Men Into Space

Narrator:
No matter where he travels, one thing will always be the same: man himself. Human nature will not change in the strange outposts of space. There will always be love and hate, courage and fear, and even greed. This is the story of an expedition to a distant world that was brought to the brink of disaster by one man's greed.

Dr. Prescott:
Maybe you just don't know that lack of oxygen can permanently ruin a man's brain cells.

Col. Edward McCauley:
So does opening a man's spacesuit.

Col. Edward McCauley:
Lynn, how do you feel about Stacy making this flight?

Lynn Croydon:
It's an experience he's dreamed about for a long time. I - I want what he wants.

Dr. Stacy Croydon:
All I had to do was promise I wouldn't flirt with any female Martians we may run into.

Lynn Croydon:
Or any other kind, mister.

Col. Edward McCauley:
The first manned flight should be routine.

Lt. Gen. Malcolm Terry:
At 21,000 miles per hour and 3,700 degrees Fahrenheit - I believe you said, Professor - you would call this "routine," Colonel?

Col. Edward McCauley:
Well, after all the hundreds of tests have been completed, the first flight should be routine... relatively.

Prof. Emerson:
It's a short flight.

Col. Edward McCauley:
There are no short flights in space.

Prof. Emerson:
We've heard all the evidence. Do you think there is too much risk involved in a manned test flight?

Col. Edward McCauley:
Well, there's always risk flying in space. We learned to face that fact when we joined the Air Force. I think this particular test is a well-calculated risk.

Prof. Emerson:
That's a rather sanguine answer for a man who has to make the test, Colonel.

Col. Edward McCauley:
Well, I guess we approach space the same way good doctor approaches his patients. He expects to lose a few, but that doesn't keep him from trying to do his job.

Dr. Rowland Kennedy:
I remember as a kid looking up at the face of the Man in the Moon. If anybody had told me that his nose was called the Lunar Apennines, I might never have taken up science.

Dr. Bromfield:
You know, this first meal on the moon always gets me. I never think that gravity will be strong enough to carry the food down to my stomach.

Dr. Narry:
Your stomach's big enough to supply its own gravity.

Col. Edward McCauley:
Well, your first taste of space travel. Do you like it?

Dr. Caleb Fiske:
I have a feeling I'm about to taste it again.

Major Paul Ellis:
Miss Gallagher, as the doctor who has been watching over your health, may I say I've never known a more magnificent specimen.

Dr. Gallagher:
Not very romantic, Paul. Sounds like you're talking about a prize cow.

Joyce Lynn:
Honestly, Jimmy, you promised Mr. Morrison you'd be there.

Jimmy Manx:
I didn't say I'd be on time, did I?

Morrison:
Well, Colonel, I can only repeat to you personally what we've already told the world. We apologize for the actions of Jimmy Manx.

Col. Edward McCauley:
What's going to become of him?

Morrison:
I don't know. He's through forever in this business. No one will ever have anything to do with him.

Col. Edward McCauley:
Yeah, he tried to fake life on the moon. Now he's going to have to try and find a new life here on earth.

Westlake:
Retro-rockets fired right on the button. It's a perfect rendezvous.

Maj. Gordon Briggs:
Trust McCauley to get back. Dead or alive.

Col. Edward McCauley:
I suppose that's something the wife of every spaceman has to get used to, is being away so much. it must get awfully dull for you.

Mary McCauley:
Oh, it's many things, but it's never dull.

Maj. Gen. Norgath:
The rest of these pages are theoretical ways of selecting a subject. Here's the part I like. "But there is no way to forecast how a woman will react. If we test one, there is no reason to presuppose that her behavior pattern will be a guide for others. It is our observation on Earth that they-women-are merely a law unto themselves. And there is nothing to suggest that they'll be any different on the Moon."

Renza Hale:
What on earth would I do on the moon for three months?

Col. Edward McCauley:
Same thing you do down here. Housekeep, cook, take care of Joe.

Renza Hale:
Say, when do we go?

Col. Edward McCauley:
Tomorrow.

Renza Hale:
I-I can't possibly make tomorrow. I have a hair appointment. Besides, I have a lot of packing to do.

Major Joe Hale:
But you don't have to pack anything.

Renza Hale:
Yes I do. I have all my own clothes and a lot of cooking utensils...

Col. Edward McCauley:
No, no, no, no. Renza, stop worrying, will you? Everything is up there.

Renza Hale:
Everything?

Col. Edward McCauley:
Um-hmm.

Renza Hale:
Like, uh, what size blouse. And what color lipstick, and what kind of perfume I like.

Maj. Gen. Norgath:
Well, Mac, you think the experiment was a success?

Col. Edward McCauley:
Well, Renza gave a little talk. These are applications from wives for a moon assignment. Sixty-five in all. Fifty-one from assorted other girls. I'm afraid we've let ourselves in for something. From now on we'll have no peace.

Col. Edward McCauley:
Mac, there's nothing like a dame. Even in space.

Col. Edward McCauley:
Why don't you wait at my house? It might be a long one. I promised Mary an afternoon home with the barbecue.

Dr. Guthrie Durlock:
Might disobey orders.

Col. Edward McCauley:
In my backyard, you can issue them.

Col. Edward McCauley:
We can build a lot of black boxes and stuff 'em full of equipment. We can't build a man.

Mary McCauley:
Well, what was the accident?

Col. Edward McCauley:
Nothing serious. We're investigating.

Mary McCauley:
I am not prying. Now tell me. Are Major Summers and his crew all right?

Col. Edward McCauley:
I think without any shadow of the doubt that you are the prettiest subversive agent that I know.

Col. Edward McCauley:
You know, I can't wait to make a fool out of him by bringing back a piece of that derelict and having it properly identified.

Mary McCauley:
I hope you won't have too much identifying my dinner.

Capt. Swanson:
Roast beef.

Col. Edward McCauley:
Well, shall we confirm the identification?

Col. Edward McCauley:
Oh Mrs. Holcomb, aren't you being a little dramatic? They've both been through security tests. On a job like this, we can't take any chances on an incompatibility risk.

Mandy Holcomb:
Do your machines know more about him then his wife?

Col. Edward McCauley:
I know how wives think. In fact, my wife used to tell me that every time I got a new co-pilot, she'd hear a story - from a very reliable source, mind you - that he was either emotionally unstable, color-blind, or had a wooden leg. She knows better now.

Perry Holcomb:
I never stole anything from you, Hal.

Harold Carter:
But you know what I resent the most? Not even that you got Mandy. But that you never had to work for anything. You just reached up into the stars and took it!

Perry Holcomb:
I never cheated you. You never learned your limitations. You set your sights too high and you missed.

Harold Carter:
Because you were always there trying to top me!

Perry Holcomb:
I'm not going to talk to you anymore, Hal. But I want you to take a look at yourself. Take a good look. Maybe what you see will make you a better scientist. A better man. That is, if you can overlook what you're doing out here.

Jane Farrow:
You know one thing I've learned, Colonel?

Col. Edward McCauley:
What's that?

Jane Farrow:
Wives with husbands on the moon shouldn't look up while driving in traffic.

Col. Edward McCauley:
In space we plan on disaster in order to avoid it.

Lt. Neil Templeton:
Hope we hit terra firma on time, Captain. I got me a date with a redhead. My wife.

Capt. Dan Freer:
At your service, Lieutenant. Far be it from me to louse up an Air Force man's schedule.

Lt. Col. Vern Driscoll:
Hey, look. Miami Beach. Nightclubs, girls, what are they?

Col. Edward McCauley:
Your wife will refresh your memory in about ten days.

Lt. Col. Vern Driscoll:
Thanks. How can I wait?