Needful Things

Alan:
You know, guys, I moved here and I thought, Great! I'm outta the big city and I'm finally in a place where everybody isn't gonna be crawling up everybody's a**hole every day! A place where maybe my biggest nightmare is gonna be getting some goddamn cat out of a tree! But forget that! EVERYBODY IS INSANE, EVERYWHERE!

Danforth:
Everybody that's got it coming is gonna get it now!

Father Meehan:
When I was younger, people got along better.

Father Meehan:
You tell Rose that if he tries to bump us, he'll find out just how hard we mackeral snappers can bump back!

Gaunt:
Don't blame me, blame it on the bossa nova.

Wilma:
Pete, get me a goblet from the pen, I feel like turkey tonight.

Pete:
You feel like turkey every night Wilma

Buster:
I just killed my wife. Is that bad?

Leland:
It's alright, these things happen.

Leland:
Kill them all. Let God sort them out.

Leland Gaunt:
Oh. You know, there are days I really hate this job. This is not my best work, not by a long shot. Oh, sure, a few murders and a couple of rather lovely explosions. I would hardly call it a rousing success, but what the hell? I'll be back. In the meantime, you and Polly, you are two terrific kids, and you'll marry her. Trust me. She's a lovely girl, Alan. You'll have a wonderful family. Oh, by the way, give my regards to your grandson. Bob will be his name, International Trade his game. I'll see him in Jakarta, 2053. August 14th. 10a.m. A nice, sunny day. We'll make headlines.

Leland Gaunt:
If it's to hot in here, Mr. Jewett, just say the word. I'm afraid I have a tendency to turn up the heat.

Father Meehan:
If there's a devil in this town, it's that damned Reverand, Willie Rose!

Alan Pingborn:
You believe me now, Father? You still think he's a decent man? The Devil just blew up your damn Church!

Father Meehan:
That's not the Devil. It's those God-damned Baptists!

Leland:
I've always enjoyed ladies who take great pride in themselves.

Leland Gaunt:
When I started out I was just a peddler moving across the blind face of a distant land. Moving, always moving. Always gone... and in the end I'd always offer weapons. And they'd always take them. Of course I was gone before they realized what they'd purchased.

Leland Gaunt:
Don't be afraid of it, Hugh. Guns don't kill people. People kill people.

Leland Gaunt:
The young carpenter from Nazareth? I know him well. Promising young man. He died badly.

Leland Gaunt:
Oh yes, we're having fun now.

Leland Gaunt:
SHOOT THEM!

Leland Gaunt:
YOU WUSSY!

Nettie Cobb:
You killed my doggy, you b*tch!

Wilma Jerzyck:
You broke my microwave, you crazy f***!