Nurse Betty

Charlie:
People who get the calls are good. Not flashy, good. They get in, they get out, nobody knows a goddamn thing. You understand? Boom, boom, boom. Three in the head, you know they're dead.

Betty Sizemore:
My friend says if you were any more handsome it would be a crime. It's a shame you're such an a**hole.

Wesley:
I saw your TV movie. It sucked! Hasselhoff blew you off the screen!

Betty:
No, I have to do this or he'll die. It's OK, I've seen it done once.

Charlie:
How'd they describe her?

Wesley:
You know, blonde, thin, whatever.

Charlie:
Slow down: blonde, thin, yeah. Did they say anything about style? Did they mention grace?

Betty Sizemore:
Gosh! I haven't been this happy since I was 12.

George McCord:
Okay, I'll bite. What happened when you were 12?

Betty Sizemore:
I took my mom to Kansas City for Mothers' Day and I used the allowance I was saving. We went to lunch at Skies, this restaurant at the top of a building, and you can see the whole world from up there. It was our last special thing 'cause she died that year. It was a great day.

George McCord:
You just gave me goose bumps from that. You know that? That is just great improv!

Charlie:
Where am I, Purgatory?

Wesley:
Worse, Texas!

Wesley:
I'll shoot that b*tch like she scratched my car.

George McCord:
You're a grip! Go... grip something!

Wesley:
This stuff's nuttier than my sh*t after I've eaten an Almond Roca!

Betty Sizemore:
He also works at Loma Vista.

Chief Nurse Iris Foster:
What is that?

Betty Sizemore:
It's the real pretty area, with the palm trees out front and the mountains in the background.

Chief Nurse Iris Foster:
You have just described all of southern California.

Del:
You know these actors are mainly models, which are mainly faggots. And the rest are a**holes... Know what bugs me the most about those soaps. It's people with no lives, watching other people's fake lives.

Sherrif Eldon Ballard:
Hey! I'm the law, I ain't gotta do nothing.

Charlie:
I'm asking for an example of one of these dumb f***s being a dumb f***.

Wesley:
Did you have a good time? Did you make a wish? Get in touch with your blackness? Found your Betty... well, at least where she has been hanging out.

Charlie:
Where? Where is she?

Wesley:
Not telling you.

Charlie:
What?

Wesley:
Not telling you till you straighten up. Danced around like f***ing bo-jangles out there, what the f***? This has got to stop, and I mean it!