Mr. Woodcock

Maggie Hoffman:
[to the flight attendant] Could I get a real bottle, please? I'm an alcoholic, not a Barbie doll.

John Farley:
Lets go, Woodcock.

Mr. Woodcock:
You must like getting spanked, Farley. I guess it runs in the family.

John Farley:
[quietly to Woodcock, as he seems stunned] Are you okay?

John Farley:
[loudly] RHETORICAL QUESTION, WOODCOCK!

[slams him in the back with a chair]

Mr. Woodcock:
[after Farley flips Mr. Woodcock in hospital bed] One pothole in this entire town Farley... and you've managed to find it.

Mr. Woodcock:
I don't do 'Sorry'.

John Farley:
What?

Mr. Woodcock:
Sorry is for criminals and screw-ups... and I'm neither one.

Maggie Hoffman:
Look, I don't care if your granny is on fire.

Maggie Hoffman:
This is Oprah! She farts on a book and it magically sells a million copies.

Nedderman:
What's next, the Hitler Calzone?

John Farley:
You have a father?

Mr. Woodcock:
Of course I have a father, Farley, I'm not Jesus.

Mr. Woodcock:
S-s-s-set of ten!

Mr. Woodcock:
You're going to find out there are alot more important things to know than the capital of Montana. Nedderman, what's the capital of Montana?

Young Nedderman:
Helena?

Mr. Woodcock:
Who cares? Go run a lap!

John Farley:
When you make a blame sandwich, you gotta be ready to eat it yourself.

Pizza Waiter:
Woodcock's plowing your mom?