Qi mou miao ji: Wu fu xing

Rookie:
Of course you do it; the smart ones talk and the dumb ones act.

Exhaust Pipe:
Hold it! No need shooting me for stealing a tire! We citizens are very cooperative with the police, sir!

Vaseline:
[does not think Shirley is a pretty girl] Actually, God is very fair. A beautiful lady can never cook. And a lady who can cook is never...

Shirley:
[walks in, carrying a tray of food] Hi!

Inspector:
CID 07, you are officially off the counterfeit money case. I've already sent an undercover!

CID 07:
Sir, do you have any other cases I can take care of?

Inspector:
Yes, go to the park and catch litter bugs!

Shirley:
You mean you never went out with a girl before?

Teapot:
Never asked one to. Paid one to, yeah.

Shirley:
What?

Teapot:
Oh, nothing. Just joking! [looks away] Whew!

Curly:
Then let him give us a ticket! All you cops are only good at handing out traffic tickets. How come you're not good at catching thugs?

CID 07:
I was good at catching thugs! Otherwise I wouldn't be here now!

CID 07:
[after accidentally stepping on Inspector's turtle] Sir, might as well send me to guard the reservoirs!

Inspector:
[enraged] Reservoirs?! BETTER GET YOUR TRAFFIC UNIFORM READY!