Naked

Johnny:
I know it's a bit cheeky but, er, I'm a cheeky young monkey!

Johnny:
Well, Brian, congratulations! You've succeeded in convincin' me that you do 'ave the most tedious f***in' job in England.

Sophie:
You shouldn't stick anything up your c*nt that you can't put in your mouth.

Jeremy:
Hope I haven't give you AIDS, Sophie.

Louise:
Jesus Christ.

Sophie:
Are you serious?

Jeremy:
Nearly justy.

Louise:
Very funny.

Jeremy:
I think AIDS is rather healthy in its way.

Louise:
You what?

Jeremy:
I realise that's not a fashionable thing to say, of course.

Louise:
No, it's not.

Jeremy:
But the world is over crowded, isn't it? It do need a little pruning.

Sophie:
You f***in' better be joking.

Jeremy:
You're very beautiful, aren't you?

Sophie:
Am I?

Jeremy:
In a quirky sort of way.

Johnny:
And what is it what goes on in this postmodern gas chamber?

Brian:
Nothing. It's empty.

Johnny:
So what is it you guard, then?

Brian:
Space.

Johnny:
You're guarding space? That's stupid, isn't it? Because someone could break in there and steal all the f***in' space and you wouldn't know it's gone, would you?

Brian:
Good point.

Johnny:
Why are you here in London, oh Bodhidharma?

Archie:
Put my old man at the hospital.

Johnny:
Your dad?

Archie:
Right.

Johnny:
How did you do that, then?

Archie:
Cracked him on the head.

Johnny:
So what, is he in a bad way?

Archie:
F***in' half dead.

Johnny:
So you're like on the run, then?

Archie:
Yeah.

Johnny:
Me too.

Archie:
Yeah, the cops after you, yeah?

Brian:
Waste not, want not.

Johnny:
And other clichés.

Brian:
But a cliché is full of truth, otherwise it wouldn't be a cliché.

Johnny:
Which is itself a cliché.

Louise:
Sometimes I wish I was back in Manchester.

Sophie:
What for?

Louise:
People talk to you.

Sophie:
I talk to you.

Louise:
Yeah, but you talk a pail of sh*t.

Johnny:
Oh, "Jane Austen" by Emma. That's one of me favorite books.

Louise:
How did you get here?

Johnny:
Well, basically, there was this little dot, right? And the dot went bang and the bang expanded. Energy formed into matter, matter cooled, matter lived, the amoeba to fish, to fish to fowl, to fowl to frog, to frog to mammal, the mammal to monkey, to monkey to man, amo amas amat, quid pro quo, memento mori, ad infinitum, sprinkle on a little bit of grated cheese and leave under the grill till Doomsday.

Johnny:
You think you can recapture your youth by f***ing it? You don't want to f*** me. You'll catch something cruel.

Johnny:
No matter how many books you read, there is something in this world that you never ever ever ever ever f***ing understand.

Johnny:
You can't make an omelet without cracking a few eggs. And humanity is just a cracked egg. And the omelet stinks.

Sophie:
What is a "proper relationship"?

Louise:
Living with someone who talks to you after they banged you.

Johnny:
I've got an infinite number of places to go, the problem is somewhere to stay.

Johnny:
You know what frightens me about the human body?

Sophie:
What?

Johnny:
Well, it's like the, er, most sophisticated mechanism in the entire universe, and yet it's so f***in' quiet, isn't it? Know what I mean?

Sophie:
Dunno. Mine makes enough noise.

Johnny:
It's like this, er, wet, pink factory. What the f*** are they makin' in there? I mean, what's the product? You never see no delivery trucks comin' and goin', do you?

Johnny:
Resolve is never stronger than in the morning after it was never weaker.

Brian:
Would you like a mint?

Johnny:
Is this a new policy? Ply the culprit with menthol?

Johnny:
I used to be a werewolf, but I'm all right no-OOWWWWWWWWWW!

Brian:
What are you doing here?

Johnny:
Well, I was standing over *there*, but that didn't seem to be working out for me, so I moved over here, but this one isn't much better.

Louise:
So what happened, were you bored in Manchester?

Johnny:
Was I bored? No, I wasn't f***in' bored. I'm never bored. That's the trouble with everybody - you're all so bored. You've had nature explained to you and you're bored with it, you've had the living body explained to you and you're bored with it, you've had the universe explained to you and you're bored with it, so now you want cheap thrills and, like, plenty of them, and it doesn't matter how tawdry or vacuous they are as long as it's new as long as it's new as long as it flashes and f***in' bleeps in forty f***in' different colors. So whatever else you can say about me, I'm not f***in' bored.

Louise:
What are you doing here? You look like sh*t.

Johnny:
I'm just tryin' to blend in with the surroundings.

Johnny:
Have you ever thought, right, but you don't know, but you may have already lived the happiest day in your whole f***in' life and all you have left to look forward to is f***in' sickness and purgatory?

Sophie:
Oh, sh*t. I just live from day to day.

Johnny:
I tend to skip a day now and again, if you know what I mean.

Johnny:
What if God just put us here for his own entertainment? That's all we are - just something for him to have a bit of a laugh at?

Louise:
What? You don't want me to cut off your prick and shove it up your ass?

Maggie:
Have you ever seen a dead body?

Johnny:
Only me own.

Johnny:
Be good. If you can't be good, be careful.

Johnny:
You know at birth when you cut the umbilical cord - what would happen if, uh, well if it was never cut?

Sandra:
I don't need this. I just...

Johnny:
Well it'd be embarrassing, wouldn't it? Especially at my age.