Men Behaving Badly

Kevin Murphy:
[Kevin is in line an all night pharmacy and a young man is taking a long time] It is two in the morning. He obviously wants condoms! So why don't you just give them to him, before someone in line dies!

Brenda Mikowski:
[Kevin and Jamie are watching TV in Brenda's apartment] Just get out, and take your couch with you!

Phil:
How can you joke about killing a poor defenseless animal? You're not coming hunting with us!

Kevin Murphy:
Well, I guess it's about time for you to head home to your wife, huh?

Harry:
If I go back now, I'm a Made-for-TV-movie.

Jamie Coleman:
I just had the craziest dream. I dreamed that I was living with that Shep guy from ER. And get this: he was sleeping with Mallory from Family Ties.

Katie:
Who's this?

Steve Cochrane:
My sister. Well, my step-sister, but we grew up together and I don't care what the biologists say...

Dody:
This is your mother?

Steve Cochrane:
Our mother.

Jamie Coleman:
I'll tell you what I understand: this guy spend all this time and money for nothing. Now he's at home fantasizing about you naked. I'm doing the same right now, it didn't cost me a dime!

Kevin Murphy:
I'm, eh, sorry I'm late, Mr. Gruber.

Phil:
There you are, Murphy. Can I get you something? Like a watch!

Jamie Coleman:
I'm telling you, every food is six degrees from bacon.

Katie:
[about the new elderly neighbor] Well, he's got a smile on his face...

Steve Cochrane:
A half hour ago, that smile was sitting in a glass next to his bed.

Steve:
[referring to his fictional Uncle George] I also use him to get out of things I don't want to do.

Jamie:
[proud] The student has become the teacher.

Jamie Coleman:
I'm almost too full for desert. Unless it's chocolate-covered Brenda.

Jamie Coleman:
My two year tango with Brenda is finally coming to the dip.

Jamie Coleman:
Did you ever see When Harry met Sally?

Steve Cochrane:
Are you kidding? My old girlfriend made us dress like Harry and Sally for Halloween. And I was Sally.

Jamie Coleman:
If that toad Billy Crystal can bag Meg Ryan, I can certainly get Brenda.

Jamie Coleman:
Brenda doesn't think I'm interesting... So unfair.

Kevin Murphy:
Yeah, tell me about it. Sarah thinks she's smarter than me.

Jamie Coleman:
Yeah, but Brenda's wrong.

Sarah Stretten:
Let me get this straight: I want to make love, and you want us to take a test.

Kevin Murphy:
Yeah.

Sarah Stretten:
I think we've already determined who the idiot is.

Dr. Alexander:
Why are we here?

Kevin:
Because you're Sarah's dearest and closest friends.

Billy:
Well, that's just sad.

Dr. Alexander:
So, how do you know Sarah?

Billy:
I used to groom her cat.

Dr. Alexander:
She has a cat?

Billy:
Not anymore. So, how do you know Sarah?

Dr. Alexander:
I used to work on her teeth, until she sued me for gross malpractice.

Billy:
Reall? What went wrong?

Dr. Alexander:
You're just full of a lot of questions, aren't you? Cat killer.

Kevin:
[to Jamie] We have to clear a room full of people; naturally, we came to you.

[Jamie enters the living room after a night of loud sex that Kevin had to suffer through and did various activities to keep his mind off the noise]

Jamie:
Why has the beer Buddha been moved?

Kevin:
He asked me to dance.