anyway, the next morning, Jack told me he was sorry that he hit me and promised that he wouldn't do it again. But a few months later... he did. It would happen every other week, then once a week. He'd hit me for even the slightest isolence. The only change was that he just stopped apologizing. I once told Jack's father about what he was doing to me, but he told me that by Italian tradition no one, not even a high-ranking don, can intervene in a married couple's personal disputes. I kept trying to get away, but Jack wouldn't let me. One time, I made it all the way to Tallahassee when two of his goons found me and dragged me back to Miami, threw me in the house... and when I looked up, there was my father... his face all bruised and bloody, down on his knees... and Jack was holding a gun to his head. Jack, his father, and their thugs where all there. They told me that if I ever tried to leave Jack again, they would kill him. A few months later, my father helped me escape for good with the boating accident and all. Now... when Jack patted you on your shoulder a minute ago... that was a message. I've seen Jack do it before. It's a coded message the Mob uses which means "don't mess with me". I've seen Jack do that to business rivals, fellow associates, even my father. I just don't want to see you down on your knees with Jack holding a gun to your head. So, do us both a favor, okay? Stay out of this, and stay away from Jack at all costs.

[last lines]

Eve Cleary:
Get out of here, Travis, before I make you bleed! I don't need you, I don't need anybody! I'm a cheerleader! Two, four six, eight... whom am I gonna annihilate?

[Amanda's raction to Jo's move to Bosnia]

Amanda Woodward:
Well she could be on the moon for all I care, she's not getting her deposit back.

[last lines]

Allison Parker:
[Billy and Allison are watching a late-night movie and eating ice cream. He tries to sneak a peek at her] Watch the movie, Billy.

Sandy Louise Harling:
It's nice having someone to cook breakfast for.

Jake Hanson:
It's nice having someone cook breakfast for you... occasionally.

Sandy Louise Harling:
I was just stupidly hoping for a little compassion.

Jake Hanson:
Well, I'm sorry. Wrong gender.

Sandy Louise Harling:
[about Paul] Rhonda, I've kissed walls with more passion.

Sandy Louise Harling:
You're waiting up for me?

Rhonda Blair:
I'm hoping for a vicarious thrill.

Allison Parker:
[to Billy] Every time I trust you, something terrible happens.

[first lines]

Sandy Louise Harling:
Hats make no sense. Really, what good is a hat in L.A.?

Rhonda Blair:
Sandy, we're talking about the ultimate accessory here. Hats give a woman presence, the chance to make a statement. You got his attention. Mr. Tall, Dark and Cute, he's checking you out.

Jake Hanson:
Hey, to some people, flirting just comes naturally.

Sandy Louise Harling:
You know, Jake, you really piss me off sometimes.

Jake Hanson:
You know what they say, abstinence makes the heart grow fonder.

Sandy Louise Harling:
That's absence.

Jake Hanson:
Whatever.

Matt Fielding:
[about Billy's screenplay] I take it it's not a comedy.

Allison Parker:
Not intentionally.

Sandy Louise Harling:
Who do you think you are, Mrs. Marcus Welby?

Jane Andrews Mancini:
Marcus Welby was a widower.

Sandy Louise Harling:
See? You might as well be dead!

Steve Sanders:
All I'm saying is I think you're headed for a serious heartbreak with this guy, Kelly.

David Silver:
Look, I heard this thing on the love lines about guys with wounded souls who attract women who think they can heal them, only it's the women who end up wounded.

Kelly Taylor:
Look, you don't understand. Jake is just going through a bad time right now.

Steve Sanders:
Oh, like that guy down in the unemployment line that Jake clobbered?

Kelly Taylor:
Look, he just needs me on his side, to be there for him.

David Silver:
Well, I think he gets the idea. I mean, you call him five times a day, and of course, he never answers.

Kelly Taylor:
David, shut up. It's none of your business.

David Silver:
I'm your brother.

Kelly Taylor:
Stepbrother.

David Silver:
Whatever.

[first lines]

Billy Campbell:
You look good, kitten. Real good.

Blonde:
And when I'm bad, I'm just the way you like it.

Billy Campbell:
[walking into the apartment] Lucy, I'm home.

Allison Parker:
I'm in the kitchen.

Billy Campbell:
You know the problem with you, Allison? You have no taste, just like your casserole.

Allison Parker:
That's great. Don't eat it.

[last lines]

Sandy Louise Harling:
Good night, Jake.

Jake Hanson:
Good night, Sandy.

Amanda Woodward:
Allison, I'm glad you're preparing for a meeting, but I'd appreciated it if you do it at your own desk. And take that garish piece of glass with you!

Allison Parker:
This is my desk, Amanda. I'm sorry, but the board of directors have decided to replace you.

Amanda Woodward:
With you? I don't think so.

Allison Parker:
It's all in this memo. Again, I'm sorry. It's nothing personal. It's more about your illness.

[Amanda takes the paper from Allison and quickly reads it through]

Amanda Woodward:
I don't know what you used to pull this off you dishonest, self-serving, pathetic drunk, but when I find out I'm going to turn it around and cut you open like a rotten piece of fruit!

Allison Parker:
It's policy, Amanda. You know that rule. I didn't plan this. Messenger...

Amanda Woodward:
I will not be patronized by you!

Allison Parker:
Amanda, you need to get well, and when you do, there will always be a job at D&D for you.

Amanda Woodward:
There sure as hell is, and you're in it!

Dr. Kimberly Shaw:
I'm sorry, Jane, but I did you a favor by breaking up your marriage. That man is sick!

Dr. Kimberly Shaw:
Something in this room stinks, but it sure isn't the flowers.

Matt Fielding:
This isn't Russia. The walls don't have ears. There's no KGB lurking in the shadows.

Dr. Katya Petrova:
For your information, there no longer exists the KGB in Russia. It only lives in stupid American films.

Lexi Sterling:
[disgused as a nun] Holy mother of god, Ryan has a kid!

Maureen Dodd:
Kimberly, I'd like to apologize for lashing out at you. It was unfair. You see, I come from a disadvantaged and abusive relationship. My boyfriend would always browbeat and physically hit me every chance he got. Anyway, I just... I want to apologize for taking it out on you, and I'd like to welcome you into our group as a sister.

Dr. Kimberly Shaw Mancini:
Thank you, Maureen. And let me tell you first from the bottom of my heart, that I couldn't care less about your feelings. I hate feelings. And you can lash out at me all you want, because it just makes me stronger. You see, I'm not here for sisters. I'm here for power. I thirst for strength, battle skills, and determination. And when I am filled with those qualities, I will flat out destroy those who have hurt me, and take back what is mine. I will find "selfness" when I am standing on a small hill made out of the corpses of my enemies.

[last lines]

Brooke Armstrong:
You sorry enough to float me a loan?

Hayley Armstrong:
Sure.

Brooke Armstrong:
I know what I just said, but I can't be happy with Allison around. I've got to get away from D&D, out of that damn apartment building away from her.

Hayley Armstrong:
[writes a check] How do you intend to explain $100,000 to your husband?

Brooke Armstrong:
I don't. I'm going to get a seperate checking account at a different bank.

[Hayley finishes writing the check and is about to hand it over to Brooke, but he promtly backs off from handing it to her]

Brooke Armstrong:
Daddy?

Hayley Armstrong:
There is however one small condition to the money, Brooke. You don't get it... until you file for divorce.

Court-Appointed Doctor:
[holding up a card with a black ink smuge on it] Just tell me what you see. The first thing that pops into your mind.

Dr. Kimberly Shaw Mancini:
I see a depressed, middle-aged Freudian with unexpressed homosexual leanings!

Priest:
[calling after Kimberly, as she is leaving a church after learning she has three months to live] Are you alright? Listen, if you need an ear...

Dr. Kimberly Shaw Mancini:
[angrily] I need a second chance, that's what I need. Can you give me that, Father?

Priest:
Sometimes, yes.

Dr. Kimberly Shaw Mancini:
Ok, try this on for size... [pause] I'm dying. A tumor, and there's nothing anyone can do about it. I don't know how to tell people, even my husband doesn't know. So I was driving by, saw your church, and I haven't been in one since I was a kid... listen to me, like you need to hear my rantings.

Priest:
Rantings? To me they sound like prayers.

Dr. Kimberly Shaw Mancini:
[long pause] I'm scared.

[Jane has just confirmed that Richard is finally dead]

Samantha Reilly:
I don't understand, I mean, why would you stab a dead man with a broach? An antique broach. My grandmother's broach. A family heirloom.

Jane Andrews Mancini:
Richard could have been faking it again.

Samantha Reilly:
Again? What does that mean? You're either dead or you're alive. There's no in between... unless you're a Buddhist.

Keith Gray:
[about Billy] He barges in like Dirty Harry!

Allison Parker:
Amanda in the morning, Amanda at night, Amanda at work... Amanda one ceiling away...

Amanda Woodward:
[about Jane's case against Michael] It's open and shut. She literally caught the bastard with his pants down.

Jo Reynolds:
Guess we're not very good at staying broken up.

Jake Hanson:
That's surprising, considering how much practice we've had.

Jo Reynolds:
What do you call a woman like that? She's too young to be a tramp. A bimbo, bimbette?

Jane Andrews Mancini:
How 'bout 'whore'?

Jo Reynolds:
We've lived together, what, two days, and already we're out of topics!

Jake Hanson:
My mouth was full!

Dr. Michael Mancini:
Hell hath no fury and all that crap.

Joan Campbell:
[to Samantha, at her wedding to Billy] You had better keep your eye on him. You weren't the first love of his life, and you won't be the last. Here's a toast, to my current daughter in law. May your marriage to Billy last longer than his first. Or, am I not allowed to mention Brooke either? Now don't you go wearing your high heels around the pool.

Amanda Woodward:
I don't do signals, Allison. I'm straight with people. And I expect the same from people I work with.

Billy Campbell:
[about Allison's behavior] You know, I saw this once on "The Late Show" once. They had to kill her with a stake to the heart and dump her in the Danube before midnight.

Jake Hanson:
[to Jo] I don't think I've ever opened this door for you when you didn't have a bag of food in your hands.

Allison Parker:
You think I'm crazy?

Billy Campbell:
Everybody's crazy.

Billy Campbell:
[to Alison, about Keith] Would you please call off Shamu, the politically correct whale?

Sandy:
He was all over me like a cheap suit.

Sandy:
I am an unbalanced personality, aren't I?

Rhonda Blair:
Yes, you are. But we kind of balance each other out.

Director:
[to Sandy, sarcastically] Right. You're an actress full of integrity and principle.

[first lines]

Sandy:
[screams] My God, who are you? What do you want? Stay away, don't come near me. Please.

Director:
Fine. That was... That was really, really great.

Sandy:
First day of shooting and my stomach's just turning somersaults. How do I look?

Rhonda Blair:
Like you're prime to be killed. Actually, I think you're gonna make a wonderful bloody corpse. After all, red's your best color, right?

Sandy:
Yeah, well you've got a swelled head.

Rhonda Blair:
I don't need this, right now. I'm shooting in an hour.

Sandy:
Look at you. Man, you've changed. Just like that.

Rhonda Blair:
I gotta find my purse.

Sandy:
One funky little slasher movie and you throw your friends away like a wad of used toilet paper.

[last lines]

Billy Campbell:
Give me the phone!

Allison Parker:
Give me the number.

Billy Campbell:
Give me the phone, I'll give you the number.

Allison Parker:
Number.

Billy Campbell:
Phone.

Allison Parker:
Number!

Brooke Armstrong Campbell:
You know I've always wanted to say this to you, Amanda.

Alison Parker Armstrong:
Don't say anything that you will regret.

Brooke Armstrong Campbell:
Kiss my ass!

Amanda Woodward:
You're fired.

[her final words before drowning in the courtyard pool]

Brooke Armstrong Campbell:
Nobody's home... Nobody cares...

Amanda Woodward:
I don't know what you're up to, but Bobby's off-limits.

Sydney Andrews:
Feeling a little insecure Amanda?

[Amanda suddenly takes Sydney's glass of red wine and deliberately splashes it on her]

Amanda Woodward:
[sarcastic] Ooops! No, just a little clumsy.

Sydney Andrews:
You totally did that on purpose!

Amanda Woodward:
[feigning innocence] I did no such thing. Sydney, you can put on an expensive dress, get your red hair done, clip on some earrings. Bottom line? You're still a two-dollar hooker... you just have a new pimp.

Billy Campbell:
Palmer had to have taken Jake by force. It's the only thing that makes any sense. I mean, he could never have bought Jake.

Jo Reynolds:
No wonder Amanda is the way she is. She's Palmer Woodward's daughter, and she's just like him: paranoid, distrustful, deceitful. Her survival instinct always at work in the office and out. "Everyone is out to get me. Get them before they get you. Never trust anyone."

Matt Fielding:
I don't know. I think she trusted Jake.

Allison Parker:
[scoffs] Yeah, as much as she could trust anyone. The only person in this world that Amanda Woodward trusts and counts on is Amanda Woodward.

Matt Fielding:
How can you stay with a woman who tried to kill you?

Dr. Michael Mancini:
Do I judge your lifestyle, Matt?

Dr. Katya Petrova:
Why didn't you tell me that you were gay?

Matt Fielding:
Why didn't you tell me that you were straight?

Dr. Kimberly Shaw:
[referring to Sydney] How's Shirley Temple?

Jane Andrews Mancini:
You don't need my blessing, Sydney, you need serious psychological attention.

Jo Reynolds:
I'll tell you what, Jakester. Why don't you just go and hire a real accountant for $400, and he will tell you the same thing. And then you'll owe $8,800.

Billy Campbell:
Alison, you're a wholesome woman, alright? Some men they, they get turned on by that. Well, like farmers or the 4-H crowd.

Billy Campbell:
Look at our relationship. Yours and mine. I've been sleeping in the room next to you all this time, and not once have I acted on my temptations.

Allison Parker:
If either one of us had... 'temptations', don't you think one of us would have acted on them by now?

Billy Campbell:
Yeah, you'd think so.

Allison Parker:
This is a stupid conversation.

Billy Campbell:
Yeah, I'll say.

Amanda Woodward:
[to Allison] How sad. Everyone out there are getting what they want. Everyone except Allison.

Allison Parker:
Get a grip, Alison.

Allison Parker:
[to Billy] I am so sorry for doubting you last night. I was crazy not to believe you. As much of a liar as Amanda is, everything she's said about me is true. I am too scared to go after what I want. I am too timid. Too self-absorbed. Too afraid of being hurt. Too damn blind to appreciate what's right in front of me. [Grabs Billy by the shirt with one hand and pulls him into a kiss].

Dr. Kimberly Shaw:
[to Michael] I think... you better kiss me before I make any more promises that I can't possibly keep.

Allison Parker:
Call it what you will, but what Billy and I have is more than you'll ever have with him.

Amanda Woodward:
You know something, Allison, you too may have had a chance at one point, but whatever chance that was, it disappeared a long time ago.

Kay Beacon:
[to Jane] You're no good to me writhing on the ladies' room floor speaking in tongues.

Allison Parker:
[after staring at Billy's butt] Get a grip Allison.

Jane Andrews Mancini:
Because I think you're trying to steal my life. Yeah, that's what I think. I think you've always been jealous and now you see some kind of opening!

Sydney Andrews:
I'm that terrible?

Jane Andrews Mancini:
You picked this fight. You deliberately provoked me.

Sydney Andrews:
You provoked yourself!

Jane Andrews Mancini:
This was obviously a mistake. I'm going home.

Jo Reynolds:
[Jo hands money to bellhop] Excuse me, this is for you. Mr. Reynolds is a big tipper... and not much else.

Jo Reynolds:
You're angry.

Jake Hanson:
Yeah! I'm angry. I spent three days, doing nothing, sitting on the sidelines, not saying anything, just letting it happen. 'Cause that's what everyone - including you - told me I should do. 'Sit on it, Jake.' 'Don't push her, Jake.' I'm sorry! I can't do that! That's not who I am. I've been thinking about you. And I've been worrying about you. And I'm scared to death that I just fell in love with someone that I'm gonna lose before we get started.

Charles Reynolds:
I never thought there was enough honesty in our lives.

Jo Reynolds:
We never talked.

Jake Hanson:
I've been as confused about this as she has. Even though I think about her all the time. And I look forward to being with her. And when we're together, it feels right and special. And I never thought I'd feel that way about anybody.

Jake Hanson:
She's making the decision. She's only hearing his side. I never told her how I feel.

Sydney Andrews:
[dismissively referring to Jane's spoiled party] Best laid plans.

Jo Reynolds:
Alison, some advice: never go out with anyone in the building.

Jake Hanson:
I haven't even slept with her.

Billy Campbell:
You haven't? You?

Rhonda Blair:
[surprise party] Oh, they're coming!

Dr. Michael Mancini:
Okay, this is it. C'mon, c'mon everyone!

Kay Beacon:
Where's the birthday girl?

Dr. Michael Mancini:
Wait, what's going on, where is she?

Sydney Andrews:
She's not coming! [smiles] We had a fight!

Dr. Michael Mancini:
Oh, that's terrific. Nice time to pick a fight, Sydney.

Sydney Andrews:
She started it.

Dr. Michael Mancini:
Geez, I doubt that very much!

Lucy Cabot:
[about Billy] Well, he's too charming to be the married one.

Billy Campbell:
No, I'm the roommate one.

Lucy Cabot:
Roommate? Allison, you continue to surprise me.

[last lines; Jane is shooting at targets at a gun club]

Gun Club Manager:
You seem kind of new at this.

Jane Andrews Mancini:
Yes, this is my first gun.

Gun Club Manager:
Oh, yeah? What'd you get it for? Self-defense?

Jane Andrews Mancini:
Safe sex.

Jo Reynolds:
[to Jake] I don't think I missed anyone as much as I missed you that night at Shooters.

Rex Weldon:
So if I play hard to get, I have a better chance, right?

Jo Reynolds:
Rex, you could play Mozart on mouth harp and still not have a chance.

Jo Reynolds:
[to Rex] I am gonna make your butt famous!

Jo Reynolds:
Who is Amanda, the Emily Post of advertising?

Rex Weldon:
Has your hair always been short?

Jo Reynolds:
I was bald when I was born.

Billy Campbell:
Why can't she get a real date?

Dr. Michael Mancini:
Why can't you?

Amanda Woodward:
Guns N' Roses makes you impotent.

Messenger:
Cool.

Amanda Woodward:
Never mind. No great loss.

Billy Campbell:
I'm a writer.

Alison Parker Armstrong:
Writer? What kind of writer?

Billy Campbell:
A novelist.

Alison Parker Armstrong:
You mean like Jackie Collins?

Billy Campbell:
No, I mean like Norman Mailer.

Alison Parker Armstrong:
Is Natalie in there?

Jake Hanson:
Why is it that every time a girl doesn't show up at night, people think she's at my apartment?

Alison Parker Armstrong:
Is she?

Matt Fielding:
[upon seeing Billy] Ooh, he's cute.

Rhonda Blair:
I saw him first.

Sandy Louise Harling:
[to Rhonda] Daytime is just a dress rehearsal. Anything - and I mean anything - worth knowin' happens at night.

Sandy Louise Harling:
[to Jake and Kelly] What can I get you, a beer and a chocolate milk?

David Silver:
Kelly, it's a red zone. You can't park here.

Kelly Taylor:
Yeah, I know. You guys go ahead. I'll be back later to pick you up, okay?

Donna Martin:
Why?

Kelly Taylor:
Well, Jake lives around the corner. I just want to see if he's home.

Donna Martin:
Kelly, don't you really think that if Jake really wanted to see you he'd call you? I mean, you left enough messages.

Kelly Taylor:
Maybe something happened.

David Silver:
Yeah, like he permanently lost your number.

Kelly Taylor:
David, why don't you just shut up.

Jake Hanson:
Kelly?

Kelly Taylor:
Jake. Why didn't you return any of my calls? I left a bunch of messages for you. Didn't you get them?

Jake Hanson:
Yeah. I was just busy working on this house, that's all.

Kelly Taylor:
Jake, if you don't wanna see me then I guess that's something I'll have to deal with. But don't you think you owe me some kind of explanation? I mean, three weeks ago you show up at my mom's wedding and you say let's try to make this work, and the next thing I knew you just disappeared.

Jake Hanson:
Kelly, I was there as your date. I don't remember us planning our future together.

Kelly Taylor:
Don't tell me you didn't feel anything.

Jake Hanson:
What do you want me to do? Spend my summer hanging out at the Beverly Hills Beach Club with you and your friends?

Kelly Taylor:
I don't know. But I... I just wish you'd just stop avoiding me. It's making me crazy.

Kelly Taylor:
Donna, you saw us at my Mom's wedding. I just don't think he'd blow me off without an explanation.

Donna Martin:
Well, Dylan did warn you.

Kelly Taylor:
I'm so sick of hearing people say, "I told you so". It is my life, okay?

Donna Martin:
Fine.

Kelly Taylor:
Just go.

David Silver:
Just don't strand us here, okay.

Kelly Taylor:
Look, if you think I'm some stupid lovesick teenager making a fool of myself, then why don't you just tell me, okay, and I will leave. But if you really feel something for me, and you're afraid of it because you think you're too old and I'm too young. Well, I don't care what anybody thinks about us, Jake. And I don't know why you do, either.

Jake Hanson:
I don't. I'm just trying to do what's right.

Kelly Taylor:
What's right is what you feel. Otherwise, you're just lying to yourself.

Jake Hanson:
Yeah, well sometimes you got to lie to yourself once in a while just to keep life running smoothly.

[last lines]

Alison Parker Armstrong:
Why don't they teach you this in college?

Billy Campbell:
Okay, Allison, we're going in too.

Matt Fielding:
[Matt wishes Rhonda well before she goes on her big date] I want details.

Rhonda Blair:
Honey, I'm praying for details.

[first lines]

Radio Announcer:
Good morning, Los Angeles. It's seven thirty am in the City of Angels, and the temperature today is expected in the low to mid eighties. At the present time, its seventy two degrees under sunny skies, with air quality in the unhealthful range. Traffic into the city is moving well except for the four oh five...

Sandy Louise Harling:
Jake, I have just decided that if you're gonna date high school girls, I'm gonna date high school boys. Starting with this one.

[to Steve]

Sandy Louise Harling:
You're cute.

Steve Sanders:
Steve Sanders.

Sandy Louise Harling:
Hi. Sandy. So, where you all from, anyway?

Jake Hanson:
Beverly Hills.

Sandy Louise Harling:
Oh, Beverly Hills. Handsome and rich. [about Kelly] Is she from Beverly Hills too?

Steve Sanders:
Yeah.

Sandy Louise Harling:
Well, I do believe I'm beginning to get the picture.

Jake Hanson:
Sandy's an actress. Don't believe anything she says.

Sandy Louise Harling:
Shut up, Jake.

Steve Sanders:
You know, my Mom's an actress. Samantha Sanders.

Sandy Louise Harling:
Like the Samantha Sanders from Hartley House? Oh my God. Well, I would do just anything to meet her.

Steve Sanders:
Let me give you my number, and maybe you can drop by this weekend.

Alison Parker Armstrong:
[to Billy] Billy, I will live with you, but that does not mean I have to dance with you.

Alison Parker Armstrong:
Oh, before I forget. Above and beyond everything I've told you so far, you've got to remember one very important thing. Always, always leave the toilet seat down. Okay?

Billy Campbell:
Cool.

Sandy Louise Harling:
When it comes to women, you just don't think with your brain. I know that from first hand experience, remember? You probably don't.

Jake Hanson:
Of course I do.

Billy Campbell:
[to Allison] I mean, I'm starting to feel like this sexually repressed, totally frustrated newt. The other night I was spilling my guts to my buddy and I was dangerously close to just emasculating myself.

Dr. Michael Mancini:
I have to say, man. I could not get a medical school loan because of dead beats like you. I mean it forced me into borrowing money from Jane's parents.

Billy Campbell:
If I had money, why would I need credit?

[after Kimberly had blown up the Melrose Place complex]

Amanda:
I just hope my insurance covers mad bombers.

[to a blind Allison, who is recovering in the hospital]

Amanda Woodward:
Oh my God Allison, you're gonna want to keep this flower arrangement. You should see it. It's bigger than a Buick.

Dr. Michael Mancini:
What was all that about?

Sydney Andrews:
Well, Amanda just turned down free bed and breakfast and Peter's.

Amanda Woodward:
Nothing's free in this world, Sydney, but you'll never understand that.

Dr. Michael Mancini:
You were right, Syd. Blackmail works!

[Levin sees Michael in the company of a prositute he frequetly visits]

Dr. Stanley Levin:
[whispering] How dare you bring that trash into my home!

Dr. Michael Mancini:
Trash today, Bucking Bronco tomorrow. Right, "Doctor Cowboy"?

Dr. Stanley Levin:
You son-of-a-b*tch! What do you want? Your job back?

Dr. Michael Mancini:
No, I don't want my job back. Not my old job anyway.

Dr. Michael Mancini:
Levin, what is it with you? You've been on my case for days. Is this still about Kimberly and the accident. It that it? Look, I'm sorry we fell in love. I'm sorry about the accident. I'm sorry your darling prodigy didn't make it.

Dr. Stanley Levin:
I resent what you're implying, Michael.

Dr. Michael Mancini:
Why? Because it's the truth? Because you'll never admit that you do have some irrational grudge against me?

Dr. Stanley Levin:
That's it Mancini! I now have a right to report your behavior to the hospital's medical board.

Dr. Michael Mancini:
[sarcastic] Oh, the medical board? Levin, please don't do this.

Dr. Stanley Levin:
Get out of here, Mancini! Clean out your locker and spend the rest of the day saying goodbye to your colleagues because by this time tomorrow, you are out of a job!

Dr. Michael Mancini:
Ha! Guess again, Levin. By this time tomorrow, I'll be appointed Chief Resident. And the twist is... you are going to be the one that appoints me.

Amanda Woodward:
Allison, really, when I ask for an update, I expect a detailed and thorough analysis. This is completely slipshod work. This will do me more harm than good.

Allison Parker:
What if we show it to Lucy and see what she thinks?

Amanda Woodward:
Frankly, Allison, I don't give a damn what she thinks. You work for me, remember?

Amanda Woodward:
I guess my encouragement finally paid off. All he needed was the proper push. Not that I'm one to take credit.

Allison Parker:
[to Amanda] But as you know, when you live with a guy, it's easy to read between the lines.

Amanda Woodward:
Honestly, Allison, I don't mean to be harsh, but your work is still not up to the level it was before you went chasing your boyfriend all over the country.

Matt Fielding:
And since when have I slept with someone on the first date?

Rhonda Blair:
Since when have you even had a date?

Billy Campbell:
I mean, Dawn's a woman. She's worldly, talented, mature...

Rhonda Blair:
Yes, so what does she see in you?

Sandy Louise Harling:
[referring to Jake] He was all over me like a cheap suit!

Jane Andrews Mancini:
I guess Martin just brings out the child in Billy.

Rhonda Blair:
Oh you mean that carefree, immature side he's been keeping under wraps.

Jake Hanson:
Well, you know what they say: "Abstinence makes the heart grow fonder".

Sandy Louise Harling:
I think that's 'absence'.

Jake Hanson:
Whatever.

Jane Andrews Mancini:
[Sandy bangs hard on Jane's door. Jane opens it] Woah. Take it easy. You nearly took the door off. What's up?

Sandy Louise Harling:
At least your door opens, which is more than I can say for my dress closet.

Jake Hanson:
[fixing Sandy's closet door] The problem is you've got a nut loose. It needs a good tightening. No pun intended.

Amanda Woodward:
[frustrated] Alison, I covered for you today, but don't expect me to make a career of it!

Jane Andrews Mancini:
Sydney, you did not come down here to play matchmaker. If I find you any near Michael again, you'll be on the next plane out.

Sydney Andrews:
I was only trying to help...

Jane Andrews Mancini:
Gee, what would I ever do without you?

Dr. Michael Mancini:
[to Matt, about Kimberly] Hmm! She's got a great ass, doesn't she?

Dr. Kimberly Shaw:
Michael, I did not spend four years in med school to become just another Carol Brady, and even she had Alice to help her.

Amanda Woodward:
Nothing's like a dry chardonnay on a hot summer night.

Sydney Andrews:
You mean Kimberly?

Theresa:
[to Matt] Glad I could turn you on.

Rhonda Blair:
Well, only to a point...

Billy Campbell:
Allison, please. You just wiped us out. You don't need to torture us with your college anecdotes.

Allison Parker:
I just thought that maybe people would be interested.

Billy Campbell:
She didn't say a word. She went right into her bedroom and collapsed. She was exhausted.

Sandy Louise Harling:
Really?

Billy Campbell:
Spent.

Sandy Louise Harling:
I get the picture.

Allison Parker:
[Allison leaves Jake's apartment] What's going on?

Sandy Louise Harling:
Knock me over with a feather.

Matt Fielding:
I can't believe you're not going for it.

Rhonda Blair:
Matt, real life is not a Nike commercial.

[last lines]

Sandy Louise Harling:
I knew there couldn't be anything going on between you and Jake.

Allison Parker:
Of course not... But he is a great kisser.

[first lines]

Jane Andrews Mancini:
I want more blue.

Sandy Louise Harling:
I'm out. No sense in throwin' good chips after bad.

Allison Parker:
Hi, I just rented "9 and a Half Weeks", and my VCR is broken. Is it okay if I watch it here?

Jake Hanson:
Sure.

Allison Parker:
Very impressive.

Jake Hanson:
Yeah, well, I cut timber in Washington, I trout fished in Idaho, and I spent six months working on the pipeline in a small town in Alaska, which, trust me, is not "Northern Exposure".

Sydney Andrews:
So where does the sight seeing tour, begin? I want to see where John Belushi died.

Jane Andrews Mancini:
Well, right now I need to go to work. But Michael has the afternoon off, and he promised to take you to lunch.

Sydney Andrews:
Michael hates me.

Jane Andrews Mancini:
No, he doesn't. He's just under a lot of pressure.

Sydney Andrews:
It's okay, Jane. He hates me.

Allison Parker:
Thanks Billy.

Billy Campbell:
You're welcome, Eleanor.

Dr. Michael Mancini:
[to Jane] Jane, why is it every time you get involved with Sydney, you end up doing things you regret?

Jane Andrews Mancini:
Kay giveth and Kay taketh away.

Jane Andrews Mancini:
[to Michael, about Sydney] Well, come on, my job, my apartment. What's next, you?

Matt Fielding:
Rhonda, if it wasn't terrifying, it wouldn't be love.

Billy Campbell:
Oh my God, Alison, I left the stove on!

Terrence Haggard:
You would rather hurt someone who cares about you than risk being hurt yourself.

Rhonda Blair:
You bet your sweet ass!

Dr. Michael Mancini:
Everything else has been so...

Megan Lewis:
Complicated?

Dr. Michael Mancini:
Yeah.

Megan Lewis:
Do you think it's still because your're in love with your wife?

Dr. Michael Mancini:
Ah... Kimberly's gone. She's in the past now.

Megan Lewis:
Maybe, but you still have feelings for her.

Dr. Michael Mancini:
Well, what I mean is that you go through all the things we went through and then, suddenly it's gone. Yeah, sure, I still got feelings, but they'll pass. It's just gonna take a little time, that's all.

Megan Lewis:
Michael, I need to know how you really feel. I mean, I want to belive it's just a question of time but I'm... you know. I'm afraid that no matter how long I wait, you're still going to be in love with Kimberly. I mean, weeks will go by, and months... and still, every time you hold me, you'll be holding her. I don't think I can stand that. I need you to love me.

Dr. Michael Mancini:
I do. I swear.

Sydney Andrews:
What is wrong with you since you got back? If I can't talk to you, who else can I talk to?

Jane Andrews Mancini:
Pleas, don't do this to me right now.

Sydney Andrews:
Don't do this to you? What about me? Jane, no one else can understand me. I'm your sister for cryin' out loud.

Jane Andrews Mancini:
No, I'm not! I'm not your sister, Sydney.

Sydney Andrews:
What are you talking about?

Jane Andrews Mancini:
Mom and Dad kept it a secret all these years. I just found out last week.

Sydney Andrews:
What you mean, like I'm adopted or something?

Jane Andrews Mancini:
No "I'm" adopted. I found out when I was home. They adopted me, and years later, they had you. Never told either one of us.

Sydney Andrews:
What? Oh, my god, Jane... what is going on?

Jane Andrews Mancini:
I don't know. I'm lost. I feel like suddenly I don't have anything anymore.

[Sydney's parting words to Martin Abbot's cult]

Sydney Andrews Mancini Field:
Adios, you fruitcakes!

Dr. Kimberly Shaw Mancini:
What, are you crazy? Why didn't you tell me that Amanda has lymphoma?

Dr. Michael Mancini:
Because it's none of your damn business. Doctor, patient, confidentiality... does that ring a bell with you?

Dr. Kimberly Shaw Mancini:
You're not an Oncologist. You are not trained for this, Michael. What you are doing is unethical.

Dr. Michael Mancini:
When did "unethical" sneak into your vocabulary?

Dr. Kimberly Shaw Mancini:
Michael, she needs a specialist.

Dr. Michael Mancini:
You think I'm making this up as I go along? Oncology's been on board since Amanda was diagnosed. She's had a CAT scan, and a biopsy. Amanda happens to feel comfortable with me as her attending physician.

Dr. Kimberly Shaw Mancini:
Well, isn't that sweet. What's in it for you?

Dr. Michael Mancini:
Just the joy of living with a wife who's pissed off 24 hours a day. And, if by some miracle that Amanda survives, it just may be the break I need to get ahead around here.

Rikki Abbott:
[into Sydney's answering machine] Hey, Syd. You there? It's me. Probably letting your answering machine screen your calls, right? I don't blame you. You probably had to listen to Jane ream you the whole way back. Oh, we miss you, Sydney. Martin misses you. We have to go away for a little while. We're moving the retreat elsewhere. But be patient. We know in your heart that you want to be with us. We'll be back for you... someday... somewhere.

Allison Parker:
But something has changed, Billy. We made love.

Billy Campbell:
We sure did!

Dr. Michael Mancini:
How about that? You do know me.

Dr. Kimberly Shaw:
Yes. And you're a bastard.

Karen:
This life is you, Jo. Not those four depressing walls in West Hollywood with a matching boyfriend downstairs.

Jo Reynolds:
It's not that bad.

Karen:
I see this, our friendship, I see it as the beginning of your new life.

Jo Reynolds:
Well, I was just kind of getting used to my other new life, actually.

Karen:
You're an artist. A photographer. You can't close down like that. I am where I am because I'm a model, and I'm willing to do anything once.

Jo Reynolds:
No, you're where you are because you're incredibly beautiful.

Karen:
Hasn't hurt.

[Karen moves in to kiss Jo, who suddenly turns away just in time]

Jo Reynolds:
Whoa! Um... I'm flattered. I really... really am, but this just isn't me.

Karen:
How do you know unless you try?

Jo Reynolds:
I just know. I do.

Allison Parker:
What is it with guys and lust?

Jo Reynolds:
[about Jake] He's not much of a dancer.

Karen:
But he's so fun to look at.

Jo Reynolds:
Why don't you just admit it, Allison? You're in looove!

Allison Parker:
[unconvincingly] No!

Jane Andrews Mancini:
I just wanted to tell you I think you are disgusting. I only hope that someday, if you're ever lucky enough to find a man of your own, that some pathetic b*tch will come along and hurt you the way you hurt me.

Dr. Kimberly Shaw:
Jane, it's not over.

Jane Andrews Mancini:
I'm getting a divorce.

Dr. Kimberly Shaw:
What are you after, Jane? An apology of some sort?

Jane Andrews Mancini:
Not at all! I just wanted to tell you that I think you are disgusting, and I hope that someday, if you're ever lucky enough to find a man of your own, that some pathetic b*tch will come along and hurt you the way you have hurt me!

Jane Andrews Mancini:
[about Michael] I'd like to beat the crap out of him. I'd like to break a dish over his head. I would like to KICK HIS ASS!

Allison Parker:
I thought you were with 'I-need-a-man-Amanda'?

Billy Campbell:
You're drunk!

Allison Parker:
Yeah. Shocking, isn't it?

Allison Parker:
Please remind me never to drink again.

Allison Parker:
I'm sorry. You were right about everything.

Amanda Woodward:
Really? Can I tape this moment for posterity?

Jake Hanson:
I don't know what's worse: that I had to bail you out of jail, or that you lied to me.

Jo Reynolds:
Well, go home, sleep on it and then get back to me when you've figured it out.

Jane Andrews Mancini:
[showing her wedding ring] Do you see this, Kimberly? This signifies something, a commitment, a trust, a bond between two people. Not just sex! But a deep and abiding love and friendship - something you can never understand.

Dr. Kimberly Shaw:
Jane? Jane?

Jane Andrews Mancini:
What?

Dr. Kimberly Shaw:
It's not over.

Jane Andrews Mancini:
What?

Dr. Kimberly Shaw:
Since we're being so honest, I just thought you should know.

Jane Andrews Mancini:
I don't believe you.

Dr. Kimberly Shaw:
Oh believe it! Michael told me all about your wonderful night at the hotel room, but don't think that means he's gonna give me up! I'm sorry. I'm really sorry.

Jane Andrews Mancini:
Don't be. Because if what your saying is true, he's all yours. I'm getting a divorce.

Amanda Woodward:
My big surprise! I'm buying the building, I mean dad and I are buying the building! But I'm gonna live here and manage the place!

Allison Parker:
I can't believe it!

Billy Campbell:
Yeah, this is... this is...

Amanda Woodward:
Wonderful, isn't it? Great investment, great friends; I think I'm really gonna love it here!

[last lines]

[about to blow up the Melrose apartment building]

Dr. Kimberly Shaw Mancini:
It's not what it looks like. It's worse!

Dr. Peter Burns:
I've got a medical board hearing at the end of the week. They want to yank my license.

Dr. Michael Mancini:
You're kidding. Just 'cause you tried to kill one of your patients?

[after severely beating Jo, who has turned down his marriage proposal]

Jess Hanson:
Remember this, Jo. You belong to me.

Jess Hanson:
I walk out that door, Jake, and that's it... I don't have a brother anymore.

Jake Hanson:
Works for me.

Dr. Kimberly Shaw Mancini:
Well, that makes bomb number three. Don't you love the smell of sulfur in the afternoon, Sydney?

[bound and gagged Sydney only grunts and groans]

Dr. Kimberly Shaw Mancini:
What's that? No? Well, I don't think hell is going to smell a whole lot better, but since that's where you're going to spend the rest of eternity, you better start getting used to it.

[Kimberly is threatening the captive Sydney with a blowtorch]

Sydney Andrews:
What are you going to do with that thing?

Dr. Kimberly Shaw Mancini:
If you call Michael up and tell him to get his ass over here, nothing. If you don't... I'm gonna burn your face so that it matches the color of your pretty red hair!

[at Peter's medical board hearing]

Amanda Woodward:
I was stabbed with a hypodermic, almost cut open, badly treated for my cancer, and sexually harassed. As far as I'm concerned, all those doctors who treated me should have their licenses taken away. And if you don't revoke Dr. Burns' license, I will not only sue Wilshire Memorial, but I will sue each and every board member for reckless endangerment! Now, if that's all, I have a wedding to attend.

[Michael is suprisingly visited in jail by Dr. Peter Burns]

Dr. Peter Burns:
It's ironic how things turn out for both of us. You're sitting behind that glass... and I'm a free man.

Dr. Michael Mancini:
How the hell did you get out of jail?

Dr. Peter Burns:
We'll swap prison stories another time. Right now, I wanted to let you know that your bail has been set at 300 grand... and I'm willing to play banker.

Sydney Andrews Mancini Field:
It looks like the Sleaze Bag Hall of Fame is missing a member. Now what would bring vermin like you out in the daylight? I know, you want to apologize.

Dr. Michael Mancini:
No, Syd, I want a divorce.

Sydney Andrews Mancini Field:
And I want to wake up tomorrow morning and sing like Aretha Franklin. Do the words, "go to hell" mean anything to you?

Hillary Michaels:
I'm sorry you had to apologize to me in front of your superiors.

Amanda Woodward:
Bruce is my only superior. The other two were there just to up the humiliation factor.

Hillary Michaels:
Well, you didn't seem to be humiliated at all. You handled yourself quite well.

Amanda Woodward:
[scoffs] That means so much coming from you.

Hillary Michaels:
So, you knew where I was all these years at Models Inc.?

Amanda Woodward:
Yeah, Daddy told me about three years ago about how you formed your own modeling agency. All I wanted was to make sure that me and D&D had nothing to do with you.

Hillary Michaels:
Well, happily sometimes business has a way of bringing people together. I was sorry to hear about your father's legal troubles. But unfortunately he never belived in an honest day's work, always the guy after a quick and easy buck.

Amanda Woodward:
We may have to do business together, but you are never to talk about him, ever! You lost that right when you walked out on us nearly 20 years ago. Understand?

Hillary Michaels:
Sure, Amanda. If that's what you want. I left 20 years ago to make my own fortune. I can't make up for it. But I wish we could leave that in the past.

Amanda Woodward:
Some things you do are permanent, Mother. They don't go away no matter how hard you try.

Claire Duncan:
I've always wanted to sleep with John Wayne.

Jake Hanson:
That's too bad. He's deceased.

Chris Marchette:
Sydney, everything is going to work out for the two of us. You'll see. I've decided to marry Jane. That'll make me your brother-in-law. Then I'll have everything I've ever wanted... a mother for my children, and a whore just for me.

Billy Campbell:
You're drunk.

Allison Parker Armstrong:
Yeah, well you're a self-centered pig. At least in the morning I'll be sober.

[Taylor walks in to Kyle talking with Sydney who's applying for a job at the restaurant]

Taylor McBride:
[to Sydney] Not again. Not again! I knew the minute you lost your boutique, you'd come nosing around here for another job. I knew it!

Kyle McBride:
I take it you don't like the idea of Sydney working here as a waitress?

Taylor McBride:
Hate it.

Kyle McBride:
[to Sydney] You're hired, Sydney. You can start tonight. White blouse, black pants.

Dr. Kimberly Shaw Mancini:
Now, Megan. I knew you wouldn't want to stay at the beach house, but that's just silliness. I want you to stay. And I promise not to show up here in your dreams or linger there, even as memories. You have to understand, it's a place that makes Michael happy. I don't know how to explain it any better than that. He's just... different when he's there. He's happier, more relaxed. And there are still some things you need to know about him, Megan. You have to be careful. He can be very tough on his wives.

Megan Lewis Mancini:
You mean, unfaithful?

Dr. Kimberly Shaw Mancini:
No, no, I'm talking about his ruthless ambition. It's bottomless and never fulfilled. And he drags his wives into the same dangerous morass, unsually destroying them before he destroys himself. Jane went through it; Sydney twice; I batted cleanup.

Megan Lewis Mancini:
Well, what can I do?

Dr. Kimberly Shaw Mancini:
What I never could: save him from himself. And your reward will be a solid, happy marriage.

Megan Lewis Mancini:
But I still don't understand. If you are so happy up here, why are you worried about my marriage?

Dr. Kimberly Shaw Mancini:
Well, it isn't exactly official yet, but I might be your guardian angel. Right now, you have to go back to bed because there's nothing Michael enjoys more than to be awakened in the middle of the night for lovemaking.

Dr. Michael Mancini:
[meeting Lexi for the first time] Can I buy you a drink?

Lexi Sterling:
No, but you can take me up to your room and make love to me all night.

Dr. Michael Mancini:
[answering his phone] Yeah, this is Dr. Mancini.

Taylor McBride:
We have to have sex right away.

Dr. Michael Mancini:
Who is this?

Taylor McBride:
It's Taylor. Who do you think? Now, when can you do me?

Jo Reynolds:
[to Steve] You two. It's just work, work, work.

Jake Hanson:
What's wrong with "Mandy"? It was good enough for Barry Manilow.

Jo Reynolds:
[to Alison] You set us up just so you could keep Billy from getting jealous. You've already got the greatest guy in the world. What more do you want?

Jo Reynolds:
[referring to Amanda] She's a snake. And nothing you can say can make me believe otherwise.

Jake Hanson:
I think I like it better in the morning.

Jo Reynolds:
Why's that?

Jake Hanson:
Because it gets my day started with such a bang.

Jo Reynolds:
Who's Perry?

Jake Hanson:
Bad news.

Jo Reynolds:
Let me rephrase the question. Who's Perry?

Jake Hanson:
An old girlfriend alright!

Amanda Woodward:
What happened to Keith?

Allison Parker:
Things didn't work out.

Amanda Woodward:
Personally, I never thought it would. So, are you back together with Billy?

Allison Parker:
Back to sharing an apartment.

Amanda Woodward:
Hmm... It's funny, I always thought it was more than that. But now I realize, you're both so scared of a real relationship, that the only thing that either one of you can commit to sharing with another person is the rent.

Allison Parker:
Amanda, that's not fair.

Amanda Woodward:
In my book, Allison, the only thing fair in this situation is that you're out of a job.

Allison Parker:
Well, I'm a contender. But I think I may be a little too tight with my boss's ex-boyfriend to really cinch the job.

Allison Parker:
I just want you to know how fond I've always been of you. I mean, from the first day we started working together, I've always admired and looked up to you as both a friend and mentor. And I hope things work out, because I look forward to learning from with you. And I know that together we can continue to make a really great team.

Amanda Woodward:
How sweet. And uh, I want you to know that no matter who I ultimately decide to hire for this position, I hope I can continue to be an inspiration to you.

Lucy Cabot:
Amanda, this is not a sorority. It is an ad agency. Now I suggest you solve your personal problems, and learn to function as a team.

Amanda Woodward:
You work for me, Allison. And you better get that straight, or you may find yourself out of a job.

[Amanda answers a knock on her front door to find Taylor throwing at her a crumpled piece of paper]

Taylor McBride:
There! That's what you can do with your evition notice. Sliding it under my door? What, you didn't have the guts to deliver it to me in person?

Amanda Woodward:
Start packing and get out. You've got three days.

Taylor McBride:
No, I signed a six-month lease, blondie, with Matt Fielding. And because you're the owner of the building you just can't change your mind. There are laws against this.

Amanda Woodward:
Screw the laws and screw you! I want you out of here.

Taylor McBride:
There are rights. Tennants' rights, squatters' rights, and human rights.

Amanda Woodward:
Well, look who's talking about being human. You are the most inhuman person on this earth.

Taylor McBride:
Oh, really? Giving up your title so soon?

Megan Lewis Mancini:
Look, the hospital board still has no idea about the feud that is going between the two of you, and I've decided that it's going to stay that way. For your welfare and the welfare of Burns-Manicni, a medical corporation.

Dr. Peter Burns:
Well, the lenghts some people will go to keep their job.

Megan Lewis Mancini:
No, it's your job I'm saving, Peter. Let's review the facts. Fact number one: you both acted like insane, egocentric, overly-ambitious idiots.

Dr. Michael Mancini:
And what if that's what we are, huh? Have you ever thought of that?

Dr. Peter Burns:
And that we're proud of it?

Megan Lewis Mancini:
Fact two: through a nefarious plot, worthy of Satan, Michael stole your job, Peter. Fact three: rather then go through the proper authorites of the medical and hospital boards, and the police, you, Peter, attacked and threw Michael through a glass window.

Dr. Peter Burns:
Going to the police or the hospital board wouldn't have accomplished anything. Michael would have just denied everything and then make up some story about my fictitious "medical condition" to the board to put the blame back on me.

Dr. Michael Mancini:
You're right. I definitely would have.

Megan Lewis Mancini:
Enough! Now the purpose of my being here today is to negotiate a peace treaty.

Dr. Peter Burns:
Forget it! I'm not signing anything util he gives me my chief of staff job back.

Dr. Michael Mancini:
Oh, and leaving me with squat, just a pair of crippled mitts? No way, Jose! You're going to pay for this. As much as my acts were evil and amoral, I would never physically attack you.

Megan Lewis Mancini:
Stop it, both of you! Okay? The solution is right here in front of you. Michael, all you have to do is agree to give Peter his job back once your hands are healed. Peter, in exchange for this, all you have to do is keep Michael on at Burns-Maninci as a partner, paying him equally, until he can operate again.

Dr. Michael Mancini:
I am not giving up that job that I scamed so many people for.

Dr. Peter Burns:
And why should I share my money with him?

Megan Lewis Mancini:
Because the alternative sucks, that's why. If either one of you squals, the other one is finished, kaput. I have thought and I have thought about this, okay? And this is your only chance. Now if you were realy good men, you would stand up, shake hands, and that would be the end of that. Your word being your bond.

Dr. Michael Mancini:
And what if we're not good men?

Megan Lewis Mancini:
Then I would have to turn both of you in. We all go down in flames. Michael, you go down for stealing Peter's job, and Peter goes down for assaulting you, and I'm left with nothing. Good riddens!

[At their Grandmother's funeral]

Jane Andrews Mancini:
Gram loved you. She tried hard to reach out to you.

Sydney Andrews Mancini Fields:
Well, I guess her arms weren't long enough to reach past you.

Billy Campbell:
I was just cleaning out the fridge and I found this bottle of champagne.

Jo Reynolds:
[sarcastically] Where'd you find the glasses? The dishwasher?

Billy Campbell:
Uh, no. The cupboard.

Jane Andrews Mancini:
God, she gets me so mad. She's rude, vain, opinionated...

Dr. Michael Mancini:
The collective term is 'b*tch.'

Jo Reynolds:
[ostensibly talking about Michael] That guy is so anal. He needs to prescribe something calming for himself.

Jake Hanson:
He's alright. He just takes things too seriously, that's all.

Jo Reynolds:
Yeah, you're right. I'm a b*tch. Look, I need a favor.

Kay Beacon:
[to Michael] Did you come to have a peek at the torture chamber?

[Rikki and Sydney watch Billy from a distance]

Rikki Abbott:
He's cute. Ever do him?

Sydney Andrews:
No!

Rikki Abbott:
Why not? He looks ripe for the picking.

Sydney Andrews:
I don't know. I never thought about it.

Rikki Abbott:
Well, you need to start thinking more like me, 'cause I'm planning on the two of us getting into a lot of trouble togther, Sydney.

Amanda Woodward:
[referring to Allison] She's terrific. I haven't made a friend like that at work in a long time!

Matt Fielding:
Turning down cries for help has never been my forte.

Jo Reynolds:
[to Jake] This is a nice shirt, but it would look better on the floor.

Jo Reynolds:
So tell me about this dream you had. [Jake sets down their coffee cups]

Jake Hanson:
I'll show you. [Takes her by the hand as they run to the bedroom]

Amanda Woodward:
[to Billy, about Allison and him] Why do I have this feeling that you two are married and neither one wants to admit it?

Jo Reynolds:
Before breakfast?

Sydney Andrews Mancini Field:
Kill Michael? Why should we kill him?

Dr. Kimberly Shaw Mancini:
Sydney, you are looking at human garbage who would have run you over as soon as look at you. When Michael's dead, God's going to do a jig.

John Parker:
You two, you've grown up so healthy.

Meredith Parker:
You call this healthy? I have gun on you. And my baby sister is juping out of windows on her wedding day. We are a mess.

[Michael has just served Kimberly divorce papers]

Dr. Kimberly Shaw Mancini:
How long have you been planning this?

Dr. Michael Mancini:
Ever since you walked back into my life like a refugee from Night of the Living Dead.

Allison Parker:
Jo, as president of D&D, I'm under a lot of pressure by our clients to make it work. I'm under huge pressure to make Glorious Gowns work.

Jo Reynolds:
Yeah, and you're doing it by becoming a totally, self-centered ass!

Allison Parker:
I'll just chalk that up to one long day.

Jo Reynolds:
Don't. You were completely rude and ungrateful to me and everyone else today, just like Amanda used to be. I didn't hear a single "please" or "thank you" come out of your mouth all day.

Allison Parker:
I don't believe this. We wouldn't be having this conversation if I was a man.

Jo Reynolds:
Wrong, Allison! Like Amanda, you're kidding yourself into thinking that attitude is going to get to right to the top. Look at yourself. You've become the person you vowed to me that you would never become. You're starting to dress like Amanda, talk like her, act like her.

Allison Parker:
Amanda may be a mean, self-serving, ultra-b*tch, but she was right about one thing. Nice guys do finish last in this world. Or hadn't you heard?

Jo Reynolds:
Fine! Stop being a human being. Be like Amanda. I really don't give a damn anymore.

Jo Reynolds:
[looking at the photo layout] I think this is great. What do you think, Allison?

Allison Parker:
I think it's wrong. All wrong! Why are you shooting up against this wall of the house, which is blocking out the sun?

Jo Reynolds:
Because this is what I see for the shot. The romance, the first love, a traditional wedding.

Allison Parker:
[livid] No, no, no, Jo! This is supposed to be contemporary, happening. Our bride model is '90's Cinderella. She doesn't just dance with her Prince Charming. She talks deals on her cellular phone! She throws her wicked stepsisters into the pool!

Jo Reynolds:
Allison, you can't just throw this at me right now, not the day of the shoot. You should have told me this two weeks ago then I would have had lots of time to set it up the way you want it.

Allison Parker:
I don't want to hear it! You're the photographer, Jo. Make the adjustment. Make it work!

Jo Reynolds:
It's not that simple, Allison.

Allison Parker:
Well, then let me simplify it for you. I want my vision incorporated in your photographs. I want you to move your equipment over to the pool on the other side of the house right now! If you're up for it, fine. If not, I can always find someone more professional who is!

Jo Reynolds:
Oh, give me a break! I'm the only professional here. You're in way over your head trying to fill Amanda's shoes. Hell... you're literally turning into Amanda.

Allison Parker:
Just do it, Jo. My way... or you'll never work in this town again!

[Sydney walks in on Jess looking though Jake's business papers]

Sydney Andrews:
What do you think you're doing?

Jess Hanson:
It's none of your business.

Sydney Andrews:
I saw you going though Jake's files.

Jess Hanson:
[thinking fast] Yeah... uh... I was checking out the business, making sure my brother's turning over a good profit. I don't want anybody to take advantage of him.

Sydney Andrews:
[scoffs] You may have Jake snowed, but I've known guys like you. You're not here to change your life. You're up to something.

Jess Hanson:
You know, Syd, there's one sure way to lose a boyfriend: stick your nose into his family business.

Sydney Andrews:
I'm going to tell Jake you were in here snooping around.

Jess Hanson:
That would be a big mistake... if you want to stay out of harm's way.

[after transforming into Rita]

Dr. Kimberly Shaw Mancini:
You blew it, Betsy. And now it's my turn. Rita knows how to take care of her man.

[Kimberly, as Rita, is smoking a cigar]

Dr. Kimberly Shaw Mancini:
Hey, you know what they say, a journey of a thousand miles begins with a good cigar.

[Kimberly enters Peter's office wearing biker clothes]

Dr. Peter Burns:
Uh... Hi. How's it going, Kimberly?

Dr. Kimberly Shaw Mancini:
[as Rita] Actually, it's Rita. It's cool. Everything's cool.

Dr. Peter Burns:
No more weird interludes? No more blackout spells?

Dr. Kimberly Shaw Mancini:
I wasn't blacking out... I just wasn't myself.

Dr. Peter Burns:
You thought you were going crazy the last time we talked. You called yourself Betsy. Ordered Tupperware? Don't you remember?

Dr. Kimberly Shaw Mancini:
That was just some role-playing therapy. Everthing's under control now.

Dr. Peter Burns:
Why am I not reassured?

Dr. Kimberly Shaw Mancini:
Hey, come on. We all have different personalities inside us. You almost killed Amanda once. You'd probably kill for her right now.

Amanda Woodward:
Uh, what do you think you're doing?

Craig Field:
Relaxing. Which is something you can do now, too. I saw Sydney last night.

Amanda Woodward:
After I specifically threatened you to stay away from her? How self-destructive can you be?

Craig Field:
Well, I got her to come down on the settlement amount.

Amanda Woodward:
[sarcastic] Really? And how did you accomplish this amazing feat?

Craig Field:
I just talked to her. You know, I explained it in all detail how potentially damaging it could be to her and she just listened.

Amanda Woodward:
Sydney couldn't spell "listen", much less do with any level of comprehension.

Craig Field:
Contrary to popular belief, Sydney is actually very smart and very sweet when you get to know her. The truth is that she's just misunderstood my most people. Especially you.

Amanda Woodward:
What did she do? Throw pixie dust in your face? This woman is a sociopath with a history of greed and opportunism a mile long. She's not going to take less money just 'cause you asked her too. Why would she?

Craig Field:
Because she likes me. In fact, she might even love me.

Amanda Woodward:
Oh, there really is no accounting for taste, is there? Either way, I'll believe it when I see it.

Craig Field:
Oh, you'll see it... soon. Until then, why not practice by saying "thanks"? I know how hard it is for a person like you to say it.

[to his superior, Billy]

Craig Fields:
I don't expect to be treated differently because I'm the boss's son... but I do take cream in my coffee.

Sydney's Client:
So... tell me about yourself. You been doing this long?

Sydney Andrews:
No, not really. I go to college, actually. I'm going to be a designer. A clothing designer.

Sydney's Client:
Really? How'd you get into that?

Sydney Andrews:
See... I really have this like... really right-on instinct for it, for what people like. I just need the training. It's really exciting to have your whole life in front of you. This incredibly bright future. And all the possibilities, you know? You just have to pay for it. I'm going to be really important someday. I am, I really am.

Sydney Andrews:
Bless me Father for I have sinned.

Priest:
[voice-over] How long has it been since your last confession?

Sydney Andrews:
I don't know, a long time. A couple of years. [pause] I've lied... to my family, to my sister about what I'm doing. How I earn my money. I know I've hurt them by lying. I mean... it feels that way. You see, Father... I'm a prostitute. I give men sex for money. And I use drugs sometimes, too. To make it easier. It's a mess. And I am ashamed. I am so... ashamed.

Megan Lewis Mancini:
Taylor has disappeared off the face of the Earth. Peter too. I've checked his condo, his office...

Dr. Michael Mancini:
Well, maybe we should call the police.

Megan Lewis Mancini:
I already did. I filed a complete report. Why Peter attacked you and why Peter will be out for revenge against Taylor. Since both of you conspired to make him think he had rage epilepsy. Do you have any concept of what you've done, how many lives you ruined? Peter's, Taylor's, your own?

Dr. Michael Mancini:
[sheepishly] I guess. Well... it's just a case of thinking I'd never get caught.

Megan Lewis Mancini:
Yeah, and that's supposed to make a difference? You know, you are one sick puppy, Michael. You also used me and led me on about Peter's medical condition which you fabricated just so you could steal his job as head of this hospital. And you know what's worse is that you don't even realize it! You are a true psychopath, Michael. You have no concept between right and wrong. You know, I'll bet you would do it all over again if you thought you would get away with it.

Dr. Michael Mancini:
Well... yeah. Megan... I'm sorry.

Megan Lewis Mancini:
Yeah, so am I, Michael. I'm sorry I ever laid eyes on you.