Not Quite Human II

[the Carsons are discussing something funny that happened earlier that day]

Chip:
Would it be appropriate to laugh? I've got a new one I'd like to try.

Jonas:
No. Maybe later, okay?

Becky:
Yeah sure, Chip. Go ahead, let's hear your laugh.

Chip:
All right. [extremely loud, echoing] HAAA! [everyone in the restaurant stares] Everyone enjoys a good laugh.

Jonas:
Well, we've done it, we have conquered high school. I say we have a toast.

Becky:
[raising her glass] To Chip.

[waiter arrives with a bowl of soup]

Waiter:
Leek soup.

[Chip looks down at the floor]

Chip:
Did I leak soup?

Becky:
No, no, Chip, it's a vegetable.

Chip:
Oh... HAAA!

Jonas:
Now that high school is over, I think it's time to get started on those other projects. Remember the cybernetic accelerator? The sub-zero magnetic force manipulator?

Chip:
But dad, I won't be able to help you.

Jonas:
Why not?

Chip:
Because I'm going to college. I've already been accepted for the summer semester.

Jonas:
What?

Becky:
Oh good, Chip!

Jonas:
No, not great. Not all right, no!

Chip, Becky:
What?

Becky:
Chip, college is just too far away. Too many things could go wrong. You'd be out of my sight completely. What would your life be like if everybody else knew about you?

Becky:
Yeah, but if he lived in a dormitory, he could take care of himself. I mean, c'mon dad, I bet he could do it. All he has to do is...

Jonas:
No, that's it. No, no! I'm sorry, end of discussion.

Chip:
[to Becky] Should I be angry?

Becky:
I sure would be.

[Chip immediately sets his face to an angry expression]

Waiter:
And how is everything?

Chip:
[crossly] Fine! The soup looks delicious!

Moore:
This diskette holds the most effective computer-destroying program yet devised by man. It's already been incorporated into the entire line of programs that we distribute to every imminent researcher in the field of artificial intelligence.

Miller:
Sabotage. Anyone out there who think's they'll collect the prize money for the world's first android is in for a nasty surprise. This is insurance that we'll get there first.

Dr. Masters:
So, what have you come up with?

[Miller inserts the disk into a computer]

Miller:
You might want to stand back. It's rather impressive.

Moore:
This program will have basically the same effect on an android. A computer's a computer, no matter how complicated. First it starts to send glitches into the peripherals, which drives them crazy with aggravation. Then it goes absolutely haywire. Memory wipes, overloading power feeds until it literally self-destructs. [the computer explodes]

Miller:
Boom.

Dr. Masters:
That's quite amusing. I assume you've taken precautions with our own system.

Miller:
[hold up a blue disk] This counteractive program is the only thing that can save an android once our hostile program goes to work.

Moore:
That'll destroy anything in a maximum of five days. Without this, they're scrap metal and they don't know it.

[after their argument about college, Jonas goes into Chip's room to find him staring out the window]

Jonas:
Chip, I'm sorry, but that's just the way it's got to be and I know you'll understand. [no response] Chip? Hey, look at it this way, I just care about you too much to let you go. All right? Just too many things could happen. Between you and- [Jonas finds a note taped to Chip's chest, he takes it off and reads it] Becky!

Becky:
[enters] Yeah, dad?

Jonas:
"I've turned myself off. Please don't reactivate unless you have further use for me." What am I supposed to do about that?

Becky:
Well, he does this when he's depressed. It's kind of like an escape.

Jonas:
He's not depressed, he can't be. I didn't program depression into him.

Becky:
He's been adding a lot of stuff while you've been too busy to notice. He does get into moods, but I don't think he's actually felt a big emotion yet. How about looking at it like this, okay? It's an even bigger test. Why end with high school? Now he has to fit into a more adult world. Prove Chip can do it in a more dangerous environment. C'mon, dad, it is the ultimate experiment.

Jonas:
Sure and if he go out and finds...

Becky:
Dad.

Jonas:
Becky...

Becky:
Please?

Jonas:
Yes, you have a point. College would be the next logical progression in Chip's development, but it's dangerous. [pause] He should probably go to college.

Chip:
[suddenly perks up] Thanks, dad!