My Favorite Year

Benjy Stone:
Mr. Swann, I was supposed to watch you, remember?

Swann:
Good. Watch this.

Alan Swann:
Alfredo, telephone the Stork Club, we'll be two for dinner.

Alfi:
You sure you want the Stork Club, Mr. Swann?

Alan Swann:
It's been a year and a half. Surely they've repaired the wall of the bandstand by now.

Sy:
He's plastered!

Alan Swann:
So are some of the finest erections in Europe.

Alan Swann:
Stone, you can watch me or you can join me. One of them is more fun.

Alan Swann:
Are you still in the fight game?

Rookie Carroca:
In a way. I married Benjy's mother.

Benjy Stone:
Bring Allan Swann to Brooklyn?

Belle:
Sure, what are you ashamed of?

Benjy Stone:
Everything!

Benjy Stone:
I think I'm going to be unwell.

Alan Swann:
Ladies are unwell, Stone. Gentlemen vomit.

Benjy Stone:
Catherine, Jews know two things: suffering, and where to find great Chinese food.

K.C.:
I mean, what do you want from me?

Benjy Stone:
Sex!

Alan Swann:
Damn you! I'm not an actor, I'm a movie star!

Benjy Stone:
Let's *not* do this - it's too dangerous!

Alan Swann:
Nonsense! It worked perfectly well in "A Slight Case of Divorce"!

Benjy Stone:
That was a movie! This is real life!

Alan Swann:
What is the difference?

King Kaiser:
You look real nice today, Alice. Did you get those shoes I sent you?

Alice Miller:
Oh yeah.

King Kaiser:
Why did you send them back?

Alice Miller:
They were the wrong size. And they were used.

Belle:
Welcome to my humble chapeau!

Benjy Stone:
Two years at the Sorbonne and she still can't get it right.

Sy:
California? You can't write comedy in California! It's not depressing enough!

Swann:
I haven't performed in front of an audience for twenty-eight years! I played a butler. I HAD ONE LINE!

Swann:
I forgot it.

K.C.:
Sanctuary! Sanctuary!

Benjy Stone:
Sanctuary my ass!

Swann:
What's in a name? A rose by any other name would wither and die.

[Swann downs a drink]

Benjy:
Mr. Swann, I was supposed to watch you, remember?

Swann:
Good. Watch this. [downs another; hands Benjy a glass] Stone, you can watch me or you can join me. One of them is more fun.

Benjy:
I think I'm going to be unwell.

Swann:
Ladies are unwell, Stone. Gentlemen vomit.

Benjy:
Mm-hm.

Swann:
[to his limo driver] Alfredo, you needn't wait. We shan't need the car any more. We're going to throw up in the park and then walk home.

Stockbroker #1:
[peering over the edge of the balcony] I think Alan Swann is beneath us!

Stockbroker #2:
Of course he's beneath us. He's an actor!

K.C.:
Do you think there are funny people and not-funny people?

Benjy:
Yes. Definitely. On the funny side there are the Marx Brothers, except Zeppo; the Ritz Brothers, no exceptions; both Laurel and Hardy; and Woody Woodpecker. On the unfunny side there's anyone who has ever played the accordion professionally.

Swann:
Stone... I'm afraid. I'm afraid. That's why I couldn't get out of the car to see my Tess, my child.

Benjy:
Alan Swann, afraid? The Defender of the Crown? Captain from Tortuga? The Last Knight of the Round Table?

Swann:
Those are movies, damn you! Look at me! I'm flesh and blood, life-size, no larger! I'm not that silly goddamned hero! I never was!

Benjy:
To me you were! Whoever you were in those movies, those silly goddamn heroes meant a lot to me! What does it matter if it was an illusion? It worked! So don't tell me this is you life-size. I can't use you life-size. I need Alan Swanns as big as I can get them! And let me tell you something: you couldn't have convinced me the way you did unless somewhere in you you had that courage! Nobody's that good an actor! You are that silly goddamn hero!

Swann wanders into the women's restroom by mistake:

A woman exclames:
"Sir, this is for women only!"

Swann:
"So is this madame, but occassionally I have to run some water through it."