Royal Canadian Air Farce

Jean Chretien:
Pierre, what is it like not being so alive?

Pierre Trudeau:
It's not so bad; sort of like, uh, spending a weekend in New Brunswick.

Pierre Trudeau:
Jean, you really stirred things up when you said that Mr. Day could be responsible for the destruction of Canada.

Jean Chretien:
I know. Lucien Bouchard was livid; he says if anyone is out to destroy Canada, it should be him.

The Confused Philosopher:
When you completely forget something, how do you know you ever knew it?

Elizabeth Taylor:
[overdramatically] Orca the Whale is dead! Maggie the Cat is a-live!

Various:
What is the meaning of this delay? I am here to discover Canada.

Native Indian:
Well, you're only about ten thousand years too late, friend.

Various:
Say, you look familiar. Weren't you in that movie Dances With Wolves?

Native Indian:
[in a sarcastic mocking "accent" to show his disdain for Cartier's self-important attitude] Yes, I was.

Various:
What is your name?

Native Indian:
Kevin Costner. Reason for visit?

Various:
Reason? I am here to claim this land for the glory of La France.

Native Indian:
Well, there goes the neighborhood. Occupation?

Various:
Why, I am an explorer. An adventurer. A courageous traveler.

Native Indian:
I'll just put down "dork." I love this job. What's your Native tongue?

Various:
Why, I am a master of many tongues.

Native Indian:
Oh, what are they, Cree, Inuit, Dene?

Various:
No.

Native Indian:
Blackfoot, Mohawk, Haida?

Various:
No.

Native Indian:
Then you don't know any Native tongues. I'll just put down "illiterate."

Various:
How DARE you - - I am Jacques Cartier, world-famous explorer with over 50,000 frequent-sailor points! I am a very important person! I am very popular; I am known all over France! I can have any woman I want - - as long as I can come up with da CASH!

Native Indian:
[casually] Big deal - - I'm hosting the "Genies" next week.

Notions. A notion is a thought, not good enough to be an idea