Pete Smalls Is Dead

[first lines]

K.C.:
A friend of mine became a big-shot Hollywood director. He put himself in his own movies. Big mistake. My oldest friend, Jack, teaching acting in the valley to people in refrigerator boxes. He said the idea came to him when he was locked in a public bathroom for a night. Me, I own a laundromat. My best friend has four legs and cataracts. I'd gone out to Los Angeles to change the world. And then we got hit smack in the face by something we hadn't seen coming. Fame.

K.C.:
Behind the Hollywood sign it's written that all the heart in tinsel town could fit in the navel of a fruit fly, and still have room for three caraway seeds.

Leonard Proval:
Why don't you guys have something to eat. They have an avocado salad here that'll give you an erection.

Jack:
Maybe I'll take one home, for emergencies.

Bernie Lake:
Shannah, say hello. This is my assistant, Shannah.

Shannah:
[on his lap] Most people have two names, Bernie.

Bernie Lake:
Well, most people aren't like you, Shannah. You can ask my wife about that.

Jack:
Pete Smalls is dead.

Leonard Proval:
I didn't know that.

Bernie Lake:
What do you mean dead? You mean, unfinanceable?

K.C.:
With Jack's heart as a GPS, we were lost.

K.C.:
Jack was a human mood ring, and I think he was about to turn purple.

K.C.:
I knew movies were like religion to the France, and to them, Jerry Lewis was a god.

Saskia:
We have something in common, you and I. We have nothing to loose.

K.C.:
Eskimos have 500 words for snow. The French have 500 kinds of cheese. And all I have is 500 kinds of questions.

Mexican Man:
[to Jack in Spanish] You look like my first wife. She had hair like you you with flies.

Bartender:
Every man should know the love of a dog, and the love of tequila Mexica.

[last lines]

Jack:
Watch this baby...