Rounders

Mike McDermott:
I feel like Buckner walking back into Shea.

Professor Petrovsky:
We can't run from ourselves, our destiny chooses us.

Teddy KGB:
If you don't have my money then you are mine.

Teddy KGB:
It hurts doesn't it? Your hopes dashed, your dreams down the toilet. And your fate is sitting right besides you.

Mike McDermott:
We can't run from who we are. Our destiny chooses us.

Mike McDermott:
Would you stop f***ing around, for five goddamn minutes for once in your f***ing life?

Worm:
Whoa, Jesus, what happened? My old man just walked in.

Mike McDermott:
You were lookin' for that third three, but you forgot that Professor Green folded on Fourth Street and now you're representing that you have it. The DA made his two pair, but he knows they're no good. Judge Kaplan was trying to squeeze out a diamond flush but he came up short and Mr. Eisen is futilely hoping that his queens are going to stand up. So like I said, the Dean's bet is $20.

Mike McDermott:
I'll be really quick. You won't feel a thing.

Mike McDermott:
Listen, here's the thing. If you can't spot the sucker in the first half hour at the table, then you ARE the sucker.

Mike McDermott:
If you had it to do all over again, knowing what would happen, would you make the same choice?

Professor Petrovsky:
What choice?

Lester 'Worm' Murphy:
Where did you come up with the scratch for that? You've been rolling fags in the Village again, haven't you?

Worm:
She's really got him by the balls.

Petra:
That's not so bad, is it?

Worm:
It depends on the grip!

Worm:
You know what always cheers me up?

Mike McDermott:
No, what's that?

Worm:
Rolled up aces over kings. Check-raising stupid tourists and taking huge pots off of them. Playing all-night high-limit Hold'em at the Taj, "where the sand turns to gold." Stacks and towers of checks I can't even see over.

Mike McDermott:
F*** it, let's go.

Worm:
Don't tease me.

Mike McDermott:
Let's play some cards.

Worm:
Yes!

Mike McDermott:
Why do you think the same five guys make it to the final table of the World Series of Poker EVERY YEAR? What, are they the luckiest guys in Las Vegas?

Teddy KGB:
Lays down a monster. The f*** did you lay that down?

Worm:
Hey! If you want to see this seventh card you're gonna stop speakin' f***in' Sputnick.

Worm:
I guess the sayings' true. In the poker game of life, women are the rake man. They are the f***in' rake.

Mike McDermott:
What the f*** are you talkin' about. What saying?

Worm:
I-I don't know. There ought to be one though.

Mike McDermott:
You can't lose what you don't put in the middle.

Mike McDermott:
But you can't win much either.

Teddy KGB:
He beat me... Straight up... Pay him... Pay that man his money.

Mike McDermott:
I am making it look like I am pondering a call, but all I am really thinking about is Vegas and the f***ing Mirage

Mike McDermott:
I want him to think that I am pondering a call, but all I'm really thinkin about it Vegas and the f***in' Mirage.

Taki:
What did you think he had? Does he look like a man beaten by jacks?

Zizzo:
Jacks are a monster compared to the crap you've played

Taki:
Fuuc you... f*** you...

Zizzo:
F*** Me? F*** You!

Teddy KGB:
Would you like a cookie?

Mike McDermott:
It's immoral to let a sucker keep his money.

Mike McDermott:
It's like the nature channel... you don't see Piranhas eating themselves, do you?

How did this quote from Rounders NOT make your list in the first round??

Signed,

Itchy Coconuts, Rotonda West, FL

Teddy KGB:

I... fyeeel... zow un-seeyatis-fide.

How did this quote from Rounders NOT make your list in the first round??

Signed,

Itchy Coconuts, Rotonda West, FL

Teddy KGB:

I... fyeeel... zoh un-seeyatis-fide.

Mike:
You comin' up?

Worm:
No, I've been standin' out here all this time just to say hi.

Mike:
All right, listen. Things haven't been so smooth on the home front, so tone it down a little, all right?

Worm:
Tone down what, motherf***er?

Mike:
Great. Never mind.

Worm:
Can you believe that? She's really got him by the balls.

Petra:
Is that so bad?

Worm:
Depends on the grip.

Mike:
So, uh, Nick the Greek, what's with kiting my checks?

Worm:
I'm on empty.

Mike:
How much was the hooker?

Worm:
Mike, please! "Relaxation therapist!"

Worm:
Hey, you know what cheers me up when I'm feeling shitty?

Mike:
What?

Worm:
Rolled-up aces over kings.

Mike:
Is that right?

Worm:
Check-raising stupid tourists and taking huge pots off of them.

Mike:
Yeah?

Worm:
Stacks and towers of checks I can't even see over. Playing all-night, high-limit hold'em at the Taj, "where the sand turns to gold."

Mike:
F*** it, let's go.

Worm:
Don't tease me.

Mike:
Let's play some f***ing cards!

Worm:
Yes!

Mike:
Fifteen grand in five days, I can do that. I've gone on rushes like that before.

Worm:
Uh, under optimum conditions with a bank roll. Maybe, maybe. But... what do you got on you?

Mike:
I got, like, 350.

Worm:
Nah, that's only 1200 between us. We might as well play the f***ing lotto.

Worm:
Oh yeah, one more thing, I got a feelin'.

Mike:
Yeah? What feeling is that?

Worm:
I know you know this feeling. You know this feeling very well. I mean, you got your table all set up, your fork, your knife, your A1 sauce...

Mike and Worm:
All you need is the stake.

Mike:
[after getting thrown out of a game] What the f*** were you thinking?

Worm:
I was trying to give us an edge.

Mike:
I had them.

Worm:
Look, I'm sorry we got banged up, I took a shot and missed. It happens.

Mike:
Happens all the time around you.

Worm:
And it doesn't happen to you? You're the one that flushed his whole bank roll on one hand.

Mike:
Oh, f*** you, man, that was different.

Worm:
How is that different? What makes you so f***ing special? Why are all your moves so smart and noble and I'm always the idiot piece of sh*t? You act like you're only one with any ambition.

Mike:
Then what's your ambition? I don't know, you tell me.

Worm:
I don't know, I don't think like that.

Mike:
No, you don't think.

Worm:
No, I don't think like you, you always think you can beat the game straight up. That's not me, and I'm always going to look for that edge, always.

Mike:
Alright, what's the edge now? We owe fifteen grand in a day and we're broke, what the f*** do we do?

Worm:
That's easy, we get the f*** outta Dodge.

Petrovsky:
For generations, men of my family have been rabbis in Israel; before that, in Europe. It was to be my calling. I was quite a prodigy, the pride of my yeshiva. The elders said I had a forty-year-old's understanding of the Midrash by the time I was twelve. But by the time I was thirteen, I knew I could never be a rabbi.

Mike:
Why not?

Petrovsky:
Because, for all I understood of the Talmud, I never saw God there.

Mike:
You couldn't lie to yourself.

Petrovsky:
I tried. I tried like crazy. I mean, people were counting on me.

Mike:
But yours is a respectable profession.

Petrovsky:
Not to my family. My parents were destroyed, devastated by my decision. My father sent me away, to New York, to live with distant cousins. Eventually, I found my place, my life's work.

Mike:
What then?

Petrovsky:
Well, I immersed myself fully, I studied the minutiae, I learned everything I could about the law. I mean, I felt deeply inside that it was what I was born to do.

Mike:
And did your parents get over it?

Petrovsky:
No. I always hoped that I would find some way to change their minds, but they were inconsolable. My father never spoke to me again.

Mike:
If you had to do it all over again, would you make the same choices?

Petrovsky:
What choice? The last thing I took away from the yeshiva is this: We can't run from who we are. Our destiny chooses us.

Mike:
Uh, you know what? I got my five grand here. That's just fine by me. I'm going home.

Teddy KGB:
Fine. It's a f***ing joke anyway. After all, I am paying you with your money.

Mike:
What did you say?

Teddy KGB:
Your money... I am still up twenty grand... from this last time I stick it in you.

Mike:
[Narrating] They're trying to goad me, trying to own me. But this isn't a gunfight. It's not about pride or ego. It's only about money. I can leave now, even with Grama and KGB... and halfway to paying Petrovsky back. That's the safe play. I told Worm you can't lose what you don't put in the middle. But you can't win much either.

Grama:
Enough is enough, Teddy. Finish the f***ing kid off.

Teddy KGB:
Hanging around, hanging around. Kid's got alligator blood. Can't get rid of him.

Mike:
All right, I'll call the two grand, I'll gamble. Don't splash the pot.

Teddy KGB:
You're on a draw, Mike? Throw away this one. It's not good for you. And in my club, I will splash the pot whenever the f*** I please.

[Teddy KGB reveals the river card:
an ace.]

Teddy KGB:
It hurts, doesn't it? You can't believe what fell. All your dreams... dashed. Hopes down the f***ing drain. [motioning to Grama] Your fate is sitting right beside you. That ace could not have helped you. [splashing the pot repeatedly, with a flourish] I bet it all.

Mike:
You're right that the ace didn't help me. [revealing his hand] I flopped the nut straight.

Teddy KGB:
[throwing cards and chips] Motherf***er! ?? ???? ????! Motherf***er! That is it!

Grama:
That's it? What the f*** you talkin' about, "that's it"? Take him out, Teddy!

Teddy KGB:
Nyet! Nyet! No more! No, not tonight! This son of b*tch, all night he check, check, check! He trapped me!

Mike:
Well, you feelin' satisfied now, Teddy? 'Cause I can go on bustin' you up all night.

[Teddy's henchmen begin to move in on Mike.]

Teddy KGB:
Nyet, nyet. He beat me. Straight up. Pay him. Pay that man his money.

[last lines of the movie]

Taxi Driver:
Vegas, huh?

Mike:
Yep.

Taxi Driver:
Good luck, man.

Mike:
[narrating] People insist on calling it luck. [to taxi driver] Thanks. [narrating] First prize at the World Series of Poker is a million dollars. Does it have my name on it? I don't know. But I'm going to find out.

Mike Mcdermott:
Listen, here's the thing. If you can't spot the sucker in your first half-hour at the table, then you are the sucker. Guys around here will tell ya, you play for a living, it's like any other job. You don't gamble, you grind it out. Your goal is to win one big bet an hour, that's it. Get your money in when you have the best of it. Protect it when you don't. Don't give anything away. That's how I paid my way through half of law school. A true grinder. You see, I learned how to win a little at a time. But finally I've learned this: if you're too careful, your whole life can become a f***in' grind.

Mike Mcdermott:
I've often seen these people, these squares at the table, short stack and long odds against them. All their outs gone. One last card in the deck that can help them. I used to wonder how they could let themselves get into such bad shape, and how the hell they thought they could turn it around.

Mike Mcdermott:
We're not playing together. But then again, we're not playing against each other either. It's like the Nature Channel. You don't see piranhas eating each other, do you?

Teddy Kgb:
Just like a young man coming in for a quickie. I feel so unsatisfied.