Metropolitan

Jane Clark:
Why should we believe you over Rick? We know you're a hypocrite. We know your "Polly Perkins" story was a fabrication - ...

Nick Smith:
A composite.

Jane Clark:
- -that you're completely impossible and out of control, with some sort of drug problem and a fixation on what you consider Rick Von Sloneker's wickedness. You're a snob, a sexist, totally obnoxious and tiresome. And lately you've gotten just weird. Why should we believe anything you say?

Nick Smith:
I'm not "tiresome."

Tom Townsend:
You don't have to read a book to have an opinion.

Nick Smith:
I've always planned to be a failure anyway, that's why I plan to marry an extremely wealthy woman.

Nick Smith:
It's a tiny bit arrogant of people to go around worrying about those less fortunate.

Nick Smith:
Playing strip poker with an exhibitionist somehow takes the challenge out of it.

Audrey Rouget:
People see the harm in what excessive candor can do.

Fred Neff:
Men are dates, date substitutes or potential dates. I find that dehumanizing.

Nick Smith:
Rick Von Slonecker is tall, rich, good looking, stupid, dishonest, conceited, a bully, liar, drunk and thief, an egomaniac, and probably psychotic. In short, highly attractive to women.

Man at Bar:
The acid test is whether you take any pleasure in responding to the question "What do you do?" I can't bear it.

Charlie Black:
When you're an egoist, none of the harm you do is intentional.

Sally Fowler:
What have you against Tom?

Charlie Black:
Just one thing: He's not a good person.

Audrey Rouget:
What Jane Austen novels have you read?

Tom Townsend:
None. I don't read novels. I prefer good literary criticism. That way you get both the novelists' ideas as well as the critics' thinking. With fiction I can never forget that none of it really happened, that it's all just made up by the author.

Tom Townsend:
I've never been this drunk before. The problem is, with Fred no longer drinking, I can't pace myself.

Nick Smith:
The cha cha is no more ridiculous than life itself.

Nick Smith:
I guess you could say it's extremely vulgar, I like it a lot.

Nick Smith:
Playing strip poker with an exhibitionist somehow takes the challenge away.

Charlie Black:
Fourierism was tried in the late nineteenth century... and it failed. Wasn't Brook Farm Fourierist? It failed.

Tom Townsend:
That's debatable.

Charlie Black:
Whether Brook Farm failed?

Tom Townsend:
That it ceased to exist, I'll grant you, but whether or not it failed cannot be definitively said.

Charlie Black:
Well, for me, ceasing to exist is — is failure. I mean, that's pretty definitive.

Tom Townsend:
Well, everyone ceases to exist. Doesn't mean everyone's a failure.

Nick Smith:
The titled aristocracy are the scum of the earth.

Sally Fowler:
You always say "titled" aristocrats. What about "untitled" aristocrats?

Nick Smith:
Well, I could hardly despise them, could I? That would be self-hatred.

Tom Townsend:
[to Serena Slocum] I haven't been giving you the silent treatment. I just haven't been talking to you.

Charlie Black:
We hear a lot about the great social mobility in America, with the focus usually on the comparative ease of moving upwards. What's less discussed is how easy it is to go down. I think that's the direction that we're all heading in. And I think that the downward fall is going to be very fast—not just for us as individuals—but for the entire Preppie Class.

Charlie Black:
Well, I don't think "preppy" is a very useful term. I mean, it might be descriptive for someone who is still in school or college; but, it's ridiculous to refer to a man in his 70s, like Averell Harriman, as a "preppy". And none of the other terms people use - WASP, P.L.U., et cetera - are of much use either. And that's why I prefer the term "U.H.B."

Nick Smith:
What?

Charlie Black:
U.H.B. It's an acronym for Urban Haute Bourgeoisie.

Cynthia McLean:
Is our language so impoverished that we have to use acronyms or French phrases to make ourselves understood?

Charlie Black:
Yes.

Charlie Black:
Of course there is a God. We all basically know there is.

Cynthia McLean:
I know no such thing.

Charlie Black:
Of course you do. When you think to yourself, and most of our waking life is taken up thinking to ourselves, you must have that feeling that your thoughts aren't entirely wasted, that in some sense they are being heard. Rationally, they aren't. You're entirely alone. Even the people to whom we are closest can have no real idea of what is going on in our minds. We aren't devastated by loneliness because, at a hardly conscious level, we don't accept that we're entirely alone. I think this sensation of being silently listened to with total comprehension... something you never find in real life... represents our innate belief in a supreme being, some all-comprehending intelligence.

Nick Smith:
It's incredible, the eagerness of girls like you to justify the worst bastards imaginable... as being sensitive and shy. But if any guy who really was shy dared talk to you... you wouldn't give him the time of day - your eyes would glaze over.

Cynthia McLean:
You're really hung up on Rick, aren't you? He must really threaten you somehow.

Nick Smith:
You're right. I do feel threatened - that I may get a venereal disease from one of the St. Tim's girls he's been with.

[Cynthia slaps Nick]

Nick Smith:
Did you learn that from your lovemaking with Rick? I hear it can get really rough.

[another slap]

Nick Smith:
Don't do that again. For me, it isn't erotic.

Charlie Black:
Where do you get off, "you're surprised"? At what? You were Audrey's escort, yet you blithely left her stranded in the middle of the dance so you can try to work things out with Serena! And then you try to shirk the whole thing off on Fred.

Tom Townsend:
I'm not trying to shirk it off on Fred. And I was not Audrey's escort. We were all there as a group. In any case, I'm very sorry there was a mixup.

Charlie Black:
There was no mixup.

Tom Townsend:
I'm sorry I left. But it wasn't intentional.

Charlie Black:
When you're an egoist, none of the harm you do is intentional!

Nick Smith:
You're opposed to these parties on principle.

Tom Townsend:
Yes.

Nick Smith:
Exactly what principle is that?

Tom Townsend:
Well...

Nick Smith:
The principle that one shouldn't be out at night eating hors d'oeuvres when one could be home worrying about the less fortunate.

Tom Townsend:
Pretty much, yes.

Nick Smith:
Has it ever occurred to you that you are the less fortunate?

Nick Smith:
You haven't seen this? Detachable collar. Not many people wear them anymore. They look much better. So many things which were better in the past have been abandoned for supposed convenience.

Tom Townsend:
I had no idea anyone wore those anymore.

Nick Smith:
It's a small thing, but symbolically important. Our parents' generation was never interested in keeping up standards. They wanted to be happy, but, of course, the last way to be happy is to make it your objective in life.

Tom Townsend:
I wonder if our generation's any better than our parents'.

Nick Smith:
Oh, it's far worse. Our generation's probably the worst since - the Protestant Reformation. It's barbaric, but a barbarism even worse than the old-fashioned, straightforward kind. Now barbarism is cloaked with all sorts of self-righteousness and moral superiority. Will you look at this?

Tom Townsend:
You're obviously talking about a lot more than just detachable collars.

Nick Smith:
Yeah, I am.

Nick Smith:
Jane's father's dead. Very suddenly, last year.

Tom Townsend:
Must have been awful for her.

Nick Smith:
Yes. It was tough on him too.

Charlie Black:
I don't see how you can stand him. You're always complaining about people being frauds and phoneys. This guy is the phoney of the decade, yet you act as he were your long-lost best friend.

Nick Smith:
Tom's hardly a phoney. Just mildly deluded. He's a perfectly nice guy.

Charlie Black:
That's just another aspect of his phoniness. He's a terrible phoney, and when he's not being a phoney, he's a bastard.

Nick Smith:
Oh, come on.

Charlie Black:
You saw how he treated Audrey last night.

Nick Smith:
Well, Audrey seems to have forgotten it.

Charlie Black:
She has to act that way. Otherwise it would be even more humiliating. But I don't have to pretend Tom Townsend is a nice guy.

Nick Smith:
You're really gaga about Audrey, aren't you?

Charlie Black:
If by "gaga" you mean, do I like her? Yes, I do.

Nick Smith:
Well, why don't you do something about it, instead of just going on and on about what a bastard Tom Townsend is.

Charlie Black:
What do I do? Declare myself? That would be an absolute disaster. I don't think I haven't thought about these things. But I think if the situation could just continue as it has been, they gradually, over time, it'd grow into something more. That, at least, is what I've been hoping for.

Tom Townsend:
What can you study in France that you can't study here?

Audrey Rouget:
French. Actually, I was thinking of coming back when this semester ends.

Tom Townsend:
I was thinking of going over. Not necessarily to Grenoble, but to France and Italy... though my resources are limited.

Audrey Rouget:
There are some awfully cheap airfares these days during the winter season. It seems a shame not to take advantage of them.

Tom Townsend:
That's how I feel.

Audrey Rouget:
Do you really think I'm flat-chested?

Tom Townsend:
I haven't really thought about it. Well, I shouldn't say that. The thing is, you look great... and that's what's important. You don't want to overdo it.

Nick Smith:
I'm not sure if you realize this, but these girls are at a very vulnerable point in their lives. All of this is much more emotional and difficult for them than it is for us. They're on display. They have to call the guys up and invite them as escorts. And preppy girls mature socially much later than others do.

Nick Smith:
The most important thing to realize about parents is that there is absolutely nothing you can do about them.