Saint Ralph

Father George Hibbert:
[as Ralph shows up for his first Cross Country workout] We run in Cross Country, Ralph... Run.

Ralph Walker:
How in Christ did I ever end up here?

Father George Hibbert:
I ask myself that every day.

Emma Walker:
[Ralph has been caught gratifying himself with the public pool's water jets, and comes in upset] What's wrong, 'Doom and Gloom'?

Ralph Walker:
What's the most embarrassing thing you ever did?

Emma Walker:
What happened?

Ralph Walker:
[sighing] I got caught committing a venal sin in the pool. It was an accident, obviously, a technical oversight by the pool's manufacturer. If you want to blame anyone.

Ralph Walker:
Claire has clearly decided to put up the Great Wall of China Defense on me. But I'm positive this whole nun thing is basically a way of denying her true feelings... understandably.

Father Fitzpatrick:
Old Testament depravity has no place in this school!

Claire Collins:
Don't you just love Holy Week?

Ralph Walker:
I can't believe I actually told them that I abused myself twenty-two times in the last week.

Chester Jones:
Twenty-two times? And I thought I was going to hell.

[first lines]

Ralph Walker:
Forgive me father for I have sinned. It has been 11 weeks since my last confession.

Ralph Walker:
Father Hibbert...

Father George Hibbert:
What is it Mr. Walker?

Ralph Walker:
Producing a miracle is possible?

Father George Hibbert:
Like flying to the moon is possible, but it's never going to happen...

Claire Collins:
Why don't you try rubbing your knees with sandpaper until they bleed, and then kneeling down in a pan of alcohol to pray.

Ralph Walker:
What grit sandpaper?

Father George Hibbert:
All I have to do is hear your confession. Then I can absolve you of your sins, and guess who's pure.

Ralph Walker:
Father Hibbert, why didn't I think of that earlier? I could have been sinning all along!

[last lines]

Father George Hibbert:
I was wondering what your running plans are for the future?

Ralph Walker:
Well, what are your coaching plans?

Father George Hibbert:
Depends...

Ralph Walker:
Well the Olympics are next year, and I suppose I intend to win.

Father George Hibbert:
If we're not chasing after miracles, what's the point, huh?

Ralph Walker:
I couldn't agree with you more...

Emma Walker:
[opens her eyes] Ralph?

Father George Hibbert:
Most marathoners will tell you, around mile 20, they start praying for any kind of help they can get.

Chester Jones:
[exasperated] How can you fail a Latin test?

Ralph Walker:
I don't have the gift of tongues.