Sharpe's Challenge

Richard Sharpe:
I thought you were dead Pat

Patrick Harper:
I can't be watching your arse if I'm dead now, can I?

Patrick Harper:
[points his volley gun at Bickerstaff] Say hello to Mr Nock [pulls trigger]

Madhuvanthi:
[to Dodd] And after you have made the plain run red with English blood, once you have ground them into the dirt, what then, my love?

Davi Lal:
[Sharpe is asking him to steal from two merchants] But that would be stealing sahib. How am I to be a good British soldier if you make me into a thief again?

Richard Sharpe:
It isn't thieving when you're hungry, Davi. That's the first thing any soldier learns. Now go on.

Richard Sharpe:
It's a poor bloody spot for a tea party, Captain. Bandit country, and that one picket horse along the track, might call that reckless.

General Sir Henry Simmerson:
You should be wary of this one, McRae. He thinks because Wellington raised him up from the sewer that it somehow makes him a gentleman. Don't know your place, do you Sharpie?

Richard Sharpe:
Maybe not, but I know how to stand before a French column. I know how to face fire without soiling my breeches and turning tail.

Sgt Shadrach Bickerstaff:
Easy to be brave, with rank and new sunlight behind ye. I hope you sleep light Colonel, lest you find some morning you wake up to find your throat slit!

Richard Sharpe:
Is that a threat Sergeant?

Sgt Shadrach Bickerstaff:
Take it as ye please.

Richard Sharpe:
Oh I do. So come on, let's sort it out now, just you and me.

Sgt Shadrach Bickerstaff:
[laughs] I weren't born yesterday neither, Colonel. 'Tis a hanging offense to strike an officer!

Richard Sharpe:
But like you said, I'm not a company officer.

Sgt Shadrach Bickerstaff:
All the same, I will not hit a man wearing the King's Uniform.

Richard Sharpe:
No? Well that's easily remedied. [starts unbuttoning his uniform]

Patrick Harper:
[enemy cavalry have captured him and Sharpe in their land] It's about time!

Richard Sharpe:
You want me to go back to India?

William Dodd:
Your army, is going to be utterly destroyed!

Richard Sharpe:
Next time I give an order, you bloody jump to. Understand?

Sgt Shadrach Bickerstaff:
[groans incomprehensively;.when Sharpe walks away, he pulls a knife from his boot and charges after Sharpe]

Patrick Harper:
[notices the ambush] Richard!

Richard Sharpe:
[Sharpe turns around and beats him to the ground] Come at me with a knife will ya? You little gutless bastard! [is pulled off the sergeant by Harper] Had enough Shadragh?

Richard Sharpe:
You got your throne. How does it feel, your Majesty?

Madhuvanthi:
[Lalima is bound and captured] We shall see if a flogging cannot encourage that pretty tongue of yours to sing!

Lalima:
You would not dare not raise hand against a Princess of the blood!

Patrick Harper:
Come on now lads... three to one? That's not fair odds.

Richard Sharpe:
They don't want fair odds, Pat.

Gudin:
There must be rules, even in war.

William Dodd:
You see my love? The British will soon lie scattered across the plains, and Fattagar will be ours!

Madhuvanthi:
You must take me with you!

William Dodd:
Why? You mean nothing to me!

Richard Sharpe:
There's me thinking, to want all our blood for something more than making rich men richer.

Richard Sharpe:
Black powder? Good trick, that. I'll remember that one.

William Dodd:
Be sure that you do.

William Dodd:
Bow to his Highness.

Captain Lawrence:
I will do no such thing!

General Sir Henry Simmerson:
For a horse dealer, Mr. Harper, you seem remarkably well informed!

Patrick Harper:
Well sir you see, a horse dealer picks up more round and about, than just sh*t on his boots, sir.

Richard Sharpe:
What do you reckon then, Pat? This Khande Rao can be taken?

Patrick Harper:
Well he has a reputation of being a real monster.

Mohan Singh:
[comes up from behind a tent] If he is a monster, Mr. Harper, then he's one of British making.

Richard Sharpe:
How's that, Captain?

Mohan Singh:
The Company have only maintained the peace here, by keeping the princes at each other's throats. Khande Rao's father: he feared his neighbours more than he hated the British. And so it was your country that kept him supplied with arms.

Patrick Harper:
That sounds just like the English: getting someone else to do its dirty work!

Mohan Singh:
The son is not the father, however: Khande Rao wants you out of our country; once and for all. It is a view with which I cannot say I do not have some sympathy.

Richard Sharpe:
So why are you fighting with us?

Mohan Singh:
Khande Rao is... a sworn enemy of my blood. And that makes you my enemy's enemy, and therefore, a necessary evil. Good day to you [inclines his head] both. [Leaves]

Patrick Harper:
I don't think I like the sound of that. A necessary evil...

Richard Sharpe:
Were we ever been else?

Patrick Harper:
Oh... ,and there was me thinking we were always on the side of the angels.

Lalima:
We did not ask you British into our country. And still you came, not as guest, nor in friendship. You came to plunder, nothing more.

Celia Burroughs:
I came here to be with my father...

Lalima:
We are not savages madam, whatever you might think of us. All we want is to be left to run our own affairs!

General Sir Henry Simmerson:
Sharpe! I see time has done nothing to improve a want of etiquette in you. Still the same, whore-mongering, gutter trash of memory!

Richard Sharpe:
Aye, and you're still the same cruel, flogging bastard!

General Sir Henry Simmerson:
Cruel, sir? I calls it discipline!

Patrick Harper:
You're a long way from home, Richard. Are you lost?

Madhuvanthi:
You want someone younger to rule beside you? Lalima perhaps? I've seen how you watch after where she walks.

William Dodd:
[smiles] I keep a close eye on her because I do not think she is entirely to be trusted.

Madhuvanthi:
She's of no consequence. She'll do as her brother orders and if she does not, she'll suffer for it. All I ask, my love, is that you do not make me wait too long for what is rightfully ours.

Mohan Singh:
Mr. Harper! Well, it would appear we have been premature in our prayers at your passing.

Patrick Harper:
Luck of the Irish, captain. You can't beat it!

Madhuvanthi:
India is not France. You would do well to remember it!

Khande Rao:
What is your name British soldier?

Captain Lawrence:
Captain Lawrence.

Khande Rao:
I've lately consulted with the Brahmin, Captain Lawrence, hoping to gain the answer to a problem that greatly troubles me. Perhaps you can confirm whether my augers read the signs right. Will your army lay siege to us here, before the rains come?

Captain Lawrence:
In the army of his Britannic Majesty, sir, the plans of great generals are not confided in mere captains.

Khande Rao:
A pity. You will convey me then a message. A message for your army camped on the northern plains.

Captain Lawrence:
You should know that England does not parley with brigands, sir!

Khande Rao:
Oh but you mistake me, Captain. For I make no offer of parley! [Signals his men to kill Lawrence]

General Sir Henry Simmerson:
[unsatisfied with the flogging] Lay it on hard, man, don't tickle him!

General Sir Henry Simmerson:
A battle's no place for private vengeance, Captain. Not when there's a job to be done.

Mohan Singh:
Sir, whether I fight for my blood, or for the sake of his Britannic Majesty, a dead bandit is a dead bandit!

General Sir Henry Simmerson:
Very well, if you're so resolved, I suppose you must go.

Mohan Singh:
Thank you sir.

Khande Rao:
[about India] This culture was here long before you, and will doubtless be here long after you are gone.

Mohan Singh:
Where are you going?

Richard Sharpe:
[points at the scene of the massacre] After the bastards that did this, where do you think?

Patrick Harper:
I've been a soldier too long. You know how it is.

William Dodd:
Highness, your loyal commander-in-chief offers you this humble gift. The daughter of the mighty general sent by England to challenge your greatness kneels before you. I'm afraid there's not much meat on her, and what there is is undercooked, but I'm sure with a bit of encouragement, she'll offer some sport!

Richard Sharpe:
[grabs Bickerstaff while the sergeant is beating an Indian soldier] Damnit! Stand off!

Sgt Shadrach Bickerstaff:
Mind your damn business!

Richard Sharpe:
I'm not going to tell you again.

Sgt Shadrach Bickerstaff:
Who in the bloody hell are you to give me orders? You're no company officer!

Richard Sharpe:
No, Sgt. Bickerstaff, I'm not. I'm from a proper army, that knows how to deal with bullying bastards like you!

Gudin:
[about the British force besieging them] The door of opportunity is closing, Madame. If the rains come, they will have to abandon the campaign until the autumn.

Madhuvanthi:
You sound almost eager to avoid the confrontation.

Gudin:
I have never walked away from a battle, Madame. Neither have I run toward one. Like any soldier, I wish for peace, and prepare for war.

Richard Sharpe:
[examining the Indian guns] Rusted dog screw. Would you say this is good enough, Corporal Harper?

Patrick Harper:
That I wouldn't, Sergeant. No, that I wouldn't!

General Sir Henry Simmerson:
[thinking about his monologue] What do you say, Stokes? Which suits better? Glinting or glimmering?

Stokes:
[is hard of hearing, so does not hear Simmerson at first]

General Sir Henry Simmerson:
Stokes!

Stokes:
Sir?

General Sir Henry Simmerson:
Glinting or glimmering?

Stokes:
Uh...as you have it, sir. As you have it.

General Sir Henry Simmerson:
Yes, yes, I think so too...glinting. So did I, so did I...

William Dodd:
[Cecilia is bathing, and Dodd has snuck in] I trust your new quarters are more to your liking!

Celia Burroughs:
[surprised, Cecilia hides her body] General Dodd! [Recovers herself] I hardly think it proper for you to be alone in a woman's quarters!

William Dodd:
Fortunately, madam, there lies a region in which I am well traveled.

Celia Burroughs:
What is it you want?

William Dodd:
Merely to ask after your comfort.

Celia Burroughs:
To the best of my knowledge, sir, you were once an officer in the British army.

William Dodd:
It was the East India Company in which I serve. But let's not split hairs over such trifling matters. Your point?

Celia Burroughs:
My point, sir, is that if any vestige of gentlemanly conduct you absorbed while in British company remains, I would urge you to act upon it.

William Dodd:
[grins] Alas, madam, these past years I find I'm moved by impulses far more... corporeal.

Celia Burroughs:
If I understood you were right the other evening, general, you made a gift of me to the rajah.

William Dodd:
What of it?

Celia Burroughs:
Nothing. I am merely imagining his disappointment to find that his gift had already been unwrapped!

William Dodd:
[frowns in anger for a moment] Any man would wish you health under his Highness. For he'll take more care in its opening than I will! [walks out, leaving Celia speechless]

General Sir Henry Simmerson:
[staring at the head sent by Khande Rao] They killed with a nail, McRae. A nail! Driven into his *skull!*

Patrick Harper:
He was, general, but not by any hammer. This is the work of jettis. Professional strongmen: killing people in interesting ways is part of their remit.