Prick Up Your Ears

Joe Orton:
I always wanted to be an orphan. I could have, if it wasn't for my parents.

Kenneth Halliwell:
The whole point about irrational behavior is that it IS irrational!

Kenneth Halliwell:
Can you spell?

Joe Orton:
Yes, but not accurately.

Kenneth Halliwell:
Do you want the sardines with the rice pudding or separate?

Joe Orton:
With.

Kenneth Halliwell:
I can't remember when you last touched my cock. Well, I can actually. It was about two years ago. Only I can't remember the actual date. Pity. I could have put it in my diary. "The last time Joe touched my cock. Grouse shooting begins"

Kenneth Halliwell:
Unzip our trusty Remington, John. We shall piss on this person from a great height.

Joe Orton:
No. Have a wank.

Kenneth Halliwell:
Have a wank? Have a wank? I can't just have a wank. I need three days' notice to have a wank. You can just stand there and do it. Me, it's like organizing D-Day. Forces have to be assembled, magazines bought, the past dredged for some suitably unsavoury episode, the dog-eared thought of which can still produce a faint flicker of desire! Have a wank, it'd be easier to raise the Titanic.

Kenneth Halliwell:
I just want to go to the awards! I could! Look, "Joe Orton and guest." I'd behave. I wouldn't say a word, I promise.

Joe Orton:
No.

Kenneth Halliwell:
Why?

Joe Orton:
Because it's for me. I wrote it.

Kenneth Halliwell:
I gave you the title.

Joe Orton:
Okay, so when they have awards for titles, you can go to that.

Peggy Ramsay:
Prison gives a writer credentials.

John Lahr:
Everyone else, it takes them away.

Kenneth Halliwell:
Cheap clothes suit you. It's because you're from the gutter.

Kenneth Halliwell:
At least you can say you've sat in the same chair as T.S. Eliot.

Joe Orton:
Yes, I'm never going to wipe my bum again.

Mrs. Sugden:
Do you notice I'm limping? Spilled a hot drink down my dress. My vagina came up like a football.

Joe Orton:
Some of these people are, well, having sexual intercourse.

Kenneth Halliwell:
F***ing, you mean? Well, what do you expect? Many of them are from Australia.

Kenneth Halliwell:
Writing, John, is one tenth inspiration, nine tenths...

Joe Orton:
Masturbation!

Peggy Ramsay:
Ken was the first wife. He did all the work and the waiting and then...

John Lahr:
Well, first wives don't usually beat their husbands' heads in.

Peggy Ramsay:
No. Though why I can't think.

John Lahr:
So what does that make you? The second wife?

Peggy Ramsay:
Better than that, dear. The widow.