Peter's Friends

Andrew:
It's like kindergarten, school, university, black hole.

Andrew:
And what's all this then?

Peter:
It's called a pot-belly, Andrew. We have those in England, along with culture.

Peter:
Oh, how can I put this delicately? It's just that I'm not really in the vagina business.

Carol:
Thank you very much for dinner, Peter. I enjoyed watching it.

Carol:
Do you have any Equal?

Peter:
I'm sorry, I'm famous for having no equal.

Andrew:
I think adults are just children who owe money.

Carol:
But you make Mother Teresa look like a hooker.

Carol:
You know what I hate the most about being a public figure?

Andrew:
What?

Carol:
The public.

Andrew:
We went down about as well as a turd souffle.

Maggie:
Fill me with your little babies!

Andrew:
If there is a God, he takes very long lunches.

Sarah:
It could have been worse.

Andrew:
Yes, Sarah. It could have been worse. They could have attached electrodes to our genitals.

Peter:
How long have you been married now?

Andrew:
Almost three years.

Peter:
Quite a long time for Hollywood, isn't it?

Andrew:
Yeah.

Peter:
Don't you get some kind of a plaque?

Andrew:
Yes. We stay together five years I get a free hair transplant and she gets a new set of breasts.

Peter:
What, so she'll have four?

Andrew:
Yes, but her agent gets one.

Andrew:
Carol will be down in a minute. She's just gluing her hair on.

Andrew:
Now I don't know what this is about, but if I have something unfortunate hanging out of my nose and no one's told me, you're in big trouble.

Andrew:
It's sh*t with a capital "sh".

Peter:
And you know, when you think about it, that's exactly what happens to us when we're born. We're dropped down a random chimney and we have to get on with the strangers we find there. Typical Chesterton there to describe a chimney as a kind of uterus.

Sarah:
I'm disappointed in you. You used to be so romantic.

Andrew:
Yeah, well now I'm rheumatic.

Sarah:
You're probably going to be stuck with that Joan Collins impersonator for the rest of your life.

Andrew:
You're talking about the woman I almost love.

Sarah:
I've never seen anyone wear more makeup! How does she take it off? With a chiesel?

Andrew:
I will not have my ex-wife... future ex-wife talked about like that.

Andrew:
Oh, the f***ing underground song! What a piece of sh*t! Who wrote that?

Roger:
Guilty.

Andrew:
I've always loved that song.

Carol:
Look at this armoire! Is it real?

Andrew:
No, its imaginary!

Andrew:
What the f*** have you got in here? Weights?

Carol:
Yes.

Roger:
Ben, please. Play with the tractor that cost Daddy £40, not the box it came in.

Peter:
We've only got the three days, Maggie. It would be nice to make it into the house at some point.

Sarah:
Hi, guys.

Peter:
Now, that's what I call an extremely long dick.

Maggie:
How's Ben?

Mary Charleston:
My name is Mary, I'm an overprotective mother, and I've only phoned twice, today, and he's fine.