Never Say Never Again

Fatima Blush:
Write this: "The greatest rapture of my life was afforded me on a boat in Nassau by Fatima Blush," and sign it "James Bond, 007."

James Bond:
I just remembered. It's against Service policy to give endorsements.

Fatima Blush:
Write!

Nurse:
Mr. Bond, I need a urine sample. If you could fill this beaker for me?

James Bond:
From here?

Fatima Blush:
Oh, how reckless of me. I made you all wet.

James Bond:
Yes, but my martini is still dry. My name is James.

Small-Fawcett:
I'm sorry Mr. Bond. I obviously caught you in a bad moment.

James Bond:
M sent you!

Small-Fawcett:
Only to plead for your return, Sir. M says that without you in the service, he fears for the security of the civilized world.

James Bond:
Never again.

Domino Petachi:
Never?

M:
I send you to a health farm to get yourself in shape! Instead you DEMOLISH it! Now I've had to notify the local police, get a minister to muzzle the press, and allocate a sizable chunk of my meager budget to renovating the establishment!

James Bond:
A man DID try to kill me, sir.

M:
Oh! Caught you seducing his wife, did he?

James Bond:
No, sir, not at all. But, in fact, I did lose 4 lbs. And God knows how many free radicals.

M:
That is the kind of attitude that tempts me to suspend you, 007!

M:
Too many free radicals. That's your problem.

James Bond:
"Free radicals," sir?

M:
Yes. They're toxins that destroy the body and the brain, caused by eating too much red meat and white bread and too many dry martinis!

James Bond:
Then I shall cut out the white bread, sir.

M:
Oh, you'll do more than THAT, 007. From now on you will suffer a strict regimen of diet and exercise; we shall PURGE those toxins from you!

James Bond:
Shrublands?

M:
You got it!

Fatima:
You're quite a man, Mr. Bond, but I am a superior woman. Guess where the first shot goes?

Blofeld:
I am Supreme Commander of SPECTRE, the Special Executive for Counterintelligence, Terrorism, Revenge and Extortion. Yesterday morning, the American Air Force launched 2 cruise missiles from Swadley Air Base in Great Britain. Through the ingenuity of SPECTRE, the dummy warheads they carried were replaced with *live*, *nuclear* warheads. Your weapons of destruction are now safely in our possession and will be moved to two secret targets. Please note the serial numbers of the missiles; they will confirm the truth. Your weapons of deterrence did not deter us from our objective! A terrible catastrophe now confronts you. However, it can be avoided by paying a tribute to our organization, amounting to twenty-five percent of your respective countries' annual oil purchases. We have accomplished two of the functions that the name SPECTRE embodies: terror and extortion. If our demands are not met within seven days, we shall ruthlessly apply the third: revenge!

Q:
Good to see you Mr. Bond. Things have been awfully dull around here. I hope we're going to see some gratuitous sex and violence."

James Bond:
I certainly hope so too.

Miss Moneypenny:
Have you got a mission, James?

James Bond:
Yes. I am to eliminate all free radicals.

Miss Moneypenny:
Ooh. Be careful.

Largo:
Do you lose as gracefully as you win?

James Bond:
I don't know, I've never lost.