One Hundred and One Dalmatians

Danny:
The humans have tried everything. Now it's up to us dogs, and the twilight bark.

Rolly:
I'm hungry, Mother. I'm hungry.

Perdita:
Now Rolly, you've just had your dinner.

Rolly:
But I am, just the same. I'm so hungry I could eat a... a whole elephant.

Lucky:
Mother, Dad! Patch pushed me in the fireplace.

Patch:
Lucky pushed me first.

Lucky:
Did not!

Patch:
Did too!

Lucky:
Did not!

Patch:
Did too!

Lucky:
Did *not*!

Jasper:
I ain't gonna hurt ya.

Horace:
But I thought we was gonna pop 'em off.

Jasper:
Shh, shut up!

Anita:
Cruella, isn't that a new fur coat?

Cruella De Vil:
My only true love, darling. I live for furs. I worship furs! After all, is there a woman in all this wretched world who doesn't?

Pongo:
My story begins in London, not so very long ago. Yet so much has happened since then, that it seems more like an eternity.

Pongo:
As far as I could see, the old notion that a bachelor's life was so... glamorous and carefree was all nonsense. It was downright dull.

Pongo:
Well, now that's a bit more like it! The most beautiful creature on four legs!

Pongo:
Perdita, darling, are you all right?

Perdita:
Oh, of course, dear. After all, dogs were having puppies long before our time.

Cruella:
They're mongrels. No spots! No spots at all! What a horrid little white rat!

Nanny:
They're not mongrels! They'll get their spots. Just wait and see.

Anita:
That's right, Cruella. They'll have their spots in a few weeks.

Cruella:
Oh, well, in that case I'll take them all. The whole litter. Just name your price, dear.

Anita:
I'm afraid we can't give them up. Poor Perdita, she'd be heartbroken.

Cruella:
Anita, don't be ridiculous. You can't possibly afford to keep them. You can scarcely afford to feed yourselves.

Anita:
I'm sure we'll get along.

Cruella:
Yes, I know! I know! Roger's... Roger's songs!

Cruella:
When can the puppies leave their mother? Two weeks? Three weeks?

Roger:
Never.

Cruella:
What?

Roger:
W-W-We're n-not s-selling t-the puppies. N-N-Not a sing... a single one. Do you understand?

Cruella:
Anita, is he serious? I really don't know Roger.

Anita:
Well, Cruella, he seems...

Cruella:
Surely he must be joking!

Roger:
No, no, no. I-I-I mean it. You're-You're not getting one. N-N-Not one. And that's... that's final!

Cruella:
Why, you horrid man!

Patch:
That old Dirty Dawson! The yellow-livered old skunk! I'd like to tear his gizzard out.

TV Announcer:
Don't miss next week's exciting episode. Who will triumph?

Patch:
Ol' Thunder always wins!

Jasper:
There's a new act just been passed in parliament. Comes under the heading of "Defence of the Realm Act", it's article 4, section 29, it's very important, you see, it's the law, and it's for your safety, ma'am.

Nanny:
Well, I don't care what Parliament realm, or whatever it is, says. You're not coming in here, not with the mister and missus gone.

Jasper:
Now, you've been gone and done it. You've cut me to the quick, lady. Why, I wouldn't stay here if you asked me to.

Jasper:
Not even for a cup of tea.

Seargent Tibs:
Yes, sir. Righto, sir. Right away, sir!

Colonel:
They say the ol' place is haunted or bewitched or some such fiddle faddle.

Seargent Tibs:
Fiddle faddle and rot, sir.

Colonel:
Just the same, Sergeant, use extreme caution. No telling what sort of hocus pocus you might run into.

Danny:
If you lose your way, contact the barking chain. They'll be standing by!

Jasper:
I'll skin every one of them little spotted hyenas, if it's the last thing I do.

Pongo:
Everybody here? All fifteen?

Patch:
Twice that many, Dad. Now there's 99 of us!

Lucky:
We gave 'em the slip!

Lucky:
Didn't we, Dad?

Lucky:
I'm tired and I'm hungry and my tail's froze and my nose is froze and my ears are froze. And my toes are froze.

Pongo:
That's the stuff! The blacker the better!

Roger:
We'll buy a big place in the country. We'll have a plantation... a Dalmatian plantation!

Anita:
Oh, Roger, that's truly an inspiration.

Nanny:
It'll be a sensation!

Roger:
We'll have a Dalmatian plantation. A Dalmatian plantation, I say.

Cruella:
You idiots! You fools! You imbeciles!

Jasper:
Ahhh... shaddup!

Cruella:
[bursts through the door] Anita, darling!

Anita:
How are you?

Cruella:
[gleefully] Miserable, darling, as usual. Perfectly wretched!

Cruella:
When can the puppies leave their mother? Two weeks? Three weeks?

Roger:
Never.

Cruella:
What?

Roger:
[nervously, but firmly stands his ground] We're not selling the puppies. Not a single one. Do you understand?

Cruella:
Anita, is he serious? I really don't know Roger.

Anita:
Well, Cruella, he seems...

Cruella:
Surely he must be joking!

Roger:
[more firmly] No, no, no, I mean it. You're not getting one. Not one! And that's final.

[Pongo nods at Cruella in agreement]

Cruella:
Why, you horrid man! You... you... All right. Keep the little beasts for all I care. [rips up the check] Do as you like with them. Drown them! [throws the pieces of ripped check paper at Roger] But I warn you, Anita, we're through. I'm through with all of you! I'll get even. Just wait. You'll be sorry. You fools! You... YOU IDIOTS! [she slams the door and Pongo barks loudly at her as she drives away]

[As Roger and Anita take Pongo and Perdita for a walk]

Jasper:
There they go, Horace, me lad. Out for their evening constitutional. A lovely pair of turtledoves. Around the jolly corner, and off to the park.

Horace:
Yeah, but I don't like it, Jasper. One more pinch and they'll throw the keys away.

Jasper:
Ah, come off it, Horace. We're getting plenty of boodle!

Horace:
Yes, but, uhm, I've been thinking--

Jasper:
[grabs him angrily] YOU'VE BEEN THINKING?! Now, look 'ere, Horace, I warned you about thinking! I've got the knob for this job, so let's get on with it.

Nanny:
Now, who do you suppose...? [answers the door]

Jasper:
Good evening, ma'am. We're here to inspect the wiring and the switches.

Horace:
And we're from the gas company.

Jasper:
[prods Horace] Lectric, lectric.

Horace:
Oh. Electric company!

Nanny:
Oh, but we didn't call for any inspection.

Jasper:
Oh yes, I know. See, there's a new Act just passed in Parliament. Comes under the heading of the "Defence of the Realm Act": Article Four, Section 29. Very important - it's the law! And it's for your own safety, ma'am.

Nanny:
Well, I don't care what Parliament, Realm or whatever it is says. You're not coming in here, not with the Mister and the Missus gone.

Jasper:
Oh, now. Come off it, Ducky. We got no time to palaver. We got a job to do. EXCUSE ME! [storms through the door]

Nanny:
What's the matter with you two?! You got cloth ears? I said you're not coming in here! [falls on her bottom]

Jasper:
Ho, ho, ho! She's a regular old totter, ain't she, Horace? [laughs mockingly, then heads upstairs]

Nanny:
[chasing Jasper] Don't you dare go up there, you big long-legged lummox! Now I mean it! If you don't get out of this house, I'll call the police, I will. Now be off with you, you big... you big weasel!

Jasper:
Now you've been gone and done it. You've cut me to the quick, lady. Why, I wouldn't stay here if you asked me to. [Nanny throws a teapot at Jasper, but it misses and breaks] Not even for a cup of tea! [calling down for Horace while trapping Nanny in the attic] Oi! Horace, me lad! I've got a sneaky suspicion we're not welcome here! [we see Horace downstairs with a bag, heading for the puppies in the kitchen] Pack up, we're leaving! Sharp's the word, and quick's the action.

[Jasper calls Cruella on the phone]

Cruella:
Hello? Jasper! Jasper, you idiot! How dare you call here?

Jasper:
Look, we don't want no more of this 'ere. We want our boodle. [as Horace tries to get his attention] We'll settle for half!

Cruella:
Not one schilling till the job's done. Understand?

Horace:
Jasper! [shows him the morning newspaper]

Jasper:
It's right here in the blinkin' paper, pictures and all!

Cruella:
Hang the papers! It'll be forgotten tomorrow.

Horace:
I don't like it, Jasper. I don't--

Jasper:
Ah, shaddup, you idiot!

Cruella:
WHAT?!

Jasper:
No, no, not you, miss. I mean Horace here!

Cruella:
Why, you imbecile! [slams down the phone]

Pongo:
Perdy... I'm afraid it's all up to us.

Perdita:
Oh, Pongo. Isn't there any hope?

Pongo:
Well, yes. There's the twilight bark.

Perdita:
The twilight bark? But dear, that's only a gossip chain.

Pongo:
Darling, it's the very fastest way to send news. And if our puppies are anywhere in the city, the London dogs will know. Now we'll send the word tonight when our pets take us for a walk in the park.

(Barking in the distance)

Colonel:
Sounds like a number. Three fives are 13.

Sgt. Tibbs:
Um, ah, that's 15, sir.

Colonel:
15? Of course 15!

(More barking)

Colonel:
Yes, dot, spot, spot, spotted puddings... poodles... No, no, puddles!

Captain:
Puddles, sir?

Colonel:
15 spotted puddles stolen, oh, balderdash!

Sgt. Tibbs:
Better double-check it, Colonel.

Colonel:
Hmm? Oh, yes, yes, I suppose I better.

(The Colonel barks, then barking in the distance in response)

Colonel:
Two woofs, one yip and a woof.

Sgt. Tibbs:
It sounds like puppies, sir.

Colonel:
Of course, puppies!

[An angry Cruella catches Jasper and Horace watching television]

Cruella:
I've got no time to argue. I tell you it's got to be done tonight. [switches off the TV] Do you understand? Tonight!

Horace:
But they ain't big enough.

Jasper:
You couldn't get half a dozen coats out of the whole kaboodle.

Tibbs:
[spying] Coats?! Dog-skin coats?

Cruella:
[breathes smoke at Jasper's face, and he coughs] Then we'll settle for half a dozen! We can't wait. The police are everywhere! I want the job done tonight!

Horace:
How are we gonna do it?

Cruella:
Any way you like: Poison them, drown them, bash them in the head. You got any chloroform?

Jasper:
Not a drop.

Horace:
And no ether... either.

Jasper:
[bonks Horace on the head with his wine-bottle] "Eye-ther"!

Cruella:
I don't care how you kill the little beasts, but DO IT! AND DO IT NOW!

Jasper:
Aw, please, miss. Now have pity, will ya? Can't we see the rest of the show first?

Horace:
We want to see "What's My Crime?"

[Jasper starts to drink from his bottle, but Cruella snatches it and throws it into the fireplace, where the ignited alcohol causes an explosion. The frightened puppies hide behind the furniture, and Cruella slaps both Jasper and Horace in the face.]

Cruella:
Now listen, you idiots! I'll be back first thing in the morning. And the job better be done or I'll... I'll... I'll call the police! DO YOU UNDERSTAND?!

[She slams the door behind her, causing a chunk of the ceiling to come loose and fall on Horace's head.]

Horace:
I think she means it, Jasper.

Jasper:
Ah... we'll get on with it as soon as the show's over. [switches the TV back on]

[Cruella sees footprints on both sides of the snow]

Cruella:
Well, now, what have we here? So they thought they can outwit Cruella.

[She laughs, then honks her car horn four times]

Cruella:
Jasper! Horace!

[Honks her horn again as Jasper and Horace arrive and pull over next to Cruella's car]

Cruella:
Here's their tracks heading straight for the village.

Jasper:
Blimey! Oh, it's them, alright.

Cruella:
Work your way through the south roads. I'll take the main road. See you in Dinsford!

[Cruella, Jasper and Horace split up into two different roads to Dinsford]

Pongo:
Perdy, I've got an idea! [rolls around in soot]

Perdita:
Pongo, what on Earth...?

Pongo:
Look! I'm a Labrador! We'll all roll in the soot! We'll all be Labradors!

Labrador:
Say! That is an idea!

Pongo:
Come on, kids! Roll in the soot!

Penny:
You mean you want us to get dirty?

Pepper:
Did you hear that, Freckles? Dad wants us to get dirty.

Cadpig:
Mother, should we?

Perdita:
[sighs] Do as your father says.

Pepper:
This'll be fun!

Cadpig:
I always wanted to get good and dirty! [They all giggle while rolling in the soot]

Roger:
[after counting the puppies] 101!'

Anita:
101? My, where did they all come from?

Roger:
Oh-ho, Pongo, you ol' rascal!

Cruella De Vil:
Blast this pen! BLAST THIS WRETCHED, WRETCHED PEN!

Roger:
Oh! Must be Cruella, your dearly devoted old school mate. Cruella De Vil. That's it!

Truck Driver:
[after he sees Cruella driving like a maniac] Hey, lady, what in thunder you trying to do?! Crazy woman driver...!

Jasper:
[cackling wickedly] Ah, ha-ha-ha! Now, we’ve got ‘em, Horace. They‘ve run out of room! Hey, what have we got here? A couple of spotted hyenas? C’mon, Horace, old pal. Give ‘em what for. I’m right behind ya, lad.

Horace:
[accidentally hits Jasper]

Jasper:
Oof! Oh, you clumsy clod! [angrily kicks Jasper]

Horace:
Hey, Jasper! I’ll knock the spots off you! Let go! Let go!

[Perdita bites Horace's pant leg. Jasper swings a chair and Pongo jumps on him]

Colonel:
Well, by George!

[A puppy barks. Jasper scowls and the puppy scampers off]

Jasper:
[violently kicks Pongo against the wall] You mangy mongrel!

Pongo:
[shakes his head dizzily]

Jasper:
I’ll knock your blinking block off!

Pongo:
[angrily bites Jasper's rear end]

Jasper:
YEOW!!

Colonel:
[looks through a hole in the door] Blast ‘em, Tibs. Go on, give ‘em what for.

Tibbs:
No, no, Colonel! Retreat, retreat!

Colonel:
Yes. Oh, yes, of course. Retreat! Retreat, on the double!

[The puppies follow Tibbs and the Colonel to the front door. Perdita attacks Horace]

Horace:
Help, Jasper, Jasper! Get me outta here!

Jasper:
Hey, Horace, they’re fighting dirty!

Horace:
Oh, oh, oh! [falls in the fireplace] Oh, oh, oh! [hits his head in the fireplace and bolts away, as he puts out the flames on the seat of his pants] Jasper!

Jasper:
Horace!

[With his pants on fire, Horace knocks Jasper against a wall. It cracks and the ceiling collapses on them]

Pongo:
C’mon, Perdy. Let’s go.

[The two dogs follow the paw prints in the snow. Horace and Jasper go outside]

Jasper:
[angrily shakes his fist] I’ll skin every one of them little spotted hyenas if it’s the last thing I do!

[The van makes a left turn out of Dinsford and takes the main road to London. Pongo and Perdita look at the road going away behind them and look back at the puppies hiding in the furniture. Just then, Cruella and the Baduns drive up in their vehicles, with Cruella quickly following the van and the Baduns taking an opposite road.]

Perdita:
Pongo! There she is: Cruella!

[Cruella comes from behind the van and rams against it to force it off the road]

Man:
[angrily] Hey, lady, what in thunder are you tryin’ to do?! Crazy woman driver!

[Cruella re-appears from the left and slams into the van again. She thrashes against the van wildly, almost flinging the puppies away, while the driver struggles to keep his van on the road. Just then, she sees a road barrier and tries to stop her car, but it crashes through the barrier and ends up in a ditch, while the van crosses the bridge. That does not stop Cruella, as she puts her car in reverse and goes full speed ahead on the other side of the hill. Her car reaches the top and hits a grove of trees, shedding off some of its parts. Cruella is now a psychopath on wheels, as her car resembles a hot rod now.]

Perdita:
[sees the Baduns traveling down a mountain road] Pongo, look!

[The Baduns also have plans to crash the van. Jasper is wickedly confident about this, while Horace holds onto the roof support for dear life.]

Horace:
Jasper!

Jasper:
[wickedly cackling] There ain’t nothin’ to it! I’ll give him a nudge And shove him in the dirt! Ha-ha!

[Then, Cruella returns, rage appears in Cruella's eyes, and the parents gape in horror. Cruella rams her car against the van's rear-end bumper and swerves the van in both directions to destroy it.]

Pongo:
Perdy, watch out!

[The battle continues with both drivers fighting for control over the road, until they near the junction where Horace and Jasper are preparing to make their move.]

Horace:
[Accidentally snaps the steering wheel off] Jasper!

Jasper:
Horace!

[Horace and Jasper's truck swerves out of control down the mountain and crashes into Cruella's car and both automobiles and drivers go flying into the air as they fall into the riverbank]

Cruella:
[angrily calls Jasper and Horace names] You idiots! You, you fools! You imbeciles!

Jasper:
[annoyed] Ah, shut up!

[Cruella continues slams her fist on a tire while she continues sobbing]

Anita:
Oh, it'll bet at least three weeks. [chuckling] No rushing these things, you know?

Anita:
Oh, Cruella...

Jasper:
Outta my way, ya barkin' haystack, or I'll knock your blinkin' block off!

Jasper:
[to Horace while closing in on the moving van] See, nothing to it! I'll give 'em a bit of a nudge, [cackles] AND SHOVE 'EM IN THE DITCH! HA-HA!

Jasper:
Ah, shut up!

Anita:
[humming, chuckling] Such a clever, lyrics.

Roger:
[chuckling] Melody first, my darling. And then, the lyrics, hmm?

Colonel:
By Jove, yes! So, it is. Well, she what you want.

Horace:
Oh, no you don't, Jasper! I'll pop 'em on the head and you do the skinnin'!