Ren & Stimpy 'Adult Party Cartoon'

[Ren's dad tries to give Ren a gun so he can put the tortured frog out of his misery, because it's the "honorable thing". Ren's mom slaps the gun out of Ren's hand, and yells at Ren's dad]

Mrs. H?ek:
What the hell are you doing, giving a gun to our son, are you crazy? [hands Ren a chainsaw] Use this instead.

[inside the homeless man's mouth, his uvula goes into Ren's ass five times. Ren wakes up, shocked, and jumps up and yells at Stimpy]

Ren H?ek:
Hey! WHO'S THE PITCHER, AND WHO'S THE CATCHER?

Stimpson J. "Stimpy" Cat:
You're the pitcher, I'm the catcher! You're the pitcher, I'm the catcher! See?

[Stimpy points to a blackboard hanging on the side of the mouth, which reads "You're The pitcher, I'm the catcher" over and over again]

Stimpson J. "Stimpy" Cat:
That lump is right beside that open window. What Luck!

Ren H?ek:
Luck had nothing to do with it!

Ren H?ek:
Stimpy don't just stand there. Why don't you give her your bra?

Stimpson J. "Stimpy" Cat:
Not the one you gave me for our anniversary!

Ren H?ek:
Stimpy shame! Don't be so selfish. It's a good cause.

Ren H?ek:
Hey dumb ass how does it feel to do good deeds?

Stimpson J. "Stimpy" Cat:
Oh it feels wonderful.

Ren H?ek:
Hey idiot! What the hell were you thinking? Didn't you read that sign?

Stimpson J. "Stimpy" Cat:
Wow that sure is one ugly costumer Ren.

Fire Chief:
[to Ren and Stimpy] Do you guys wanna watch me take a dump?

Stimpson J. "Stimpy" Cat:
[Excitedly] Yes!

Ren H?ek:
You idiot get out of the way. I'll show you how to pull a man's zipper down.

George Liquor:
Welcome home, boys! You're gonna love it here! [Ren and Stimpy nods happily]

George Liquor:
Hmm. Let's see, where am I gonna put you boys? [Looks around]

George Liquor:
Aha! What's this crap? [Throws the goldfish out of the bowl. The goldfish then tries to breathe, jumps out to George's car and in it]

Goldfish:
I'm outta here, man! [Starts the car and crashes into lots of things on the street]

Ren H?ek:
A human. Look sharp Stimpy maybe he'll buy us.

Stimpson J. 'Stimpy' Cat:
You're my kind and beloved master i can't!

Ren H?ek:
But i can! Drop and Give me twenty!

Stimpson J. "Stimpy" Cat:
Did that bad man pinch you up?

Ren H?ek:
Just put me down Stimpy.

Lifeguard:
Hey you you're that chiminny sand crab guy! You son of a b*tch you made me kiss you! Wait till i get my hairs on you!

Ren H?ek:
Rub me! I'm the cat!

Lifeguard:
You better not come back you filthy scum! I hate your guts.

Ren H?ek:
Help!

Stimpson J. "Stimpy" Cat:
Oh hi Ren gee this is a good job isn't it?

Ren H?ek:
You idiot! I'm sinking over here! Help! Stimpy help!

Stimpson J. "Stimpy" Cat:
I'm coming honey!

Stimpson J. "Stimpy" Cat:
Wow Ren. What a great idea you had to come to the beach today. I didn't know your in to such good clean wholesome fun.

Ren H?ek:
Yeah yeah. Wholesome.

Beachball Girl:
My ball! My ball! Darn you you slippery old ball!

Stimpson J. "Stimpy" Cat:
And isn't this fresh air great Ren?

Ren H?ek:
That's right Stimpy. Fresh air's good for the lungs. It pumps them up and makes them healthy.

Beachball Girl:
I just can't keep my hands on that ball.

Stimpson J. "Stimpy" Cat:
And don't forget how important exercise is Ren.

Ren H?ek:
Oh i love exercise!

Ren H?ek:
Women. I've had it with them. Running along the beach. Going to put rubber stuff on their rib cages. Try and get me exited will they? Well it's not going work anymore.

Stimpson J. "Stimpy" Cat:
I knew you'd like thongs Ren. Floss me.

Stimpson J. "Stimpy" Cat:
I can hardly hold my bladder.

[Ren kicks the homeless guy in his testicles]

Stimpson J. "Stimpy" Cat:
Hey. What did you do that for, Ren?

Ren H?ek:
Aw, it's an ancient custom. You've got to give your house a good kick in it's ballsack before you leave it. Everybody knows that.

Ren H?ek:
What do you think is the difference between boogers and goobers Stimpinton?

Stimpson J. "Stimpy" Cat:
A stooge question Renwick. Why don't we ask the greatest genius in the world.

Ren H?ek:
Who's that?

Stimpson J. "Stimpy" Cat:
Dr. Stupid. Who else?

Ren H?ek:
What did i just tell you? Who's the pitcher who's the catcher?

Stimpson J. "Stimpy" Cat:
You're the pitcher i'm the catcher you're the pitcher i'm the catcher. See?

Bartender:
Holy Crap! I'm gonna lose all my business! I'd better do something fast! Get out of my f***ing bar you vermin sons of b*tches!

Ren H?ek:
What a dump! I'm sorry Stimpy but i'm just too damn tired tonight. I just gotta get some sleep. Bugger off okay?

Stimpson J. "Stimpy" Cat:
But Ren.

Ren H?ek:
What is is now Stimpy?

Stimpson J. "Stimpy" Cat:
I have needs.

Ren H?ek:
Oh i don't give a rat's ass about your needs. Oh Stimpy! Close your eyes and pucker up.

Stimpson J. "Stimpy" Cat:
Joy!

Ren H?ek:
Oh what i'm going to do to Stimpy oh yes it's so good look. Look a rat's ass. Here it is!

Stimpson J. "Stimpy" Cat:
Sighs.

Ren H?ek:
Idiot. I haven't had a good nights sleep for weeks here in this dump. But tonight i will yeah.

[Ren is getting psychiatric help to find out why he treats Stimpy so bad]

Ren H?ek:
So, what do you think is wrong with me?

Dr. Mr. Horse:
You want to know what's wrong with you. Do you really want to know what's wrong with you? YOU'RE F***ING CRAZY! That's what's wrong with you!

Ren H?ek:
Crazy?

Dr. Mr. Horse:
Yeah, that's right! You need to be locked up!

Ren H?ek:
I came to you for help! I bared my soul to you! And now you tell me I'm crazy? WHAT KIND OF A PSYCHOLOGIST ARE YOU?

Dr. Mr. Horse:
Psychologist? I'm a horse, you lunatic! And I'm going to beat the living hell out of you!

Ren H?ek:
Well Doctor i feel much better now that I've got dead off my chest. Tell me what do you think is wrong with me?

Dr. Mr. Horse:
So uh you want to know what's wrong with you? You really want to know what's wrong? I'll tell you what's wrong with you. You're f***ing crazy! That's what's wrong with you!

Ren H?ek:
Crazy?

Dr. Mr. Horse:
That's right you need to be locked up! Away from decent normal people! What kind of a lunatic are you? You just walk up to strangers on the street and tell them hey mister you want to hear some sick stories of my twisted youth?

Ren H?ek:
I don't understand. I came to you for help. I beard my soul to you. I told you all my darkest secrets. And now you tell me i'm crazy? What kind of psychologist are you?

Dr. Mr. Horse:
Psychologist? Are you nuts? I'm a horse! You crazy son of a b*tch i'm gonna beat the living hell out of you!

Frog:
Wake up and kill me man! Get up you bastard! Get up and finish the job! Don't send me home to my wife and kids like this! Hey what are you doing? For the love of Jesus finish me off! You bastard!

Frog:
You're not gonna kill me?

Ren H?ek:
Does it still hurt?

Frog:
Oh God yes! My every nerve is on fire!

Ren H?ek:
Have a wonderful life!

Bug:
You're not gonna lick me with that thing are you? Holy crap he is. Here it comes! Oh Jesus! Yaaaaaaaagh! Oh oh oh. As God as my witness i swear i will never suck ear again!

Stimpson J. "Stimpy" Cat:
Aaaagh! Ohh! You monster! How can you say those horrible things to me? Augh! Ohh. You son of a b*tch! Oh you bastard!

Ren H?ek:
I'm sorry Stimpy. I don't know why i do these things to you! I'm just a pig! Please forgive me!

Stimpson J. "Stimpy" Cat:
Don't you touch me you beast! Forgive me! Words empty words that's all they are! No not this time you've gone to far this time Ren! Aaaaagh!

Ren H?ek:
I know i'm insane Stimpy. I know i can't control my violent errors. But this time i'll do something about it. I'll seek help. I'll do it for you.

Stimpson J. "Stimpy" Cat:
Don't do it for me. Don't do it for me. Do it FOR YOURSELF! Augggh! I'm gonna kill you!

Ren H?ek:
I'm a terrible person doc. I'm mean to everybody and i'm especially mean to those who love me the most. I've got issues! But i'm not crazy or anything!

Dr. Mr. Horse:
Of course not Mr. Hoek. Let's just calm down. It's perfectly normal to be nervous talking to a professional. Now relax and we'll see just how sick you really are shall we?

Ren H?ek:
Okay.

Ren H?ek:
GO TO HELL, YOU COCK-SUCKING MOTHERF***ER!

Stimpson J. "Stimpy" Cat:
I'm going to have your baby!

Stimpson J. "Stimpy" Cat:
Calm down Ren.

Ren H?ek:
CALM DOWN? CALM DOWN? YOU ASK ME TO CALM DOWN? Your the one that's poisoned!

Stimpson J. "Stimpy" Cat:
Poisoned? Is that what you call it? That poison is our love child.

Ren H?ek:
Stimpy! There are millions of people watching you be decent! Eeek! This is a family network.

Ren H?ek:
What shall we name him?

Stimpson J. "Stimpy" Cat:
How about Little Ricky.

Ren H?ek:
Little Ricky.

Stimpson J. "Stimpy" Cat:
Didn't i tell you Ren he looks just like you.

Ren H?ek:
Yeah but he smells just like you.

Stimpson J. "Stimpy" Cat:
Oh Ren you're so sweet.

Ren H?ek:
My seed.