Roman Mysteries

[the children see Venalicius in prison, sharing a cell with Mordecai]

Gaoler:
Pollius Felix is sending him to trial.

[Lupus shows him a question on his wax tablet]

Gaoler:
What'll happen to him? If he's found guilty, certain death. Certain *horrible* death.

[Lupus grins]

Gaoler:
We start with the toenails. And then we pull out everything else to match.

[Lupus is grinning widely]

Gaoler:
Like, you? Want a job?

[Lupus's grin disappears]

[Nubia and Lupus lower Flavia out a second-floor window on an improvised rope]

Nubia:
In Nubia's tribe, we are not having to lift elephants... usually.

[Jonathan revives the half-drowned Lupus with artificial respiration]

Flavia Gemina:
How did you do that?

Jonathan Ben-Mordechai:
I breathed my spirit into him.

Nubia:
Do you not lose your spirit?

Jonathan Ben-Mordechai:
God will fill me up.

[Lupus is playing with a stick]

Flavia Gemina:
Where did you find that? [giggles] Lupus, I know you lived on the street before coming here, but...

Gaius:
[o.s] Flavia! Where's the sponge stick?

Flavia Gemina:
[calls] Sorry, Uncle Gaius! Do you need a fig leaf?

Gaius:
[grumbles] I'll get it myself!

[Lupus looks at the stick, and realizes]

Jonathan Ben-Mordechai:
You guessed it, Lupus. One of the many wonders of the Roman civilization: the bottom wiper.

[Flavia and Nubia are shoving their prized possessions through a secret passage to hide them from the debt collector]

Flavia Gemina:
Scuto, get out of the way!

Nubia:
Is not dog property?

Flavia Gemina:
Good boy, Scuto! That's it, through the hole!

Flavia:
And we all know who Jonathan gets. [imitating Pulchra] "Jonathan, sit next to me! You're mine!"

Jonathan:
[shrugs] My irresistible charm.

Flavia:
Jonathan, how many patrons does it take to change an oil lamp?

Jonathan:
I give up, Flavia. How many patrons does it take to change an oil lamp?

Flavia:
Only one, but he can't do it unless twenty clients kiss his...

Jonathan:
Flavia!

[in the bath house]

Pulchra:
Jonathan!

[Jonathan starts]

Pulchra:
Oh, don't be silly. I couldn't see anything through all that steam. [giggles] Well, not much.

[Jonathan and Flavia come back to his house]

Miriam:
Did you catch anything?

Jonathan:
Well, a big rabbit. She's big, and she rabbits on...

Miriam:
I'm sorry about my brother, he's an idiot.

Flavia:
He saved my life, and I do talk a lot.

[At Flavia's birthday dinner, Alma serves the party snails]

Miriam:
Father, is it allowed?

Mordecai:
Yes, Miriam. God has made all things clean.

Flavia:
You're Pliny! Admiral of the Misenum Fleet!

Pliny:
How did you know that?

Flavia:
Well, your skin is dark, so you must be out in the sun a lot... But you have soft, pale hands, so you must spend time on deck, but not have to do any work.

Pliny:
Well... I wouldn't quite say that.

[after Flavia explains her theory]

Pliny:
As I've explained to you, my dear, volcanoes are caused by strong winds rushing over holes on mountaintops. There is no hole on Mount Vesuvius.

[refers to the book she was using]

Pliny:
Strabo, eh? Not at all bad...

[rumble; Lupus urgently points to the window]

Flavia:
What is it, Lupus?

[They all go to the window and see smoke spewing from the top of Mt. Vesuvius]

Pliny:
Ah... you may be on to something.

[shouts]

Pliny:
Prepare to launch my ship, *immediately*!

Pliny:
A volcano! Extraordinary thing! When did you first know?

Tascius Pomponianus:
[whispering] It all started when I dropped the fish...