Nine Months

Samuel Faulkner:
Are you sure?

Rebecca Taylor:
I'm ten days late.

Samuel Faulkner:
And there's no way you could have had it and just not noticed?

Dr. Kosevich:
If it's not one thing, it's your mother.

Rebecca Taylor:
Sam! My water broke!

Samuel Faulkner:
Well, we'll get you another one!

Dr. Kosevich:
I've got it! Nurse, call the Anesthesiologist, this woman needs an enema!

Dr. Kosevich:
No, uh, she needs a pedicure!

Dr. Kosevich:
Epitath!

Samuel Faulkner:
She's not dead, you moron!

Dr. Kosevich:
Epidermus... Uh...

Rebecca Taylor:
Epidural, a**hole!

Dr. Kosevich:
See? That is why women have the babies. Men can't take the paaai...

Dr. Kosevich:
You have a girl. Unless I cut the wrong cord.

Gail Dwyer:
Who is that, honey?

Marty:
It's, uh, my mother.

Gail Dwyer:
I thought she was dead!

Marty:
Yeah, I know, it's really weird!

Arnie:
Ah, ya cheap sh*t.

Marty:
What did you say?

Arnie:
Oh gee, I didn't say nothing mister, you must be hearing things. Bye bye, Arnie loves you. Ya penis-head.

Marty:
Now I heard that!

Arnie:
Heard what?

Marty:
I heard what you said!

Arnie:
I didn't say nothing... Ya fat ass p*ssy.

Arnie:
I'll shove an "Arnie Loves You" lunchbox up your ass!

Samuel Faulkner:
Can't you give her something for the pain?

Dr. Kosevich:
You don't want natural child birth?

Samuel Faulkner:
No!

Dr. Kosevich:
Okay, uh... You want Anastasia? Drugs, yes? Okay, valium.

Samuel Faulkner:
Valium is no good for her.

Dr. Kosevich:
No, for me.

Samuel Faulkner:
NO!

Dr. Kosevich:
Okay, okay, what is wrong? OH F*** ME! It is not working.

Gail Dwyer:
I hate you! You did this to me you miserable piece of dick-brained, horseshit slime-sucking son of a whore b*tch!

Marty:
That's perfect! I got it all on film, the kids will love it!

Truman:
Are you alright, Man?

Samuel Faulkner:
Yes, I'm fine. I was just listening to what you were saying. Um, could you repeat it so I could get it down?

Truman:
You're an a**hole, and my dad's a bastard!

Samuel Faulkner:
Think, you Commie bastard!

Dr. Kosevich:
Shut up, you limey prick!

Gail:
You keep this up and you're gonna die alone. Like a dog. Like a bum. Like Van Gogh.

Marty:
You know what? I ought to come over there and kick your bony little ass if I wasn't going to have my 5 year-old daughter do it!

Truman:
My dad's an a**hole.

Samuel Faulkner:
Okay. Good. Um, is that something you can maybe elaborate on for me a little?

Truman:
Okay. My dad's a giant a**hole.