Pee-wee's Big Adventure

Mickey:
I'm bad, Pee-wee. You don't want to get mixed up with a guy like me. I'm a loner. A rebel.

Pee-wee:
Deja Vu.

Pee-wee:
I don't remember.

Pee-wee:
I don't remember.

Pee-wee:
I remember... the Alamo.

Pee-wee:
Go ahead and scream your head off! We're miles from where anyone can hear you!

Pee-wee:
The mind plays tricks on you. You play tricks back! It's like you're unraveling a big cable-knit sweater that someone keeps knitting and knitting and knitting and knitting and knitting and knitting...

Madame Ruby:
For twenty dollars I can tell you a lot of things. For thirty dollars I can tell you more. And for fifty dollars I can tell you *everything*.

Pee-wee:
Tell me why I'm here first.

Madame Ruby:
You're here because you... want something!

Dottie:
Hello?

Pee-wee:
Hi, Dottie, it's Pee-wee!

Dottie:
Pee-wee? Where are you calling from?

Pee-wee:
Texas!

Dottie:
Huh?

Pee-wee:
Honest! I'll prove it!

Pee-wee:
The stars at night are big and bright...

Simone:
I know you're right, Pee-wee, but...

Pee-wee:
But what? Everyone I know has a big but. C'mon, Simone, let's talk about *your* big but.

Pee-wee:
Is this something you can share with the rest of us, Amazing Larry?

Tina:
This is one of my favorite parts of the tour. Say hello to our residents, Pedro and Inez. Pedro is working on an "adobe." Can you say that with me?

Tina:
Inez is holding a clay pot, of which she seems to be very proud. She has decorated it with lots of paint and glaze.

Tina:
Yes, there are thousands and thousands of uses for corn, all of which I'm going to tell you about right now!

Pee-wee:
Shhhhhhhh! I'm trying to use the phone!

Biker #1:
Did anybody tell you that this is the private club of the Satan's Helpers?

Pee-wee:
Nobody hipped me to that, dude.

Pee-wee:
I'm here to see Francis!

Butler:
Francis is busy.

Pee-wee:
Busy doing what?

Butler:
He's having his bath.

Pee-wee:
Oh, really?

Pee-wee:
Where are they hosing him down?

Pee-wee:
I wouldn't sell my bike for all the money in the world. Not for a hundred million, billion, trillion dollars!

Francis:
Then you're crazy!

Pee-wee:
I know you are but what am I?

Francis:
You're a nerd!

Pee-wee:
I know you are but what am I?

Francis:
You're an idiot!

Pee-wee:
I know you are but what am I?

Francis:
No, I'm not.

Francis:
Shut up, Pee-wee!

Pee-wee:
Why don't you make me.

Francis:
You make me!

Pee-wee:
Because. I don't make monkeys, I just train 'em.

Francis:
Pee-wee listen to reason.

Francis:
Pee-wee!

Pee-wee:
Sh! I'm listening to reason.

Francis:
Pee-wee!

Pee-wee:
That's my name, don't wear it out.

Francis:
Remember the first time I saw your bike? You came riding passed my house and I came running out to tell you how much I liked it even way back then?

Pee-wee:
I love that story.

Francis:
You'll be sorry, Pee-wee Herman!

Francis:
Today's my birthday and my father says I can have anything I want.

Pee-wee:
Good for you and your father.

Francis:
So guess what I want.

Pee-wee:
A new brain?

Francis:
No. Your bike!

Pee-wee:
What did you do?

Mickey:
Well, I lost my temper and I took a knife and I uh-. Do you know those "Do Not Remove Under the Penalty of Law" labels they put on mattresses?

Pee-wee:
Yeah.

Mickey:
Well I CUT one of them off!

Pee-wee:
Jee.

Mickey:
Yeah, I have a real bad temper.

Pee-wee:
Boy, I always thought that was the dumbest law.

Dottie:
Pee-wee, how are you ever going to pay a reward like that?

Pee-wee:
It's simple. Whoever returns the bike is obviously the person who stole it. So they don't deserve any reward!

Pee-wee:
Have a nice day.

Large Marge:
Be sure and tell 'em Large Marge sent ya! Heh heh heh heh heh.

Pee-wee:
Some night, huh?

Large Marge:
On this very night, ten years ago, along this very stretch of road in a dense fog just like this. I saw the worst accident I ever seen. There was this sound, like a garbage truck dropped off the Empire State Building... And when they pulled the driver's body from the twisted, burning wreck. It looked like this...

Pee-wee:
Aaaaaahh!

Large Marge:
Yes, Sir, the worst accident I ever seen.

Pee-wee:
Large Marge sent me.

Pee-wee:
She just dropped me off.

Pee-wee:
That means the Large Marge I was riding with was...

Mario:
Fake blood... Or is it?

Pee-wee:
Yuck, no.

Mario:
Super stink bomb?

Pee-wee:
Have some.

Mario:
Shrunken head?

Pee-wee:
No.

Mario:
Regular sized?

Pee-wee:
No.

Mario:
How about this.

Pee-wee:
Noooooo!

Mario:
Trick gum? Headlight glasses? And how about an Australian Boomerang bowtie?

Pee-wee:
'Come in red?

Kevin Morton:
Doesn't it look like I'm ready? I am always ready! I have been ready since first call! I am ready! Roll!

Tina:
There's no basement in the Alamo!

Pee-wee:
There's a lotta things about me you don't know anything about, Dottie. Things you wouldn't understand. Things you couldn't understand. Things you shouldn't understand.

Francis:
Today's my birthday and my father says I can have anything I want.

Pee-wee:
Good for you and your father.

Francis:
So guess what I want.

Pee-wee:
A new brain.

Francis:
No. Your bike!

[Pee-wee laughs on the ground]

Francis:
What's so funny, Pee-wee?

Pee-wee:
[gets back on his feet] It's not for sale, Francis!

Francis:
My father says everything's negotiable, Pee-wee.

Pee-wee:
I wouldn't sell my bike for all the money in the world. Not for 100 billion-million-TRILLION dollars!

Francis:
Then you're crazy!

Pee-wee:
I know you are, but what am I?

Francis:
You're a nerd!

Pee-wee:
I know you are, but what am I?

Francis:
You're an idiot!

Pee-wee:
I know you are, but what am I?

Pee-wee and Francis:
I know you are, but what am I?! I know you are, but what am I?! I know you are, but what am I?! I know you are, but what am I?! I know you are, but what am I?!

Pee-wee:
Infinity!

Francis:
No. I'm not.

Pee-wee and Francis:
You are! No way! Knock it off! Cut it out!

Francis:
Oh, shut up, Pee-wee!

Pee-wee:
Why don't you make me?

Francis:
Why don't you make me?

Pee-wee:
Because I don't make monkeys. I just train 'em!

Francis:
Come on, Pee-wee. Listen to reason!

[Pee-wee puts his hand beside his left ear]

Francis:
Come on!

Pee-wee:
Shh! I'm listening to reason.

Francis:
Pee-wee!

Pee-wee:
That's my name. Don't wear it out!

Francis:
Remember the first time I saw your bike? You were riding past my house, and I came running out to tell you how much I liked it even way back then?

Pee-wee:
I love that story.

[he takes his bike and leaves]

Francis:
[angrily points his finger at his rival] You'll be sorry, Pee-wee Herman!!

[Pee-wee confronts Francis in his large pool-like bath]

Pee-wee:
Still wanna buy my bike, Francis?!

Francis:
What would I do with that old relic?! I can have any bike in the world!

Pee-wee:
AHA! You don't want it anymore, because you already have it! Tell me where it is before I lose patience with you, Francis!

[Pee-wee enters a biker bar and tries to use the payphone but can't because of the noise]

Pee-wee:
SHH!!!!

[the bikers all stop and stare at Pee-wee]

Pee-wee:
I'm trying to use the phone!!

[the bikers walk up to him; one of the bikers hangs up the phone]

Biker 1:
Did anybody tell you that this is the private club of The Satan's Helpers?

Pee-wee:
Nobody hipped me to that, dude.

Biker 1:
It's off-limits!

Dottie:
I wanna know if you'll go someplace, with me.

Pee-wee:
Like where?

Dottie:
The drive-in.

Pee-wee:
Look, Dottie, I like you. Like! I like you!

Dottie:
That's the thing. I like you, too--

Pee-wee:
[shouts] Dottie! [calm voice] There's a lotta things about me you don't know anything about, Dottie. Things you wouldn't understand. Things you couldn't understand. Things you shouldn't understand.

Dottie:
I don't understand.

Pee-wee:
You don't wanna get mixed up with a guy like me. I'm a loner, Dottie. A rebel.

Large Marge:
Be sure and tell 'em, Large Marge sent ya! HA HA HA HA HA!

[Pee-wee begins his meeting]

Pee-wee:
This box contains over 217 bits and pieces of information: Evidence.

[he extracts some evidence, starting with a photograph]

Pee-wee:
Exhibit A: A photograph of the victims: My bike and me. Exhibit B: [exposes a second photograph] Another photograph! What's missing from this picture? It's just me! WITHOUT MY BIKE!!

[the Amazing Larry is about to whisper to Mario, but is interrupted by Pee-wee]

Pee-wee:
Is there something you can share with the rest of us, Amazing Larry?!

[Larry reacts, then Pee-wee extracts...]

Pee-wee:
Exhibit C: The horn I was picking up at Chuck's Bike-O-Rama, when my bike was actually stolen.

[he honks his horn at full blast, and the crowd reacts to it; Pee-wee then extracts a pen]

Pee-wee:
Exhibit D: Jimmy, what is this?

Jimmy:
[thinks] Uh...

Pee-wee:
Too late! Chip?

Chip:
Uh, looks like a pen.

Pee-wee:
Exactly! I bought this pen one hour before my bike was stolen. Why? What's the significance? I DON'T KNOW!

[around 3 hours into the meeting...]

Pee-wee:
Exhibit Q! A scale model of the entire mall!

[he laughs, then points his pool cue to the X on the spot where his bike was stolen]

Pee-wee:
X marks the scene of the crime. These arrows here show the exact position of the sun on the hour of the crime. Jupiter was aligned with Pluto! The moon was in the...!

Chuck:
Pee-wee!

Pee-wee:
Please save your questions until I'm THROUGH, Chuck!

Chuck:
Well, when will that be?! A long time, we wait! We've been here for over 3 hours now, and I'm not sure if any of us can see what all this is supposed to mean.

Pee-wee:
Supposed to mean? SUPPOSED TO MEAN?!!

[he snaps his cue in half]

Biker #2:
I say we kill him!

Biker Gang:
YEAH!

Biker #3:
I say we hang him, then we kill him!

Biker Gang:
YEAH!

Biker #4:
I say we stomp him!

Biker Gang:
YEAH!

Biker #4:
Then we tattoo him!

Biker Gang:
YEAH!

Biker #4:
Then we hang him!

Biker Gang:
YEAH!!

Biker #4:
And then we kill him!

Biker Gang:
YEAH!!!

Pee-wee:
[tries to throw his voice without moving his lips] I say we let him go.

Biker Gang:
NO!!!

Biker Mama:
[whistles and grabs Pee-wee] I say ya let ME have him first!

(the Biker Gang breaks out in raucous laughter)

Pee-wee:
Wait! Don't I get a last request?

Lead Biker:
[turns to his gang, then to Pee-wee] Why not?

Kevin:
Well, is everything straightened out?

Jerry:
We are ready whenever you are.

Kevin:
Doesn't it look like I'm ready? [loudly] I am ALWAYS ready! I have BEEN ready since first call! I AM READY! ROLL!

Jerry:
Quiet, please! This is a take. Roll, please.

Cameraman:
Speed!

Kevin:
ACTION!!!

Jerry:
Action!

[last lines]

Pee-wee:
Come on, Dottie. Let's go.

Dottie:
Let's go? Don't you wanna see the rest of the movie?

Pee-wee:
I don't have to see it, Dottie. I lived it.

Pee-wee:
Exhibit Q: a scale-model of the entire mall! X marks the scene of the crime. These arrows here show the exact position of the sun at the hour of the crime. Jupiter was aligned with Pluto! The moon was in the seventh...

Chuck:
Pee-wee!

Pee-wee:
Please save your questions until I'm THROUGH, Chuck!

Chuck:
Well, when will that be? A long time, we wait! We've been here for over three hours now, and I'm not sure if any of us can see what all this is supposed to mean.

Pee-wee:
Supposed to mean? Supposed to MEAN? I think everyone here knows what this is supposed to mean. When you've gone over something again and again and again and again like I have certain questions get answered. Others spring up! The mind plays tricks on you. You play tricks back! It's like you're unraveling a big cable-knit sweater that someone keeps knitting and knitting and knitting and knitting and knitting and knitting and knitting...

Dottie:
Pee-wee, let's go up and get some fresh air, alright?

Pee-wee:
What for?

Dottie:
Because it's hot in here.

Pee-wee:
Hot? Who's hot? Feels just fine to me. I feel just PERFECT! In fact, I can't remember when I felt quite so COZY down here!

Dottie:
Pee-wee, I think I can get Chuck to give you a good break on one of the bikes in the shop.

Pee-wee:
I don't want some other crappy bike!

Dottie:
Well, Pee-wee, listen, if you want my help...

Pee-wee:
I DON'T want your help! I don't need the police and I DON'T NEED YOU! I DON'T NEED ANYBODY!

Pee-Wee Herman:
[falls off bike after attempting tricks] I meant to do that.