Scaramouche

Aline de Gavrillac de Bourbon:
I have your word as a man!

Andre Moreau:
As a fiend incarnate!

Andre Moreau:
You may turn your back on Scaramouche, my lord, but surely you will not run away from Andre Moreau?

Noel, Marquis de Maynes:
Scaramouche, you have just given your last performance.

[they fight]

Philippe de Valmorin:
[about a revolutionary pamphlet] Well, what do you think of it?

Andre Moreau:
Well, the grammar is appalling. On the first page you've doubled two negatives, split an infinitive and missed out three commas.

Philippe de Valmorin:
Negatives, infinitives, commas... he prattles punctuation while France is in agony!

Aline de Gavrillac de Bourbon:
I don't suppose you can mend a broken wheel?

Andre Moreau:
Unfortunately not. A broken heart...

Aline de Gavrillac de Bourbon:
Oh, thank you, but might heart is quite intact.

Andre Moreau:
I envy you. Mine is in chains from this moment.

Doutreval of Dijon:
Think of this. A sword is like a bird. If you clutch it too tightly, you choke it - too lightly and it flies away.

Lenore:
But who is Scaramouche? And why does he hide his face behind a mask?

Andre Moreau:
[to De Maynes] Yes, you're going to die, but not by a bullet. You're going to die as he died, by the sword. You'll be driven back, step by step, until you stand helpless, as he did. And then I, Andre Moreau, will kill you as you killed him. l swear it, Philippe, by all that I hold sacred. l swear you this man's death.

Gaston Binet:
[during a play] Good people of Lacrosse. Now, let me read you a letter from Paris."We, the management of the Prado Ghetta have the pleasure in offering an extended engagement to the Gaston Binet traveling troupe of players... featuring the sensational Scaramouche. [he falls down a trapdoor]

Andre Moreau:
Did anybody see an unpleasant man with a letter? A letter inviting Scaramouche to Paris? I need hardly say that Scaramouche stays here in Lacrosse!

Marie Antoinette:
I am angry with you, sir.

Noel, Marquis de Maynes:
Angry, Your Majesty?

Marie Antoinette:
Very angry! You know why, of course.

Noel, Marquis de Maynes:
Could it be for fighting Count de Talles?

Marie Antoinette:
Among others.

Noel, Marquis de Maynes:
I only scratched him a little.

Marie Antoinette:
They say you crippled him for life.

Marie Antoinette:
And five minutes later, you killed the Baron Marblaux.

Noel, Marquis de Maynes:
An unfortunate accident. He ran into my sword.

Michael Vanneau:
Are you mad?

Andre Moreau:
We're all out of our minds, haven't you observed it?

Andre Moreau:
Ah, my friend Chabrillaine. l know, my face. It reminds you of a bos taurus horrendus.

Chevalier de Chabrillaine:
Huh? What's that?

Andre Moreau:
An Ethiopian ox.

Perigore of Paris:
[fencing] The head. Fight with the head, forget the heart. That's enough for today. Go home.

Andre Moreau:
Thank you.

Perigore of Paris:
You have a demon in you, this fine day. Lose it or you'll not live to see another.

Dr. Dubuque:
You believe in liberty. You know it's being strangled.

Andre Moreau:
I also believe in laughter and I know the world is mad.

Assembly President:
Deputy du Rouge, representing the Soissons district?

Andre Moreau:
Mr. President, the deputy from Soissons will be absent from this assembly... permanently.

Deputy DeCrillion:
[attempting to challenge him to a duel] My name is De Crillons from Ch?teau Thierry. Your face revolts me. Your eyes are pig's eyes, and your ears...

Andre Moreau:
All right.

Deputy DeCrillion:
Behind the cathedral at six.

Andre Moreau:
By all that I hold sacred, I swear you this man's death.

Lenore:
Ah, diamonds!

Michael Vanneau:
I thought of your eyes and I went right out and bought them.

Lenore:
Just my eyes? How sweet - I must see that you start thinking about all of me.

Andre Moreau:
Happy is the rascal, traveling life's byways, to whom the gods say, here is an easy switch. You may have lost Diana on the highway, but look, there is Aphrodite in a ditch.

Lenore:
Your brain is gone! Where did you fall, on your head?

Andre Moreau:
I fall in love constantly, indiscriminately! The effect is the same as if I never fell in love at all.

Andre Moreau:
If you fidget, I may draw blood. You're making me nervous. Now where was I?

Andre Moreau:
On second thought, I realize that I am very much interested in politics. And I would be proud to serve the people of France in their hour of need!

Andre Moreau:
Forgive the intrusion, but vehicle ordinance number 4012 forbids osculation in public conveyances. First offenders get three days in the pillory.

Lenore:
Do you know who this is?

Crowd:
Scaramouche!

Lenore:
Scaramouche, yes. But who is Scaramouche? And why does he hide his face behind a mask? You don't know? Then I'll tell you. Scaramouche is a fool, a genius, a ne'er-do-well, a saint; fickle, adoring, false and true together; woman's enemy, and the one thing she can't do without: a man!

Lawyer Fabian:
Moreau! I can't see you!

Andre Moreau:
You must be shortsighted. I am here.

Andre Moreau:
I can no longer be taught by the man who taught my enemy. So, what is more fitting in a mad world, then to be taught by the man who taught the man who taught my enemy!

Isabelle de Valmorin:
Andre, you're dressed very oddly. Are you in trouble too?

Andre Moreau:
Well, not yet, darling, but it threatens. I have a young lady downstairs in a coach with an itch to be married. She's made two attempts since breakfast and her temper is rising.

Andre Moreau:
Why? Why? Before all the saints in heaven, why?

Andre Moreau:
The oceans are full of fish and the heavens with stars. To contemplate one woman to the exclusion of all others may be for some men, but not for me.

Lenore:
'Scaramouche stays in LaCrosse!' How I hate you.

Andre Moreau:
How I love you.

Aline de Gavrillac de Bourbon:
I'm not coming.

Andre Moreau:
Then I shall come with you.

Aline de Gavrillac de Bourbon:
Come where with me?

Andre Moreau:
To the ends of the earth if that's where you're going.

Aline de Gavrillac de Bourbon:
I'm going home, and that's half a mile.

Andre Moreau:
Half a mile with you is as fifty leagues with Cleopatra.

Andre Moreau:
[Exiting] And now for the stuff that makes fools of princes and princes of fools - money!

Andre Moreau:
I ought to be burned at the stake for loving you - burned to a cinder.

Lenore:
Take me to Paris.

Andre Moreau:
No! [She bites him]

Prologue:
[Written prologue] He was born with the gift of laughter and a sense that the world was mad.

Andre Moreau:
Andre, to escape the soldiers, enters a room of a theater off the street.

Scaramouche:
[Drunk] Welcome friend! A hundred thousand welcomes!

Andre Moreau:
[Listening to door] Shh! Shh!

Scaramouche:
And 'shh' to you. A hundred thousand shh shh! What's your name?

Andre Moreau:
[locks the door and doesn't answer]

Scaramouche:
Oh, it that so? Glasses own. [Bows] What's my name? Go ahead and ask me. Who am I?

Andre Moreau:
[Dismisses him]

Scaramouche:
Oh. Your not interested. In that case, I shall introduce myself to myself. Do you know who this is? [points to his mask] Scaramouche. Scaramouche, yes, but who IS Scaramouche? And why does he hide his face behind a mask? You don't know?

Andre Moreau:
[Shakes head]

Scaramouche:
Then I'll show you [removes his mask] Scaramouche. Scaramouche is... Scaramouche is... [passes out]

Philippe de Valmorin:
Poor Andre.

Andre Moreau:
Oh no, not 'poor Andre'. NEVER 'poor Andre'. If he finds and loses a father, falls in love with a maid, then discovers that the maid is his sister and all in the space of an hour. What of it?

Philippe de Valmorin:
Andre, what did she say when you told her?

Andre Moreau:
I told her nothing, nor shall I. The old man kept his secret secure during his lifetime, let him take it with him to heaven. I'll not betray him.

Andre Moreau:
Are all things clear to souls in paradise?