Mr. Baseball

Jack Elliot:
I don't believe this. What's next? Somebody going to tell me how to take a crap?

Jack Elliot:
Hey Max!

Max 'Hammer' Dubois:
Yeah, what!

Jack Elliot:
I need someone to tell me how to take a crap.

Jack Eliot:
We're not athletes, we're baseball players!

Jack Eliot:
I'm a World Series MVP!

Skip:
That was four years ago, Jack. Last season, you hit .235.

Jack Eliot:
LAST SEASON, I led this team in ninth-inning doubles in the month of August!

Hiroko Uchiyama:
Something very definite. Definite that Baseball and Jack always come before Hiroko and Jack.

Max 'Hammer' Dubois:
Max Dubois. Around here they call me Hammer. Don't ask me why.

Jack Elliot:
Jack Elliot.

Max 'Hammer' Dubois:
Yeah. I know who you are. I've been in Japan, not dead.

Max 'Hammer' Dubois:
It's like being a black guy back home. Only there are less of us.

Jack Elliot:
Yeah, I rang, Mr. Wise-Ass!

Jack Elliot:
Japanese way, 'Shut up and Take it'!

Hiroko Uchiyama:
Jack's way, 'ME, ME, ME'! Sometimes acceptance and cooperation are strengths also.

Uchiyama:
But we are losing!

Jack Eliot:
We're BEHIND. BIG difference.

Jack Elliot:
Just let them have a little fun.

Uchiyama:
Baseball is work. Not fun.

Jack Elliot:
Baseball is grown men getting paid to play a game. When you were a kid, I bet you didn't pick up a bat and ball because you were dying to work. A player's career is short enough. Let them enjoy it.

Jack Elliot:
You got any naked pictures of your wife?

Lyle Massey:
No, but I got some of yours.

Jack Elliot:
Big hit, happy body!

“Baseball’s a game. Games are supposed to be fun.”