Repo Chick

Narrator:
[Opening narration to Repo Chick] In the last years of the Cold War, the former Soviet Union developed a new weapon of mass destruction. Harnessing the awesome power of the Earth's own gravity, these GD-34 GROWLER bombs were smaller and more destructive than any battlefield munition previously deployed. In the late 20th century, the largest repossession company was GMAC, General Motors Acceptance Corporation. With the deregulation of the banks, GMAC and other less scrupulous companies were able to sell mortgages to poor people who couldn't possibly afford them. As the economy collapsed, repossession corrections became the United States' only non-military growth industries. Meanwhile, six GROWLERS remained unaccounted for.

Opening placard:
[Opening placard] The story you are about to see is true... Only the dimensions have been changed... To protect the innocent.

Aunt de la Chasse:
Since our last meeting, Pixxi, you have been arrested how many times?

Aldrich De La Chasse:
Well, it's been eighteen, hasn't it? Eighteen times.

Repo Chick:
Come on, pops, you know how it is. It's those f***ing Beverly Hills cops. They be lying at my probation hearing, they be lying wait outside our gate.

Grandma De La Chasse:
Holding up with strangers!

Aldrich De La Chasse:
Hookups, mother. They call it "hooking up." Hookups.

Grandma De La Chasse:
That's right.

Repo Chick:
Oh, grandma, those are lies. I knew all five of those boys.

Grandma De La Chasse:
Yes, get a job or you'll be disinherited.

Repo Chick:
Why did you pick up the phone if it's the wrong number, a**hole?

Lawyer:
But the law says...

Sixsixsix:
The law can go suck my ass. Right, Pixxi?

Repo Chick:
Alright 666, take it easy. Let's hear what the jerk has to say and then if we don't like it, we'll just throw him down the stairs.

Lawyer:
[to Pixxi] You're an adult. Yes. Over eighteen, twenty one presumably?

Sixsixsix:
Don't go there.

Lawyer:
When your family said that you were disinherited, did they offer up any sort of deal, a resolution to be un-disinherited?

Repo Chick:
[unintelligible]... job.

Lawyer:
I'm sorry, I didn't hear you.

Repo Chick:
[Emotional] They told me to get a job!

Sixsixsix:
[to lawyer] You bastard!

Sixsixsix:
[to the tow truck driver] Hey! Hey! Hey! Frankenf***! What the hell you think you're doing?

Sixsixsix:
[to Arizona Gray] Hey, dildo-head. We come for our car.

Savage Dave:
[to Aguas and Arizona] Get up, you deadbeat scum and take what's coming to ya.

Eggi:
So, Aguas, how long have you been Savage's uncle?

Arizona Gray:
Arizona Gray III can steal just about any unit you can conceive of, so long as the bank desires it.

Sixsixsix:
[to Aguas and Arizona] You guys are repo men. Man, I saw a movie about you.

Repo Chick:
Yeah, actually they're making a documentary reality show about me.

Arizona Gray:
No kidding! When's it going to be on the TV?

Repo Chick:
Not any TV you have. It's going to be on a very exclusive in-house, hotel intranet in Dubai. That's better than any TV show.

Sixsixsix:
[Interviewing Pixxi for her reality show] Take two.

Eggi:
So, what was it like, your first day on the job?

Repo Chick:
Well, you know, at first, I kind of felt bad, you know? Having to get up real early and dress way down just to... to fit in. But once I started doing the work, I realized that I too could make a difference. It's like my friend the Dalai Lama said, "When he returned to his own city, he saw no throne."

Arizona Gray:
[Referring to Pixxi's repo skills] She's too good.

Aguas:
Hmmm?

Arizona Gray:
Yep. Look at her stats. Since yesterday, she has ripped five cars...

Aguas:
Fantastic!

Arizona Gray:
Four homes...

Aguas:
Terrific!

Arizona Gray:
Three planes... six shopping malls, and two places of worship.

Aguas:
You're saying that if she continues thus, her work will be the standard by which ours is judged?

Arizona Gray:
Exactly. We got us a live on, Aguas, filled with boundless energy, ambitious, sadistic, fast.

Aguas:
Better add sand to that gas tank.

Arizona Gray:
Check.

Repo Chick:
That's it. That's the train! That's my train!

Repo Chick:
You ever experience a feeling that you might just be created by a mad scientist as part of a table top experiment?

Arizona Gray:
I just do what Aguas says. And Aguas says to drive her around and show her the ropes.

Repo Chick:
So where are they?

Arizona Gray:
What?

Repo Chick:
The ropes.

Lorenzo:
Okay... there is another reason we invited you here. [attendants pop champagne corks]

Eggi:
And what is that, Mr. Green?

Lorenzo:
The criminalization of golf.

[last lines]

Repo Chick:
Hey, Gray.

Arizona Gray:
Hmm?

Repo Chick:
Do you ever experience the feeling that you might just be a tiny little simulacrum or an avatar created by a mad scientist as part of a tabletop experiment?

Arizona Gray:
Sure, I have that feeling from time to time.

Repo Chick:
And does that make a difference to you in your actions?

Arizona Gray:
Wouldn't have it any other way. Ah, here comes the bus.

Repo Chick:
Check!