Monsters, Inc.

Mike:
Oh, that's great, blame it on the little guy. How original. He must've read the schedule wrong with his one eye.

Sulley:
Hey, did you lose weight, or a limb?

Sulley:
Oh. So *that's* puce.

Mike:
Listen, I need a favor. Randall was working late last night out on the scare floor. I really need the key to the door he was using.

Roz:
Well isn't that nice. But guess what? You didn't file your paperwork last night.

Mike:
He didn't... I... no paperwork?

Roz:
This office is now closed.

Mike:
YAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAH!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!

Mike:
Roz, my tender, oozing blossom you're looking fabulous today. Is that a new haircut?

Henry J. Waternoose:
There's nothing more toxic or deadly than a human child. A single touch could kill you. Leave a door open, and one can walk right into this factory; right into the monster world.

Henry J. Waternoose:
Kids these days. They just don't get scared like they used to.

Randall:
Say hello to the Scream Extractor.

Mike:
Uh... hello.

Mike:
Psst, Fungus. Fungus, you like cars? Because I got a really nice car. You let me go, I'll give you... a ride... in the car.

Fungus:
I'm sorry, Wazowski, but Randall said I'm not allowed to fraternize with victims of his evil plot.

Boo:
Kitty.

Boo:
Mike Waszowski.

Boo:
Lookit.

Mike:
Put that thing back where it came from, or so help me.

Sulley:
Mike, this isn't Boo's door.

Mike:
Boo? What's Boo?

Sulley:
That's... what I decided to call her. Is there a problem?

Mike:
Sulley, you're not supposed to name it. Once you name it, you start getting attached to it. Now put that thing back where it came from or so help me...

Mike:
Oh, hey. We're rehearsing a - a scene for the upcoming company play called uh, Put That Thing Back Where It Came From Or So Help Me. It's a musical.

Mike:
Put that thing back where it came from or so help me... so help me, so help me and cut. We're still working on it, it's a work in progress but, hey, we need ushers.

Randall:
Okay, I think I know how to make this all go away. What happens when the whistle blows in five minutes?

Mike:
I get a time out?

Randall:
Everyone goes to lunch! Which means the scare floor will be...

Mike:
...Painted?

Randall:
EMPTY! I'll be empty, you idiot! See that clock?When the big hand is pointing up...

Randall:
and the little hand is pointing up...

Randall:
the door will be in my station. But when the big hand is pointing down...

Randall:
the door will be gone. You have until then to put the kid back. Get the picture?

Mike:
Hey, good morning, Monstropolis. It's now five after the hour of 6:00 A.M. in the big monster city. Temperature's a balmy 65 degrees - which is good news for you reptiles - and it looks like it's gonna be a perfect day to maybe, hey, just lie in bed, sleep in, or simply... WORK OUT THAT FLAB THAT'S HANGING OVER THE BED!! GET UP, SULLEY! (Blows an air horn in his face)

Sulley:
(jolts awake, startled) AAAH! AAAH!

Mike:
I can't believe it...

Sulley:
Oh, Mike...

Mike:
I was on TV. Ha. Did you see me? I'm a natural.

Sulley:
See that, Mikey? Ted's walking to work.

Mike:
Big deal. Guy takes five steps, and he's there.

Sulley:
Hey, Ted. Good morning.

Sulley:
See, Mikey? Ted's walking to work.

Mike:
Big deal. Guy takes five steps and he's there.

Mike:
Oh, Schmootsie-poo?

Celia:
Googlie Bear.

Mike:
One of these days I am really... going to let you teach that guy a lesson.

Mike:
Can I borrow your odorant?

Sulley:
Yeah, I got, uh, smelly garbage or old dumpster.

Mike:
You got, uh, low tide?

Sulley:
No.

Mike:
How about wet dog?

Sulley:
Yep. Stink it up.

Roz:
Hello, Wazowski. Fun-filled evening planned for tonight?

Mike:
Well, as a matter of fact...

Roz:
Then I'm sure you filed your paperwork correctly, for once.

Roz:
Your stunned silence is very reassuring.

Sulley:
Hey, Mike, this might sound crazy but I don't think that kid's dangerous.

Mike:
Really? Well, in that case, let's keep it. I always wanted a pet that could kill me.

Henry J. Waternoose:
Well hello, little one. Where did you come from?

Sulley:
Mr. Waternoose.

Henry J. Waternoose:
Ah, James. Is this one yours?

Sulley:
Ah, actually that's my uh, cousin's sister's daughter, sir.

Mike:
Yeah, it's uh, "Bring an Obscure Relative to Work Day".

Henry J. Waternoose:
Hmm, must have missed the memo.

Boo:
Mike Wazowski.

Randall:
If I don't see a door in my station in 5 seconds, I will personally put you through the shredder.

Sulley:
Hey, that looks like Randall. Randall's your monster. You think he's gonna come out of the closet and scare you?

Sulley:
Look, it's empty. No monster in here. Okay, NOW there is. I'm not gonna scare you. I'm off duty.

Sulley:
Mike, that's not her door.

Mike:
What are you talking about? Of course it's her door. It's her door.

Sulley:
No. Her door was white and it had flowers on it.

Mike:
No. It must've dark last night because this is its door.

Mike:
(to Boo) You hear that? Sounds like fun in there. Well, see ya kid. Send me a postcard. That's Mike Wazowski, care of 22 Mike Wazowsi-You-Got-Your-Life-Back-Lane.

Boo:
Mowki Kowski.

Mike:
Very good. Now bon voyage. See ya.

Mike:
Look at the stick. See the stick?

Mike:
Got get the stick. Go fetch.

Yeti:
Milking a yak is no picnic, but once you pick out all the hairs it's very nutritious.

Mike:
Sulley, what are we doing?

Sulley:
We have to get Boo's door and find a station.

Mike:
What a plan. Simple, yet insane.

Mike:
I think I have a plan here: using mainly spoons, we dig a tunnel under the city and release it into the wild.

Sulley:
Spoons?

Mike:
That's it, I'm out of ideas. We're closed. Hot air balloon? Too expensive. Giant slingshot? Too conspicuous. Enormous wooden horse? Too Greek.

Sulley:
Hey... may the best monster win.

Randall:
I plan to.

Mike:
Follow the sultry sound of my voice

Sulley:
Are there kids in that village?

Yeti:
Oh, sure. Tough kids, sissy kids, kids who climb on rocks...

Yeti:
Welcome to the Himalayas.

Mike:
Why couldn't we have been banished here?

Yeti:
Abominable. Can you believe that? Do I look abominable to you? Why can't they call me the Adorable Snowman, or the Agreeable Snowman, for crying out loud? I'm a nice guy.

Randall:
I'm in the zone today, Sullivan. I'm gonna do some serious scaring, putting up some big numbers.

Yeti:
Snow cone?

Mike:
Yuck.

Yeti:
No, no, no, don't worry. It's lemon.

Henry J. Waternoose:
No, no, no, no, no. What was that? You're trying to scare the kid, not lull it to sleep.

Bile:
I was going for a snake-slash-ninja approach, with a little hissing.

Henry J. Waternoose:
How many times must I tell you? It's all about presence. About how you enter the room.

Sulley:
What was that?

Mike Wazowski:
I have no idea. But it would be a really good idea if it didn't do it again.

Randall:
Shh. Shh. Shh. Shh. Do you hear that? It's the winds of change.

Henry J. Waternoose:
Well, Jerry, what's the damage so far?

Henry J. Waternoose:
Hmm, first time in a month.

Roz:
None of this ever happened, gentlemen. And I don't want to see any paperwork on it.

Mike:
You're the boss! You're the boss! You're the big, hairy boss!

Mike:
Hey, genius. Wanna know why I bought the car?

Sulley:
Not really.

Mike:
To drive it! You know, like on the street? With the honk-honk and the vroom-vroom, and the no walking at all?

Sulley:
Wah, wah, wah. Will you give it a rest, butterball? C'mon, you could use the exercise.

Mike:
I could use the exercise? Look at you. You have your own climate.

Mike:
Sir, that's not her door.

Henry J. Waternoose:
I know, I know...

Henry J. Waternoose:
...It's yours.

Newscaster:
If witnesses are to be believed there has been a child security breach for the first time in monster history.

CDA Agent:
We can neither confirm nor deny the presence of a human child here tonight.

Misc Monster #1:
Well, a kid flew right over me and blasted a car with its laser vision!

Misc Monster #2:
I tried to run from it, but it picked me up with its mind powers and shook me like a doll!

Misc Monster #3:
It's true! I saw the whole thing!

Scientist:
It is my professional opinion that now is the time to... panic!

(Mike and Sulley's TV smashes to the floor. Boo's head peeks out over the set)

Boo:
Oh-oh

Mike:
Oh, it's coming! It's coming!

(Sullivan and Mike flee over to the window. Outside, HELICOPTERS scan the area. Hurriedly Mike and Sulley yank the shades closed. Boo totters towards them, babbling. Mike and Sulley retreat in fear)

Mike:
No, don't touch those, you little...! Oh, now those were alphabetized. It's okay, it's all right. As long as it doesn't come near us we're going to be okay.

(Boo SNEEZES directly in Mike's eye)

Mike:
(SCREAMS)

(Boo points to a ONE EYED TEDDY BEAR, out of her reach)

Sullivan:
Oh, you like this? Fetch!

Mike:
Hey, hey, that's it! No one touches little Mikey!

(Boo's face starts turning red and eyes well up with tears)

Sullivan:
Mike, give her the bear.

Mike:
Oh, no!

(Boo starts screaming real loud. The lights in the apartment begin to surge. Outside, the helicopters heads toward their apartment. Mike drops the bear, and pulls the shade shut)

Mike:
Make it stop, Sulley! Make it stop!

(Boo continues to cry, Sulley offers the bear)

Sullivan:
Look! See the bear? Ohh, nice bear.

(She cries even louder. The lights continue to surge. The helicopters are getting even closer)

Mike:
Sulley!

(Sulley begins to dance with, anything to get her stop crying)

Sullivan:
See? Ooh, bear, ooh. Oh, he's a happy bear. He's not crying, neither should you, or we'll be in trouble 'cause they're gonna find us. So please stop crying right now.

(Boo stops crying finally - The lights stop surging. Mike and Sully feel relived.

Mike:
Good, good, Sulley. Keep it up. You're doing great.

(The helicopters turn around and begin to fly away)

Sullivan:
Ooh, the happy bear, he has no...

(Boo reaches for the bear, accidentally touching Sully's hand and the bear falls off his hand. He screams)

Sullivan:
(yelling) She touched me!

(Sulley's yelling frightens the kid, who starts crying again. The lights surge the second time)

Mike:
Sulley, the bear! The bear! Give her the...

(He starts running toward Sully, and trips on a lamp and flies across the floor. Boo sees it and stops crying again and lights stop surging the second time)

Mike:
Whoa!

(Mike rolls into a garbage can and bumps into a shelf, sending a STACK OF BOOKS into his mouth. A hanging STEREO SPEAKER lands on his head)

Mike:
Oof!

(Boo finds this funny and begins laughing. The lights in the apartment surge even brighter than before. Outside, all the apartment lights in the whole complex start lighting up brightly. Inside, the lights continue to surge to highest and pop, and causes a blackout. Boo stops laughing)

Sullivan:
What was that?

(Mike is still wedged inside the garbage can)

Mike:
I have no idea, but it would be really great if it didn't do it again.

(Boo GIGGLES again)

Sullivan:
Shh, shh, shh

(She seems to understand. She nods and holds her tiny finger up to her mouth)

Boo:
Shh...

Sullivan:
Shh.

(She smiles)

Mike:
I'm telling you, big daddy, you're gonna be seeing this face on TV a lot more often.

Sulley:
Yeah, like on "Monstropolis' Most Wanted"?

Mike:
Ha, ha, ha. You've been jealous of my good looks since the fourth grade, pal.

Celia:
So, uh... are we going anywhere special tonight?

Mike:
I just got us into a little place called, um...Harryhausen's.

Celia:
Harryhausen's?! But it's impossible to get a reservation there.

Mike:
Not for Googlie Bear. I will see you at quitting time, and not a minute later.

Celia:
Okay, sweetheart.

Mike:
Think romantical thoughts. [singing] You and me, me and you, both of us together!

Mike:
[to Sulley] Y'know, sometimes I feel so romantic, I think I should just marry myself!

Sulley:
Give me a break, Mike...

Mike:
What a night of romance I've got ahead of me! Tonight is about me and Celia! Hoo-hoo, the loveboat is about to set sail! I'm telling ya, pal, I see her face and it makes my heart go-- [finds himself face-to-face with Roz] YIKES!!!

Roz:
[sternly] Hello, Wazowski. Fun-filled evening planned for tonight?

Mike:
Well, as a matter of fact--

Roz:
And I'm sure you filed your paperwork correctly...for once! [silence] Your stunned silence is very reassuring. [leaves]

Mike:
Oh no, my scare reports! I left them on my desk! If I'm not at the restaurant in five minutes, they're gonna give our table away, what am I gonna tell--?! [Celia comes up to Mike] Schmoopsie-Pooh.

Celia:
Hey Googly-Bear, wanna get going?

Mike:
Do I ever? It's just that... Uh...

Celia:
What?

Mike:
There's a small--

Celia:
I don't understand.

Sulley:
It's just I forgot about some paperwork I was supposed to file. Mike was reminding me; thanks, buddy.

Mike:
I was? I mean, I was! Yeah, I was.

Celia:
Okay, let's go then.

Mike:
We're going! [whispering to Sulley] On my desk, Sulley. The pink copies go to accounting, the fuchsia ones go to purchasing, and the goldenrod ones go to Roz. [Celia pulls him away; he comes back] Leave the puce! [gets pulled away again]

[Later]

Sulley:
[to himself] So the pink copies go to purchasing, and the fuchsia ones go to Roz. No, the fuchsia ones go to purchasing and the goldenrod ones go to Roz. Man, I have no idea what puce is... [looks at some reddish-brown files] Oh, that's puce.

Celia:
Oh, Michael, I've had a lot of birthdays - well, not a lot of birthdays, but this is the best birthday ever. What are you looking at?

Mike:
I was just thinking about the first time I laid eye on you, how pretty you looked.

Celia:
Stop it.

Mike:
Your hair was shorter then.

Celia:
Mm-hmm. I'm thinking about getting it cut. [the snakes in her hair look worried]

Mike:
No-no, I like it this length. [the snakes sigh in relief] I like everything about you. Just the other day someone asked me who I thought the most beautiful monster was in all of Monstropolis. You know what I said?

Celia:
What did you say?

Mike:
I said-- [sees Sulley trying to get his attention] Sulley?

Celia:
Sulley?!

Randall:
Wazowski! Where is it, you little one-eyed crettin?!

Mike:
Okay. First of all, it's cretin. If you're gonna threaten me, do it properly. Second of all, you're nuts if you think kidnapping me is gonna help you cheat your way to the top!

Randall:
[chuckles nastily] You still think this is about that stupid scare record?

Mike:
Well... I did. Right up until you... chuckled like that... and now I'm thinking I should just get out of here.

Sulley:
[is fighting the invisible Randall when he is hit with a snowball] Mike?

Mike:
Look, it's not that I don't care about the kid.

Sulley:
Mike, you don't understand.

Mike:
Yes, I do. I was just mad, that's all. I needed some time to think, but you shouldn't have left me out there.

Sulley:
I'm being attacked!

Mike:
No, I'm not attacking you. I'm trying to be honest, just hear me out. You and I are a team. Nothing is more important than our friendship.

[Boo approaches Mike, frightened]

Sulley:
I-I know, kid. He's too sensitive.

Mike:
[Sulley is being strangled] Come on, pal. If you start crying, I'm gonna cry, and I'll never get through this. I'm sorry I wasn't there for you, but I am now. Hey, Sulley, I am baring my soul here. The least you can do is pay attention!

[he throws a snowball; it hits Randall, making him visible enough for Sulley to knock him out]

Mike:
Hey, look at that, it's Randall. It's... Oh.

Waternoose:
This has gone far enough, James.

Sulley:
She's home now! Just leave her alone!

Waternoose:
I can't do that. She's seen too much. You both have.

Sulley:
It doesn't have to be this way!

Waternoose:
I have no choice! Times have changed. Scaring isn't enough anymore!

Sulley:
But kidnapping children?!

Waternoose:
I'll kidnap 1,000 children before I let this company die! And I'll silence anyone who gets in my way! [knocks Sulley out of the way]

Sulley:
No!

[Waternoose knocks Sulley to the ground and lunges at Boo, but instead finds the simulator robot]

Voice:
Simulation terminated. Simulation terminated.

Waternoose:
[confused] Huh? But... What?

[the lights come on and it's revealed that Boo's room is really the simulation room; Mike and several CDA agents are standing behind the console]

Mike:
Well, I don't know about the rest of you guys, but I spotted several big mistakes. You know what? Let's watch my favorite part again, shall we? [replays the tape of Waternoose over and over]

Mike:
put that thing back where it came from of so help me!

What a creep. One of these days, I am really, really gonna let you teach that guy a lesson.

Mike:
Sulley, the bear! The bear! Give her the bear! WWWWWWHHHHHHHHOOOOOOOOOOOOAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAA!!!!!!!!!!!!

[Mike and Sulley are walking out of Monsters Inc.]

Mike:
I'm tellin’ you, pal, when that wall went up, you should have seen the look on Waternoose's face. Woo-hoo! I hope we get a copy of that tape. Hey, you all right? Come on, pal, cheer up, we did it. We got Boo home. Sure, we put the factory in the toilet, and, gee, hundreds of people will be out of work now, not to mention the angry mob that'll come after us when there's no more power... but hey, at least we had a few laughs, right?

Sulley:
[having had an idea from seeing what Boo's laughing could do] Laughs!

James P. "Sulley" Sullivan:
[to Mike; silently] Ook-lay in the ag-bay.

James P. "Sulley" Sullivan:
Spoons.

Mike Wazowski:
[while Sulley brushes his teeth] C'mon, fight that plaque! Fight that plaque! Scary monsters don't have plaque!

Mike Wazowski:
[chants] I don't know, but it's been said. I love scaring kids in bed!

Mike Wazowski:
Roz, my tender, oozing blossom, you're looking fabulous today. Is that a new haircut? Tell me it's a new haircut. It's got to be a new haircut. New makeup? You had a lift? You had a tuck? You had something? Something has been inserted in you that makes you look like...Listen, I need a favor.

Mike Wazowski:
I'm tellin’ you, pal, when that wall went up, you should have seen the look on Waternoose's face. Woo-hoo! I hope we get a copy of that tape. Hey, you all right? Come on, pal, cheer up, we did it. We got Boo home. Sure, we put the factory in the toilet, and, gee, hundreds of people will be out of work now, not to mention the angry mob that'll come after us when there's no more power... but hey, at least we had a few laughs, right?

Randall Boggs:
[after whacking Sulley with a scream canister] You don't know how long I've wanted to do that, Sullivan!

Randall Boggs:
[about to dispose of Sulley] Look at everybody's favorite scarer now, you stupid pathetic waste. You've been #1 for too long, Sullivan! Now your time is up! And don't worry. I'll take good care of the kid.

Henry J. Waternoose:
[taken away by the C.D.A.] I hope you're happy, Sullivan! You've destroyed this company! Monsters, Incorporated is dead! Where will everyone get their screams now?! The energy crisis will only get worse BECAUSE OF YOU!!

[Sulley enters the scare simulator room with Mike and Boo in her disguise, willing to ask for help which can send Boo home, forgetting Waternoose had been expecting him]

Sulley:
Mr. Waternoose?

Waternoose:
James! Perfect timing.

Sulley:
No, no, no, sir, you don't understand.

Waternoose:
Okay, gentlemen. It's time for you to see how scaring really works.

[Mike picks up Boo and walks away]

Sulley:
But, sir...

[The lights go out, as if it's nighttime, and the Simulator Child goes to sleep]

Boo:
[excited to watch Sulley] Kitty!

Mike:
No, Boo. No!

Waternoose:
Now, give us a big loud roar.

Sulley:
Mr. Waternoose, there's no time for this...

Waternoose:
Come on! Come on! What are you waiting for? Roar!

Sulley:
But sir...

Waternoose:
ROAR!

[Sulley without choice, lunges out at the simulation kid and lets out a load roar, causing it to scream. Little did he know that Boo was standing close by, watching in horror]

Waternoose:
[applauds] Well done. Well done, James.

Sulley:
Boo?

Waternoose:
All right, gentlemen. I hope you've all learnt a valuable lesson...

[Sulley notices Boo run off crying, terrified from his roar]

Sulley:
Boo. Boo. Boo, it's me.

Waternoose:
[gasps] The child.

Mike:
Sir, she isn't toxic.