Return of the Living Dead

Casey:
Chuck, I never did like you. Oh, but God, hold me tight.

Trash:
Do you ever wonder about all the different ways of dying? You know, violently? And wonder, like, what would be the most horrible way to die?

Spider:
I try not too think about dying too much.

Trash:
Mm. Well for me, the worst way would be for a bunch of old men to get around me, and start biting and eating me alive.

Spider:
I see.

Trash:
First, they would tear off my clothes...

Chuck:
Hey, somebody get some light over here, Trash is taking off her clothes again.

Frank:
Watch your tongue, boy, if you like this job!

Freddy:
Like this job?

Frank:
Did you see that movie, "Night of the Living Dead"?

Freddy:
Is that the one where all the bodies come to life and start eating all the people?

Frank:
Yeah, did you know that was based on a true story?

Burt Wilson:
I thought you said that if we destroyed the brain, it would die.

Frank:
It worked in the movie.

Burt Wilson:
Well it ain't working now Frank.

Freddy:
You mean the movie lied?

Zombie:
Send... more... paramedics.

Freddy:
But I don't care darling, because I love you, and you've got to let me eat your brains.

Frank:
International treaty, all skeletons come from India.

Freddy:
No kidding, how come?

Frank:
How the hell do I know how come? The important question is, where do they get all the skeletons with perfect teeth?

Ernie Kaltenbrunner:
What the hell is in those bags?

Burt Wilson:
Rabid weasels.

Ernie Kaltenbrunner:
What? What the hell are you doing with a bunch of rabid weasels?

Burt Wilson:
That's what I was trying to explain to you, they came in as part of a shipment. Of course, they weren't supposed to be rabid.

Casey:
Hey, is that Freddy?

Chuck:
Where?

Casey:
Over there, going into that building.

Chuck:
No. That is NOT Freddy.

Casey:
How would you know?

Chuck:
Because, why would Freddy be going into a mortuary?

Spider:
What do you want to do, Scuz, turn over gravestones?

Scuz:
No I just want to look around the graveyard I never seen one before.

Spider:
You never been to a funeral?

Scuz:
I never knew anyone that died.

Paramedic #1:
You have no pulse, your blood pressure's zero-over-zero, you have no pupillary response, no reflexes and your temperature is 70 degrees.

Freddy:
Well, what does that mean?

Paramedic #1:
Well, it's a puzzle because, technically, you're not alive. Except you're conscious, so we don't know what it means.

Freddy:
Are you saying we're dead?

Paramedic #2:
Well, let's not jump to conclusions.

Freddy:
Are you saying we're dead?

Paramedic #2:
No conclusions.

Paramedic #1:
Obviously I didn't mean you were really dead. Dead people don't move around and talk.

Suicide:
How come you guys only come around when you need a ride someplace?

Spider:
Cuz you're one spooky motherf***er sometimes.

Freddy:
You made me break my hand completely off, Tina.

Tarman:
BRAINS! Live brains!

Ethel Glover:
How was your day, dear?

Col. Horace Glover:
The usual. Terrible.

Ethel Glover:
Oh. Well, I made lamb chops for dinner! Your favorite!

Col. Horace Glover:
I had them for lunch.

Burt Wilson:
What about the bones?

Ernie Kaltenbrunner:
Bones are no problem. The hardest part to burn is the heart.

Burt Wilson:
Why's that?

Ernie Kaltenbrunner:
It's one big muscle.

Burt Wilson:
Well, Ernie, we don't want the heart hanging around!

Ernie Kaltenbrunner:
Then I'll turn it up hotter for the heart.

Burt Wilson:
Put that gun away, Ernie! You're gonna get us all killed!

Freddy:
I can finally see, the one thing... the only thing that will relieve this horrible suffering.

Tina:
What, Freddy? What?

Freddy:
Live... BRAAAAAAAAAAAAIIIIINS!

Suicide:
You think this is a f***in' costume? This is a way of life.

Burt Wilson:
Listen, there's a bunch of people from the cemetery who are stark, staring, mad, and they'll kill you and eat you if they catch you. It's like a disease. It's like rabies, only faster, a lot faster. That's why you've got to come and get us out of here now, right now.

Spider:
I ain't in no mood to die tonight.

Chuck:
Hey, Casey, do you like sex with death?

Casey:
Yeah, so f*** off and die.

Burt Wilson:
I don't know what there gonna do. They say they got some kind of contingency planned.

Spider:
What kind of plan?

Burt Wilson:
One question, Frank... This guy screaming in here, you sure it's a dead cadaver?

Frank:
Why don't you open the door and find out?

Burt Wilson:
Eh, I'm sorry Frank, I'll take your word for that