P.U.N.K.S.

Drew Utley:
Being tired of seeing the strong pick on the weak, we the P.U.N.K.S. are hereby united for one solemn, secret purpose: to protect the underdog with nerve, knowledge, strength.

Lanny Nygren:
[dressed up like an adult, ordering a drink from a bar] Umm, chocolate milk... On the rocks.

Drew Utley:
First things first: we have to swear in new members.

Miles Kitchen:
[pulling Drew to the side, whispering] What about...

Samantha Swoboda:
[interrupting, leaning over Miles and Drew]... the G.I.R.L.?

Drew Utley:
[holding a container of Grey Poupon in front of a fan] Stay back, or I'll Poupon you! [laughs] Get it? Poop-on-you?

Edward Crow:
Hey, you know what we're gonna do this weekend? We're gonna take the corporate jet, and we're gonna go squirrel hunting. You wanna come, Utley? Huh? [taking a gun and aiming it at Utley's head] A gun like this, almost shoots itself.

Pat Utley:
[nervously] Wh-what's the sport in that?

Edward Crow:
It's the way I like it. Would you go back to work? [points to his stuffed crow] My bird hates your cologne.

Edward Crow:
The government sells to every Saddam, Dick, and Harry, why can't I?

Miles Kitchen:
I'm in Radio Shack heaven! Electronics, amps, transmitters, receivers, robotics, surveillance equipment! Can I borrow a few parts? I'm gonna come up with a science project to beat that Marty Spengler.

Jonny Pasiotopolis:
Lofty goal.

Samantha Swoboda:
Who's the guy eatin' Styrofoam?

Drew Utley:
That would be Lanny.

Lanny Nygren:
Um, it's a rice cake. High in complex carbohydrates, uh, less than a gram of fat and uh, six grams of fiber. I just... thought you should know, you weren't even close.

Samantha Swoboda:
And, uh, where'd you get this one, the weinie factory?

Miles Kitchen:
Excuse me! I have an IQ of 160.

Samantha Swoboda:
[mockingly] Oh really? Well I've got a calculator!

Samantha Swoboda:
This is it. My dad's been sick for a while, so I've been picking up some of his repo jobs on the sly. I've tagged along so many of these, I can do 'em in my sleep.

Miles Kitchen:
Isn't this stealing?

Samantha Swoboda:
Not if you don't pay your bills. See, you've got your master keys, your lockpicks, your right angle screwdrivers, your extractors, and of course, the modified slim jim.

Miles Kitchen:
If we get the Augmentor, can I enter it in the science fair?

Drew Utley:
Let's get it first, Miles, okay?

Miles Kitchen:
Can't you just see the look on Spengler's face when I unveil it?

Jonny Pasiotopolis:
You are such a nerd.

Jonny Pasiotopolis:
This is the bomb! We could sell this for a fortune!

Drew Utley:
Whoa Jonny, this is classified intelligence. I mean we should be camouflaging this.

Samantha Swoboda:
Yo wouldn't it be phat we painted it like cherry red with flames?

Miles Kitchen:
It's an Augmentor, not a Camaro.

Samantha Swoboda:
So what's your idea, wastoid?

Drew Utley:
Hey, wait, wait everybody! Knock it off you guys!

Samantha Swoboda:
What are you looking at?

Miles Kitchen:
I don't know. Thought it was a girl, but uh, I'm open to suggestions.

Miles Kitchen:
I say we give up Samantha and Jonny like ugly stepkids. It's their their stinkin' prints muckin' up the works!

Samantha Swoboda:
[fires a spitball at him] Yeah right. We are not goin' down without our accomplices. We'll name names.

Miles Kitchen:
I told you she was trouble! She's evil!

Samantha Swoboda:
We better crash at your guys' place for a while in case they come after us.

Miles Kitchen:
Oh sure. 'Hi Mom, Dad. This fourteen-year-old girl, she's just sleeping over tonight. Don't mind me, I'll be upstairs, in my room, *entering puberty*!' Are you nuts?

Edward Crow:
[to his stuffed bird] See? We are ready. Don't peck Daddy, don't peck Daddy.

Drew Utley:
[being chased by a car] Yo, Base, this is Drew! I've got a situation here! They're creeping up on me like a pair of lady's underwear. Any ideas?