Return to Never Land

Cubby:
Uh Peter? I think there's something wrong with Tinkerbell.

Jane:
And I especially don't believe in fairies!

Peter Pan:
If you're not Wendy, then who are you?

Jane:
I'm her daughter, Jane.

Peter Pan:
Then if you're Wendy's daughter, you're gonna love it here.

Captain Hook:
I tell you, Smee, this is driving me to delirium. I detest cephalopods!

Hook:
Step softly ya worthless dogs! Set your sights for Peter Pan!

Smee:
Oh, goodness. Haven't we searched the island a thousand times before?

Captain Hook:
I beg your pardon, Mr. Smee?

Smee:
I said searching for him is fun galore

Hook:
There'll be no rest until we have that boy in irons

Cubby:
Let's play the "Don't hit Cubby over the head" game.

Jane:
She tried to kill me!

Peter Pan:
She's just jealous. All girls get like that around me.

Jane:
Oh, how very nice for you.

[First lines]

Narrator:
The story always ends the same. Peter Pan shouts...

Peter:
Goodbye, Wendy!

Narrator:
And then Wendy shouts back to him...

Young Wendy:
I'll always believe in you, Peter Pan!

Narrator:
And Wendy did believe, always, even as she left childhood behind and came to have children of her own.

[Years later, an older Wendy appears at the window with her husband and children, Danny and Jane]

Wendy:
There it is, Jane. Second star to the right and straight on till morning.

Jane:
Neverland!

Narrator:
But the war lasted much longer that anyone could have imagined. Bombs fell from the sky and tore at the very heart of London.

Man:
Don't cry, son. [train tooting]

Conductor:
All aboard!

Narrator:
In an effort to protect its children, the government decreed that they all be sent to the countryside for safekeeping.

Boy:
Bye!

Woman:
Goodbye!

Boy:
Goodbye!

Man:
Bye-bye!

Boy:
I love you!

Woman:
Good luck, sweetie!

Narrator:
In times such as these, it is no wonder some discard childish things, like Peter Pan and Neverland.

Edward:
I need you here to take care of your mom and Danny. Can you do that for me?

Jane:
Mm-hmm.

Edward:
That's my big girl. [kisses Jane]

Old Man:
Evacuation, ma'am. Your children are scheduled on the morning train.

Wendy:
So soon? I didn't even tell them!

Old Man:
The sooner, the better, if you ask me. Goodnight, mum.

Wendy:
Jane, dear. Would you promise me something? Promise you watch over Danny, whatever might happen?

Jane:
What?

Wendy:
[sighs] You and your brother are going away for a while.

Jane:
[gasps] Away? Wh...Where?

Wendy:
All the children are being evacuated to the country. It's so dangerous here! But you'll be safe there. Both of you.

Jane:
I'm not going! I'm staying here!

Wendy:
But, dear, an order has been issued. Every child must go.

Jane:
But Daddy said that I'm supposed to...

Wendy:
I know, dear. But you can take care of Danny. Tell Peter Pan stories... he needs them, Jane. And so do you. Please, dear, promise me.

Jane:
No! I will not promise!

Wendy:
Oh, Jane. We'll be together again. You must have faith...

Jane:
[turns red in anger] Faith? [furiously kicks the monkey doll] Trust? [angrily throws the cushion on the floor] Pixie dust? Mother, those are just words from your stories! They don't mean anything!

Danny:
Yes they do. Peter Pan said they'll make you fly.

Jane:
Danny, storytime is over! [furiously opens the curtains] Look, it's a war! Peter Pan isn't real and people don't fly!

Danny:
[on the verge of tears] They do, too!

Jane:
Oh, come on, Danny! Grow up!

Wendy:
Jane!

Jane:
‘’[ignoring Wendy and still shouting angrily at Danny]’’ It's just lot of childish nonsense!

Danny:
You're lying! [Runs away, crying]

Wendy:
Jane, how dare you treat your brother that way! You think you're very grown-up, but you have a great deal to learn.

Peter:
Hey, what's this? [takes Jane's list, puts it in his eyes]

Jane:
Oh, give that back! It's my list! Things to do, places to be, important things!

Peter:
Huh!? That stuff's no fun! No wonder you can't fly.

Jane:
Give it back, Peter!

Peter:
Slightly, catch! [tosses the list to Slightly, who turn it to Jane's back, which Nibs gets it] Keep away from Jane! [Nibs passes the list to the Twins, Jane tries to catch it]

Jane:
You boys are horrid!

Slightly:
Come on, come on, over here! [The Twins toss it to him, he slides it under him and Tootles gets it, and run through Jane's legs]

Cubby:
Come on, why don't you guy ever throw it to me!!?

Jane:
No! Stop it, this isn't funny! [Tootles holds the list up and Pan kicks it like a ball]

Cubby:
I got it! [The list flies into his mouth. As Jane gasps, he accidentally gulps it down, and burps]

[Lost Boys and Pan laugh which pisses Jane off]

Jane:
This is just a game to you, isn't it? Well, I'm tired of playing.

Peter:
Gosh, Jane. We didn't mean to make you mad.

Jane:
Oh, grow up. You did so. [Grabs the note and angrily throws it at Pan] You're just a bunch of silly, ridiculous children.

Captain Hook:
Great Scott! No sooner do I rid myself of that cursed crocodile and now this! [hugs Smee]

Smee:
Oh, there, there. He's just a playful little sea urchin is all.

Captain Hook:
I swear, Smee, this is propelling me to delirium! I DETEST cephalopods!

Captain Hook:
Step softly, you worthless dogs! Set your sights for Peter Pan!

Smee:
[sarcastically] Oh, goodness. Haven't we searched the island a thousand times before?

Captain Hook:
[anger steadily rising] I beg your pardon, Mr. Smee?

Smee:
Uh, I said that, uh, searching for Pan is, um, uh...fun galore!

Captain Hook:
[facepalms] There'll be no rest until we have that boy in irons!

Captain Hook:
So, the girl can't fly, yet she wants to go home. Smee, do you know what this means?

Smee:
Six more weeks of winter?

Hook:
No, you imbecile. We'll get me treasure and the boy.

Jane:
No-No, Leave me alone. I don't believe in any of this! [to Tinker Bell angrily] And I especially don't believe in fairies! Good-bye!

Peter:
Oh yeah? Well, good riddance!

Slightly:
Ooh. Looks kind of bad.

Cubby:
Kind of bad? Kind of? [starts crying] Oh, it's hopeless! Poor little Tinker Bell! WAAAAAAAAAAAAAH!!!!!!!!!!!

Peter:
Hey! Put a cork in it.

Peter:
[listening to Tinker Bell] Uh-huh. Uh-huh. What?

Slightly:
What'd she say, Peter?

Peter:
If we don't get Jane to believe in fairies, Tink's light's going to go out.

Cubby:
Well, let's just go and make her believe!

Jane:
All right, I give up. What's your problem?

Captain Hook:
All I've ever wanted was to get away from this dreadful place and home to my dear, sweet mother. But blast it all! Peter stole my treasure and my men would mutiny if I so much as tried to leave without it. So here I am, stuck in this absurd place. My sources tell me you wish to return home as well.

Jane:
Huh. You got that right. I guess we're in the same boat.

Captain Hook:
The... the same boat? That's it!

Jane:
What's it?

Captain Hook:
I'll give passage home on my ship and you can help me recover my treasure. [Pause] Don't you see? The treasure is useless to Peter. He's not sensible like you and I. He's just a boy who never grows up.

Jane:
Huh. Tell me about it.

[The Jolly Roger is sinking with Captain Hook still on board.]

Captain Hook:
Help me, please! Help!

Peter:
You know the rules, Hook. A good captain always goes down with his ship.

[Pause]

Captain Hook:
I don't want to be a good captain!

Jane:
[hugging Wendy] You were right! He IS most remarkable!

Wendy:
Who, dear?

Jane:
Oh, Mother, I'm so sorry. If only I'd listened to you.

[Peter sees Wendy for the first time in years.]

Peter:
Wendy?

Wendy:
Hello, Peter.

Peter:
[disappointed] You changed.

Wendy:
Not really. Not ever.

Jane:
Peter Pan, pixie dust... childish nonsense. [cries]

Jane:
Danny! Storytime is over! Look! It's a war! Peter Pan isn't real, and people don't fly!

Jane:
Oh, come on, Danny, grow up! It's just a lot of childish nonsense!

Jane:
Peter Pan? Tinker Bell? I get it. I'm dreaming. You're not real.

Jane:
I told my little brother you weren't real.

Jane:
Well. Oh, I don't know. But I have to get back and set things right.

Jane:
This is ridiculous. I can't fly!

Jane:
I didn't do it, Peter! I never agreed to this!

Jane:
Not so fast, you old codfish! Or you'll have to answer to me!

Jane:
Don't you see, Hook? You'll never win. Not as long as there's faith, trust, and... pixie dust.

Jane:
Well, it's a long way home. Give me your best shot, Tink.

Jane:
I'll always believe in you, Peter Pan.

Peter Pan:
I didn't know a codfish could talk. Did you, Tinker Bell? [Tinker Bell laughs]

Peter Pan:
[to Jane] You're SURE not Wendy.

Peter Pan:
If you're not Wendy, who are you?

Peter Pan:
Be brave, lads. Don't let them see you cry. [the Lost Boys turn around and cry]

Peter Pan:
[confronting Captain Hook] Game's over, Hook! I win! Ha!

Peter Pan:
[to The Lost Boys] If we don't get Jane to believe in fairies, Tink's light's gonna go out.

Captain Hook:
[as the Jolly Roger flies off to the sky] You've not seen the end of me, Peter Pan! I'll get you for this! If it's the last thing I do!

Captain Hook:
[meeting Jane for the first time, thinking she's her mother] Hello, Wendy.

Captain Hook:
Curses! Bring her down! Hurry, Smee!

Captain Hook:
This is simply perfect! Yes, Mr. Smee, with Wendy as bait, we shall lure Peter Pan to his doom!

Captain Hook:
Mr. Smee, be a good fellow and fix the plank... SO I CAN MAKE YOU WALK IT!

Captain Hook:
Blast that scurvy boy! This is all his fault. Mr. Smee, pipe up the crew! We're going ashore to find Peter Pan!

Captain Hook:
Step softly, you worthless dogs! Set your sights for Peter Pan!

Captain Hook:
There'll be no rest until we have that boy in irons.

Captain Hook:
Leave the light on, Mommy. Your baby boy's coming home.

Captain Hook:
It's time to meet your maker, Peter Pan.

Captain Hook:
Sorry. No can do. And thank you, my dear. I couldn't have done it without you.

Captain Hook:
And Captain Hook is a man of his word. I promised I wouldn't harm a single hair on his head. And, this is the one I won't harm! Here, you keep it.

Captain Hook:
Look at him, Smee. He's nothing but a child. And I loathe children. Cut him down.

Captain Hook:
Oh. They'll go. Right after you. One by one, off the end of the plank!

Captain Hook:
Good heavens! Run! Run for your lives! It's....a little girl.

Captain Hook:
Get it off me! Get it off me!

Captain Hook:
I don't want to be a good captain!!!!

Hook:
Smee save me!

Mr. Smee:
[to the octopus] Oh, you big brute, you! Off with you. Go on, now. Shoo, shoo and take your arms with you. You ought to be ashamed of yourself. [the octopus squirts water at him; Smee gives him a dirty look] Hmm! At least the crocodile had manners! [Octopus floats away]

Hook:
Blast that scurvy boy! This is all his fault. Mr Smee pipe up the crew! We're going ashore to find Peter Pan!

Cubby:
Well, let's just go and make her believe!

Cubby:
[seeing octopus approaching, chasing Captain Hook] Abandon ship!

Jane:
Or maybe you're full of hot air.

Jane:
Wait! You must swear not to harm Peter.

Peter Pan:
Come and get me, you old codfish!

Peter Pan:
[while being dragged away by the pirates, to Jane] You're a traitor, Jane! You lied to me! And because you don't believe in fairies, Tink's light is going out!

Peter Pan:
Let the Lost Boys go!

Peter Pan:
[seeing Jane fly] Unbelievable!

Peter Pan:
Hey, Captain! You forgot your anchor!

Captain Hook:
Pan, you double-crossing pipsqueak! Come back here and fight like a man!

Mr. Smee:
Oh, and look, captain! A fairy too!

Cubby:
I thought you said you got her.