Rowan & Martin's Laugh-In Pilot Special

Jo Anne Worley:
Of course, working as Twiggy is easier than my old job. I used to be a topless waiter.

Dan Rowan:
I'll drink to that.

Barbara Feldon:
I have nothing against Hugh Hefner personally. It's just that I object to anyone building an empire based on the moral standards of a rabbit.

Monte Landis:
The trouble with people today is that they forgot how to communicate.

Jo Anne Worley:
Boris and I met at a peace rally but then he attacked me.

Dan Rowan:
What do you know about pills?

Dan Rowan:
I had an iron deficiency.

Dan Rowan:
You had and iron deficiency?

Dan Rowan:
I had to take iron shots.

Dan Rowan:
How did work?

Dan Rowan:
Pretty good. I can do anything I want as long as I'm facing the north pole.

Arte Johnson:
I actually don't waitor. Really I'm a campain-button-pusher. Before that I used to be a bumper-sticker-licker.

Barbara Feldon:
I took a speed reading corse and read War and Peace in 20 minutes. I think It's about Russia.

Barbara Feldon:
If the Vietnamese don't like the way we're handling things other there, why don't they go back where they came from?

Monte Landis:
I just down on my driving and drink more carefully.

Barbara Feldon:
That's what I always say. A smile's just a frown turned upside down.

Arte Johnson:
Or was it my 7th son from my 9th wife?

Monte Landis:
I difference between sex and love is just a matter of semantics.

Jo Anne Worley:
I didn't realise Boris was that non-violent until he borrowed my psycadelic earrings.

Jo Anne Worley:
In my opinion the Soviet Union is just a communist front.

Dan Rowan:
You still don't know anything about pills.

Dan Rowan:
I have a friend who does.

Dan Rowan:
Who?

Dan Rowan:
Kermit. He takes pep-pills to get up in the morning and takes tranquilizers to go to sleep. Everday in his life is just pills, pills, pills.

Dan Rowan:
Have they worked?

Dan Rowan:
No he's pregnant.