Rushmore

Rosemary Cross:
Has it ever crossed your mind that you're far too young for me?

Max Fischer:
It crossed my mind that you might consider that a possibility, yeah.

Rosemary Cross:
Do you think we're going to have sex?

Max Fischer:
That's a kinda cheap way to put it.

Rosemary Cross:
Not if you've ever f***ed before, it isn't.

Herman Blume:
You guys have it real easy. I never had it like this where I grew up. But I send my kids here because the fact is you go to one of the best schools in the country: Rushmore. Now, for some of you it doesn't matter. You were born rich and your going to stay rich. But here's my advice to the rest of you: Take dead aim on the rich boys. Get them in the crosshairs and take them down. Just remember, they can buy anything but they can't buy backbone. Don't let them forget it. Thank you.

Max Fischer:
I'm applying to Oxford and the Sorbonne. Harvard's my safety.

Max Fischer:
I like your nurse's uniform, guy.

Dr. Peter Flynn:
These are O.R. scrubs.

Max Fischer:
Oh, are they?

Max Fischer:
Maybe I'm spending too much of my time starting up clubs and putting on plays. I should probably be trying harder to score chicks.

Herman Blume:
What's the secret, Max?

Max Fischer:
The secret?

Herman Blume:
Yeah, you seem to have it pretty figured out.

Max Fischer:
The secret, I don't know... I guess you've just gotta find something you love to do and then... do it for the rest of your life. For me, it's going to Rushmore.

Max Fischer:
What do you call getting a handjob from Mrs. Calloway in the back of her Jaguar?

Magnus Buchan:
A f***ing lie.

Max Fischer:
You think I got kicked out because of just the aquarium? Nah, it was the handjob. And you know what else? It was worth it.

Max Fischer:
So you were in Vietnam?

Herman Blume:
Yeah.

Max Fischer:
Were you in the sh*t?

Herman Blume:
Yeah, I was in the sh*t.

Max Fischer:
The truth is, neither one of us has the slightest idea where this relationship is going. We can't predict the future.

Rosemary Cross:
We don't have a relationship.

Max Fischer:
But we're friends.

Rosemary Cross:
Yes, and that's all we're *going* to be. Well, yes...

Max Fischer:
That's all I meant by "relationship." You want me to grab a dictionary?

Dirk Calloway:
Oh yeah and with friends like you who needs friends?

Dirk Calloway:
There's action across the street.

Dirk Calloway:
It's Snowman! Take him!

Herman Blume:
Mmm, I'm a little bit lonely these days

Herman Blume:
She's my Rushmore.

Max Fischer:
I know. She was mine too.

Max Fischer:
I saved Latin. What did you ever do?

Max Fischer:
How the hell did you get so rich? You're a quitter, man!

Herman Blume:
I spent eight million dollars on this.

Max Fischer:
And is that all you're willing to spend?

Max Fischer:
So tell me Curly, how do you know Miss Cross?

Dr. Peter Flynn:
We went to Harvard together.

Max Fischer:
Oh that's great. I wrote a hit play and directed it, so I'm not sweating it either.

Ernie:
What kind of fish?

Max Fischer:
Barracuda, stingrays, electric eels, trout, hammerheads, piranha, giant squid, octopi...

Herman Blume:
Piranhas? Really?

Max Fischer:
Yes, I'm talking to a guy in South America.

Max Fischer:
How much are you worth, by the way?

Herman Blume:
I don't know.

Max Fischer:
Over ten million?

Herman Blume:
Yeah, I guess so.

Max Fischer:
Good, good.

Herman Blume:
Why?

Max Fischer:
Cause we're gonna need all of it.

Max Fischer:
Also, you'll find a pair of safety glasses and some earplugs under your seats. Please feel free to use them.

Magnus Buchan:
I always wanted to be in one of your f***in' plays.

Architect:
Mr. Blume, how are Ronny and Donny enjoying military school?

Herman Blume:
They love it.

Magnus Buchan:
Lucky bastards.

Dr. Peter Flynn:
I understand you're a neurosurgeon.

Bert Fischer:
No, I'm a barber, but a lot of people make that mistake.

Herman Blume:
Never in my wildest imagination did I ever dream I would have sons like these.

Herman Blume:
Indefinitely. I'm being sued for divorce.

Concierge:
Very good sir.

Herman Blume:
Kids don't like it when their parents get divorced.

Rosemary Cross:
That's none of your business.

Max Fischer:
I know it's not, but I just got hit my a car and I'm feeling a little confused.

Rosemary Cross:
I'll show you the door.

Max Fischer:
I'll just go back out the window.

Dr. Peter Flynn:
I didn't know we were going to dinner.

Max Fischer:
Well, that's because you weren't invited.

Herman Blume:
112 pounds. Black hair. Glasses... Oval face.

Dr. Nelson Guggenheim:
We're putting you on what we call sudden death academic probation.

Max Fischer:
And what does that entail?

Dr. Nelson Guggenheim:
It entails that if you fail another class, you'll be asked to leave Rushmore.

Max Fischer:
In other words, I'll be expelled.

Dr. Nelson Guggenheim:
That's correct.

Max Fischer:
Can I see some documentation on that, please?

Dr. Nelson Guggenheim:
Too many extracurricular activities, Max. Not enough studying

Max Fischer:
Dr. Guggenheim, I don't want to tell you how to do your job. But the fact is, no matter how hard I try, I still might flunk another class. If that means I have to stay on for a post-graduate year, so be it...

Dr. Nelson Guggenheim:
- We don't offer a post-graduate year.

Max Fischer:
Well, we don't offer it yet.

Max Fischer:
Your mind's as warped as your ear, Magnus.

Magnus Buchan:
Don't Get Nasty, Brother.

Herman Blume:
Why did you ask me to come here?

Max Fischer:
Oh, I was going to drop that tree on you.

Herman Blume:
That big one?

Max Fischer:
Yeah.

Herman Blume:
It would've flattened me like a pancake.

Max Fischer:
What was your major?

Rosemary Cross:
I didn't have a major, but my thesis was on Latin American economic policy.

Max Fischer:
Oh, that's interesting. Did you hear that they're not going to teach Latin anymore?

Rosemary Cross:
This was more like Central America.

Herman Blume:
Come work for me.

Max Fischer:
What do you mean?

Herman Blume:
I mean I-I could use someone like you.

Max Fischer:
Look, I may not be rich, Mr. Blume, my father may only be a doctor, but we manage.

Herman Blume:
So you've changed your mind and you want the job.

Max Fischer:
No, I've got an idea and I need some money.

Herman Blume:
She's sweet, but she's f***ed-up.

Rosemary Cross:
I'm just having alittle snack

Herman Blume:
What'd you got there... carrots?

Bert Fischer:
You're like one of those clipper ship captains. You're married to the sea.

Max Fischer:
Yes, that's true.

Max Fischer:
But I've been out to see for a long time.

Herman Blume:
Dirk?

Dirk:
I know about you and the teacher.

Herman Blume:
Does Max know?

Dirk:
No, and I don't want him to know, ever. I just want it to stop right now. You're a married man, Blume. You're supposed to be his friend.

Herman Blume:
Look Dirk, I am his friend.

Dirk:
Oh yeah, and with friends like you who needs friends? (spits on Herman's car)

[Max has just petitioned to make Latin a required subject]

Magnus Buchan:
[heavy Scottish brogue] Why dincha just piss off, Fischer? Ya dotty wee skid mark!

Max Fischer:
Is that Latin?

Rosemary Cross:
[tending a wound on Max's forehead] Is this fake blood?

Max Fischer:
Yes, it is.

Rosemary Cross:
How did I hurt your feelings?

Max Fischer:
Oh, my God! I wrote a hit play! [pause] And I'm in love with you.

Max Fischer:
And I’m going to stick a knife in his heart. And I’m going to send him back to Ireland in a bodybag.

Tommy:
He's from Scotland.

Max Fischer:
Well, tell that stupid mick he just made my list of things to do today. I’m going to pop a cap in his ass.

Max Fischer:
My top schools where I want to apply to are Oxford and the Sorbonne. But my safety's Harvard.

Max Fischer:
[to Dr. Peter] I was punched in the face. What's your excuse?

Max Fischer:
[to Rosemary] So we both have dead people in our families.

Max Fischer:
[to Rosemary] I'm sorry, I just came by to thank you for WRECKING MY LIFE!

Max Fischer:
Well, tell that stupid mick he just made my list of things to do today.

Max Fischer:
I wrote a hit play!

Max Fischer:
[to Rosemary] Rushmore was my life, now you are.

Max Fischer:
You think I got kicked out for just the aquarium? Nah, it was the handjob. And you wanna know something else? It was worth it.

Max Fischer:
[to Rosemary] Sic transit gloria. Glory fades. I'm Max Fischer....

Herman Blume:
Did Max have something planned for us today? A trip to a museum or something?

Dirk Calloway:
[to Max] I just wanted to say, I'm sorry I threw rocks at you that day.

Dirk Calloway:
...I knew for sure when they went skinny-dipping in Mr. Blume's pool while giving eachother handjobs...

Dirk Calloway:
You're a married man, Blume.

Dirk Calloway:
I'm not even here right now, I'm in Cheyenne Wyoming.

Bert Fischer:
[to Herman] Are you fond of that moustache?

Mr. Littlejeans:
Best play ever, man.

Rosemary:
Nihil Sanctisne?, Is nothing sacred?

Found on Max Fischer's Mother's Grave Stone:
All paths of glory lead but to the grave.

Found in the book Diving for Sunken Treasure:
When one man, for whatever the reason, has the ability to lead an extraordinary life, he has no right to keep it to himself.