My Cat from Hell

Jackson Galaxy:
It is so frustrating to see how irresponsible these girls have been with their cats, and now they have this litter of kittens that they're just gonna give away - and I can only hope that they're going to give them away to responsible pet guardians.

Nicole:
So, this is where Big Boi, in the middle of the night, climbed on top of me and my ex-boyfriend an peed on him.

Jackson Galaxy:
On his chest?

Nicole:
On his chest.

[Jackson gasps]

Nicole:
And shortly after that is when we broke up.

Jackson Galaxy:
If I've ever heard a case for neutering a cat, that would be it.

Jackson Galaxy:
[after seeing Shoshana demonstrate scaring Big Boi away from the front door with a tambourine] The problem is he wants to get out that badly. He wants to get out that badly because he's not neutered and his only job in this lifetime is to repopulate your neighborhood.

Jackson Galaxy:
This is... the hardest part of this whole thing is the next couple of weeks, because there's going to be a storm before the calm.

Jackson Galaxy:
If you're calling your cat, who you love, a dragon or a demon, they pick up on that. They soak up that energy. At some point they're gonna spit that back out.

Jackson Galaxy:
Penny Lane flat out attacks! That's crazy. She's completely unpredictable. I've never seen anything like this in my life. Wow! The violence is tearing these two roommates and best friends apart. I gotta get over there.

Jackson Galaxy:
I got on the floor, to just say hello, and she immediately acted like I was about to eat her.

Jackson Galaxy:
It takes a lot to scare me. I spend my life with cats. This cat scared me.

[cats have nearly twice as many neurons than dogs]

Jackson Galaxy:
The number of neurons correlates with intelligence. Having more neurons suggests that cats have more information-processing capacity than dogs.

Jackson Galaxy:
The bottom line is that something happened in this house to cause Roxy and Max - not only to become strangers - but to become prey and predator.

Jackson Galaxy:
How did the cat dynamic suddenly devolve into chaos in one day? It's very simple. It's called "redirected aggression." Let's say Roxy's sitting in the window. Something as simple as a garbage truck going by and she jumps out of her skin. When she jumps out of her skin, there could be Max sitting next to her going "Who ARE you?" and he attacks her. Just like that, in that one second, they don't know one another anymore.

Sean:
Avery is like a toddler that you've given a bowl full of sugar and five cups of coffee - pretty much, um, all the time.

Jackson Galaxy:
Sometimes I find the problem I'm dealing with is much more human than feline, but my job remains the same, regardless - to get human and cat on the same page.

Jackson Galaxy:
I seriously can't believe that Sean knows how to meet the needs of an exotic spider, yet he has no idea how to meet the needs of his exotic cat.

Jackson Galaxy:
[a cat's life] I wake up, I want to kill something, I want to hunt it down, I want to mangle it then I want to eat something, and then I... I'll sleep for a little while.

Jackson Galaxy:
[pointing out a behavioral problem] What you wind up doing is you start going from play to roughhousing to soothe. It's-it's like trying to eat breakfast and brush your teeth at the same time.

Hanna:
It's getting to the point where I feel resentful of my cat because he is getting in the way of my relationship.

Jackson Galaxy:
When I meet a cat for the first time, I'm never sure what to expect, but whether I'm dealing with hyperactivity or aggression, I'm always here to help.

Matt:
If it didn't make her sad, I would trade these two cats for the smallest, most annoying dog INSTANTLY. It would be, like, a great trade. I would be trading UP to get an ANNOYING dog versus these two cats.

Jackson Galaxy:
[without intermittent inserts of stressed cat-owners] I'm Jackson Galaxy. I'm a musician by night and a cat behaviorist by day. I've met cats with all kinds of problems, but I've never met one I couldn't help. In my career, I've worked with thousands of cats, one-on-one, analyzing their behaviors and retraining them and their guardians. When relationships are at an end, and cat guardians have reached their emotional limit, I'm their last hope.

Jackson Galaxy:
From what I've heard and from the little bit I've seen, Finn is not this ferocious cat lashing out at Lara and David. He's just a little mischievous, and he's peeing on things. Of course, that being said, his behavior is clearly enough to claw up this relationship.

Jackson Galaxy:
Mimi's an abyssinian. Abyssinians are spider monkeys. They swing from the chandeliers while everyone else is eating dinner. They need to have directed activity, and they need to have that activity constantly. In the meantime, you've got an older, crankier cat who's saying "Just make it stop!"

Jackson Galaxy:
In all my years of working with cats, I've never seen anybody butter their cat.

Jackson Galaxy:
The level of energy in a Bengal may be hard to understand for a lot of people. They have a constant need to move, to hunt, to scope, to jump. They need to jump. They need to scout from high up. They have this-this incredible jungle energy built into their genetics, and if you're not working WITH that energy, you're working against that energy.

Jackson Galaxy:
When a family goes through changes in their life, everyone, including their cat, needs to learn how to adjust.

Jackson Galaxy:
[on Ned and Kellee facing eviction] Let's make no mistake about this. This is a really serious situation. Clarisse is the only neighbor here who's willing to work this out with Max. The other neighbors have already thrown in the towel and they've already notified the Homeowners Association.

Jackson Galaxy:
The first thing that I noticed walking into the home was that we've got two dogs in little sundresses with their nails painted pink. Now, that's one of those button-pushing things for me. I don't like to see animals dressed up. I don't like to see anything done that is remotely against their nature.

Jackson Galaxy:
Every time I take a step through this house, I'm in a new world of weird.

Jackson Galaxy:
Remember - if you act like prey, you're gonna get treated like prey.

Brooklyn:
She was the best kitten in the world.

Tim:
But now Kleo is the Devil.

Jackson Galaxy:
I've been doin' this for a long time. I gotta tell ya, very seldom is it just about the cat; it's about the people, too. I always have hope for the cat; when it comes to the people, I'm a little more iffy.

Jackson Galaxy:
There's no such thing as a cat play-date. You can't just bring cats over into someone else's territory and expect it to all be peaches. Cats are territorial. They need to own the world that they're in - and that's not gonna happen in the arrangement that we have right now.

Brooklyn:
I feel like he's using Kleo as a reason not to move in together or to get engaged. And, you know, our three-year anniversary is coming up, and if we don't do some sort of progression, I don't wanna waste any more time in this relationship.

Jackson Galaxy:
Last time I checked, I'm a cat behaviorist. Wedding planner? Not so much.

Jackson Galaxy:
[assessing the situation with Brooklyn, Tim, Kleo, Snarf and Lady Meow Meow] One of the things I love about cats is their ability to just move on. They don't form resentments. They just live fully in the present moment. As long as Brooklyn and Tim do not implode, I think the cats stand a great chance. I'm not so sure about THEM.

Bobby:
I joined the military. I served one year in Iraq. Living with Marco is like being in a war zone again.

Bobby:
It's just a terrible thing to, you know, have your pet hurting your significant other.

Jackson Galaxy:
When I saw Marco in the doorway, I saw the faces... of every cat that I worked with in shelters who died, who didn't go to a home because they were scared. So, for a second there, he was a symbol of cat who wasn't going to have to die someday in a shelter because his guardian was gone.

Jackson Galaxy:
[on entering Bobby and In-Hae's cluttered apartment] My first impression, honestly, was "Am I workin' on 'Horders' here or 'My Cat From Hell?'" I had no idea.

Rob:
I can remember being, like, thirteen years old and it's, uh, Parents Day at school. And everybody's parents look the same, but then there's one friend of yours whose dad is, like, sixty-five. I don't want to be that funky, old dad because my cat won't let me have a kid.

Jackson Galaxy:
[walking down to the basement] You can definitely... smell the... the cat urine here; and, as you come down, it gets worse.

Rob:
Oh, yeah.

Stephanie:
Yeah.

Rob:
It's like going into...

Stephanie:
Yeah.

Rob:
...Dante's inferno of piss.

Jackson Galaxy:
When cats are obese, they're carrying around extra weights naturally on their joints. When they're carrying around that extra weight on their joints, it can make them irritable.

Jackson Galaxy:
When you expect bad things, bad things happen.

Jackson Galaxy:
Ruben and Danielle can look at Roscoe and see two totally different cats. It's amazing and kind of maddening.

Ruben:
I've never met anybody that could look me in the face and tell me that I was the problem and... and it be so endearing.

Jackson Galaxy:
Now here's one you don't see every day: Sphynx are known to be pretty playful, happy-go-lucky. They get along with everybody, especially one another. I got two Sphynx that want to KILL each other.

Steve:
Picture bloodcurdling screams and hissing at the top of a cat's lungs - and it's all happening at the foot of your bed - and I just don't get the sleep I need.

Dorothy:
She is a loose cannon and he is a toddler. If it's between keeping Polly or the safety of my son, I will always chose my son.

Jackson Galaxy:
Are Dorothy and Travis' fears justified that their cat can attack their child? Yeah, I've seen that footage; it's justified.

Jackson Galaxy:
There's no such thing as "revenge puke" or "angry puke." "I don't like you so I'm gonna throw up on your stuff" - that doesn't happen in the human world - not that I know of - or the animal world.

Jackson Galaxy:
[appraising Polly's condition] There's a very definite connection between illness in cats and stress levels; so, the more stressed out she is, the more she's gonna throw up.

Jackson Galaxy:
A two-and-a-half-year-old toddler and a ten-year-old cat - kind of oil and water.

Josh:
You might have had a rough start in life, but that doesn't mean you can go around murdering people.

Jackson Galaxy:
You got pee-graffiti artists.

Josh:
[as Jackson leaves with his guitar case to go meet Larry] Unless there's a tommy gun in that case, you have no chance.

Jackson Galaxy:
There's never, ever an appropriate time to strike a cat. That being said, I can empathize with Josh; because, just like when a cat is threatened, they strike out, Josh felt threatened and HE struck out. I have to calm both sides down. The humans and the cat have to take a minute to decompress and breath.

Jackson Galaxy:
Most folks think that only male cats will spray, but that's not true at all. Female cats will spray for the same reason that male cats will spray - territorial incursion, threats. They feel like the walls are closing in on them. They've got cats on all sides of them. It's their way of saying "This is my castle; this is my moat."

Jackson Galaxy:
Larry's got a male name - and it suits her. She marks the walls like a tomcat.

Jackson Galaxy:
I put cats in two different categories: They're either tree-dwellers, which means they just like to explore vertical spaces, or they're bush-dwellers, which means they like to have all four feet on the ground.

Jackson Galaxy:
Sometimes when I watch videos of my clients, it just makes me want to turn away. This is one of those cases, where it's just so hard to watch Heather get consistently hurt by Ruby, and every action she takes is met with violence.

Heather:
One person getting bit and then leaving could make the whole glass house tumble.

Jackson Galaxy:
"70% domesticated" is one of the silliest things I've ever heard. You're either domestic or you're feral. There's no in-between.

Jackson Galaxy:
My first impression when entering the loft was "Oh, this is lovely and open," and then I turned to the kitchen and I... "Ugh!" It was so packed and crowded - and it reeked of unfinished business - and, of course, THAT'S where MiniBar was hanging out.

Jackson Galaxy:
[to the camera] People think it's a little strange when I walk into the house and I immediately want to sit down with them and NOT deal with the cat.

Jackson Galaxy:
[to Jenny and Garret] Tell me. What's going on?

Jackson Galaxy:
[to the camera] The idea is I want the cat to get used to my voice.

Jackson Galaxy:
[to Jenny and Garret] About a month after he got here, it started gettin' a little crazy.

Jackson Galaxy:
[to the camera] I don't know where Duff is right now... I know he can hear me.