Missionary

The Bishop:
I tried to teach the rudiments of rugby football. But it wasn't really their sort of thing. They hang on to the ball for too long. Weeks, sometimes.

Ada:
Most o' my boys just want company... a bit o' cheerin' up. I'm like a mother to 'em! Only they can't f*** their mothers so they come 'ere.

Lady Fermleigh:
It was really a breach of manners. He's never done it before.

Slatterthwaite:
You can't miss it, sir. Turn right out of the station. Or left.

Lord Ames:
I once had a chap before me who'd been caught stealing from the mess. I ordered every alternate fingernail to be removed, and you know, I still get a card from him every Christmas.

Lord Ames:
You see, what I think is wrong with the country today is that there aren't enough people chained up.

Lord Ames:
Are there two "l"s in "disembowelment"?

Deborah Fitzbanks:
Everyone was asking after you. They're all terribly excited about the wedding.

Reverend Fortescue:
Wedding?

Deborah Fitzbanks:
OUR wedding!

Reverend Fortescue:
Oh, yes. ...Yes.

Reverend Fortescue:
I shall be looking after women. ...Women who are in... moral trouble.

Deborah Fitzbanks:
Liars?

Reverend Fortescue:
Deborah, do you know what is meant by "fallen women"?

Deborah Fitzbanks:
Women who have hurt their knees.

Reverend Fortescue:
I'm going to remain a missionary.

Deborah Fitzbanks:
But I thought...

Reverend Fortescue:
A missionary IN ENGLAND!

Deborah Fitzbanks:
But everyone's ENGLISH in England.

Reverend Fortescue:
The locals had never seen a bicycle before. They used to call me "The Man on the Starving Horse."

Reverend Fortescue:
Vicki --

Reverend Fortescue:
Er, Violet. Would you and Ruby --

Reverend Fortescue:
Rosie. Go and clean upstairs, and get some help from the three girls in my bed.