Snakes on a Plane

Samuel Jackson:
ENOUGH IS ENOUGH! [the terrified passengers on the plane turn to Neville] I HAVE HAD IT WITH THESE MOTHERF***ING SNAKES ON THIS MOTHERF***ING PLANE!

Troy:
F*** Randy! F*** Randy and his high score. That's my own brother, and I say, "F*** him!"

Neville Flynn:
Everybody listen! We have to put a barrier between us and the snakes!

Dr. Steven Price:
Make it fast. Time is tissue.

Neville Flynn:
So, uh, you are pretty good at this game, right?

Troy:
Yes, man. No problem. Well, I mean, my older brother Randy has got the high score, but I'm good. A**hole never lets me hear the end of it.

Sean Jones:
Flynn, it's too hot.

Neville Flynn:
I'm from Tennessee. I hadn't noticed.

Nelville Flynn:
All praises to the PlayStation.

Neville Flynn:
Sporks?

Neville Flynn:
[to Dr. Price] Well, that's good news. Snakes on crack.

Three G's:
[to white fan] Hey, yo, stay black.

Nelville Flynn:
Everybody listen up! We have to put a barrier between us and the snakes!

Eddie Kim:
You think I didn't exhaust every other option? HE SAW ME!

Big Leroy:
Ow! Get this f***ing snake off my ass!

Neville Flynn:
Hey, hey, hey, we have to figure something out.

Rick:
All right. Well, I know what I gotta do. We're in a 200-foot aluminum tube and we're 30,000 feet in the air. And any one of those slimy little pieces of sh*t can trip a circuit or a relay or a hydraulic and this bird goes down faster than a Thai hooker. So my job is to keep LAX informed on how totally screwed we are, and then find some way to keep this mother in the sky another two hours. Figure that out.

Rick:
You don't think I know it's hotter than hell in here? We also have abnormal vibrations in engines one and two. I had no choice but to throttle back.

Neville Flynn:
You slowed down?

Rick:
Yeah. Well, you know. It's that or option B.

Claire Miller:
Which is?

Rick:
I go faster and the engines seize up; We eventually plummet to a horrible death; They spend the next year identifying femurs.

Rick:
Oh, my. I was hoping you'd be the sky-candy on this flight. You're looking especially delicious this evening.

Claire Miller:
I love it when you demean me, Rick.

Rick:
My pleasure.

[last lines]

Sean Jones:
Do you remember the first thing you ever told me?

Neville Flynn:
What the f***'s that got to do with anything?

Sean Jones:
What was the first thing you ever told me?

Neville Flynn:
Do as I say and you live.

Sean Jones:
Exactly. Now it's your turn. Do as I say, and you'll live.

[they start surfing]

Man Bitten on Penis:
Aw, f***! F***ing b*tch! Get off my dick! Aw, f***! F***.

Neville Flynn:
What was the first thing I ever said to you?

[first lines]

Daniel Hayes:
[to Sean] Go, get outta here. Go!

[repeated line]

Neville Flynn:
Do as I say, and you live.

Neville Flynn:
Turn this big motherf***er left, Troy!

Ken:
[throws snake in microwave oven] Who's your daddy now, b*tch?

Three G's:
[to Troy, about heavy set woman passenger] You like that. Baby got back, front and side-to-side. Hey, y'all two get together, y'all might have, like, two 20-lb babies or something.

Troy:
This sh*t is bananas!

Paul:
F***ing dog, f***ing coach, f***ing Americans!

Claire Miller:
[to the wounded Rick] You sure you can fly this thing with one hand?

Rick:
Honey, you'd be surprised at what a man can do with one hand.

Paul:
Why exactly are there snakes on this plane?

Mercedes Harbont:
[Comforting her dog, insulting the Englishman] Don't worry, Mary Kate. His hair plugs can't hurt you.

Mercedes Harbont:
[to Three G's, about her dog] My doctor says she's bipolar.

Ken:
[while examining bite wound on Leroy's buttocks] All right, we have to - we have to suck out the poison.

Troy:
Man, I ain't sucking nothing.

Ken:
Ok, I'll do it.

Big Leroy:
What? Oh, there will be no sucking. Man, Troy, get this guy away from my ass!

Extra:
[after lights go out suddenly in the plane] IT'S THE SNAKES!"

Big Leroy:
[seeing Maria sucking the venom out of Tommy's wound] That's what I'm talking about.

Troy:
I got bit, too.

Grace:
Oh, Lord.

Sean Jones:
Never flown first class before.

Neville Flynn:
See, things are looking up already.

Troy:
[about Three G's] Look at the Howard Hughes of rap.

Neville Flynn:
You know all those goddamn security scenarios we ran? Well, I'm stuck in the middle of one we didn't think of.

Hank Harris:
What the hell you talking about?

Neville Flynn:
Eddie Kim somehow managed to fill the plane with poisonous snakes.

Hank Harris:
Wait, hold on. What kind of insane plan is that? He can't possibly guarantee that the snakes are gonna get to Sean.

Neville Flynn:
Yeah, well, he doesn't have to guarantee it if he brings down the whole plane down.

Mercedes Harbont:
Why don't we just take a picture?

Paul:
Oh, sure, let's drop it off at Jiffy Photo when we land, Einstein.

Mercedes Harbont:
Ever heard of e-mail, dick-wad?

Neville Flynn:
[to Three G's] Sit your ass down, Clarence.

Troy:
This is your new pilot Troy speaking, and sitting next to me is my main man, my brother from another mother, the biggest pimp that I know, Superfly Agent Flynn. Ladies and gentlemen, Agent Flynn.

Emmett Bradley:
Sir, have you got any experience piloting a jet aircraft?

Troy:
Oh, yeah. F-15's, F-16's, A-10 Warthogs, I've flown all that sh*t.

Emmett Bradley:
Then we're all thankful to have you, sir. What squadron were you with?

Troy:
The Awesome Fighting Aces.

Troy:
[to Flynn] Man, I'm telling you, them video games got their sh*t locked down tight.

Emmett Bradley:
Sir, are you telling me that your only real flight time is at the controls of a video game?

Troy:
No, see, it's - it's not a video game, all right? It's a flight simulator.

Neville Flynn:
Is that PlayStation or Xbox?

Troy:
PlayStation 2. Man, it's got an introduction by Chuck Yeager and everything.

Neville Flynn:
Everybody strap in. [pulls out his gun] I'm about to open some f***ing windows!

[alternate line for television]

Neville Flynn:
Enough is enough! I have had it with these mother-f***ing snakes on this mother-f***ing plane!

Hank Harris:
Bring in Eddie Kim. Charge him with multiple accounts of murder and attempted murder and get that piece-of-sh*t attorney on the phone. Yeah, tell him to ask Kim what his preference is: gas or lethal injection?

Neville Flynn:
[TV edit] Enough is enough! I have had it with these monkey fighting snakes on this Monday through Friday plane!

Emmett Bradley:
You try to land west to east you'll come in too fast to control.

Troy:
Well I suggest you speed up clearing the rest of the runways cause my ass is coming in for a landing!

Big Leroy:
[In pain from being bitten on the butt by a snake] My ass... my ass man.

Neville Flynn:
I need you to stay up here.

Sean Jones:
Why?

Neville Flynn:
Because if you die, then all of this was for nothing.

Paul:
[Having just thrown a small dog to be eaten by one of the snakes, much to everyone's disapproval] You'd have done the exact same thing!

Eddie Kim:
They say the higher you aim, the farther you fall.