Remo Williams: The Adventure Begins

Remo Williams:
Jesus.

Chiun:
Concentrate. This is no time for prayer.

Chiun:
You move like a pregnant yak. Sit.

Chiun:
It would be better for you to eat this can than what is inside of it. Why must everything in this country be coated with monositi-... monosoti...

Remo Williams:
Monosodium glutamate. You can't even say it.

Chiun:
I can say "rat droppings." That does not mean I want to eat them.

Gen. Scott Watson:
So listen to this, George. Lyman four-putts. Four-putts, mind you. I thought he'd have a stroke. And I'd have claimed it if he had.

Chiun:
You did not ask to be white. So perhaps that is not your fault. You did not ask to be here. Perhaps that is not your fault, either.

New York City traffic control cop:
Excuse me. What are you doin' to that boy?

Remo Williams:
Oh, uh, unnecessary use of the horn, officer.

New York City traffic control cop:
Well, I'll be unnecessary use of my nightstick on your thick skull if you don't let him go.

Remo Williams:
Whatever happened to police courtesy and that kind of stuff, huh?

New York City traffic control cop:
We save that bull-sh*t for the upper east side.

Conn MacCleary:
All I can promise you is terror for breakfast, pressure for lunch, and aggravation for sleep. Your vacations will be two minutes when you're not looking over your shoulder, and if you live to draw a pension, it'll be a miracle.

Remo Williams:
Are there any disadvantages?

Chiun:
Breathe out... slowly... do not gulp. If you do not breathe correctly, you do not move correctly. Pitiful. I can see the deadly hamburger has done its evil work.

Remo Williams:
You know, Chiun, there are times when I really like you.

Chiun:
Of course. I am Chiun.

Remo Williams:
And there are times when I could really kill you.

Chiun:
Good. We will practice that after dinner.

Remo Williams:
Are you hurt?

Chiun:
No. When you approach middle age, there is a tendency toward bruising, my son.

Remo Williams:
What? What did you call me?

Chiun:
I called you a clumsy oaf. You drive like a monkey in heat.

Chiun:
The trained mind does not need a watch. Watches are a confidence trick invented by the Swiss.

Chiun:
Professional assassination. It's the highest form of public service.

Remo Williams:
You know, Chiun, you're a real pain in the ass.

Chiun:
That is because it is the fastest way to your brain.

'Doctor' in soap opera:
Jim, the leg has got to come off.

'Jim' in soap opera:
No! No! I was gonna be an All-American!

'Doctor' in soap opera:
Well, now you can - you can be all-American for courage!

Remo Williams:
Chiun, you're incredible!

Chiun:
No, I am better than that.

Chiun:
Fear is just a feeling. You feel hot. You feel hungry. You feel angry. You feel afraid. Fear can never kill you.

Harold Smith:
Guard, protect and cherish your land, for there is no afterlife for a place that started out as Heaven. Charles M. Russell, Montana, 1929.

Remo Williams:
Do you always talk like a Chinese fortune cookie?

Chiun:
[striking Remo] Chinese! I am Korean! The Korean is the most perfect creature ever to sanctify the earth with the imprint of its foot.

[Remo dangles from a car on the Wonder Wheel]

Remo Williams:
Jesus.

Chiun:
Concentrate. This is no time for prayer.

Chiun:
Women should stay home and make babies. Preferably, manchild.

Major Rayner Fleming:
[to Remo] I see you both went to the same charm school.

Remo Williams:
You know, Chiun, sometimes you're a real pain in the ass.

Chiun:
That is because it is the shortest route to your brain.

Remo Williams:
Chiun, you're incredible!

Chiun:
No!... I am better than that...

Chiun:
Does a nightingale sing?

Chiun:
He move like a baboon, with two clubbed feet!

Chiun:
Do you know why Americans call it 'fast food'? Because it speeds them on their way to their graves.

Chiun:
For an apricot, yes. For a head of lettuce, even more so. But for a mountain I am not even begun in years. However, for a man I am just right.

Chiun:
Purge your mind of fear and believe in yourself. Without that belief, I can do nothing with you.

Chiun:
Kung Fu, Karate, Ninjitsu... nothing more than shadows. Sinanju is the sun.

Chiun:
I reloaded.

Chiun:
(holding broken door handle after surving truck crash) In Korea, door handles do not break.

Chiun:
[after having run across a span of water to reach a speedboat that Remo is piloting] You must run very fast.

Chiun:
"Place your hands on top of your head." [Kicks Remo in the crotch] "I did not say to keep them there."

Conn MacCleary:
[to Remo] You're going to be the Eleventh Commandment: 'Thou shalt not get away with it.'

Conn MacCleary:
[to Remo] Remember, in out, like a duck mating.