Open Water

Daniel:
Other people go on vacation and spend their days just laying around. We have a story we're going to be telling for the rest of our lives.

Susan:
Daniel, where's the boat?

Daniel:
That's a good question.

Daniel:
I guess it's one of those.

Susan:
You gotta be kidding me.

Daniel:
It better be one of those.

Susan:
Well which one do you think?

Daniel:
I don't know.

Susan:
We're stuck in the middle of the ocean!

Daniel:
This can't be happening!

Susan:
Oh God! Something's rubbing against my foot!

Daniel:
The only reason we are out here in the first place is because of your f***ing job!

Susan:
What?

Daniel:
If it were not for your job, we would not have thrown our plans out the window, rushed around at the last minute and settled on this f***ing trip! We would be at home, in the middle of our hectic lives, which right now sounds like heaven to me. And in a month's time, seven months ago, we would be where we were supposed to be in the first place, and paying less than we are now to be shark bait!

Susan:
I can't even believe you'd bring that up right now. You were the one who picked the dates.

Daniel:
Oh yeah, of my whopping two choices - this was the better date.

Susan:
I wanted to go skiing!

Susan:
Daniel, did you just pee?

Daniel:
Yep.

Susan:
You're disgusting.

Daniel:
Hey, you said you were a little cold.

Susan:
Was that a Shark?

Daniel:
I don't know I think it was a Dolphin.

Susan:
No it wasn't a Dolphin because if it was you would be over there playing with it!

[After minutes of swimming underwater, Daniel and Susan surface. Susan looks around for the boat, but cannot see it.]

Susan:
Daniel, where's the boat?

Daniel:
It's a good question. [points to two faraway boats, each in a different direction] I guess it's one of those.

Susan:
You've gotta be kidding me!

Daniel:
It better be one of those.

Susan:
Well, which one do you think?

Daniel:
I don't know.

[The two wave to one of the boats]

Susan:
Did you get us lost?

Daniel:
No.

Susan:
So we're in the right spot?

Daniel:
Yes. I'm 90% sure.

Susan:
90%? Why only 90%?

Daniel:
'Cause the boat's not here.

Daniel Kintner:
[yells] UNBELIEVABLE!!! THIS IS TRULY UNBELIEVABLE! AND THE BEST PART IS THAT WE PAID TO DO THIS! WE PAID TO BE OUT HERE! WE PAID THOSE INCOMPETENT F***ERS TO DROP US OUT IN THE MIDDLE OF THE F***ING OCEAN!!! We wanted an ocean view! BOY, DID WE GET IT! Those f***ers! [screams hysterically]