Nobody's Fool

Carl Roebuck:
60 years old and still getting crushes on other men's wives. I hope that when I'm your age, I'll be a little bit smarter than that.

Sully:
You sure are off to a slow start.

Miss Beryl:
Doesn't it bother you that you haven't done more with the life God gave you?

Sully:
Not often. Now and then.

Judge Flatt:
Ollie, you know my feelings about arming morons: you arm one, you've got to arm them all, otherwise it wouldn't be good sport.

Toby:
Sully, You're a man amongst men.

Sully:
A condemned man has a right to a last request doesn't he? I got my truck out back whaddya say we get in the back get naked and see where it goes from there?

Birdy:
Ok

Sully:
Haven't you got any pride?

Birdy:
Go to jail, Sully, it's where you belong.

Miss Beryl:
Do you still bet on that horse race of yours?

Sully:
What, the trifecta?

Miss Beryl:
Yes. Has it ever come in?

Sully:
Not yet.

Miss Beryl:
But you still bet on it.

Sully:
Well, sure. I mean, the odds have gotta kick in sooner or later.

Miss Beryl:
Fine. That's exactly the way I feel about you.

Sully:
I should have known better than to hire a one-legged lawyer.

Wirf:
You can't afford a two-legged lawyer.

Peter:
So if you're not a father to me, how come you're a grandfather to Will?

Sully:
'cause you gotta start someplace.

Peter:
Mom's greatest fear is that your life was fun.

Sully:
Tell her not to worry.

Miss Beryl:
Mr. Sullivan, you're wearing a necktie. Are you in trouble with the law again?

Charlotte:
How can you live in a town this size and not see your ex-wife all the time?

Sully:
That's easy, dolly. Peter's mom and I don't exactly travel in the same circles. As a matter of fact, Vera pretty much travels in a straight line.

Peter:
SOMEBODY in this family had to.

Sully:
What's the matter with you?

Wirf:
I'm trying to communicate with you telepathically.

Carl Roebuck:
Forget about it. The only way to communicate with Sully's to whack him in the head with a shovel.

Peter:
You want some buns?

Sully:
Dogs don't eat buns.

Peter:
You're buying ground beef for your dog?

Sully:
I don't own a dog.

Peter:
Oh, God. I don't believe this. I'm a member of Greenpeace and I just helped poison a dog.

Sully:
Well for one thing, it ain't poison. For another, you didn't help much.

Sully:
I can't believe it's gonna take you that long to get me out of jail.

Wirf:
Don't blame me, I'm a Jew. They're not my holidays.

Sully:
A Jew? Really? I didn't know that. How come you ain't smart?

Wirf:
How can I start getting you out of jail when you won't go in?

Toby:
Did you come to steal our new snowblower?

Sully:
I've already don it, just about.

Toby:
I could legally shoot you, you know.

Sully:
Not unless I'm breaking and entering

Toby:
ARE you gonna break and enter?

Sully:
What's happening with Dummy?

Toby:
I don't know. He took my threat to shoot him a lot more seriously than you just did.

Sully:
Poor guy just had a bypass. Maybe he's trying to cram everything he can do into six months. When he realizes he's going to live until he's seventy, he'll slow down.

Toby:
If I had my way, he wouldn't live to Thanksgiving.

Toby:
Go ahead, steal our snowblower. You're the slowest goddamn thief that I ever saw.

Peter:
It's not gonna be easy being you, is it?

Sully:
Don't expect much from yourself at the beginning. I couldn't do everything at first, either.

Sully:
Okay, Shyster, who do you like?

Wirf:
The plaintiff. It's a lock.

Sully:
I'll take the defendant.

Birdy:
You weren't even here for the stories.

Sully:
Yeah, but I know my lawyer.

Wirf:
Sooner or later we'll wear the bastards down. The court is already starting to get pissed. You heard the judge.

Sully:
He's pissed at you, Wirf!

Wirf:
Only because he knows I won't go away.

Sully:
I know how he feels.

Sully:
Boy, a guy goes to jail for a couple of days and the whole town goes to hell!

[running joke]

Miss Beryl:
Can I interest you in a cup of tea?

Sully:
No. Not now. Not ever.

Sully:
[about Toby] Don't tell me she's pregnant.

Carl:
Knocked up like a cheerleader. Eh, I suppose now you're gonna to want to be godfather.

Sully:
Hey... I can't be the father and the godfather. You got to goddamn do something.

Toby:
Oh, you're a man among men, Sully.

Sully:
Well, thanks.

Toby:
That wasn't a compliment!

Sully:
You ain't naked or anything, are ya?

Toby:
No, but I can be in about 2 seconds.

Sully:
Well, take your time. I need a cup of coffee. [on phone] Ace Towing? Sullivan. I'm just around the corner. 313 Harvin. Pick me up. Charge it. Tip Top Construction Company. Thanks. [hangs up phone] Horace?...

Horace Yaney:
Hi, Sully. I ain't naked either.

Sully:
Thank God for that!

Sully:
Go home, you jerk. You're married to the best-looking woman in Bath.

Carl:
Who was it that said, "A man's reach should exceed his grasp?"

Sully:
I want to thank you for thinking of me.

Toby:
Yeah.

Sully:
I, uh... You know, until a while ago, I could've... I could've... but... I just found out I'm somebody's grandfather. I'm somebody's father, and... and maybe... I'm somebody's friend in the bargain. So...

Toby:
Yeah. You are a man among men.

Sully:
I know, it's not a compliment.

Toby:
No, this time it is.

Wirf:
You'd keep my leg, wouldn't you?

Sully:
You don't need a leg, you need a parrot.

Sully:
How about that? Intelligence, hard work and good looks finally pay off.

Peter:
And to think we were here to see it.

Wirf:
Damn, Sully, when your luck turns... it turns.