Rooty Toot Toot

Bartender:
Frankie and Johnny were sweethearts, and all over town it was known, and then one day he came in without Frankie, but still ain't quite alone. Now Frankie come looking for Johnny, well, I couldn't tell her no lie, so I quitely slipped her the info, "He's out back, with Nelly Bly."

Frankie:
Nelly Bly? [Frankie marches out back, gunshots are heard; fade in back to courtroom]

Bartender:
Rooty toot toot.

Judge:
Rooty toot toot?

Bartender:
Right in the snoot.

Nelly Bly:
[singing] I'm Nelly Bly, I'm a singer / A singer of sweet melody...

Frankie:
Lie! It's a lie! She's no singer!

Judge:
[bangs gavel] Please!

Nelly Bly:
As I started to say, I'm a singer / At least in my time, I've heard worse / I was in the back room there with John Boy / But only to rehearse / He seemed just a little bit nervous / I've seen Frankie's temper before / Rooty toot toot went Frankie's gun / Right throught that hardwood door / She shot her man / But we were doing no wrong.

District Attorney:
She shot her man, there's not dispute / She shot her man with her rooty toot toot!

Jonathan Bailey, Honest John the Crook:
Facto factorum. Picture if you will, the true event. Frankie in her garden, in her innocence, up to her lovely neck in flax, and flocks and flocks of hollyhocks. She is pure, pure and demure. Pure and demure.

Jonathan Bailey, Honest John the Crook:
You have asked for the truth without compunction. I have performed that fiction - er, function. Could she pull this trigger? Bah! Take a life? Bah! Were she free, I'd take this maiden for my wife.

Jonathan Bailey, Honest John the Crook:
[after being shot] Ipso facto, status quo, I rest my case.