Robin Hood: Prince of Thieves

Friar Tuck:
Let us open a bottle and do our best to save each other's souls.

Azeem:
Alas, I am not permitted.

Friar Tuck:
Fine then, you talk, I'll drink.

Robin of Locksley:
Milady, a woman of your beauty has no need for such... decorations.

Marian:
Men speak conveniently of love when it serves their purpose.

Will Scarlett:
There was a rich man from Nottingham who tried to cross a river. What a dope, he tripped on a rope. Now look at him shiver. Beg for mercy rich man.

Robin of Locksley:
I beg of no man, as you can see I have nothing, not even my sword.

Little John:
Any man who travels with two servants and says he has no money, is either a fool or a liar.

Will Scarlett:
Yeah, he's a liar.

Azeem:
A wise man once said: 'There are no perfect men in the world; only perfect intentions.'

Guy of Gisborne:
Why a spoon, cousin? Why not an axe?

Sheriff of Nottingham:
Because it's DULL, you twit, it'll hurt more.

Azeem:
The hospitality in this country is as warm as the weather.

Azeem:
Where I come from, we talk to our women. We do not drug them with plants.

Sheriff of Nottingham:
Wait a minute. Robin Hood steals money from my pocket, forcing me to hurt the public, and they love him for it?

Sheriff of Nottingham:
That's it then. Cancel the kitchen scraps for lepers and orphans, no more merciful beheadings, and call off Christmas.

Robin of Locksley:
Any suggestions?

Azeem:
Get up. Move faster.

Robin of Locksley:
Move faster. Great idea.

Robin of Locksley:
And you. You travel ten thousand miles to save my life and leave me to be butchered.

Azeem:
I fulfill my vows when I choose to.

Robin of Locksley:
Which does not include prayer time, meal time, or any time I'm outnumbered six to one.

Azeem:
You whine like a mule. You are still alive.

Friar Tuck:
This is grain, which any fool can eat, but for which the Lord intended a more divine means of consumption. Let us give praise to our maker and glory to his bounty by learning about... BEER.

Mortianna:
...recruit the beasts that share our god.

Sheriff of Nottingham:
Animals?

Mortianna:
From the North.

Sheriff of Nottingham:
You mean... CELTS. They drink the blood of their dead.

Mortianna:
Yoke their strength.

Sheriff of Nottingham:
Hired thugs... Ahh brilliant.

Azeem:
Salaam, little one.

Small Girl:
Did God paint you?

Azeem:
Did God paint me?

Azeem:
For certain.

Small Girl:
Why?

Azeem:
Because Allah loves wondrous varieties.

Marian:
You came for me... You're alive...

Robin of Locksley:
I would die for you.

Robin of Locksley:
Do you yield?

Friar Tuck:
I'd rather roast in hell.

Sheriff of Nottingham:
Locksley. I'll cut your heart out with a spoon.

Robin of Locksley:
Then it begins.

Robin of Locksley:
You were to tell me this to get close to me and then kill me, isn't that right, Will?

Will Scarlett:
Well, that depends on you Locksley. I never trusted you. That's no secret. What I wanna know is, is are you gonna finish what you started? I want to know if he's gonna turn and run like the spoiled little rich boy I always took him for.

Robin of Locksley:
Did I wrong you in another life, Will Scarlett? Where does this intolerable hatred for me come from?

Will Scarlett:
From knowing... that... that our father loved you more than me... our father... we are brothers Robin of Locksley. I am the son of the woman who replaced your dead mother for a time. It was your anger that drove them apart.

Robin of Locksley:
I have a brother... I have a brother, I will stand by you.

Azeem:
No man controls my destiny... especially not one who attacks downwind and stinks of garlic.

Robin of Locksley:
I had to try.

Azeem:
*I* would have succeeded.

Guy of Gisborne:
Might I have the pleasure of your name, before I have you run through?

Sarah:
Step into the light. Turn around.

Robin of Locksley:
Am I to dance next?

Azeem:
In my dreams alone have I imagined such a place.

Robin of Locksley:
Then imagine a way to cross it.

Robin of Locksley:
Do you yield?

Little John:
I can't bloody swim.

Robin of Locksley:
Do you yield?

Little John:
Yes.

Robin of Locksley:
Good. Then put your feet down.

Marian:
There is a price on your head.

Robin of Locksley:
How much?

Marian:
One hundred gold pieces.

Robin of Locksley:
Is that all? I shall have to annoy the good Sheriff more. Soon it will be a thousand.

Marian:
For a thousand, I would turn you in myself.

Marian:
Robin, do something for me.

Robin of Locksley:
What?

Marian:
Take a bath.

Little John:
Are you bleedin' cracked, girl? You'd get hurt.

Fanny:
I've given birth to eight babies. Don't you talk to me about gettin' hurt, ya big ox.

Marian:
How is it, that a once-arrogant young nobleman has found contentment, living rough with the salt of the earth?

Robin of Locksley:
I've seen knights in armor panic at the first hint of battle. And I've seen the lowliest, unarmed squire pull a spear from his own body, to defend a dying horse. Nobility is not a birthright. It's defined by one's actions.

Azeem:
Is she worth it?

Robin of Locksley:
Worth dying for.

Sheriff of Nottingham:
Do you mind Locksley? We've just been married.

Will Scarlett:
No. I'll do that. You cover us with your bow.

Robin of Locksley:
No Will. It's too dangerous.

Will Scarlett:
So is your aim.

Peter Dubois:
For England!

Duncan:
Curse those Moors and Saracens. If it wasn't for their ungodly ways, master Robin would never have left. What manner of name is Azeem? Scottish, Cornish?

Azeem:
Moorish.

Guy of Gisborne:
Harboring felons, are you milady?

Marian:
They're thieves, you imbecile. They're stealing my horses.

Guy of Gisborne:
Lucky they didn't steal your virtue as well.

Will Scarlett:
F*** me! He cleared it.

Azeem:
How did your uneducated kind ever take Jerusalem?

Azeem:
Why did you cut me free, Christian?

Robin of Locksley:
Whatever blood is in your veins, no man deserves to die in there.

Friar Tuck:
Come on, get out of it. We waste good celebration time.

Marian:
It's interesting to hear you say that.

Robin of Locksley:
I didn't. My father did.

Marian:
Did the holy quest erase your hatred of him?

Robin of Locksley:
I don't know. All I know is that our last words in this world were spoken in anger. I was lost after my mother died. My father too, and for a short time he found comfort in the arms of another woman, a peasant woman. I thought he was betraying my mother's memory.

Marian:
So he gave her up?

Robin of Locksley:
For the love of a twelve-year-old boy who would never forgive him.

Robin of Locksley:
Marian, I've returned to my home to find it destroyed, and my father murdered! And the only clues to why are in the ramblings of an old blind man.

Marian:
But all I remember of you is a spoiled bully who used to burn my hair as a child.

Robin of Locksley:
Please allow that years of war and imprisonment may change a man.

Marian:
Robin, whatever happened between you and your father, you mustn't believe... what they accused him of.

Robin of Locksley:
I don't.

Sheriff of Nottingham:
I can't do this with all that racket!

Sheriff of Nottingham:
What a beautiful child. So young, so alive, so unaware of how precarious life can be. I had a very sad childhood, I'll tell you about it sometime. I never knew my parents, it's amazing I'm sane.

Sheriff of Nottingham:
Marian, our union would allow these children to grow up as my allies. You understand... I cannot allow them to grow up as my enemies.

Marian:
I have no choice.

Sheriff of Nottingham:
That's true.

Robin of Locksley:
What are you going to do?

Azeem:
I have seen it many times... with horses.

Robin of Locksley:
With *horses*?

Robin of Locksley:
You truly are a great one.

Bull:
You take the one on the left.

Bull:
What do you mean, which one am I taking? If you're taking the one on the left, I'm taking the one on the right.

Bull:
The one that...

Bull:
We'll just jump out together.

Robin of Locksley:
What happened to your eye, Bull?

Bull:
We were set upon by, like, ten...

Bull:
15 large, big lads.

Sarah:
Oh, yeah?

Bull:
Yeah!

Robin of Locksley:
Has English hospitality changed so much that a friend of mine's not welcome?

Robin of Locksley:
That he is... but no more than you or I. And don't call me sire.

Azeem:
Regretfully, I must decline. Allah forbids it.

Little John:
Your bloody loss, mate.

Robin of Locksley:
This is English courage

Azeem:
How many are there?

Robin of Locksley:
Twenty

Azeem:
Twenty?

Bull:
How many?

Robin of Locksley:
Five.

Robin of Locksley:
They can't count anyway

King Richard:
I will not allow this wedding to proceed

Robin of Locksley:
My Lord!

King Richard:
Unless, i'm allowed to give the bride away. You look radiant cousin

Azeem:
English! English! Behold, Azeem Edin Bashir Al Bakir. I am not one of you, but I fight! I fight with Robin Hood. I fight against a tyrant who holds you under his boot! If you would be free men, then you must fight! Join us now, join Robin Hood!

Azeem:
No man controls my destiny... especially not one who attacks down wind and stinks of garlic.

Robin of Locksley:
Come, Azeem, our fighting days are done. By nightfall, we'll celebrate with my father. You'll understand of course, I had to try.

Azeem:
I would have succeeded.

Azeem:
In my country, we talk to our women. We do not drug them with plants.

Robin of Locksley:
What do you know about women?

Azeem:
Where I come from, Christian, there are women of such beauty, that they can posess a man's mind so, that he be willing to die for them.

Robin of Locksley:
Wait a minute. Was that why you were to be executed? Because of a woman? That's it, isn't it? That's it?

Azeem:
It is close to sunset.

Robin of Locksley:
You painted old hound, who was she? The mullah's daughter? Another man's wife? What's her name?

Azeem:
Is there no sun in this cursed country? Which way is East?

Robin of Locksley:
Her name.

Azeem:
East?!

Robin of Locksley:
Her name.

Azeem:
Jasmina.

Robin of Locksley:
[points] That way.

Azeen:
You are sure?

Robin of Locksley:
I would know blindfolded, I'm five miles from home. Was she worth it?

Azeem:
Worth dying for.

Guy of Gisborne:
Would you be so kind as to give me your name before I have you run through?

Robin of Locksley:
Robin of Locksley.

Guy of Gisborne:
Well well. Locksley, welcome home. Kill him!

Robin of Locksley:
Now, would you be so kind as to give me your name before I run you through?

Robin of Locksley:
I've seen enough blood spilled to last two lifetimes. Now get off my land! And tell Nottingham what happens to his scum when they pick on small children! [to Azeem] And you! You travel ten thousand miles to save my life and leave me to be butchered?!

Azeem:
I fulfill my vows when I choose!

Robin of Locksley:
Which does not include prayer times, meal times, or anytime I'm outnumbered six to one.

Azeem:
You whine like a mule. You are still alive!

Sheriff of Nottingham:
Cousin, I hope you justify your intrusion with news of profound value?

Sir Guy of Gisbourne:
I met a hooded man today who bade me warn you not to harm his people.

Sheriff of Nottingham:
[to a wench] Who told you to cover up? [to Guy] His name?

Sir Guy of Gisbourne:
Robin of Locksley.

Sheriff of Nottingham:
The prodigal son returns. He's a whelp! This girl could best him. Put it there!

Sir Guy of Gisbourne:
Yes, well, this whelp has bested four of my men.

Sheriff of Nottingham:
Yes, well, your men were probably drunk. And yet you survived, cousin.

Sir Guy of Gisbourne:
I barely survived. He has a companion, a dark skinned foreigner with the marked face of Islam and a Saracens sword.

Sheriff of Nottingham:
Yes, yes, I'm sure it would take an army to match these rogues. I trust Locksley's visited his manor and found the home fires still burning!

Robin enters the Bishop's Chambers

Bishop of Hereford:
These are my private chambers, my son. (pause) I have priests who would hear your confession. (upon recognizing Robin) I see the boy I knew in the man before me. Welcome home, Robin.

(later)

Bishop of Hereford:
I asked your father three times if he worshiped the dark one because his answer vexed me so grievously. He said he must meet God with a clear conscience.

Robin:
[furious] You lie. [Robin moves to storm out of the room, only to meet the Sheriff coming in]

Bishop of Hereford:
On your souls, do not shed blood in the house of God! [Robin slices the Sheriff's face with a dagger then dodges away from the Sheriff's guards as they break in]

Sheriff of Nottingham:
[berserk] LOCKSLEY! I'm gonna cut your heart out with a spoon!

Robin:
Then it begins.

[Robin, looking through a simple telescope, points his sword at Sir Guy on his horse from a distance]

Azeem:
[Swatting the scope from Robin's eye] How did your uneducated kind ever take Jerusalem?

Robin of Locksley:
God knows. [puts his sword away]

Maid Marian:
What is it?

[Robin and Azeem jump over the wall]

Maid Marian:
What is it?

Robin of Locksley:
It's Nottingham's soldiers.

Maid Marian':
Coming here? Is this you protection?

Robin of Locksley:
I killed some of the sheriff's men.

Maid Marian:
Oh, dear.

Robin of Locksley:
I fear I place you in danger.

Maid Marian:
[to Azeem] No, that's my horse!

Azeem:
A truly magnificent animal, my lady.

Maid Marian:
Stop them! They're stealing my horses!

Robin of Locksley:
You're so kind, Marian.

Sir Guy of Gisbourne:
Have you been sheltering outlaws, Lady Marian?

Maid Marian:
They are thieves, you imbecile!

Sir Guy of Gisbourne:
Luckily, they didn't steal your virtue as well. - A round for the man who brings me Locksley's head! - My lady.

Robin of Locksley:
Have we lost them?

Azeem:
No. My horse carries two, and yours is lame. We can not outrun them.

Duncan:
Leave me, Master Robin, I slow your escape.

Robin of Locksley:
We can lose them in the forest.

Duncan:
Sherwood Forest is haunted, master.

Robin of Locksley:
Either we take our chances with the ghosts or become ghosts ourselves.

Sir Guy of Gisbourne:
Come on, damn you! There are only three of them!

Soldier:
It's not the men we fear, sir. It's the evil spirits.

Sir Guy of Gisbourne:
Robin of the Hood! Son of a devil worshiper! Your father died a coward, cursing your name and squealing like a stuck pig!

Azeem:
You will bring no justice to your father by dying today.

Duncan:
Master Robin?

Robin of Locksley:
There are your ghosts, Duncan. Wind chimes, a child's toy put to good use. [to Azeem] You're scared easily, my painted Moor.

Azeem:
This forest has eyes, I swear it. In my dreams alone, have I imagined such a place.

Robin of Locksley:
Then imagine a way to cross it. [finds a rope] There's hope.

Will Scarlet:
[singing to the tune of "Pop goes the weasel"] There was a rich man from Nottingham who tried to cross a river. What a dope, he tripped on a rope. Now look at him shiver! Beg for mercy, rich man!

Robin of Locksley:
I beg of no man.

Will Scarlet:
Well, this here is our river, and any man that wishes to cross must pay a tax.

Robin of Locksley:
I'll pay no tax, as you can see I have nothing, not even my sword.

John Little:
Bollocks! Any man who travels with two servants and claims that he's got no bloody money, is either a fool or a liar.

Will Scarlet:
Yeah, he's a liar!

[Robin fights a losing fight against John Little in a river]

Robin of Locksley:
Any great ideas?

Azeem:
Get up! Move faster!

Robin of Locksley:
Move faster. Great idea.

Robin of Locksley:
Do you yield?

John Little:
I bloody can't swim!

[Robin dunks him]

Robin of Locksley:
Do you yield?

John Little:
Yes!

Robin of Locksley:
Good. Now put your feet down.

John Little:
[finds that he is standing in less than two feet of water] I'll be buggered.

Robin of Locksley:
The medallion!

John Little:
Give me your name first.

Robin of Locksley:
Robin of Locksley.

[The camera shifts to Will Scarlet, whose face suddenly clouds over]

John Little:
Well, Robin of Locksley, you've got balls of solid rock. Come on.

[The outlaws are passing a jug of mead around a circle; one of them finishes, then start to pass the bottle past Azeem]

Robin of Locksley:
Has English hospitality changed so much in six years that a friend of mine is not welcome at this table?

Hal:
But he's a savage, sire.

Robin of Locksley:
That he is... but, no more than you or I. And don't call me sire.

[The Woodsman offer the jug to Azeem]

Azeem:
With regret, I must decline. Allah forbids it.

John Little:
Your bloody loss, mate.

Robin of Locksley:
My father was no devil worshiper. And I'll have words with any man who says otherwise. But, he's right. I was a rich man's son. And when I killed the sheriff's men, I became an outlaw like you.

Will Scarlet:
You are nothing like us. [leaves]

John Little:
That there is Will Scarlet. Don't take no notice of him. He's full of piss and wind. Come on, lads, drink up. Don't talk about so much bloody rubbish. This is the best that we simple men can expect. Here, we're safe. Here, we are kings!

Maid Marian:
There's a price on your head.

Robin of Locksley:
How much?

Maid Marian:
One hundred gold pieces.

Robin of Locksley:
Is that all? I shall have to annoy the good Sheriff more. Soon it will be a thousand.

Maid Marian:
For a thousand, I would turn you in myself. Nottingham is mounting an army. He has every blacksmith in the county hold up in the castle making swords and armour.

Robin of Locksley:
What is he planning?

Maid Marian:
I don't know. But there's no limit to the man's ambitions. Go!

Robin of Locksley:
Thank you.

Maid Marian:
Quickly, go! Robin, do something for me.

Robin of Locksley:
What?

Maid Marian:
Take a bath.

Robin of Locksley:
Take a bath?

[Marian nods]

Robin of Locksley:
You wish to end this? You wish to go home? Then we must stop fighting amongst ourselves, and face that the price for it may be dear. I for one would rather die than spend my life in hiding. The Sheriff calls us outlaws, but I say we are free. And one free man defending his home is more powerful than ten hired soldiers. The Crusades taught me that. I will make you no promises, save one: that when you truly believe in your hearts that you're free, then I say we can win!

Bull:
They got armor.

Robin of Locksley:
They got armor, Bull? Even this boy can be taught to find the chinks in every suit of armor.

Man:
But we ain't got nothing to eat!

Robin of Locksley:
What do we need that the forest cannot provide? We have food, wood for weapons, we'll find safety and solace in our trees.

Man:
Yeah and what about our kin? Sheriff's taken all they got too!

Robin of Locksley:
Then by God, we take it back.

Sir Guy of Gisbourne:
Why a spoon, cousin? Why not an axe?

Sheriff of Nottingham:
Because it's dull, you twit! It'll hurt more! I want this brigand found. Starve them out, slaughter their... No, take their live stock. I want Locksley's own people fighting to bring his head in.

Sir Guy of Gisbourne:
Perhaps, we could create a name for him. Something to drive fear in the hearts of the populace, maybe "Locksley the Lethal" or "Wreaking Robin".

Sheriff of Nottingham:
Whatever! I want him dead by the next full moon, before the barons come back! Now, sew... and keep the stitches small!

Robin of Locksley:
How many?

Azeem:
20.

Robin of Locksley:
20?!

Man:
How many?

Robin of Locksley:
5. [to Azeem] He can't count anyway. Why scare them?

Azeem:
And they call me barbarian.

Friar Tuck:
[singing drunkenly] Old King Richard's gone to war, loves his wine and warring/But those of us who stay at home, there's only beer and whoring/Play the music, dance the day, think not of tomorrow...

Sir Guy of Gisbourne:
Friar! I'm sure you shall find it much more difficult to sing with a sword in your gullet!

Friar Tuck:
Yes, my lord. [laughs, to himself] You pig.

Robin Of Locksley/Robin Hood:
[about his father] He called the Crusades a foolish quest. He said it was vanity to force other men to our religion.

Robin Of Locksley/Robin Hood:
I'll not rest until my father is avenged. I swear it by my own blood.

Robin Of Locksley/Robin Hood:
[After stopping a band of the Sheriff's men raiding a convent] Good. Now tell the Sheriff that for every harm he does these people, I will visit it back on him tenfold.

Robin Of Locksley/Robin Hood:
It's a hot day my friend, to burden your horse with such a heavy purse.

Azeem:
Come, my friend! Make his sacrifice an act of honor! Come now.

Azeem:
Our way lies together with the speed of Allah. You have saved my life, Christian. Now, I will stay with you until I have saved yours. That is my vow.

Azeem:
Is there no sun in this cursed country?!

Azeem:
And they call me Barbarian

Azeem:
[After saving Robin's life] I have fulfilled my vow, sadiq.

Sheriff Of Nottingham:
(after running Guy through) Well at least I didn't use a spoon.

Maid Marian:
Men speak conveniently of love when it serves their purpose. And when it doesn't, it's a burden to them. Robin of the Hood, prince of thieves. Is he capable of love?

Duncan:
Point me towards danger, Azeem, I'm ready!

Friar Tuck:
Come on, get out of it.

Soldier:
[Looking at Marian] I've never seen the breasts of a noblewoman.

Will Scarlet:
[after Robin and Azeem are successfully catapulted over a wall] F*** me, he cleared it!