Rogue

[first lines]

Pete McKell:
Hot as hell out there, huh?

Kate Ryan:
One of the rules of my tour is that you have only one chance to complain about the heat and flies. They are a fact of life up here and whinging about them all day isn't going to make them disappear.

Kate Ryan:
Northern territory is home to the biggest population of salt water crocodiles in the world, spread throughout seven large tunnel systems. State covers the land mass double the size of Texas, but we have a population of only 200,000 people. As you can imagine, we all have pretty big backyards.

Kate Ryan:
Alright, the species we're looking at today, the saltwater crocodile, is probably the most dangerous member of the crocodilian family. They're pretty much living dinosaurs who have been perfecting their hunting skills over two hundred million years. So they can swim underwater up to 20 miles an hour without making a ripple on the surface. And they can burst out to attack with incredible speed. They're also known to watch their prey and learn their habits. In fact, you can see this bloke looking at us now. So if any of you are camping up here, near a river, and you need to get water, make sure to do so at a different time every day because the croc will learn your routine. You might want to avoid that. A croc gets ahold of you and it can't swallow you in one go, he will surely tear you into pieces.

Simon:
Do you have many attacks on people?

Kate Ryan:
Tourists, occassionally.

Pete McKell:
[swatting away flies] Jesus, anyone complain about the flies yet?

Kate Ryan:
That was your one shot.

Pete McKell:
That wasn't a complaint. That was a question.

[after tour is disrupted by Neil]

Everett Kennedy:
We'd like to get on with our tour.

Neil:
F*** me, it's John f***ing Wayne! This is the tour, John.

Neil:
What the f*** you gawkin' at at, four eyes?

Pete McKell:
I don't know. I got the brochure, but it didn't say anything about a**holes.

Kate Ryan:
[after getting rid of Neil] Sorry about that, folks. As you can see, human pollution is one of the greatest threats to the environment out here.

Kate Ryan:
[to tourist group] I'll have you back in time to grab an ice cream on your way back into town.

Pete McKell:
I just saw a man get eaten by a f***ing crocodile. This is not what I do, alright. You know what I do? I write stupid articles about hotels, restaurants, and resorts. Not about the Australian Outback. And by the way, I f***ing hate animals, especially ones that can kill you!

[pause]

Pete McKell:
[muttering to himself] Speaking of which, I'm going to kill my f***ing editor when I get home.

Kate Ryan:
I can't find the flares.

Pete McKell:
[looking into the water] Would they be in a giant yellow box with the word "flares" written on the side of it?

Neil:
You're not as stupid as you look.

Pete McKell:
Yeah, you're not either.

Pete McKell:
The tide is moving in quick and people are falling apart. We've got to do something. Now.

Simon:
F***ing Americans!

Kate Ryan:
28 years old, and I can tie a knot. I've never been anywhere.

Pete McKell:
Yeah, well, traveling's overrated. Trust me.

Russell:
Are you sure you want to be the last one across?

Pete McKell:
No, not really.

[last lines]

Kate Ryan:
What did you think of the tour?

Pete McKell:
I was thinking I'm probably going to be spending more time at home.

Kate Ryan:
Thanks.