Riverboat

Lieutenant Andre Bastiste Devereaux:
Mr. Thompson, I have to be with my men.

Thompson:
I just got to warn you, son. No sense losin' a lot of good soldiers.

Lieutenant Andre Bastiste Devereaux:
I've already lost a lot of good soldiers.

Joe Travis:
Paris, huh?

Lieutenant Andre Bastiste Devereaux:
Uh-huh.

Joe Travis:
You might have been better off to stay there.

Lieutenant Andre Bastiste Devereaux:
You would think so, wouldn't you? But, you see, I didn't go there for pleasure. I went to study and I, uh, I failed a course.

Joe Travis:
Studied what? Wine and women?

Lieutenant Andre Bastiste Devereaux:
Ah those delights became my accomplishment. No, I was studying to be a priest.

Joe Travis:
You? A priest?

Lieutenant Andre Bastiste Devereaux:
You're no more surprised than I am, Mr. Travis, when I look back. But in those days, confusion and a troubled spirit made me look at many careers searching for one tha might be valuable.

Joe Travis:
You don't call being a priest valuable?

Lieutenant Andre Bastiste Devereaux:
Not if a man is confused, no - only if he is certain. The priesthood is a vocation that calls for strength... and courage. It was a disappointment to decide to give it up.

[last lines]

Sheriff Matson:
Oh, you got my prisoner, Captain?

Captain Grey Holden:
Why, indeed we have, Sheriff, indeed we have. Mr. Carney!

[Carney forces Juan Cortilla off the Enterprise]

Sheriff Matson:
Fine work, Captain. Folks here in town have calmed down. They've even built me a new jail.

Bill Blake:
New jail? Is the new jail the same size as the old jail?

Sheriff Matson:
To the inch.

Captain Grey Holden:
Well then, Sheriff Matson, you have yourself a housing problem. Bring 'em out!

[the crew marches the gang of entire gang of Mexican bandits off to jail]

[hefting a shovel]

Carney Kohler:
I'm for rushin' 'em.

Captain Grey Holden:
What? Tools against guns?

Carney Kohler:
Well, the tools are better than nothin' against guns!

Bill Blake:
[to Grey Holden] You know, the only difference between you and the Colonel is - he's an old pirate.

Colonel Ashley:
Tony, show the Captain the game room and get him his drink.

Captain Grey Holden:
Yes, but we have business, Colonel.

Colonel Ashley:
Oh, I'm much too sober to discuss business now, Captain. We'll have our little deal over whiskey sours at breakfast.

Colonel Ashley:
Tie him up; I'll send for the marshal.

Tony Ashley:
Leave him alone!

Colonel Ashley:
He tried to kill us!

Tony Ashley:
I said leave him alone.

Colonel Ashley:
Are you giving me orders?

Tony Ashley:
Yes, I'm giving you orders.

Colonel Ashley:
Well, it's about time.

Brian Cloud:
Ah, Captain Holden. You have no idea how delighted I am to welcome you to Vicksburg!

Captain Grey Holden:
And you have no idea how curious I am to know why, Mr. Cloud.

Brian Cloud:
[to his hulking bodyguard] You get the drift, Job. There's a prudent river man. Always on guard against hidden dangers in uncharted waters. Forgive me, Captain. How can I convince you of my sincere desire for friendship.

Captain Grey Holden:
Well, getting to the point might help.

Brian Cloud:
Save yourself some trouble, Captain. Leave the Yazoo River to me. I control the boats and shipping up there.

Captain Grey Holden:
Well, am I to take that as a threat, Mr. Cloud?

Brian Cloud:
Oh, good heavens, no! Just advice. You wouldn't want the credit risk involved in handling their cargo.

Captain Grey Holden:
Which is...?

Brian Cloud:
Cotton.

Captain Grey Holden, Bill Blake, Carney Kohler:
[laughing] Cotton? Cotton!

Captain Grey Holden:
Well then I'll tell you, Mr. Cloud, you must run your boats as a hobby if that's the shipping you want to control.

Brian Cloud:
Not shipping, Captain - the planters.

Laurie Rawlings:
It's quite obvious, Captain, that you can't quite place me.

Captain Grey Holden:
[chuckling] It has been a long time.

Laurie Rawlings:
Do you really think it has?

Captain Grey Holden:
Well now, don't tell me. Don't tell me. Let me guess now. Memphis?

Laurie Rawlings:
No.

Captain Grey Holden:
New Orleans!

Laurie Rawlings:
No.

Captain Grey Holden:
Well, don't tell me it was right here in Vicksburg.

Laurie Rawlings:
No. Captain Holden, I am one of the few unfortunate women who do not occupy a place in your past.

Brian Cloud:
Don't confuse business with honor.

[last lines]

[holding a small box]

Bill Blake:
Grey, this just came by messenger.

[Grey finds the box contains a pair of dueling pistols]

Captain Grey Holden:
Ah... beautiful aren't they? Compliments of the partners of Shadowdance.

Bill Blake:
When are they going to give us the money they owe us?

Captain Grey Holden:
In time, Bill, in time. Remember, we have the word of a gentleman.

Bill Blake:
Do you believe that?

Captain Grey Holden:
Well, after all, a man has to believe in something, Bill.

Laurie Rawlings:
Win!

Wingate Pardee:
Oh no, not me. Arkansas here I come.

Laurie Rawlings:
Wingate Pritchard Pardee! Come here.

Wingate Pardee:
[to Grey Holden] Now look what you done. You stirred up the Pritchard in her. Is there somethin' you wanted, Cousin Laurie, or are you just practicin' callin' hogs?

[after shaking hands with Beaudry]

Wingate Pardee:
I ain't making any commitments, you understand. If you think you're going to get more than 49 percent partnership...

Captain Grey Holden:
[to Bill Blake] Now don't that sound familiar?

Captain Grey Holden:
What about those people who believed in you? You were supposed to bring them horses, oxen, supplies.

Martinus Van Der Brig:
Yes. Yes, that's true. There has been a delay.

Captain Grey Holden:
Mm-hmm.

Martinus Van Der Brig:
A shortage. Not one cow in sight.

Captain Grey Holden:
Oh?

Martinus Van Der Brig:
But I assure you, Captain, that this difficulty for Martinus Van Der Brig is simply a challenge.

[Grey slugs Martinus]

Captain Grey Holden:
Now listen to me! This isn't going to be a challenge. The Enterprise sails tomorrow morning. If you don't have everything on board by then, there really will be a shortage - of Martinus Van Der Brig.

Carney Kohler:
How do I look?

Captain Grey Holden:
Well, Carney, you look as pretty as a sweet-smellin', night-bloomin'... swamp flower.

[the Enterprise drives off Indians attacking the fort]

Captain Brad Turner:
If those are peaceful Indians, I'd sure hate to get in their way when they're on the warpath.

Captain Brad Turner:
But what provoked the attack?

Lieutenant Tom Henshaw:
Oh, a lot of little things. The major's been tightening up the last few months on discipline between us and the Indians.

Captain Brad Turner:
You mean discipline caused the attack?

Lieutenant Tom Henshaw:
The major reads the book word for word; every comma, period and semicolon.

Jeb Randell:
You weren't invited here. Get out!

Captain Grey Holden:
Since when is a public trial not open to the public?

[a lieutenant warns Holden of an enemy that would like to kill him and destroy the captain's riverboat]

Captain Grey Holden:
Lieutentant... this enemy of yours - just who is he?

Lieutenant Perry Quinn:
My brother.

[last lines]

Jessie Quinn:
You're quite a man, Captain Holden.

Captain Grey Holden:
You're quite a woman, Mrs. Quinn.

[When the Enterprise is hijacked, Captain Holden asks his crew to travel overland to recapture the vessel]

Carney Kohler:
Well, we signed on for the whole voyage, Skipper, up river and down. There wasn't nothin' in the papers that said we wouldn't walk or ride a little if we had to.

Captain Grey Holden:
Did you hear somethin'?

Bill Blake:
Not unless it's Gabriel's horn sounding for the Enterprise.

Captain Grey Holden:
You make me feel like a con man.

Bill Blake:
Well?

[referring to Abraham Lincoln's speech]

Ferdinand Maret:
He has given us our case, Captain! He has given us all we need. I can taste the victory! I can taste it!

Captain Grey Holden:
Yeah? Yeah, whose? His or ours?

[last lines]

Abraham Lincoln:
Captain, I'm coming on board as a passenger. Do you mind if I ride home with you two gentlemen?

Captain Grey Holden:
Welcome to the Enterprise, Mr. Lincoln.

Abraham Lincoln:
Permit me to say, Captain, you put up a very good fight.

Bill Blake:
We haven't given up that fight yet, Mr. Lincoln...

Captain Grey Holden:
No, no, no. That bridge is here to stay. You know, you might have spoke up for progress, Mr. Lincoln, but you didn't make yourself so popular along the river.

Abraham Lincoln:
I'd be lyin' if I didn't say I was sorry about that, Captain Holden, but that's the trouble with progress - someone's always gettin' hurt by it one way or another.

Captain Grey Holden:
[to his crew] All right, cast off lines!

Joshua Walcek:
What did you mean when you said, "It had to be here - right on that spot"? It was right in front of the Justice of the Peace/jewelry shop. You haven't got a woman on your mind, have you?

Captain Grey Holden:
A woman?

Joshua Walcek:
Aye.

Captain Grey Holden:
No, not a woman... a lady.

Captain Grey Holden:
Lady, I'm sorry if I appear uncouth to you, but your father was marked down for one of the oldest hoaxes on the river.

Marian Templeton:
Hoaxes?

Captain Grey Holden:
Hoaxes. They make you think your boat isn't coming, so you hire another one too quickly and then it begins. They start charging you for extra for everything - food, fuel, supplies - everything. Before they're through, they've bleed you dry just to keep on schedule.

Marian Templeton:
You saved us from that?

Captain Grey Holden:
I also saved a job for our boat which we need badly. If that makes me a bore, I can't help it.

Ben Frazer:
You're finally going to get married?

Captain Grey Holden:
Yeah.

Ben Frazer:
Well, I hope you're going to be happy, Grey.

Captain Grey Holden:
So do I.

Ben Frazer:
You don't sound so sure.

Captain Grey Holden:
Well, I'm not. But I've never been happier doing something I'm not sure of before.

Marian Templeton:
It's not just our people, it's our future - the future of the whole country. Grey, a few years ago, a party of settlers was crossing the desert. They saw a cloud after a thunderstorm that formed the image of an eagle... and the sun behind it cast the shadow of an eagle all the way to the mountains. Well, they took this as an omen - as a sign that the eagle of this country must spread it's wings all the way to the ocean and that's where Papa must go, and I with him.

Captain Grey Holden:
Well, I can't very well argue with that.

Hunk Farber:
Oh, Monte, I forgot to tell you. The senator's got a thousand dollar reward on you.

Monte Loman:
A thousand dollars. That's all? Guess even he doesn't figure his son was worth much.

Captain Grey Holden:
But I thought I've been saving that space, Mr. Sickel.

J.C. Sickel:
Yeah, for what, for instance?

Captain Grey Holden:
Well, for instance, it'd just about accommodate one hundred and twelve crates of mechanical apple peelers.

J.C. Sickel:
Mechanical apple peelers?

Captain Grey Holden:
Got any idea where I might locate such an item?

J.C. Sickel:
Why, blast your scheming Yankee hide. You know full well and good that I've got a hundred and twelve cases of mechanical apple peelers gathering dust in this warehouse for most of three years! Come on, come on.

Captain Grey Holden:
Well, why don't you sell 'em?

J.C. Sickel:
Because I can't sell no mechanical apple peelers, that's why! Neither can no one else.

Captain Grey Holden:
Well, the man who sold you mechanical apple peelers to you, he sure could sell mechanical apple peelers.

Ashley Cowan:
Ah, Captain... is it Grey Holden or Holden Grey? I never can...

Captain Grey Holden:
What are you doing here, Cowan? Did you run out of riverboats to be thrown off of?

Ashley Cowan:
Why, Captain, I've never been thrown off this one, have I?

Captain Grey Holden:
That's only a technicality. I've never caught you cheating.

Ashley Cowan:
And you never shall.

Captain Grey Holden:
All right. There's your refund for the rest of the trip. There'll be boats passing by here every few hours. Just remember the name of this one, the Enterprise. I wouldn't want you to make the mistake of boarding her again.

Ashley Cowan:
Your concern for my welfare is a tender thing, Captain.

Captain Grey Holden:
Danny, I'd lend you five hundred if I had it, but right now, I'm travelling light.

[Grey tries to get a clue as to the identity of a thief from a punchdrunk fighter]

Captain Grey Holden:
Was he a tall man or a short man?

Dublin Boy:
Ah, sort of.

[Holden has salvaged Kincannon's pearls from a shipwreck]

Captain Grey Holden:
There's the small matter of the Enterprise and our interest in this.

James Kincannon:
How much?

Captain Grey Holden:
Ten thousand.

James Kincannon:
Five thousand.

Captain Grey Holden:
Eleven thousand!

James Kincannon:
Seventy-five hundred.

Captain Grey Holden:
Twelve thousand!

James Kincannon:
Ten thousand!

Captain Grey Holden:
Now how did you arrive at a figure like that?

Captain Grey Holden:
I'll have a draft drawn on my bank and I'll return in an hour, but remember this - The Enterprise will never do any business with Kincannon and Company.

James Kincannon:
Until you need us again.

Captain Grey Holden:
Good day, sir.

James Kincannon:
Good day.

[commenting on the Kincannon who leaves The Enterprise after a session of hard bargaining with Captain Holden]

Carney Kohler:
There goes a good Scotchman.

Carney Kohler:
Kincannon is an Irish name.

Pickalong:
Now remember what I learned ya.

Jimmy 'Chip' Kessler:
Taught, Pickalong. Captain Holden...

Pickalong:
Well, Captain Holden can taught ya, but I'm learnin' ya.

[last lines]

[Joshua is ready to pick Holden's safe to give the crew spending money for shore leave]

Joshua Walcek:
Just what kind of thievin' crew have I got here?

Captain Grey Holden:
Whatever kind of crew it is, Captain, what can you say? You picked it.

[all laugh]

[first lines]

Captain Grey Holden:
Maybe I'll sell a piece of the Enterprise and maybe I won't.

Bill Blake:
You want to make a deal or don't ya?

Captain Grey Holden:
Oh, maybe.

Bill Blake:
No maybe about it. The way I heard it, ya got no choice.

Captain Grey Holden:
You heard wrong.

Bill Blake:
You don't need cash?

Captain Grey Holden:
I can always use a little more means. I have a plan to multiply this thousand dollars ten-fold.

Captain Grey Holden:
Hey, I have suggestion to make.

Ben Frazer:
Yeah? What's that?

Captain Grey Holden:
From now on you stick to piloting. *I'll* make the deals.

Ben Frazer:
Well, Muldoon didn't look crooked.

Captain Grey Holden:
Haven't you got a sense of smell?

Ed Baker:
Mr. Carter feels he'll rest a lot easier when he's on board *with* the diamonds.

Captain Grey Holden:
Oh, there's nothing to worry about, Mr. Carter. You better give them to me now and get on board. We sail in less than two hours.

Jeb Carter:
Why, Mr. Baker is going to put them on the boat, but thank you, Captain, thank you.

Captain Grey Holden:
Mr. Baker?

[Baker nods]

Captain Grey Holden:
Well then, why am I here?

Jeb Carter:
Well, I-I just wanted to meet you first.

Captain Grey Holden:
Oh, I see. Well, if I'm satisfactory, you'll be the first test I've passed since the third grade.

[Tommy screams when Grey pours a bucket of cold water over his head]

Captain Grey Holden:
It's cold water! They say that if you mix it with soap, it gets you clean. Let me know if it works.

[Grey stops Corporal Jenkins from shooting Indians riding along the riverbank]

Captain Grey Holden:
Maybe you don't know it, Sergeant, but the Indians are like anybody else - they don't like to be shot at.

Sergeant Major Carmody:
Don't tell me about Indians, Captain.

Captain Grey Holden:
Well, maybe somebody ought to.

Joshua Walcek:
I reckon I better fix you up a muster roll of the men you've got to fight with, Captain.

Captain Grey Holden:
What do you know about muster rolls?

Joshua Walcek:
War of 1812, Captain. General Jackson wouldn't have got very far without me.

Captain Grey Holden:
General Jackson!

[last lines]

Jimmy 'Chip' Kessler:
It's an awful big boat.

Captain Grey Holden:
Yeah, it's a big boat...

[Grey laughs]

Captain Grey Holden:
Alright, cabin boy, I take cream in my coffee. Now don't ever forget it.

Jimmy 'Chip' Kessler:
Yes, sir!

Captain Grey Holden:
Hop to it, lad!

Sergeant Major Carmody:
The Sioux can smell a coward in the dark.

Joshua Walcek:
The bunch we ran into yesterday are signaling the main camp.

Captain Grey Holden:
Hey, how come you know so much about Indians?

Joshua Walcek:
I did some tradin' with 'em for a time back when this country was what I really call country. There's too many people now - a man can't breathe.

Jimmy 'Chip' Kessler:
Here's you coffee, Captain, sir.

Captain Grey Holden:
What are you supposed to be?

Jimmy 'Chip' Kessler:
I'm your cabin boy - officially!

Captain Grey Holden:
Officially, huh. Who hired you?

Joshua Walcek:
I hired him.

Captain Grey Holden:
Ohhh. Oh, you hired him.

Joshua Walcek:
Aye. It's a downright disgrace for a fine boat like this to run without a cabin boy. A big two-stack sternwheeler like this has to have a cabin boy. It's the rules of the river!

Captain Grey Holden:
And what you do you know about the rules of the river?

Joshua Walcek:
I was the first mate on the Memphis Belle for two years. Now, we're about to dock. I've got to see if the crew's ready. Stand by for landing!

Captain Grey Holden:
Who hired you!

Kester:
Now listen to me, Drake. I know I can't make you help that little girl or anybody else on this boat, but if you got anything at all left in you, you're gonna try!

Paul Drake:
Why?

Kester:
Because you know how!

Paul Drake:
Mr. Kester, whether that little girl dies today or a hundred years from today is purely academic. Sooner or later, she's going to die. So will you and I, Mr. Kester. And all the sermons and all the good intentions an all the believing in God won't alter that one simple fact. So you're wrong, Mr. Kester. I can't keep her from dying... nor do I intend to try.

Paul Drake:
Paul Drake, M.D., is dead. He died in a courtroom at the hands of his friends.

[In spite of Drake's best efforts, a young passenger has died of diphtheria]

Burley:
Give us the prisoner, Mr. Frazer. We promised ourselves Drake would pay if anything happened.

Cathy Norris:
What right have you to sit in judgment?

Burley:
If some animal killed your sheep, you'd sit in judgment.

Cathy Norris:
Animal? Dr. Drake never knew the Crane's before, but he tried to help them and you don't know him, but you want to kill him. You're the animal, the killer of your own flock. The most despicable kind of man - ready to destroy just to nourish your own sick soul.

Captain Grey Holden:
Ben, let's make for Hampton. I've got a hunch...

Ben Frazer:
I don't think the crew is going to accept any of your hunches as legal tender.

Captain Grey Holden:
Let 'em take it out of our hides.

Ben Frazer:
Mighty lean pickin's.

Fowler:
You're a man who has traveled around, Mr. Holden. What do you think of it?

Captain Grey Holden:
How did you know my name?

Fowler:
You're in Hampton. I own Hampton.

Captain Grey Holden:
Where's your deed?

[first lines]

Captain Grey Holden:
This was Hampton - violent, corrupting, a holing-up spot for every thief, gambler, and killer who'd been run out of Natchez and Vicksburg. Here they built a monument to greed and rottenness. And here they watched it torn down. One pirate and his henchmen ruled a kingdom of evil. Now there were corpses. I saw it happen. I was part of it. And I know why it happened.

Ben Frazer:
Darned if you don't beat all, Grey. I swear you could soft-soap the Devil into thinking he was a psalm singer.

[the construction crew hired to build the canal is late]

Joshua Walcek:
I wouldn't worry about it, Captain. If they show up, I'll take charge of 'em for ya.

Captain Grey Holden:
You'll take charge?

Joshua Walcek:
Who do you think built the Erie Canal?

Captain Grey Holden:
Oh, for cryin' out... who did?

Joshua Walcek:
[pause] Oh, it was a man named Shannon, I think.

Tracy Paxton:
You staring at anything in particular, Captain?

Captain Grey Holden:
Yes, ma'am. I like to look at a pretty woman.

Tracy Paxton:
You are a sailor, aren't you? Don't tell me - you've been away at sea for five long years and you haven't seen a woman.

Captain Grey Holden:
Mm-hmm. Five long weeks.

Tracy Paxton:
Will you be here long?

Captain Grey Holden:
Indefinitely, ma'am. Indefinitely.

Tracy Paxton:
I hope to see you again soon.

Captain Grey Holden:
I hope so, too.

[Tracy holds out her hand for Holden to kiss and he pauses]

Captain Grey Holden:
But I don't think we'd better... that looks an awful lot like a wedding ring to me.

[last lines]

Captain Grey Holden:
Hey, Chip! What are you doin' there, boy?

Chip Kessler:
I'm writin' a letter to Mr. and Mrs. Paxton.

Captain Grey Holden:
You're writin' a letter? Why, son, you can't even spell yet.

Chip Kessler:
I can, too!

Captain Grey Holden:
All right, spell 'Philadelphia'.

Chip Kessler:
Capital P-h-i-l-a... d-e-l... f-i-a.

Captain Grey Holden:
That's right! See what you get from book learnin', huh? Huh?

Mark Evans:
I've often wondered why we Indians are such bad drinkers. You know why?

Captain Grey Holden:
No, I'm afraid I don't.

Mark Evans:
Because whiskey deadens the reality of the times. Reality for the red man is rage, hatred, despair.

[raiders attack a Cherokee village while a U.S. army detachment does nothing to prevent them from burning the Indians' teepees]

Col. Tryker:
The only way you're going to stop this sort of thing is for your people to move off of these lands.

James Evans:
You've got the chief's answer to that.

Col. Tryker:
Yes. Yes I have, but I also have my orders and I can't wait any longer. I'm riding out tomorrow to make arrangements for the tribe to be taken to a new Indian territory. I'll be back in a week. I hope by that time you'll have made up your minds to go peacefully.

James Evans:
We will not move.

Col. Tryker:
They tell me you're an educated man. I hope you realize there isn't any thing you or your tribe can do about this.

James Evans:
We can die.

[last lines]

[Wearing one of the vigilante's masks, Chip leaps screaming from behind a woodpile, scaring the Captain]

Captain Grey Holden:
Where did you get this?

Chip Kessler:
Mr. Joshua gave it to me.

Captain Grey Holden:
Joshua? Joshua!

Joshua Walcek:
Aye, sir.

[Joshua appears wearing another of the vigilantes' hoods]

Captain Grey Holden:
Where did...? What is this?

Joshua Walcek:
Don't you know?

Chip Kessler:
October 31st.

Captain Grey Holden:
So?

Joshua Walcek, Chip Kessler:
Happy Halloween! Hahaha!

[the ugly Carney walks by wearing his usual uniform]

Carney Kohler:
Happy Halloween.

Captain Grey Holden:
Oh, that's a nice mask you're wearing, Carney.

Carney Kohler:
What... did... you... say?

Captain Grey Holden:
I said... Ewww.

[Holden throws one of the vigilante's hoods over Carney's head]

[showing Canning her gambling equipment]

Nanette Burns:
We move to Creighton's Landing on Friday before the miners spend their money on foolish things - like necessities.

[Grey has explained to Nick about Nanette's crooked gambling racket]

Nick Logan:
You're thieves.

Captain Grey Holden:
Yeah, her, not me. Her.

[gives Nick his gun]

Captain Grey Holden:
Well, now that you know, let's get the boat back!

Nanette:
Grey! Grey, what kind of deal is this?

Captain Grey Holden:
Well, your kind of a deal, baby.

[Channing's thugs break in and knock Grey and Nick unconscious]

George Channing:
Looks like we need a new dealer. You mind if I play?

[the Enterprise strikes a submerged log]

Captain Grey Holden:
How bad is it, Mr. Carney?

Carney Kohler:
Starboard side is stove in! We're floodin' fast! It's seepin' up through the bottom!

Captain Grey Holden:
I'll be right down. Resume full speed ahead.

Joshua Walcek:
But she'll fall apart!

Captain Grey Holden:
It either Natchez or the bottom take your pick... if we got one.

[for a reward, an old man tells Morrell where Sam and his treasure map can be found]

Old Seaman:
I gotta go, but you pay me first.

Morrell:
Sure. See the paymaster. Ain't that right?

Outlaw Paymaster:
That's right.

[the outlaw pulls out his pistol and shoots the old man]

[In exchange for 40% of the loot, Sam's uncle agrees to lead the bank robbers to where the loot is buried]

Outlaw Paymaster:
You ain't really gonna give him 40%, are you?

Morrell:
You're the paymaster. What do you think?

[first lines]

[a beautiful brunette picks Holden from the Enterprise's crew]

Captain Grey Holden:
She's particular.

Carney Kohler:
She's just young, that's all.

Bill Blake:
And she's Cajun. You'd have to speak French.

Captain Grey Holden:
Not for long. I wonder what her name is?

Captain Grey Holden:
Well, may I ask what it is you have inside this box?

Gould Jennings:
This box worry you?

Bill Blake:
Any box marked "Danger: Explosives" makes us uneasy, yes.

[last lines]

[Captain Turner finds Carney and Pickalong playing poker while Chip kabitzes]

Captain Brad Turner:
Who's winning?

Carney Kohler:
Well, he's taken me or 57 cents!

Captain Brad Turner:
Well, enjoy yourselves, boys. Willow Landing is just around the bend and Captain Holden will be waiting on the dock.

Carney Kohler:
It'll be nice to see him again.

Chip Kessler:
Sure will.

Chip Kessler, Carney Kohler, Pickalong:
Captain Holden!

[playing cards go scattering as the crew races to perform their duties]

Captain Brad Turner:
[hailing the pilot house] Give 'em a blast, Terry.

Terry Blake:
Aye-Aye, sir!

[Terry blast the Enterprise's horn]

Bill Blake:
Did you have to give 'em two of our best staterooms?

Captain Grey Holden:
Well, you heard what she said - he's a great actor.

Bill Blake:
Look, Grey, every hambone that comes down the river doesn't necessarily have the three-cents-a-mile passage money.

Captain Grey Holden:
Blake, you just don't fish somebody out of the river and then stick your hand in their pockets.

Captain Grey Holden:
Blake, life isn't just gettin' up the river on schedule, it's livin' a little along the way!

Bill Blake:
I'm for that...

Captain Grey Holden:
Besides, what other riverboat can boast having Sir Oliver Garrett and His Royal Reporatory Company aboard, huh?

Bill Blake:
Well, the only other one that can is on the bottom of the river.

[Holden presses Garnett about the details regarding the sinking of his previous boat]

Sir Oliver Garnett:
I can't remember names, dates, places...

Captain Grey Holden:
Well, then how do you remember your lines?

Sir Oliver Garnett:
I am an actor, sir, not a clerk! I am not expected to remember petty details.

[Garnett and Juliet plot to gain Holden's support]

Sir Oliver Garnett:
Juliet, the way he looked at you...

Juliet:
He did, didn't he?

Sir Oliver Garnett:
The way you looked at him - that's what worries me.

Captain Grey Holden:
Does your husband know you're here or did he send you up here?

Juliet:
No.

Captain Grey Holden:
"No," he doesn't know you're here or "No," he didn't send you up here?

Juliet:
No, he's not my husband.

[last lines]

Captain Grey Holden:
You know, Julie, you were honest with me, I'd better be honest with you. Show business is fine...

Juliet:
It's just the one-night stands...

Captain Grey Holden:
Well, that's life on the river - different town every night.

Juliet:
Different girl...

Captain Grey Holden:
Well, I just want you to know... I didn't want you to get any wrong ideas.

Juliet:
Oh, I understand.

Captain Grey Holden:
You do? In that case having you...

[Grey realises Julie has left him and chuckles]

Captain Grey Holden:
Great performance...

[Because of his massive hangover, Carney doesn't remember that Bill Blake has been abducted by escaped convicts]

Captain Grey Holden:
Boy, what a couple of drunken bums I hired to run my boat. We're going to go out and find him!

Carney Kohler:
Ohhh, my head feels like it's comin' off!

Captain Grey Holden:
Yeah, and that's the next step.

[last lines]

[Carney still has his toothache]

Carney Kohler:
Owww! Owww!

[Holden and Blake walk up to Carney]

Carney Kohler:
Owww! Ow! Oh.

Bill Blake:
Carney...

Carney Kohler:
It's fine now, Mr. Blake.

Captain Grey Holden:
You're feelin' better, huh?

Carney Kohler:
Skipper, I'll have it out next stop.

Bill Blake:
I should have done this a long time ago.

Carney Kohler:
No, it's better!

[Blake punches Carney in the jaw, and the engineer pulls the offendin' tooth from his mouth]

Carney Kohler:
Ohhh, why didn't you do that before and save me all that trouble?

Captain Grey Holden, Bill Blake:
Save him all this trouble?

[Carney cringes as Grey and Bill cock their fists]

Carney Kohler:
Noooo!