Monster Garage

Narrator:
Speaking for gearheads and garage mechanics everywhere, Jesse answers that one-word question: why?

Jesse James:
[innocently] 'Cause it's wrong.

[the crew tries to see if their Lincoln stretch limo has enough ground clearance]

Wink Eller:
Cool. She's holding it. She is holding it.

Announcer:
Six inches is plenty of ground clearance.

Wink Eller:
She's gonna ride like a Cadillac.

Steve Dennish:
Lincoln would like to hear that.

[the crew receives a propane burner while turning a Geo Tracker into a hot air balloon]

Chopper Dave:
It looks like it could destroy something.

Narrator:
The first thing they destroy?

[the burner's $5160 price tag is displayed]

Narrator:
The budget.

[repeated line]

The Big Schwag:
[shouts] You gotta be kidding me!

[opening narration]

Narrator:
Join Jesse and his crew of maverick mechanics as they rip, grind, and burn, turning ordinary street vehicles into monster machines in the Monster Garage.

[Jesse drags over a beer keg]

Jesse James:
Two years of college and this is all I learned.

Narrator:
Our team tears the RV, putting the "wreck" in "recreational". This thing really is fun.

[the "Grim Ripper" is loaded into a car shredder]

The Big Schwag:
Wait a minute! It just occurred to me! This isn't a funeral! This is an execution!

[closing narration]

Big Schwag:
Jesse's got metal to burn and sparks to fly! The next Monster Garage challenge... is just... around... the bend!

Jesse James:
I dont praise the lord, as much as I praise the lowered.

[Jesse cuts the exhaust off of a car and it hits him in the face.]

Jesse James:
Now, I know why I'm not a car mechanic anymore. Oh, wait, I guess I *am* a car mechanic.

Jesse James:
Looks like we're building something a little kid would draw.

Jesse James:
[crossing himself] Is that the old "My head, chest, and both arms hurt"?

Jesse James:
[checking off an imaginary list after crashing the Hell Camino in a figure 8 race] Things to do today: ram Billy!

"Barefoot" Billy Ziemann:
[doing the same] Things to do today: train rookie!

Jesse James:
[someone has just finished explaining the rules of a steamboat race] What do we get if we win? [the crowd laughs]

Body Drop:
[speaking into a megaphone] Frrrreeeebieeee! Zip! Zero! Nadda!