Pretty Woman

Vivian:
Tell me one person who it's worked out for.

Kit:
What, you want me to name someone? You want like a name? Oh, God, the pressure of a name... I got it. Cindaf***in'rella

Vivian:
So, what's your name?

Edward Lewis:
Edward.

Vivian:
Really? That's my favorite name in the whole world.

Vivian:
In case I forget to tell you later, I had a really good time tonight.

Vivian:
I would have stayed for two thousand.

Edward Lewis:
I would have paid four.

Edward Lewis:
You and I are such similar creatures Vivian. We both screw people for money.

Vivian:
I got red, I got green, I got yellow... I'm out of purple, but I do have one Gold Circle coin left... the condom of champions... the one and only... nothin' is gettin' through this sucker. Whaddya say, hmm?

Kit:
Hey yo, baby!

Guy in car:
How 'bout a freebie? It's my birthday.

Kit:
Dream on!

Kit:
You should go for him. You look hot tonight. Don't take less than $100. Call me when you're through. Take care of you.

Vivian:
Take care of you.

Vivian:
I called and called, where were you last night?

Kit:
Ma?

Vivian:
That would make you a... lawyer.

Edward Lewis:
What makes you think I'm a lawyer?

Vivian:
You have that sharp, useless look about you.

Edward Lewis:
I think we both know she's not my niece.

Barney:
Of course.

Edward Lewis:
And the reason I know that is that I'm an only child.

Vivian:
I appreciate this whole seduction thing you've got going on here, but let me give you a tip: I'm a sure thing.

Vivian:
Oh, I'm not trying to land him, I'm just using him for sex.

Kit:
I don't know. Maybe you could, like, buy a horse and some diamonds.

Edward Lewis:
How much for the entire night?

Vivian:
Stay here? You couldn't afford it.

Edward Lewis:
Try me.

Vivian:
300 dollars.

Edward Lewis:
Done! Thank you. Now we can relax.

Kit:
Fifty bucks, Grandpa. For seventy-five, the wife can watch.

Vivian:
You know, you could pay me now, and break the ice.

Vivian:
Can I call you Eddie?

Edward Lewis:
Not if you expect me to answer.

Edward Lewis:
I told you not to pick up the phone.

Vivian:
Then stop calling me.

Mr. Hollister:
Just how obscene an amount of cash are we talking about here? Profane or really offensive?

Edward Lewis:
Really offensive.

Mr. Hollister:
I like him so much.

Elizabeth Stuckey:
She's wonderful! Where ever did you find her?

Edward Lewis:
976-BABE.

Vivian:
I'm gonna treat you so nice, you're never gonna let me go.

Vivian:
You're late.

Edward Lewis:
You're stunning.

Vivian:
You're forgiven.

Old Lady at Opera:
Did you like the opera, dear?

Vivian:
It was so good, I almost peed my pants!

Edward Lewis:
She said she liked it better than Pirates of Penzance.

Edward Lewis:
So what happens after he climbs up and rescues her?

Vivian:
She rescues him right back.

Vivian:
People put you down enough, you start to believe it.

Edward Lewis:
I think you are a very bright, very special woman.

Vivian:
The bad stuff is easier to believe. You ever notice that?

Edward Lewis:
You can't charge me for directions!

Vivian:
I can do anything I want to baby, I ain't lost.

Edward Lewis:
A buffet of safety?

Vivian:
I'm a safety girl.

Vivian:
All right, let's get one of these on ya.

Edward Lewis:
I never treated you like a prostitute.

Vivian:
You just did.

Philip Stuckey:
He mortgaged everything he owns, right down to his underwear, to secure a loan from the bank.

Edward Lewis:
What's your name?

Vivian:
What do you want it to be?

Edward Lewis:
You make $100 an hour and you have a safety pin holding your boot up?

Edward Lewis:
Oh Phil! About your car.

Philip Stuckey:
Oh God! What?

Edward Lewis:
It corners like its on rails.

Vivian:
I was in here yesterday, you wouldn't wait on me.

Vivian:
You people work on commission right?

Vivian:
Big mistake. Big. Huge. I have to go shopping.

Vivian:
Are you sure you want me to stay the night? I mean, I could just pop ya real good and get outta here.

Edward Lewis:
No, I'd really like you to stay. I don't want to be alone tonight.

Vivian:
Is it your birthday?

Edward Lewis:
No, no. Not my birthday.

Vivian:
Oh. 'Cause you know, I've been the surprise at a lot of birthday parties.

Edward Lewis:
I'll bet you have.

Edward:
When you and I were dating, did you speak to my secretary more than you spoke to me?

Susan:
She was one of my bridesmaids.

Vivian:
Wait a minute — that's a Lotus Esprit!

Kit:
No, that's rent. You should go for him. You look hot tonight. Don't take less than a hundred. Call me when you're through… Take care of you.

Vivian:
Take care of you.

Vivian:
Hey, sugar, you lookin' for a date?

Edward:
No, I want to find Beverly Hills. Can you give me directions?

Vivian:
Sure. For five bucks.

Edward:
That's Ridiculous.

Vivian:
Price just went up to ten.

Edward:
You can't charge me for directions!

Vivian:
I can do anything I want to, Baby; I ain't lost.

Edward:
I hadn't exactly planned this.

Vivian:
Do you plan everything?

Edward:
Always.

Vivian:
Yeah me too! I'm actually, no I'm not a planner. I would say I'm a kinda fly by the seat of your pants gal, you know moment to moment. Yeah that's me, that's...yeah.

Edward:
I guess this is not the greatest time to be a hooker, is it?

Vivian:
Look, I use condoms always. I get checked out once a month at the free clinic. Not only am I better in the sack than an amateur, I am probably safer.

Edward:
I like that; that's very good. You should have that printed on your business card.

Vivian:
If you're makin' fun of me, I don't like it.

Edward:
[laughs] No, I'm not making fun of you. No, I don't. I'm not. I wouldn't offend you. I'm sorry. What's your name?

Vivian:
What do you want it to be?

Vivian:
Man, this baby must corner like it's on rails!

Edward:
Beg your pardon?

Vivian:
Well, doesn't it blow your mind? This is only four cylinders!

Edward:
Tell me, what kind of… what kind of money you girls make these days? Ballpark.

Vivian:
Can't take less than a hundred dollars.

Edward:
Hundred dollars a night?

Vivian:
For an hour.

Edward:
An hour? You make a hundred dollars an hour and you got a safety pin holding your boot up? You gotta be joking.

Vivian:
I never joke about money.

Edward:
Neither do I.

[He turns to her.]

Edward:
Hundred dollars an hour. Pretty stiff.

[She reaches over into his lap.]

Vivian:
Well, no… but it's got potential.

Vivian:
What is your name?

Edward:
Edward.

Vivian:
Edward? That's my favorite name in the whole world!

Edward:
[mock seriously] No!

[A well-dressed couple observe Edward and the scantily-clad Vivian as an elevator arrives.]

Vivian:
Well, color me happy! There's a sofa in here for two!

[The man moves to enter, but his wife stops him. A chagrined Edward turns to the couple.]

Edward:
First time in an elevator.

Woman:
Ah.

[Edward enters. The woman turns to her husband.]

Woman:
Close your mouth, dear.

Vivian:
Wow! Great view! I bet you can see all the way to the ocean from out here.

Edward:
I'll take your word for it. I don't go out there.

Vivian:
Why don't you go out there?

Edward:
I'm afraid of heights.

Vivian:
You are? So how come you rented the penthouse?

Edward:
It's the best. I looked all around for penthouses on the first floor, but I can't find one.

Vivian:
Well, now that you got me here, what are you going to do with me?

Edward:
You wanna know something? I don't have a clue.

Vivian:
You know, you could pay me. That's one way to, maybe, break the ice.

[Vivian hops up onto Edward's desk in a sultry pose.]

Edward:
You're on my fax.

Vivian:
Well, that's one I haven't been on before.

[Vivian pulls a fistful of condoms from her purse.]

Vivian:
Pick one. I got red, I got green, I got yellow… I'm out of purple, but I do have one Gold Circle coin left… the condom of champions, the one and only… nothin' is gettin' through this sucker. Whaddya say, hmm?

Edward:
A buffet of safety.

Vivian:
I'm a safety girl.

Vivian:
So Edward, are you in town on, uh, business or pleasure?

Edward:
Business, I think.

Vivian:
Business, you think. Well… let me guess. That would make you… a lawyer.

Edward:
A lawyer?

Vivian:
Umm-hmm.

Edward:
What makes you think I'm a lawyer?

Vivian:
You've got that, um… sharp, useless look about you.

Vivian:
Listen, I… I appreciate this whole seduction scene you've got goin', but let me give you a tip — I'm a sure thing, okay? So… I'm on an hourly rate. Could we just move it along?

Edward:
Somehow, I'm sensing that this time problem is a major issue with you. Why don't we just get through that right now.

Vivian:
Great! Let's get started.

Edward:
How much for the entire night?

Vivian:
Stay here? [small laugh] You couldn't afford it.

Edward:
Try me.

Vivian:
300 dollars.

Edward:
Done. Thank you. Now we can relax.

[A flummoxed Vivian gets up.]

Vivian:
Are you sure you want me to stay for the entire night? I mean, I could just pop ya good and be on my way.

Edward:
To tell you the truth, I don't feel like being alone tonight.

Vivian:
Why, is it your birthday, or something?

Edward:
No.

Vivian:
I mean, I have been the party at a couple of birthdays.

Edward:
Hmpf. I bet you have.

Edward:
Oh, by the way, Phil — about your car…

Philip Stuckey:
Oh God. What?

Edward:
It corners like it's on rails.

Philip Stuckey:
What?! What does that mean? Edward… Edward…

[Grinning, Edward hangs up.]

Vivian:
[after Edward catches her singing along to "Kiss" by Prince in the tub] Don't you just love Prince?

Edward:
More than life itself.

[Fumbling with his tie, Edward tells Vivian about his business.]

Vivian:
You don't actually have a billion dollars, huh?

Edward:
No. I get some of it from banks, investors… it's not an easy thing to do.

Vivian:
And you don't make anything…

Edward:
No.

Vivian:
… and you don't build anything.

Edward:
No.

Vivian:
So whadda ya do with the companies once you buy 'em?

Edward:
I sell them.

[Viv reaches for his tie.]

Vivian:
Here, let me do that. You sell them.

Edward:
Well, I… don't sell the whole company, I break it up into pieces, and then I sell that off, it's worth more than the whole.

Vivian:
So, it's sort of like, um… stealing cars and selling 'em for parts, right?

Edward:
[sighs exasperatedly] Yeah, sort of. But legal.

Edward:
I will pay you to be at my beck and call.

Vivian:
Look, I'd love to be your beck-and-call girl, but…

Edward:
Any questions?

Vivian:
Can I call you Eddie?

Edward:
Not if you expect me to answer.

Vivian:
I would have stayed for two thousand.

Edward:
I would have paid four. I'll see ya tonight.

Vivian:
Baby, I'm gonna treat you so nice, you're never gonna wanna let me go.

Edward:
Three thousand, for six days, and Vivian, I will let you go.

Thompson:
Now, Mr. Lewis, however, is a very special customer, and we like to think of our special customers as friends. Now, as a customer, we would expect Mr. Lewis to sign in any additional guests, but as a friend, we're willing to overlook it. Now, I'm assuming that you're a… [long pause] … relative?

Vivian:
[meekly] Yes.

Thompson:
I thought so. Then you must be his…

[Thompson gives Vivian an expectant nod. Another long pause.]

Vivian:
Niece?

Thompson:
Of course. Naturally, when Mr. Lewis leaves, I won't see you in this hotel again. I assume you have no other uncles here?

Bridget:
Now, I'm sure we're gonna find something here that your uncle would love.

Vivian:
Bridg? He's not really my uncle.

Bridget:
They never are, dear.

Vivian:
Hello!

Edward:
Never, ever pick up the phone.

Vivian:
Then why're you calling me?

Vivian:
All right. I'll meet you in the lobby, but only 'cause you're payin' me to.

Edward:
Well, thank you very much.

[He hangs up the phone and turns to the receptionist.]

Edward:
Get her back for me, please.

Vivan:
i don't kiss on the mouth.

Edward:
neither do i.

Edward Lewis:
Impossible relationships. My special gift is impossible relationships.

Edward Lewis:
People's reaction to opera the first time they hear it is extreme. They either love it or they hate it. If they love it, they will always love it. If they don't, they may learn to appreciate it, but it will never become part of their soul.

Vivian Ward:
I want the fairy tale.

Vivian Ward:
Honey, I've got a runner in my pantyhose. I'm not wearing pantyhose.

Vivian Ward:
People always do what you tell them to do? ...I guess so.

Vivian Ward:
The first guy I've ever loved was a total nothing. The second was worse. My mom called me a bum magnet. There was a bum in a fifty mile radius, I was completely attracted to him.

Vivian Ward:
The bad things are easier to believe. Haven't you noticed that?!

Vivian Ward:
You'll buy a snap dog and we'll cop a squat under a tree or somewhere.

Vivian Ward:
I think you have a lot of special gifts, Edward.

Vivian Ward:
People put you down enough, you start to believe it.

Kit De Luca:
Yo, Viv, babe. Would ya come down here? The Sphincter Police won't let me through.

Kit De Luca:
Those are two very specific examples of crackheads.

Kit De Luca:
A name you want a name, the pressure of a name. I got it Cindafuckenrella.

Magician at party:
No matter what they say, it's all about money. So let's imagine, ladies, that you're a savings and loan officer. Watch - one, two, three; see, you've got it all, and we've got nothing. You've got all four, take a look.

Happy Man:
Welcome to Hollywood! What's your dream? Everybody comes here; this is Hollywood, land of dreams. Some dreams come true, some don't; but keep on dreamin' - this is Hollywood. Always time to dream, so keep on dreamin'.