Purgatory Comics

Mel Berner:
Oh. Okay. I see. Well Mia, it was great to see you again. You found yourself a great looking guy here. I'm sure he's got a lot of those qualities that women look for. Like "goals." Or "ambition." Or "girth." This little reunion has been great Mia but I have to head back to my dungeon of loneliness. Good day!

Andrew:
What the hell is this kid blathering about?

Mia:
Mel, Andrew is my cousin.

Mel Berner:
Well that's just disgusting, and also illegal in this state!

Andrew:
We're not dating, you jackass.

Evan Connelly:
You're like Superman. But with no dick.

Nicola Rogers:
Or... you know... Supergirl. You could've just said Supergirl.

Evan Connelly:
Oh big f***ing deal. It's Berner. One time I convinced him that his entire life was just a dream I had.

Nicola Rogers:
I can't believe you attacked one of the most famous comic writers of all time.

Mel Berner:
Maniac bit my arm. Now I'll turn into in an angry old bastard during the next full moon.

Mel Berner:
Last night I beat a video game that I've been working on forever.

Mia:
That must've been exciting!

Mel Berner:
Not really. The ending sucked.

Mia:
Oh. Sorry to hear that.

Mel Berner:
Video games should be required to have endings that are kickass. I didn't dedicate nine months of button mashing to win a list of Japanese names.

Peter Whales:
You know, you're whining like a b*tch 'cause you think there's nothing left to work for on your own terms. So you ditch important things to prove you're still in control. Well that's a load of sh*t. You know what's harder than getting everything you've ever wanted? Keeping it. There's no autopilot for that. So why don't you grow some balls and try to hold on to something for once. Bravery will always be the driving point of your life. You know you've run out of it when suddenly nothing changes anymore.

Peter Whales:
Certain events may control certain situations, but they can't control you. Remember that, and the fear will dry up like ink on paper.

Evan Connelly:
Well. I should get back to the register before Berner sells an old Fantastic Four for a handful of magic beans.

Nicola Rogers:
Hey look, it's the brand spanking new issue of "Zombie Gal." In this issue, she leads a team of soldiers into the Arctic to fight an ancient race of vampires. Look at those soldiers... all bundled up. Why, this guy here must be wearing about nine layers! He's probably suffocating in that thing! But wait! What's Zombie Gal wearing? Why, is that a tank top? And skimpy shorts? In the Arctic!

Mel Berner:
Hey Evan, ask me anything about microeconomics.

Evan Connelly:
Okay. What does that mean?