RED

Frank Moses:
[while grappling with Cooper] Kordeski trained you?

William Cooper:
Yeah.

Frank Moses:
I trained Kordeski. [dislocates Cooper's shoulder]

Marvin Boggs:
[from trailer ] Why are you trying to kill me?

Frank Moses:
Look, why would I be trying to kill you?

Marvin Boggs:
Because last time we met, I tried to kill you.

Frank Moses:
That was a long time ago.

Marvin Boggs:
Some people hold on to things like that.

Frank Moses:
[Marvin has just shot a bad guy] Feel better?

Marvin Boggs:
Yeah. You guys want to get pancakes?

Marvin Boggs:
I remember the Secret Service being tougher.

Victoria:
Me too.

Marvin Boggs:
Can I kill her *now*?

Frank Moses:
[to Marvin] Open the pig! Open the pig!

[Marvin unzips the pig, and pulls out a grenade launcher]

Victoria:
Tell Marvin to stand down before he hurts himself. [Steps away from the window, revealing Marvin's head and a sniper rifle peering out of a bush outside]

Marvin Boggs:
Frank, I never thought I'd say this again. I'm getting the pig!

Frank Moses:
Open the pig!

Joe Matheson:
This used to be a Gentleman's game.

Frank Moses:
Sarah, this is Victoria. Best wet work asset in the business and a true artist with an an RPN.

Sarah Ross:
Oh, wow. Um, what's that?

Victoria:
[smiling] I kill people, dear.

Victoria:
Oh, Francis. You're such a romantic.

Frank Moses:
What?

Victoria:
You're all hard on the outside, but inside you're gooey... gooey.

William Cooper:
How's retirement, Frank?

Frank Moses:
It's been a real blast.

Businesswoman:
That's right, old man!

Marvin Boggs:
Old man?

Frank Moses:
No respect.

Marvin Boggs:
Can I kill her now?

Frank Moses:
[nods affirmative]

Marvin Boggs:
[steps out from behind shipping container and shoots her oncoming bazooka rocket blowing her up]

Marvin Boggs:
Old man my ass!

Marvin Boggs:
Do you know what's wrong with this country?

Sarah Ross:
They all are trying to kill us?

Marvin Boggs:
Exactly!

[first lines]

Frank Moses:
[on the phone] 943-66-2291. Pension Services, please.

Woman:
Thank you, Mr. Moses, please hold for your representative.

Frank Moses:
[on the phone] Did you start that new book?

Sarah Ross:
I did.

Sarah Ross:
And? What's it called?

Sarah Ross:
Uh, it's called Love's Savage Secret.

Frank Moses:
Nice. Is it any good?

Sarah Ross:
It's terrible. I love it. It's awful.

Sarah Ross:
Get back. Go away. Stay away from me! Is that my bag?

Frank Moses:
Yeah.

Sarah Ross:
You packed it?

Frank Moses:
Yes.

Sarah Ross:
D' D' Did you vacuum?

Frank Moses:
A little yeah, it was messy.

Frank Moses:
Watch your back, too.

Joe Matheson:
I'm 80 years old. I got stage 4 liver cancer. What the hell can they do to me?

Frank Moses:
They can still shoot you.

Joe Matheson:
Well... I never thought this would happen to me.

Frank Moses:
What?

Joe Matheson:
Getting old. Well I mean, Vietnam, Afghanistan. The Green Spring Rest Home?

Sarah Ross:
[drugged and almost kidnapped] Am I gonna die?

Frank Moses:
No. You just need some sleep.

Sarah Ross:
I may vomit. [speeding away] Wow, this is just like "Love's Savage Secret".

Frank Moses:
I was just hoping you'd be a little more understanding of the situation.

Sarah Ross:
I was hoping not to get kidnapped. Or drugged. I was hoping you'd have *hair*. So it looks like none of our dreams are coming true at the moment.

Henry, The Records Keeper:
Frank Moses was one of the most effective black op agents we've ever had. He retired drug-lords, terrorists. Hell, he toppled governments. Yeah. He was truly gifted.

William Cooper:
Why was he retired?

Henry, The Records Keeper:
He got old. Then some thumb-sucker came along and tagged him "RED".

William Cooper:
Red?

Henry, The Records Keeper:
Yeah, RED. R-E-D, "Retired, Extremely Dangerous".

Sarah Ross:
[on Marvin] Wow. This guy's insane.

Frank Moses:
Well, he thought he was the subject of a secret government mind control project. As it turns out, he really was being given daily doses of LSD for 11 years.

Sarah Ross:
Well in that case, he looks great.

Frank Moses:
Fantastic.

Sarah Ross:
Yeah...

Sarah Ross:
What do you supposed the punishment is for what we're doing here?

Frank Moses:
Death. Maybe life in prison.

Sarah Ross:
Awesome.

William Cooper:
Bad move grandpa.

[last lines]

Marvin Boggs:
Moldova sucks.

Frank Moses:
Moldova sucks.

Cynthia Wilkes:
You just got your ass handed to you by a goddamned retiree!

Victoria:
[pleasantly] In all the years I've known Francis, I've never seen him like this. So if you break his heart, I will kill you. And bury your body in the woods.

Sarah Ross:
Wow. Okay.

Victoria:
I was in love with an agent once.

Sarah Ross:
What happened?

Victoria:
Well, I was with MI6, and the relationship wasn't... sanctioned. So when it came to light, my loyalty was questioned, and I was ordered to kill him. It was a test.

Sarah Ross:
What did you do?

Victoria:
I put three bullets in his chest.

Ivan Simanov:
[sighs] I miss the old days.

Ivan Simanov:
I haven't killed anyone in years.

Frank Moses:
That's sad.

Marvin Boggs:
[Frank and Marvin are being chased by the Moldovan Ground Forces. Marvin is in a dress, sitting in a wheelbarrow that is being pushed by Frank] I told you something bad was gonna happen!

Frank Moses:
[annoyed] Keep your dress on!

Marvin Boggs:
Moldova sucks.

Frank Moses:
[to the MGF] Moldova sucks!

Frank Moses:
People get shot all the time.

Sarah Ross:
No they don't. They get... paper cuts.

Marvin Boggs:
...I mostly get shot.

Ivan Simanov:
Your radiance tonight renders me almost speechless.

Victoria:
[deadpan] Almost.

William Cooper:
[at the "back room", secret records location] I didn't even know this place existed.

Henry, The Records Keeper:
It doesn't.

Cynthia Wilkes:
[In the meeting spot] This is gonna happen either way!

William Cooper:
[Obviously trusting Moses over her] F*** you Cynthia!

[Pulls out a gun and kills her]

Sarah Ross:
Moldova? Can we go?

Frank Moses:
[laughs] Yes we can go!

Ivan Simanov:
[Riding in the car after everything is over. To Moses] You still owe me favor.

Victoria:
[Getting pissed off at Ivan] Oh Ivan! [turns to the others] His timing is terrible!

Ivan Simanov:
Just a tiny little nuclear problem in Moldova.

Frank Moses:
How'd do you do it?

Victoria:
Do what?

Frank Moses:
Make the transition? You seem so calm.

Victoria:
I love it here. I love the baking, I love the flower arranging. I like the routine. [beat] Well, I do get a bit restless sometimes. I take the odd contract on the side. I just can't stop.

Frank Moses:
If anything happens to Sarah, I will rip everything you love out of your life and then I'll kill you.

Sarah Ross:
The General has dropped his contact lens. Perhaps you'd like to help us?

Ivan Simanov:
I think you are not here for the vodka.

Marvin Boggs:
Frank, we gotta get rid of this broad. I know a great place up the road. Lots of alligators.

Frank Moses:
We're not getting rid of the broad. I like her.

Marvin Boggs:
What's the angle?

Frank Moses:
No angle. I like her.

Marvin Boggs:
Ok. So they pull her voice from the payphone even now. Install the voice recognition software and backtrace it to Singer. Then we show up, they bring out the satellite and we're fried with Y rays.

Frank Moses:
[Brings out a gas torch] Where'd you get this?

Marvin Boggs:
Home Depot.

Frank Moses:
How much?

Marvin Boggs:
[shrugs] Ten bucks.

Ivan Simanov:
I owe you for killing Igor.

Frank Moses:
Igor the Butcher.

Ivan Simanov:
He was a great asset.

Frank Moses:
He was a pig.

Ivan Simanov:
He was my cousin.

Frank Moses:
Sorry.

Ivan Simanov:
[raises his glass] To Igor. The Butcher.

Frank Moses:
[raises his own] He's not dead.

[Ivan chokes on his vodka]

Frank Moses:
I flipped him.

Ivan Simanov:
...No.

Frank Moses:
He owns a string of 7-11s in Orange County.

Ivan Simanov:
What?

Frank Moses:
He weighs 500 pounds.

[They laugh hysterically]

Ivan Simanov:
[shows Frank the bullet wounds] This was done to me by the love of my life. Now she sits outside my house drinking vodka. When I woke alive, I knew she still loved me. Otherwise it would have been the head. It was big risk for her but one does crazy things for love.

Hanged Man:
[perched on a chair with a noose around his neck] I can make you rich. Don't you know who I am?

William Cooper:
'Course I do. [kicks the chair away]

Alexander Dunning:
Are you gonna let me talk to them? I can negotiate something.

Marvin Boggs:
Thanks, when we want your help we'll get out the drain cleaner.

Alexander Dunning:
Listen plastic man, those bastards probably have orders to kill ME, too.

Joe Matheson:
I hope so.

Alexander Dunning:
Why? Cause I'm the bad guy? I'm scum?

Marvin Boggs:
Can I just shoot him now?

Alexander Dunning:
No. You don't have people killed. I have people killed; I'm the bad guy, remember?

Joe Matheson:
[Knocks out Dunning with a punch to the jaw. Shrugs] Not worth a bullet.

[preparing to torture Dunning]

Marvin Boggs:
You want... [holds up pliers] Nipples? [another set of pliers] Nuts? [an auger spike] Potty trainer?

Gabriel Singer:
I got one for ya. What did this twice decorated West Texas jew-boy Marine pilot say to the Chinese New York Times reporter?

Frank Moses:
I give up.

Gabriel Singer:
Nothin'. I didn't tell her a damn thing.

Frank Moses:
The reporter's dead now. And everyone she spoke to is either dead, or a target, and that includes you.

Joe Matheson:
We're getting' the band back together.

Cynthia Wilkes:
You just got your ass handed to you by a goddamned retiree!

Frank Moses:

People get shot all the time.

Sarah:

No they don't, they get paper cuts.

Marvin:

I mostly get shot.

Joe Matheson (while speaking with a French accent):
For every problem there is a solution.

I was hoping not to get kidnapped. I was hoping you’d have hair!